Another Chapter
John scratches the back of his head, and he adjusts his lab coat. Incredulously, he states, "You cannot be serious.”
“But I am serious, John,” said Maxwell. His own coat was wrinkled and dirtied from the latest in a series of overnight working shifts. Shaking his head, John looks out the glass to the CAT scanning room beyond, and then back to the computer displays. With no small amount of trepidation, John denied the figures that the computer was giving him. “Even if the facts support it, this just can’t be possible!” he nearly shouted.
With a few button presses, Maxwell said, “Look, I’m running the tests again because I still can’t believe it myself.”
After a few moments, and with baited breath and eager eyes, the test was run again. And again, the results came back... more or less the same. there was no denying it now. “Even if we somehow... are to the ponies as babies are to us, that’s not reason enough for them to go all out on our Earth.”
Maxwell sighed and looked out to the CAT Scan Machine beyond, which was looking deep into Celestia’s brain. She seemed to be having the time of her life, having pictures of humans of all varieties being shown as her brain scanned for consistent results. Rounding around the desk with long strides in his slacks, Maxwell opened the door to the CAT machine room itself, and called out, “Alright, you can stop.”
“But these pictures are cute!” squealed Celestia in protest.
====STUDY SHOWS PONIES TAKE TO HUMANS LIKE PARENT TO CHILD: IMPLICATIONS TO FOLLOW====
Celestia had enjoyed that study session with the cuddlebug humans, but now she had a crusade to run. She had opted to use changelings headed by Pinkie Pie and Chrysalis to spearhead the crusade. Once that was done, the other races moved in to secure the territory and make it safe for everyone. Dragons provided overwatch in case any... uninvited guests tried to crash the crusade, and Iron Will’s Better You program was actually going swimmingly well...
If only those so-called “last sane men” would just come out.
====GOOD MORNING EARTH AND WELCOME TO THE SNUGGLING CHANNEL PLEASE REPORT TO THE NEAREST PONY FOR CUDDLES IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY AND IF YOU HAVE YOU CAN HAVE ANOTHER CUDDLE====
'What is this insanity?'
First, the invasion, then the takeover, and now he was on the run from the crazy things? Leonard was not having a good day. It was made worse when he walked by a “wanted snuggled” poster and saw his face and the other so-called “top unsnuggled people” with a reward for...
Wow, that was a lot of money.
Walking away, Leonard tried to keep on the down-low with his hoodie, but he somewhat sensed that he was trying a little too hard to be inconspicuous. Singing in the streets... ads for new magic powered products...
Somehow happy people? America just got really weird.
Leonard soon reached his destination, though.
The safehouse. It was a place for him and like-minded sane humans to hang out so they wouldn’t get jumped in the street. Heading inside, he took off his hood and joined the makeshift common area, which was filled with chatting people and a few old couches. A television was playing a movie Leonard didn’t recognize. Oh well. Leonard sat down and cracked open a can of... something. He didn’t care. He listened to the din for a while and caught someone talking about the latest news.
“... I’m telling you, this is gonna suck.”
“Yeah.”
“Invading aliens, I tell you!”
“Mmmmmhmmm."
Everybody was pretty much ignoring him, though. They all just wanted to get away from this cuddly nonsense. It had been a few hours since they arrived. They pretty much blitzed America and Europe. They stopped their advance because they “wanted to completely harmonize the already cuddled (read: conquered) countries.”
That just meant that everybody got recuddled several times because there was still some ‘residual corruption’ or something or other. He just stopped caring. After having narrowly escaping them, he had exactly no idea what was going on. After having your sense of normality shattered and then reassembled to make candyland, you just... ugh.
Leonard just needed a drink.
Too bad there weren’t anymore. Oh well. Sipping from his can of cheap local brand root beer, Leonard didn’t notice there was someone knocking at the door. He, however, did take notice when a voice near-shouted,
“You’re surrounded!”
In fact, Leonard was pretty sure everyone heard that... which would explain the panicking people.
“I knew it! We’re all going to be brainwashed!”
“Can’t we talk about this?”
“I HAVE ANXIETY ISSUES DON’T TOUCH ME!”
The door burst open, and crusader harmonization griffons charged through, headed by none other than one of their princesses.
Twilight Sparkle. That mare looked right at Leonard, and she gave him a gleeful smile. Leonard wasn’t having any of that. The griffons tackled people as they attempted to flee, and they were filled with their strange energies. Leonard had read about this. If they hugged someone, their goodwill for them helped hugged people in every way conceivable... or so the news said. For now, though, Leonard needed to flee the “safe house” to go look for another.
====NATO TO JOIN CUDDLE CRUSADE SO THEY CAN CUDDLE PEOPLE TOO====
Edward Portsmith rubbed his eyes and tried to clear his head, but as he awoke in his bedroom, a flurry of memories came back to him.
Americans. Ponies. Cuddling, what?
“Hello!”
Edward definitely did not scream like a little girl as he saw a familiar pink horse.
“I got you all comfy when you had to take that nap, but now we can cuddle!”
“Wha—OOMPF!”
The pony had tackled him again. As he was forced back to his bed, his only impulse was to exasperatedly ask,
“Whyyy?”
“Because you need help, silly!”
“W-What?”
“Remember all those nasty-wasty things that you ever knew?”
“What?”
“Well, they’re about to be gone!”
“What!?"
“That’s right!”
“B-But why!? Why do you have to h-hug me like this?”
“...I don’t know.”
She let go of Edward with a sigh and looked downtrodden.
“W-What?”
A green flash of fire later, and it was not a pink pony sitting on his bed, but some weird bug thing. He started backing up, but another flash of green fire and it was that same pink pony on the bed. Now Edward was really confused.
“That was what I look like normally. But since I joined the Grand Earth Cuddle Crusade and volunteered in Pinkie’s Corps, I’ve looked like the Equestrian Hero. We were instructed to hug people until they hugged back, and we could quote-unquote ‘cleanse them of their corruption’. I’m not sure how that’s supposed to work, but... it does.”
Edward’s silence was cause enough for the whatsit to continue,
“I’ve seen my fellow changelings turn bitter, sad beings into happier beings by simply... hugging them. Something about the magic of a Cuddle Crusader.”
“C-Cuddle Crusader?”
The pony/changeling/alien/whatever turned to face Edward, and it said,
“Oh, you don’t know. Long ago, our land was like yours. Unseen evils and bitterness threatened to consume the land, and evil still returns now and again. Nothing like here, though, but that’s what we’re trying to fix!”
The changeling in disguise flashed a practiced smile and said, stretching aside its forelimbs,
“S-So... can w-w-we still cuddle?”
Suddenly it became unsure and withdrawn, tapping its forelimbs together nervously,
“I-I mean... if that’s fine. You don’t mind, right?”
Edward by this point, while not unsympathetic was also unsure, but thought, eh and shrugged.
“Might as well.”
The Pinkified changeling squealed like a schoolgirl and rushed to his arms, uttering “thank you” over and over again while hugging her new friend. The cuddle magics started their work, and she got to feel full for the first time in ages as she felt Edward wrap his arms around her.
====CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS NEWSCASTERS YAY WAIT WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT WAS RECORDING AAAH STOP IT STOP I====
It was inevitable. The President of the Russian Federation was sure of it.
War was suicide, seeing as the combined might of NATO and the Crusade would mean a protracted conflict at best.
Immediate defeat at worst.
So he stood with a squad of the FSB, waiting for his fate. Soon, someone reported,
“Sir, the Crusade delegate is approaching, but...”
“But what, Secretary?”
“They’re coming in on old Mi-24’s, sir. They seem to be fitted with loudspeakers.”
“что?”
Sure enough, old Crocodiles were flying in formation, making a landing in the Red Square, with their speakers playing the Russian Anthem. An odd sense of pride threatened to invade the trained men at the square, but they stood firm. Expecting a giant delegation of obviously alien or American delegations, they were surprised when instead a yellow Pegasus hopped out of the lead Crocodile, dressed in a modified olive green coat and a fluffy Shankara. And as some people noticed, she was wearing the most precious pairs of fur booties ahem.
The Russian President stepped forward and opened his mouth to say something when the Pegasus said,
“Вы должны гордиться вашей стране. Вам удалось сохранить ваша огатую историю, несмотря на все, что холодная, жестокий мир пытался бросить на вас. Ваши люди выносливы, и они победили много захватчиков. Но это время прошло. Россия не нуждается страдать прихоти судьбы и мужчин больше, Сука Блять.”
With a start, the President considered her words. He did get the gist of what she had to say, so he weighed his options.
Considering the situation that other countries were under, though... it seemed too good to pass up. Then he looked into her eyes.
Her big, blue eyes. The President should have balked since they were so big, yet he couldn’t help but note the impossible innocence and unconditional love behind them.
He had enough. He reached down and gave that little pegasus a good Russian hug.
Many a stoic disposition was tested that day.
Meanwhile, back in the helicopter...
“What was that 1000-bit bet, Applejack?”
“I was so sure it wouldn’t work. Okay, Rarity, I’ll pay you when we get back."
====RUSSIAN FEDERATION TO JOIN CUDDLE CRUSADE YAAAAAY DID WE GET OUR CUTIE MARKS?====
"She’s still after me..." Leonardo said in sheer exhaustion.
After fleeing the scene, Leonardo was still running.
Now in the forests of wherever-the-heck, Leonardo did his best to outlast his pursuer. Without any rest and water, though, Leonardo was getting rather tired. He had to rest.
Finding a suitable spot in the darkened forest, Leonardo bade his time and listened for any sign of that pony princess. He held his breath for as long as he could to try to keep quiet. Finally, he took control his breathing in this quiet place...
...
...
...
...
Usually, she would’ve said something by now, so why...
A sudden light source from his right answered his question.
“Hello there!”
Leonard panicked again and attempted to flee, but he only managed to drag himself out of his hiding spot before he collapsed. As he tried to crawl backward away from her, she said,
“Wait wait wait! You look like you could really use water right now!”
She levitated a full, unopened water bottle in front of her. Leonard regarded her for a moment, so she said,
“Here, just take it. No cuddling, promise.”
Leonard needed water too badly to argue, so he took it and drank his fill.
“...Thanks.”
“...No problem. What was your name?”
“Huh? Oh, it’s Leonard. I suppose it’s nice to meet you, Princess Twilight Sparkle.”
“Wha— how did you know my name?”
“You’re on the news pretty often."
Twilight covered her face and said meekly,
“Oh. Heheh.”
Twilight looked at him, a slight red still on her cheeks.
"Okaaay..."
Leonard finally asked, “So what happens now?”
“Oh, um... I did promise that I wouldn’t try to cuddle you... but I don’t want to see you run into the forest. It’s not good for anypo— anybody to be alone in a forest at night. What say you and I just walk back to civilization, okay?”
After an awkward pause, filled only with the sound of leaves rustling softly in the moonlight, Leonard finally relented.
“...S-Sure.”
Leonard got up and they started the trek back to the town. As they walked side-by-side Leonard got to thinking, and awkwardly asked Twilight, “So... nobility, eh?”
Twilight's ears pointed up, and she turned to Leonard, and replied, “What? Oh, um... I haven’t been a princess for very long.”
Perking up his eyebrows, Leonard thought about what that could mean. Was she not of royal blood? Leonard then inquired, “Adopted?”
“Oh, no. No, no, no. I was just appointed Princess recently when Celestia saw that I was worthy to become one.”
“Huh. So, any suitors out there?”
“U-Um... not so far. Now’s not the time for that, anyway.”
Twilight’s expression got dark, so Leonard asked,
“Boyfriend troubles?”
“Wha— oh no no. The only other prince that’s really ‘suitable’ for me is Prince Blueblood. I mean, you couldn’t find a worse suitor if you tried!”
They had stopped, and Twilight waved those front hooves of hers. That annoyed expression was just endearing to Leonard, though. Once they started moving again, Leonardo asked,
“So, he’s that bad, huh?”
“Oh, don’t even get me started! He probably doesn’t even know the difference between a kingdom and a principality!”
She somehow got her eyes googly and her voice took a mocking tone, and she said,
“Durrr, is it where they get more wine and servants?”
She went back to that same annoyed look as before and said,
“No, Blueblood, a Kingdom is ruled by a King while a Principality is ruled by a Prince! It doesn’t matter how much wine and servants either of those has!”
Leonard snickered and asked, “So is your country a kingdom or a principality?”
“Huh? Oh, it’s a kingdom principality for now. The Alicorn King and Queen of old left; it is said that one day they will return, but until then, the Princesses they raised must rule.”
“Fair enough.”
====CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS TO TRY FOR CUDDLE CRUSADER CUTIE MARKS WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE CAN’T DO THAT, MISTER?====
After a nice walk, Leonard had unexpectedly made a new friend.
There was that whole thing with Twilight stating with pride that she was the Princess of Friendship or something.
'Sure.'
As the city lights neared, and as the coast was almost clear, there were several shouts.
“Look! It’s him!"
“He’s come back safely!”
“Thanks to Princess Twilight Sparkle, that is!”
Leonardo was confused at the attention he was getting until he was tackled by a smaller griffon with dark feathers.
“Hey! You promised...”
“I only promised you that I wouldn’t snuggle you. That doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t get snuggled. Sorry. You’ll be fine, though.”
Leonardo struggled under the weight, then said, “Bugger. You will make a good politician yet.”
That was enough for Twilight to giggle at, and Leonardo was filled with snuggle magic.
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oh god my sides
I don't know whether to melt in the d'aaws or to be petrified in horror.
Either way, Pinkie approves! Moar.
Sooo. When they snuggle they get high?
I Need My Pain!
Russia confirmed for most hugable nation on Earth.
0-0 Oh crap xD
Don't tease your readers like that, it's hazardous for your health.
This story is beyond stupid
tumps up
4200914
I'd rather have thumbs, but okay.
Best invasion ever.
Aww come on,let them join, they'll either single hoofedly purify the Middle East or give a large percentage of the population diabetes.
You said it took two years to get into the feature box? That's a respectably long time to plan out keeping people awake at night with precisely timed story updates. Well, either that and you spent it sculpting a wiry mustache to twirl.
Yes, and. I am not considering explanations for this that do not involve long-form premeditation, only levels of degree.
4200871
This is (probably) the second phase of his plan, making people think deep thoughts about his featured bunches of words instead of sleeping, and then thinking about how to succinctly and humorously share them with other people who also have to think about them. They're pretty awesome thoughts, though!
4200933 never claimed that my english is worth anything
Lololololo thanks for making it a full on fic !
Someone draw this now. PLEASE!
Dear god! If it weren't for them trying to make us all good I would fall in line over and over again. What? Cuddles are great!
I especially fall in line for twilight's cuddles.
She is best pony! 
However, this is a grave perversion against nature, for if there no human evil left in the world, the balance of yin and yang will be so far off that a new greater evil will take the place of the humans evil. This will create balance again but with all seven billion humans good and not one evil, mankind might face a threat that could cause our-kinds demise.
Think about that!
I'm just waiting for that one guy that is so filled with hate and other negative emotions to appear, to be so full of negativity that any who try to snuggle him/her suddenly leap off in pain and start screaming 'IT BURNS!'
This needs to happen IRL, NOW.
This is just fantastic. Screw sleep, I want more!
4200963
Well when I signed on two years ago I was but a filthy casual who hoped his firest fic would get featured.
Then the second.
Then the third.
By around the fourth fic I think it was I was starting to really learn about the nature of the world and how the river flows and such.
(We don't talk about that aborted fifth fic.)
The sixth fic was this musing thing I still have to really expand.
And now, here we are, at the seventh fic. Woo hoo.
I wonder..... what would the show makers do if they faced the "Cudapocalypse"
This must be made into a movie. GET ON IT, HASBRO!
4201222 I think Cuddlepocalypse is the correct term.
Oh, and I'd like to see a side story of Night Vale getting the cuddles.
4201301
I'm just gonna authorize that.
Freaking do it.
Ours is the crusade that shall cuddle the multiverse.
Realistically some humans might actaully their brains fried due to not being able to comprehend a completely unconditional love filled hug.
On a side not the changelings are the prerfect creatures for the snugglequest. If they can feed and takes lover, something tells me they can give it to another being.
The problem is that I would be part of the resistance.
I enjoy the show and would love to see the world come to peace.
Yet I'd rather die then see it done at the behest of another species. Let mankind find peace alone or not at all.
4201028 ...no, just no.
Will there be Chrysalis cuddles. I need me some Chrysalis Cuddles.
4200994 if the new greater evil arrives such as Aku , we will get an equally badass defender like Samurai Jack
THINK ABOUT THAT
Hahaa holy shit this story is gold
This...
I quite liked Fluttershy's speech. And the mental image of her outfit was fantastic.
Looking forward to more. Especially since the ponies will soon have to face the question that all successful conquerors must answer: Now what?
4201927
4200906
What I meant to say is of course I'd continue my most popular story ever
4201623
Well we almost had it down, but I suppose a little help is nice.
Friendship is magic, after all.
4201623
Just how, pray tell, would that frying brain bit occur? Sure, they might get the worst case of "INCONCEIVABLEEEE" in existence, but I'm pretty sure the friendship magics would at least try to spare the brain.
4202140
...You'll find out.
4202183
4200994 You are thinking too hard
4201017 A human so full of negativity that the earth crumbles under his/her feet.
I like it.
====GOD COMES DOWN FROM HEAVEN; MOVES IN WITH PRINCESS CELESTIA====
I cannot express how much I love this story.
4201623
Yes, because that's been working out so well up until now.
Don't get me wrong, I (somehow still) believe that we're fully capable of getting our act together if we actually wanted to, and I could count on one hand the number of things that would have to change to do it, but the main problem right now is that no one who can do anything about any of it would ever want to. The power base of all major global influences (i.e. governments, corporations and religions) is built almost entirely on greed, deceit, and/or raw killing potential, all of which the head honchos will mercilessly turn one anyone and anything that threatens their penthouse positions. The only way anything is going to go anywhere but deeper into the hole without a major outside intervention is if all of them are bested at all of those in such a way that no-one ever wants to try any of them again, and whatever super-human being accomplishes this feat does so with noble intention and sticks to them long enough for human culture to shift completely away from such things, which would take at least several centuries, possibly even as much as a thousand years.
And honestly, with the way things are now, any attempt that is met with anything less than the ludicrous success that is depicted in this story would probably cause more harm than good.
Heck, even the second coming of Jesus Christ would be more likely to spark World War Three than solve anything.
----------------------------------------------------OMAKE----------------------------------------------------
With a jolt he woke up and nearly leapt out of his chair until he realized he'd been sleeping.
'A dream, that's what it was. That's all it could've been! I mean, really. All those creatures coming to Earth in some Cuddle Crusade, that's just crazy! Now I'm awake in good old sane rea....' That line of thought failed the president of the USA as he looked out the windows behind his chair and saw the White House lawn completely overrun with pink fluffy ponies (check Tobin's Spirit Guide for "The Great Fluffle Puff Migration of 2014") who were busily "talking" to one another with raspberries, mews and.....taco's?
"Honey, I think someone put drugs in my coffee........again."
His wife gave the sort of weary sigh any woman does when her husband starts whining. "That's nice dear."
"Are all these pink fluffy ponies supposed to be on the lawn?"
"They do have all the permits."
".......how'd they get the permits for this?!"
[Meanwhile in Las Vegas]
"OH YEAH, COME TO MOMMA!"
Chrysallis grinned widely as the dealer moved another huge stack of chips towards her end of the table, if things kept going this well she'd soon check off "Bankrupt the Casino" from her long vacation checklist.
This is starting to feel like the conversion bureau. This story has a lot of potential though. If you can make it funny without being silly, you will be my hero.
Dangerous, Hug on Sight.
4201769 Then it will be be a game of tug of war between good and evil.
P.S. The show was cancelled before Jack brought down Aku. Far all we know he's still wandering around looking for a time portal.
4202466 Can't help it. It's how I am.
4202955
====GOD AND CELESTIA MAKE A TWO GAMERS ON A COUCH WEBCOMIC PUBLIC REACTION IS APATHETIC====
4202999 Aye but the alternative is worse. To be blunt, we are not ready for peace.
Goodwill and peace can be just as much a poison as a sudden introduction of syinide. Even this story indicates many of the problems.
Magical products, weather control.
Would you give up mankind's future for the enforced and hollow peace? If so then you have given up our soul and killed us all.
It is the fire of Prometheus that defines us. The apple was taken. We cannot give it up. We should not give it up. Especially for an enforced peace.
Kindness kills man. Do you want us to turn into the Breezies.
4203603
Hmm... pointless subjugation and genocide, or pollen and Celtic accents? Though choice.
In all seriousness, I don't have a problem with conflict in general. It's what made us who we are, and we wouldn't be near as great if we hadn't had to claw our way out of the mud to get here.
What really gets me in a tizzy is all of the pointless conflict that seems to be the only kind we're allowed to care about nowadays, mostly arguing about which translation of an account of a centuries-dead guy's life we should model our entire existence around or which evil is the lesser of the many we can have running our entire existence for us (why go with the lesser evil? Cthulhu 2016!).
Jumping at any reason to fight is almost worse than not fighting when you have a reason.
4202473
I have found the Chosen One.
4203594
====HASBRO BUYS RIGHTS TO "TWO GODS PLAY"; TURNS INTO SITCOM====
4203794 I'm allergic to pollen... *starts nuclear war to destroy his pollen enemy!*
4203862
But I'm allergic to nuclear war!
*nukes the nukes before they nuke!*