- Member Since 15th Jul, 2013
- offline last seen Apr 1st, 2020
ThunderCracker
They're gonna mess up my FUCKING TOMATOES.
ThunderCracker
Joined 15th Jul, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Yamazaki · 4.8k words · 247 21 · 18k views
- applejackisbestpony2 · 5.5k words · 105 27 · 6.4k views
- Some story writer · 13k words · 60 23 · 1.3k views
- Lasthorizon · 3.2k words · 169 8 · 11k views
- mindlessgonzo · 2.3k words · 287 14 · 11k views
- Not a Clop Writer · 1.4k words · 158 8 · 7.4k views
- DavetheDJ2 · 2k words · 41 3 · 2k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.201 seconds
Total duration
964 users online
145,685 hits today, 2,314,256 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Wow very powerful
Uh... interesting?... I guess?...
everybody touch somebody tell you mother to get off me..... this was a good story that I think could have been a little longer. if you know what I mean
This was really rushed. I like the idea of it but the evolution of Umbra's character was way too fast, there were quite a few typos, and the main character doesn't really seem relatable. The idea could work if the progression of the characters seemed relatively more normal, especially for Umbra. Remember, even a female version of Sombra would still be as Sombra.
While she was a bit cruel at the beginning I have to say I am impressed. She came to actually love him and him her.
Fav and thumbs up
Short and sweet thanks for the story
Honestly, this was rushed. One minute she's messing with him and then the next BOOM! sexy time. It could use some work.
umm yeah this was something...
4178176 i honestly need to work on my pacing.
It's marked incomplete?
Isn't it a one-shot?
Awesome chapter you doing a amazing job
4180048 i keep forgetting to do that...
wow this wasnt very dark o_0
very nice story, fast paced.
So... after reading this.... rushed fic i took the liberty of being your editor and removing any errors i could find plus fixing broken sentences. i might also just fix the storyline aswell someday but that is a big maybe and even if i start doing that i might never finish it if you want the edited version of your story just ask me for my skype and i'll send it to you if you want you can reupload it as long as i get credit for the edit work i did.
happy endings are good.
I loved this despite the fact it was rushed.
Overall a big meh in my view.
4187428 funny...
fast paced and not much detail but a good storyline and a original idea. three out of five stashes
The pacing was comparable to a drag race and Umbra wasn't at all in character but the overall idea has merit and the writing was grammatically sound. Altogether it was... okay but there's certainly every indication that you have the potential to do better. You might try taking the time to write out a considerably longer version in which, among other things, Umbra's character changes gradually rather than flashing from one extreme to the other in the blink of an eye.
4186223 FUNNY pic
wow i love it
33.media.tumblr.com/ea3723a6e42d7f5b394c828091b1a525/tumblr_mqcwoy4YRd1qe8a0fo1_500.gif
Please continue
That was an okay story, but there's some thing you may want to edit.
I'm pretty sure those should be "throat" and "knot".
I really suggest you put a comma after "dark", otherwise it sounds like she's asking if Dennis is afraid of someone called "the dark boy".
It may just be me, but I really suggest changing that to "her".
That should be "yours".
Those should be "illuminated" and "an". Also, I suggest deleting that comma.
And those should be "your" and "free".
5819497
iambrony.dget.cc/mlp/gif/134662500289.gif
10/10 100/100 1000/1000 it's good comrade.
6229487
I can't help feeling like I'm missing something between points "A" and "B"...
Good at first, but it eventually devolves into a rushed clopfic, with randomly tossed in romance without explanation.
DOO EET