Burning Down The House
Usually, the end of the school day was the one thing that all students looked forward to. Every eye glancing at the clock, every prayer to every deity for time to move faster, and every second counted off inside their heads for the sweet chance of freedom. However, one student was wishing time would go backwards instead of forwards, and his name was Button Mash. He had been cringing in his seat for this entire day, as if it were the moment of his execution by the legions of haters who called for his head. Yesterday had been the day of the big test and he had spent the week playing games instead of studying... again.
That wasn’t even the worst part. He had lied to his mother that he had been studying the whole time and hadn’t played a single game since. He had been so confident that he told his mother that he would get a B or higher and offered to give up his games for a whole month. The growing pile of sweat under his seat showed his regret for the whole thing.
He watched with terror in his eyes as his teacher, Cheerilee, walked to each of her students to give them back their papers. Each of them either sighed in relief or banged their head against their desk in despair. Button carefully moved his pencils out of the way so they wouldn’t stick to his head when his head eventually came down upon the wood. He watched as his best friend Sweetie Belle smiled at her shining B+ before turning towards Cheerilee who arrived at his desk. She took his test paper off her back and placed it face down on his desk as if to mock him.
Even when she had finished giving them all out and the final bell rang, Button Mash still didn’t dare flip his paper over. Sweetie Belle, who had finished packing her stuff, walked over to him and asked innocently, “So, how did you do?”
“I don’t know...” he answered.
Sweetie Belle tilted her head. “Aren’t you going to look?”
“I’m afraid that if I do I’ll have a heart attack.”
“Man, are you dramatic today,” Scootaloo, his other friend, said as she walked over, smirking at him. “Come on, Button. You always get C’s and D’s in school. Why is this any different?”
Button’s shoulder sagged as he muttered, “Because I told my mom if I didn’t get a B or higher I would give up games for a month.”
While Sweetie Belle winced and looked at him with sympathy. Scootaloo laughed which earned her a glare from the colt. “Oh, you’ve got to me kidding me! You seriously made a bet like that? Maybe you should get a library card, since that’s what you’ll be using for the next four weeks.”
“Oh ha ha ha,” Button Mash growled, “I’d like to think that as my friend you would show me support.”
“I support you!” Sweetie Belle shouted before smiling at him.
“That’s because you two got a crush on each other,” Scootaloo answered nonchalantly.
“I-I do not!” Sweetie Belle and Button Mash both shouted. Looking into each others’ eyes for a second, the two blushed and turned away.
Apple Bloom then walked over and shook her head. “Quit teasin’ them, Scootaloo. Yer gonna make them die of embarrassment.”
“Hey.” Scootaloo shrugged and smiled, “I can’t help it if they’re that easy to make fun off.” She turned to her left, where her fellow pegasus, Rumble, was finishing a leftover cookie from his lunch. “Aren’t I right, Rumble?”
“Pretty much,” Rumble answered, nodding in return.
“Aw come on, Rumble. Don’t be like that, best bro!” Button Mash whined as he faked a sniffle. “How could my fellow Xbox online buddy do this to me after all we’ve been through? All the noobs we owned and the achievements we got?”
“Because, as your friend, I’m obligated to mock your love life.”
“I don’t have a love life! I mean, Sweetie Belle is just... well...” Button mumbled to himself as he rubbed the back of his head. Sweetie Belle, glaring at him, shoved her face into his.
Button gulped as Sweetie Belle demanded, “Is what?”
“Uh... I...” he nervously looked around the slowly emptying classroom to spot Dinky and Pipsqueak chatting with each other while showing their test results. “Oh, hey! How did you guys do on the test?!”
The distraction worked, as both friends looked at each other and showed their papers. “I got a B, while Dinky here got an A+, as usual.”
Blushing from the praise, Dinky looked at her best friend and nuzzled him. It wasn’t a surprise to any of them, since Dinky’s father, the mysterious Time Turner, was one of the smartest ponies they had met. Even Twilight Sparkle was helpless against his knowledge of almost everything. Naturally, she was their class’s best student “Aw, thanks, Pip. What do you say we go celebrate at my place? Sparkler will make us her famous ice cream sundaes and we’ll eat until we burst!”
“Sure thing! See you guys later!”
The five waved Pip and Dinky goodbye, Button Mash sighing in relief. The smiling expression on Sweetie Belle’s face made him believe his troubles were over. Well, almost over. Scootaloo placed her hoof on the test paper that had yet to be uncovered on his desk, reminding Button Mash that he wasn’t home free yet. “So? Are you going to uncover it?”
With sympathetic smiles all around from his friends, minus Scootaloo who was rubbing her hooves with glee, Button Mash took a deep breath and flipped the page over. In an instant, the grade he saw made his jaw drop and he wasn’t the only one. All four of his friends stared at the paper like it was the crown of Princess Celestia herself. There, for all to see, was an A+ on Button Mash’s test. The first he had ever received in his entire life.
“You... got an A+?” Scootaloo whispered in shock, her right eye twitching.
“Button, you got an A+?” Rumble questioned as he looked outside the window, trying to spot any comets, dark clouds, or other signs that the end times had come.
“Button you got an A+! That’s awesome!” Sweetie Belle shouted, hopping up and down.
Button carefully took the paper in his hooves and read each multiple choice question he had been given. All he had done was randomly put in the boxes that seemed like the most likely answer and by the gaming gods of the world he had actually managed to luck his way out. The revelation that he hadn’t failed finally sank into Button as he jumped onto his desk, reared his head back, and shouted, “Booyah!”
Button wasted no time packing his stuff up and speeding out the classroom like he had been ke he'd been cast with Haste. His screams of joy echoed across the school as the Cutie Mark Crusaders and Rumble walked over to the window, watching a happy colt cartwheel and dance towards his home. That was until he missed his step, rolled down a hill, and crashed head first into a tree which caused the birds to get off their branches and start attacking him. Shrieking like a girl, the poor colt ran away while the flock of birds followed him, hoping to peck the fur out of his hide.
The four shook their heads while Scootaloo turned to Sweetie Belle and asked, “And you like like him why?”
“Shut up.”
***
Not too far from school, another member of the Mash family was having a rough time. Love Tap had been trying to fix her favorite fern that was dying, so she had taken it to her friend Roseluck for help a few days ago. Sadly, Roseluck had done all she could, but when she brought the fern back she said that the plant had all but a few hours left to live. Putting the paper report of her plant’s condition on the table, Love Tap sighed and turned to a sympathetic Roseluck. “Well, I guess that’s that. Thanks for everything, Roseluck.”
“Sorry I couldn’t be much help, Tap,” Roseluck replied as she headed towards the front door. Along the way, she noticed a few bags nearby and tilted her head. “Are you going out for a trip?”
“Oh, my husband told me his company’s having a ski trip and family are invited. Best of all, the company decided to pay for all expenses,” Love Tap answered, excitement in her eyes as she turned to a small picture on the wall where it showed her, much younger, holding a skiing trophy while a mountain of pure white was in the background. “I haven’t gone skiing in ages. Not since I got married. It’s going to be nice going back to that mountain and seeing old friends again.”
“You think Button will be excited?” Roseluck asked as she opened the door, letting herself out.
“I’m sure he’ll practically scream with joy,” Love Tap replied with a confident smile.
“Aaaaaaaahhh! Help!”
The two looked to their left to see said colt running as fast as he could, his beanie propeller twirling even faster than normal. Behind him, an entire fleet of crows, robins, blue jays and other birds was chasing him, wearing soldier helmets as they dived for the little colt. Thankfully, years of DDR had managed to make Button Mash more athletic than most gamers and he was able to dodge every attempt to peck him. Before either mare had a chance to comprehend what was going on, Button Mash pushed his mother inside and slammed the door shut, locking it. Roseluck’s eyes widened when she realized the birds had directed their rage now against her and she fled for her life.
Needless to say, her psychologist would have his hooves full trying to convince her that birds weren’t trying to kill her, much like bunnies were nearly three years ago.
Button Mash, holding the door shut with his mother, sighed in relief when he heard the last of the birds flap away. “Okay, this is why virtual reality is better. When nature in a game tries to kill you, it doesn’t hurt.”
“You’re not really hurt are you, Button?” his mother asked, checking her little boy for any cuts or bruises.
“I’m fine, Mom!” Button pushed her away and glared in annoyance. “There is nothing wrong with me!”
Love Tap, deadpan, raised her hoof and pointed at the small trickle of blood on his right flank. “Then how do you explain that?”
Turning around, he saw the small cut and quickly freaked out by screaming and running around in circles at the sight of blood. “Gah! I’m bleeding! I’m hit! What if it’s got some animal disease and I’ve been infected! I’ll turn into a some half bird half pony monster and start eating flesh!”
“Button, I’m sure it’s noth-”
“I need a health potion! Medic! Button needs food badly! Mooooommmmm! Save me!”
Rolling her eyes at her son’s dramatic behavior she calmly went towards the bathroom for the first aid kit.
*** One Band Aid Later ***
“Thanks, Mom! I can feel my HP restored!” Button Mash shouted, grinning at the sight of his Transponies band aid covering his ‘massive life threatening wound’.
“Well, I’m glad you feel fine. So,” Love Tap turned toward the kitchen and started packing a few snacks for their trip. “How did you do on your test?”
“Test?” Button asked, tilting his head. “What test?”
“The one you ‘studied’ for?” she replied with emphasis.
Button quickly remembered but smirked upon remembering what his grade was. With a proud march, he trotted over to his saddlebags and pulled out the paper that he presented to his mother who still had her back turned to him. “Oh it was nothing. I just simply got.... an A+!”
The bowl of pudding that Love Tap had been holding fell from her grip and crashed. The chocolate snack spread across the counter much to Button’s disappointment. He wanted to have that for dessert tonight. Love Tap quickly turned around and saw the paper in his hooves with the perfect grade clear as day stamped on it. Taking it for herself, Love Tap looked it over for any sign of tampering, but there was none. Sitting on her haunches, jaw wide open, she said, “I... I can’t believe it! You actually got an A+! You!”
“What’s that suppose to mean!” Button demanded, stomping his hoof. “Is it so hard to believe that your own son actually studied and did his best on this test? Aren’t parents suppose to have faith in their kids?”
Of course, Button hadn’t studied in the first place and this was all due to luck, but she didn’t need to know that.
Realizing her blunder, Love Tap quickly smiled and hugged him. “S-sorry, sweetie! I was just shocked! Of course I’m proud of you and I’m glad you were telling the truth! I’m sure if you keep studying hard you’ll get even more grades like this!”
“Soooo, no getting rid of my games for a month?” Button asked, hopefully.
Love Tap smiled and bopped him on the nose while nodding. “You can keep your games. And as a bonus for doing such a good job you can ask for one reward. As long as it’s possible to do of course.”
Gasping with joy, Button Mash nodded before asking, “Pinkie Promise, right?! Anything I want?!”
“Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye,” she hugged him one more time before putting him down and pointing to the luggage nearby. “Now go pack your things, we’re going to be late for the train.”
“Train? What for? Wait, are we going somewhere?” Button asked, eyeing the bags with confusion.
“Don’t you remember, sweetie? I said we were going to a ski resort and we need to leave today if we want to make it. Your father is already there and waiting for us.”
“Aww, but Mom! I don’t want to go skiing! I hate the cold!” Button Mash winned, shivering at the thought of snow and doing... exercise. He nearly gagged at the thought of it. “Besides, ski resorts are lame. You have to wait forever in lines, deal with jerks who have been doing this stuff for years and like to get in your face about it, and I’m likely to die from a crash, pneumonia, or even a yeti coming out and getting me!”
“But I’ve seen you play that snowboarding game all the time,” Love Tap pointed out.
“That’s a game, Mom. Everypony knows those are better and you can stay inside your warm house while playing, duh,” Button said, rolling his eyes. A lightbulb soon went of in his head as he smiled and pointed at his mother. “Okay! I’m calling in my bonus award right now! I want you to leave me at home, alone, while you go out and hang with Dad at the ski resort!”
“W-what?!” Love Tap shouted, “Button, you can’t be serious! You’re only a colt and not responsible enough to be on your own!”
“I am so!” Button replied. “Didn’t I already prove that today with my awesome test score!”
“And does the fact that only a few minutes ago you were writing your will while I was applying the band aid retract that?”
Button blushed as he tried to think of something to help him out. Truth was, he had been waiting to be home alone for a weekend for a long time, ever since he heard about what happened to Apple Bloom. She had been allowed to be on the farm on her own until Applejack acted like a complete worry wart and babied her. It was only after she had proven herself that Apple Bloom had been promised to be left by herself.. Wait! Promise! That’s it!
“You have to let me stay home alone because you Pinkie Promised!” Button pointed out, which made Love Tap’s eye widen. “And nopony breaks a Pinkie Promise! Or else...” Biting his lower lip, Button pretended to sniffle while giving the puppy eyes towards his mother who was nervously squirming. “Or else... you’ll lose the love and trust of your son...”
“Forever!” shouted Pinkie Pie, popping out of a nearby cookie jar. The jumped back in surprise as Pinkie retreated back into the jar, but not before taking a cookie.
“But... Button...” Love Tap started until Pinkie popped out again, this time stretching her neck so she could look directly into Love Tap’s frightened eyes.
“For... ev... er.”
And then she retreated once more.
“How does she do that?” she muttered before looking at her son with a sigh. “Okay, Button. I guess I can trust you to be responsible enough on your own.”
“Yay!” shouted Button Mash, leaping back and lifting his hooves over his head.
“But!” Love Tap shouted, raising her hoof. “On a few conditions.” She cleared her throat as Button leaned forward, listening with every word. “One, you must call me every day at 4PM. Two, tomorrow is Friday and you have to do your homework. Three, if there is an emergency you call the police or hospital then me, your dad, or your brother in Canterlot. Four, no staying up too late. Five, you will keep the house neat and clean. And finally, six, do not try to sneak into a club again, get chased, and cause property damage.”
“That was one time! And I wasn't the only one! Spike and Rumble were with me!” Button argued, crossing his hooves. “Besides, Spike bit that bouncer and he only got two weeks of grounding while you gave me six.”
“Button, listen to me!” Love Tap ordered, gaining his full attention as he snapped up straight. Softening her expression, she leaned down and looked into her son’s eyes. “Button, I’m trusting you to do the right thing and be a responsible adult. I don’t want to come home and find out that something happened to you. I would never forgive myself.”
Smiling, Button nuzzled his mother and nodded. “I’ll be fine, Mom. I promise. Nothing bad will happen.”
She gave him a quick hug before grabbing her bags nearby. “Okay, I’m going to head to the station early then. I’ll give you a call when I get there. Also, please do the laundry and vacuuming today before you do your homework? I would really appreciate it.”
“No problem, can I ask a few friends to come over and play with me as well?” Button asked eagerly.
“After you finish your chores,” Love Tap issued as she opened the door and sighed. Looking behind her shoulder, she saw her son smiling and waving at her with an almost angelic expression. With one last blow of a kiss, she closed the door, leaving Button all alone in his house.
With nopony else but him.
“This... is... so... awesome! Yahoo!” Button Mash screamed as he jumped up and down. He landed and started dancing while singing, “I’m on my own! I’m on my own! I got the house to myself for a few days! Oh yeah! No rules! No Mom! No Dad! But me, me, and me!”
Landing on his back, he sighed and looked up at the ceiling with glee spread all over his face. “Man, what do I do first?! Play games?! Eat ice cream?! Have a party?! No wait!” Button lifted himself up and pounded his left hoof into his right hoof. “I have to show Mom that I am a responsible pony. I should get all the chores done first and then have the party!”
Rubbing his chin, he thought to himself, Okay so the first chore is... laundry!
“There is no time to lose! Super responsible Button Mash, away!” shouted Button Mash as he ran towards the basement door. Unfortunately, in his hurry he forgot the first step and quickly found himself in a losing battle for control of his balance against gravity. “Uh, oh. Waaaa!”
Button shrieked and yelled in pain as he fell down all 15 steps until he landed face first on the floor. Sniffling, he began to cry and whimper on the floor, curled up in a ball. “Moooom! I fell down the stairs! Moooom! Where are you, Mooom!”
Upon hearing nopony coming for him, he wiped the tears from his eyes and looked around before he blinked and, like nothing had happened, smacked himself on the head. “Oh, right. I forgot.”
***
Using a ladder to reach the machine, Button put in the dirty clothes one by one from his favorite gaming t-shirts to his mom’s strange black and fancy underwear. Why does she even have this? I’ve never seen her use it before. Eh, girls are just weird with their love of clothes I guess.
After that was all done, he quickly looked at the detergent and carefully scooped the right amount and put it in before setting the dials right for the correct wash. “There we go! Easy as a tutorial level! Now I just need to close the door and...” Button reached to shut the top down, balancing on the ladder on the edges of his hooves as he reached ever closer for it. Licking his lips he could feel the top right in his grasp. At least, that was until gravity decided to screw around with him again and tip him over into the washing machine. Button barely had time to hold his breath before the top slammed on his head and trapped him inside.
Sensing the top closed, the machine’s programming kicked in and started the wash, much to Button’s horror. “No! Stop! Wait! I—glug glug glug!”
Button found himself pounding against the inside walls of the machine as he was thrown around like a ragdoll with the dirty clothes, soap and water getting into his eyes as he felt his stomach squeeze inside of him. He was only thankful that there was enough room for air above while praying this would all be over soon.
DING!
The machine finally stopped and Button was finally able to stop swirling around to open the hatch. Weakly, the wet colt lifted himself out of the washing machine, his little beanie propeller still spinning. He spat out a large stream of soapy water before landing on the edge and flopping to the floor. “So... much... foam...”
At least he could wipe taking a bath of his check list.
***
“Next up, vacuuming the house. Should be easy enough,” Button said to himself as he looked at the machine. He took the handle and flicked it on, slowly moving it around the carpet with ease. Smiling, he lifted up the vacuum hose and said, “Who you gonna call?! Ghostbusters! Dun dun dun-na-na-na-na-na-num! Dun dun dun-na-na-na-na-na-num!”
With his mind making him thinking he was fighting off ghosts, Button didn’t notice that he was too close to the curtains and accidently put the sucker too close. He gasped upon seeing his mother’s favorite curtains start to get sucked in as a slow, but loud, ripping sound was heard. “Ah! No! Bad machine! Reverse! Reverse!”
Flipping the switch over and over again, he caused it to reverse and the vacuum released all the stored up dust it had collected in a large puff cloud. The entire room was soon covered with dust bunnies as a grime-covered Button Mash coughed into his hoof before opening his eyes and stared at the new mess he had created. Glaring at the vacuum, Button shouted, “Stupid machine!” and kicked it the mental contain, which he soon regretted while hopping around and holding his hurting hoof.
***
“Alright! Homework!” Button Mash shouted as he placed his textbooks and paper on his desk inside his room and stretched his forelegs. “We’re not gonna stop until every piece is finished and completed! I can do this!”
“I can’t do this!” Button Mash cried out, banging his head against the desk over and over again.
Eventually, he stopped hitting himself and sighed while rubbing his head. “Okay, so I’ll just do this later or maybe beg Sweetie Belle to help me with it before school starts like always. No big deal.” His eyes widen as a smile stretched across his muzzle. Reaching for his phone, he opened it and saw the contacts of all his friends on. “Which means... it’s time...”
He started with his first speed dial.
“Hello?” Sweetie Belle asked on the other line.
“It’s time...” Button Mash said cryptically before disconnecting them. He called the next pony.
“Hello?” Apple Bloom asked on the other line.
“It’s time...”
Again he shut the line and called again.
“Hello?” Rumble asked, confused by the sudden call.
“It’s time...”
One by one, all his closest friends were called to heed his summons. They would come one by one, with food and entertainment. And together they would have the most awesome and epic playdate ever in the history of history. Button, smiling at his success, spoke one more time into the phone. “It’s time...”
He shut the all down and got up to prepare his room for his guests when the phone started ringing. Raising an eyebrow, Button sat back down and hit the accept button. “Hello?”
“Yeah, what does ‘it’s time’ mean?” Rumble asked.
“What?” Button asked.
“Well, you suddenly called me out of the blue and just said ‘it’s time’ like I’m supposed to know what that means.”
“Get on the bandwagon, Rumble! My mom just left me alone in the house for a few days and we can do whatever we want!” Button replied excitedly.
“... Your mom actually did that? She really left you alone? Is this a joke?”
“Why is that so hard to believe?” Button asked, offended. “She trust me to be a responsible adult and make sure nothing goes wrong while she and my dad are gone for a few days.”
“... Yeah, I’m not buying it.”
“Why you... wait I have another call.” Button accepted the new caller and said, “Hello?”
“Yeah, what does ‘it’s time’ mean?” Scootaloo asked. “Is some new game coming out and you’re getting all excited again?”
“No, it means I got the house to myself and we’re free to do what we want!” Button shouted, rolling his eyes.
“Your mom let you stay at home by yourself? Really?”
“Oh, come on. Name one bad thing that’s happened whenever I was on my own?” Button demanded, grumbling to himself.
“What about the time you got lost on our school’s field trip to Canterlot and almost destroyed the entire economy by–”
“I thought we agreed to never talk about that again!” yelled a blushing Button who tried to force those memories out of his head. He was only thankful nopony except a few hooful knew about that incident. “Look, just bring some snacks and games and we’ll–” Another call. “Hang on, somepony else is one the line. Hello?”
“4:45 PM!” Pipsqueak said.
“What?”
“That’s the time it is right now. That’s what you asked for right?”
“No, I meant...” Another call. “Darn it hold on. Hello?”
“I’m behind you one hundred and ten percent, Button!” Spike shouted on the other end, with viciousness in his tone. “If Mansbro refuses to allow us fans of My Little Human to express our love of the show by cease and desisting our hard work, then we must retaliate by blowing their headquarters sky high! Muahahahaha!”
“Spike... what are you talking about?” Button asked, nervously.
“Wait, what are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about me having a party at my place since I’m all alone!”
“You’re parents left you alone? Even after what happened in Canterlot when you–”
“Yes, okay, we all know what happened and agreed to never talk about it again!” Button cried out, rubbing his temple before another call alerted him. Sighing, he said, “Hang on, I’ll call you back. Hello?”
“So... you really are alone in your house? This isn’t a joke?” Rumble inquirted.
“Yes. Shut up. I got another call. Hello?”
“4:47PM!”
“Go away.” He then got another call and answered it. “Hello?”
“Yeah, Ah got 4:46 on mah clock, but Ah think Pip’s is more accurate,” Apple Bloom said.
“That’s not what I meant... wait I got another call. Jeez, can’t you guys just stop calling? Hello?”
“Me again,” replied Apple Bloom.
“Sorry.” this time Button pressed the right button. “Yes, Dinky?”
“Hey, Scootaloo let me know what’s going on with this whole ‘it’s time’ thing. Just letting you know my Dad’s gonna be dropping me over, okay?”
“It’s not gonna be in that blue box is it?” Button asked, remembering seeing it for the first time, crashing into the mail post office. Granted, Dinky said her mother had been trying to drive it at the time instead of her father, but he doubted its stability, despite its coolness.
“Oh, no. We’re taking Bessie with us.”
“Who?” Button groaned again as he was alerted to another call. “I’ll call you back, okay? Hello?”
“Hey! What should I bring to the party? Blue balloons or red ones?” Pinkie Pie asked, before gasping. “Or I can bring both! That would mean twice the balloony fun!”
“Pinkie, how did you know I was even having a party... and how do you even have my number to begin with?” Button asked, staring at his phone in disbelief.
“Oh, I have everypony’s phone number on my phone.”
“...”
“...”
“... And you don’t find that creepy at all?”
“Nope! So can I come to the party?”
“No, colts and fillies only.”
“Awww...”
Button was thankful that another call came in and he sighed in relief before switching lines again. “Hello?”
“So when are you picking me up? Six or seven?” Sweetie Belle, asked.
“Pick you up? Rarity can’t drop you off at my house?”
“Wait... what does ‘it’s time’ mean?”
“We’re having a party at my place since my parents are out, what did you think it meant?”
“Oh... um... nothing... nothing at all... I... uhhh...”
Button’s eyebrow raised as he heard Rarity on the other end of the line shout, “Sweetie! I have your dress ready for your date with–”
“False alarm! False alarm! Put it back!” Sweetie Belle shouted, fumbling with her phone. “Um... did you hear that?”
“Kinda... what does–” Another call signal was heard. “Wait a second. Hello?”
“4:50PM, mate.”
“Okay!” Button shouted, throwing his hooves in the air. “Enough of this, I’m putting everypony on speakerphone!” He pressed a few buttons and put his phone on the table before shouting, “Can you all hear me?!”
“Yes.”
“Yes.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Loud and clear.”
“Yes!”
“Roger!”
“Yup.”
“Yupper Roonie!”
“Pinkie get off the line!”
“Sorry! *click*”
“Okay, listen. Yes, I am alone in the house. We’re all going to get together at my place so bring whatever junk food and games you want and we’ll have a blast. Be here in thirty okay?”
“I’m still unsure about this...” Rumble muttered.
Button smiled and shook his head. “Rumble, my friend. You have to have more faith in me. I can promise you that nothing is going to go horribly wrong.”
“Oh my gosh something’s gone horribly wrong!” Button Mash shouted as he smashed his door open, eyes wide in terror. The Cutie Mark Crusaders stopped playing their game while Dinky and Pip nearly choked on their sodas after being scared tailless by the surprise entrance. Rumble and Spike, playing cards, looked at each other with an unsurprised look on their face.
“So how long did it take?” Rumble asked, putting his cards away and rubbing his temples.
“Three hours and fifteen minutes this time,” Spike said, looking at his watch.
“Huh, new record.”
“Can we focus here?!” Button Mash shouted, waving his forelegs around. “Because we have a fire in my kitchen!”
“A fire?!” everypony shouted as they got up and followed Button to his kitchen room. When they arrived they quickly gasped at the sight of the flames spreading from the stove to the cabinets above.
Everypony stared at the flames with both shock and fear, well except for Spike who was unimpressed. He had seen better and even done better himself. Apple Bloom turned to Button Mash and asked, “How in tarnation did ya make a flame this big?!”
“I was making hay fries when I felt the need to use the bathroom, but when I came back I saw this big flame so I tried to blow it out but that didn’t work, so I grabbed water that turned out to be oil and the flame got bigger!” Button explained quickly. “Then I just panicked a bit before getting you guys!”
Six hooves and one dragon’s claw found themselves upon their respective owners’ faces before they refocused back on the task at hand. The fire was now spreading towards the sink and fridge as smoke began to fill the place up, causing the group of friends to start choking while wiping the tears off their eyes. Suddenly, Dinky saw something and gasped with joy. “Wait! I got it!”
She rushed over and pulled out the fire extinguisher that was laying in the corner. “We can use this!”
Button’s face lit up as he took it from Dinky and smirked. “Perfect! I know exactly what to do!” He took the fire extinguisher and threw it at the fire... which only caused the fire to increase as the extinguisher went up in flames. “Button!” shouted everypony in fury and disbelief.
“What?! I thought that’s what you were suppose to do!” Button shouted with a small nervous laugh as everypony glaring daggers at him.
"I propose we throw him in the fire now, before he does something that kills us,” Rumble suggested.
“Second,” Scootaloo said raising her hoof.
Button was about to protest when Sweetie Belle spoke, “We’ll worry about that later! For now let’s just get out of here!”
Nopony disagreed as they rushed to the door, Pipsqueak taking the lead as he got ready to turn the knob. Suddenly, an ax smashed through the door, causing the fillies and colts to scream in terror as they backed away. The red ax retreated before it started smashing against the door again. The group of friends huddled against one another as they realized they were trapped with the fire on one side and a crazed ax murderer on the other.
“Button, if we die, I’m going to leave a dying message saying it was all your fault!” Scootaloo shouted
“And if we live through this we’re kicking yer arse!” Pip seconded.
The ax carved a huge hole in the was a hoof, covered by the smoke, opened the door, and everypony gasped at who they saw entering the house, dressed in a firepony’s outfit. “Pinkie Pie?!”
“Hi guys! I saw the fire while I was walking down the street, don’t you silly fillies know that bon fire parties are suppose to take place outside?” Pinkie chided while shaking her head. She then smiled before pulling out a bag of marshmallows. “Anyway, who's up for s'mores?”
“Pinkie! That’s a real fire that’s burning and if we don’t get out of here we’re all gonna end up like burned marshmallows!” shouted Sweetie Belle, pointing to the inferno behind them.
“Oooh!” Pinkie Pie nodded. “That makes a lot more sense. Don’t worry! Firefighter Pinkie and Gummy are on the job!”
The children looked at each other with raised eyebrows.
Zipping out of the house for a split second before returning, Pinkie Pie held the tiny alligator, wearing a fire helmet of course, and pointed him at the fire. “Gummy! Use your Hydro Pump!”
Button shouted, “Are you serious! Pinkie, this is real life not... not...”
Button’s voice died out as he and the other children watched as Gummy began to grow fatter and fatter like a balloon being filled with helium. He grew so big that he barely could fit into the house. Finally, he opened his mouth and unleashed a huge burst of water that spread all across the fire, dousing it instantly and saving the rest of the room from being destroyed. The kids, now wet themselves, were looking at the scene, utterly stupefied.
“... Pokemon.”
With all the water released, Gummy returned to regular size. Pinkie Pie cuddled with her pet, praising him for his talent while the rest were still trying to comprehend what they had just seen. Sweetie Belle finally spoke for them all when she said, “Well, that throws out all logic.”
They only nodded in response.
“Phew, that takes care of that. You guys enjoy the rest of your party, me and Gummy are gonna have our own to celebrate our victory over the fire!” Pinkie Pie said as she trotted out of the house with a smile on her face.
The entire gang sighed in relief at the thought of no longer being in any danger. However, Button Mash slowly moved towards the now ruined kitchen that his mother treasured and worked hard on everyday. “It’s... destroyed....”
The others, seeing the ruins of the room, winced in sympathy as they walked over to the frozen colt and looked at him with pity. “Y-yeah, but at least you're alive, Button. That’s what matters,” Sweetie Belle pointed out.
“Alive? Alive?!” Button Mash shouted in terror as he started to pace around the room. “Don’t you get it! My mom and dad are going to kill me when they get back! Mom trust me to be a responsible adult and I ended up destroying our entire kitchen! She’s gonna ground me for life and never trust me again and oh dear Celestia what do I do?!”
“You could always lie! Say it was a spark or something that caused a fire!” Scootaloo suggested.
“The insurance company will find out what it was,” Button moaned.
“Maybe you can fix it!” Dinky suggested right before a piece of the stove fell off and went aflame again. Spike rushed over and stomped on it, putting it out. “Or... not.”
“No, I have to run away!” Button Mash said getting up. He rushed to a closet in his living room, opened it and pulled out a large briefcase.. Opening it up, then then turned to his friends. “I need to get all my clothes, games, and some food before I take a train out of here and change my name. How does Joystick Turner sound?”
“Stupid,” replied Spike. “Look, I’ve burned things before, Button. I’m sure your mom will be more happy to see you alive than her kitchen being totaled. Running away isn’t going to solve your problems.”
Button sighed and sat on his brief case, covered his eyes with his hooves. “Yeah... I can’t survive out there with... nature. I’d die in ten seconds. Or my mom will when she comes home and find me... me...”
Button’s eyes lit up as an idea came to him. A crazy idea, maybe a stupid one, but it was the best possible idea he could think off. Jumping to his hooves he smiled at his friends who all looked at him nervously. They knew that smile. It meant that something really dumb was going to happen and they were all going to be involved in it.
“I know how I can get away with this without getting in trouble,” Button said with glee. “We’re gonna fake my death!”
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And away we go...
~Skeeter The Lurker
Wow, that premise doesn't sound dark at all.
Really nifty cover and concept, though. Give me a moment...
....nice
IT'S HAPPENING.
Well, you've already got me giggling and this is only the first chapter. Button Mash is just prone to disaster.
Unless hay fries burn really fast a quick bathroom break probably wouldn't have provided enough time for them to catch on fire. Then again, given how disaster prone Button Mash seems to be he's probably lucky if a simple bathroom break doesn't end with him inadvertly giving himself a swirly, or worse.
4183321
...it's hay. That stuff burns if you try to dry it too quickly.
4183344 Even so you think someone would've noticed the smoke, or a smoke detector would've gone off or something. Because, as the old saying goes, "Where there's smoke there's fire."
4183211
Not that dark (yet) and even if I can't say I laughed out-loud it tugged at my lips quite a few times.
Solid effort so far. Here's hoping for more of the same quality!
Missing a couple sentences in the phone conversation but I was laughing so much it wasn't terrible.
3:44 pm.
Unbelievably hilarious.
Okay, using the Kickassia phone scene? Friggin' brilliant. I almost died then and there.
I love Button Mash. He's such an adorable little dope. Really liking this!
Extremely funny
Keep up the good work!
Button Mash really has no ability beyond gaming to think things through does he? What happens after the funeral once he's buried? Run away? He already said he'd survive all of 10 seconds out in the wild. (Admittedly it's hyperbole but in a cartoon world hyperbole can become quite literal).
*Jumps from computer, runs to room, comes upon shelf containing NES library, quickly and dramticly pulls out Gauntlet.
YYYYYYYYYYYYYEYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Oh boy, here we go
wow button wow in just those amount of minutes you somehow were able to destroy a kitchen........and his idea is to fake his death.....oh yeah he going to die for real if his mom finds out about all of this going on
Please,
come out with the next chapter soon! 
Kids!
So Gummy is secretly a Totodile...
Works for me!
After Button's Adventure's cancellation, this is the next best thing.
A few mistakes here and there, but not enough to take away ANY enjoyment of the story. Keep it coming!
Here's the only mistake I found when scrolling through it really quickly. It was pretty obvious. The others are subtler so I'm not gonna go looking for them.
What's with that fragment in the middle there?
I wonder what Button's dad and brother think of leaving him alone. Also, Button's use of the fire extinguisher reminded me of this.
i.imgur.com/xPynX.jpg
That's gotta be something else, because last time I checked ponies didn't wear underwear. Heck, they barely wear clothes in general.
4184578
fIxed
gickr.com/results3/anim_586f284c-044f-a684-0983-d54c6894e5b3.gif
I saw this sentence variation maybe three times in the same page-space.
I get that they're kids, but...the eye twitch is earth-shattering..
Your mom.
For that to slip by the almighty Obs..
They be enjoying your story too much!
And what a mighty sigh it was!
A fine display of waterworks just occurred in that scene. I seen it all!
Looking good so far, these are a few things I noticed throughout.
~Dash The Stampede
4184712 What sort of game over music do you think would work best with that cover image?
4184865
Fixed
4184872
Ah, much better!
I believe I saw a few more nuances, an instance of "inquirted" ...'Inquired?'
But nothing taking away from enjoying the fic itself. I eagerly await more!
~Dash The Stampede
4184866
buttons theme slower and in minor
4184977 Button had a theme?
4185037
Yeah, it's in no relation to Gift of the Mash I said that
4185058
Oh, I must have missed that. i guess the whole "Button's Dead" cliche caused by Hasbro kinda upsets me. But maybe you would've written this clever comedy regardless if Hasbro took down Button's Adventures or not. It is a funny concept regardless. Not my thing, but it's still a fun well written story. Good job.
4185049
I was less than thrilled with this.
The problem is that a lot of gags in this are really the sort of thing you do in animation, not in storytelling; there are very different sorts of humor which work in things like novels and things like animations. Stuff like falling into the laundry machine and similar physical mishaps just don't work right in writing - it is, in essence, "explaining the joke". Falling into the washing machine is a very visual joke. There might be SOME way of making it work in writing, but this isn't it, and really, a lot of these gags are too cartoony and make the pacing feel all weird - having someone repeatedly have cartoony things happen to them works in a cartoon or a comic, but in writing, it just feels out of place.
Likewise, Pinkie Pie picking up the phone and trying to invite herself was okay, but Pinkie Pie's appearance later on was too random and just didn't really work (and also felt weird for Pinkie - and out of place in-universe).
Honestly a lot of it felt like it was trying too hard (which is really Button Mash's thing, but it is supposed to be funny because BUTTONS is trying too hard, not because the story is) rather than actually just being funny.
I literally had to Google the JanAnimations C&D to see if it was true...
GOD DAMNIT HASBRO! Quick, someone do a mixup of Danny(from the GameGrumps and NSP) saying God Damnit Hasbro instead of God Damnit Ross...
4185078 from what i heard and then found out. hasbro never realy said anything. Someone was messing around with the guy. I read that the ltter from Hasbro was so badly written it turned out be fake but no one read it carefully and all heck broke loose
Nice Nostalgia Critic reference with the "It's Time" part
This was hilarious, can't wait for more
o god so funny
needs more macaroni though
4185755
its terrible but they are still working on things, just wait and see
This is one of the few stories that can make me laugh. Good job!
Or Pinkie pie will kill you, whichever comes first.
4183854
BUCK YEAH! GAUNTLET!
<- This person likes Gauntlet Dark Legacy
4184866 - Asleep the Snow Came Flying, by Tim Story.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wek8Ed7zs6I
As this was amazing, the question still lurks: when will the sequel to "Gift of the Mash" be started? If you can't tell, then mabye a hint
? I'm sorry to nag, but it was just so good! 
The first two paragraphs.
Basically my freshman year in a nutshell, LOL