Princess Stupid Jerk McButt Has A Picnic With Her Dumb Friends and Fluttershy, by the Great and Powerful Trixie

by Twinkletail

Yellow is a Very Good Color

It was a wonderful, sunny afternoon by the Great and Powerful Trixie's lavish abode. Early afternoon was Trixie's favorite time of day, because it was one of the farthest points from her least favorite time of day, a detestable time that began with T which she preferred not to say out loud.

Trixie was minding her own business, taking in the sun while wearing her favorite hat and cape. They were the finest hat and cape that anypony had ever seen, glorious pieces of fashion adorned with the most spectacular star designs. Nopony could ever wear anything as fine as them. Trixie was even able to overlook the fact that they were purple. Somehow, purple just worked on them (as well as on her eyes), whereas the mere presence of that color anywhere else, especially as the primary color of a pony's coat, was horrid.

Anyway, Trixie was minding her own business by her home while wearing her favorite clothes during her favorite time of day. It should have been the perfect situation, and it certainly was for a while.

But of course, all good things (other than Trixie, who will be around forever) must come to an end, and this good thing came to a horrific end when Princess Stupid Jerk McButt showed up. And she wasn't alone, either. She had that irritating white unicorn friend of hers in tow. Trixie figured that it made sense for the two of them to go somewhere with each other. After all, birds of a feather flocked together, and they had some of the dumbest feathers of all. The fact that the white one did not have feathers was a moot point. If she did, they would be dumb and she would probably dress them in some stupid-looking wing covers.

Princess Stupid Jerk McButt outdid herself with her rudeness this time, addressing Trixie informally and without even including her proper title as if Trixie were a familiar friend of hers. As if Trixie would ever be friends with the likes of her! Trixie, of course, was far too perfect and polite to tell her royal dumbness what she truly thought of her, and opts instead to ask her where she got the sun hat she was wearing. Trixie's first guess, the dumpster, was woefully incorrect, if one could believe the words of a pony as unintelligent as the one wearing said hat.

The white one was able to tell that Princess Stupid Jerk McButt was too angry at how smelly she was to speak, so she spoke instead, a situation which was only just barely an improvement over what could have been. She spoke to Trixie, telling her that she wished to speak to her about her hat and cape. Trixie, in her very first instance of being incorrect about anything, assumed that the white one wanted to compliment her on her fantastic style and panache, and was shocked and appalled when she had the nerve to call them ratty! Now, Trixie was never one to lose her temper, but even the best of ponies (AKA Trixie) has an occasional misstep. Thankfully for the white buffoon, Trixie did not have any true intentions of introducing her face to her flanks. Trixie was not one for violence.

The white one (who had a name, but Trixie thought it unimportant to remember it) took a few moments before she said anything else. To a laypony, it might have looked like she was simply trying to calm herself down, but Trixie knew that she was not very smart and was likely trying to figure out what words she wanted to use. To her credit, she did seem smarter than Princess Stupid Jerk McButt, but to say that was akin to saying that steel was harder than pudding.

Trixie suddenly wanted pudding. But it had to wait, because the white one had finally started to speak. She tried to point out that Trixie had been wearing the same outfit each time she had seen her, but Trixie did not see that as a problem. Ponies rarely wear clothes for the most part, so naturally a pony would typically only own a very small wardrobe. Trixie's one outfit was enough for her. The white one even had problems with the style of Trixie's outfit! She did not respect the speed holes in her hat and cape, holes which Trixie had carefully allowed to show up naturally. After all, it was best to let nature run its course. They may have looked like unsightly tears to the uneducated eye, but Trixie knew fashion, whereas the white one seemed to be entirely unaware.

And then, as if she had not done enough already, the white one had the nerve to ask if she could modify Trixie's outfit! Trixie could hardly believe her ears. As if Trixie would ever allow such a pony to make any sort of modifications to her outfit! Trixie politely turned down her offer, but she still would not quit, going so far as to offer to make an entirely new outfit for her! Unbelievable! A pony of her fashion sense could not be trusted to make an outfit befitting of the Great and Powerful Trixie! Trixie decided to keep her anger in check, instead turning it into happiness. The laughter that came from her was soothing and melodic, and not derisive and rude like Princess Stupid Jerk McButt claimed. Trixie had no clue how such a dumb pony knew the word "derisive," but everypony gets lucky sometimes.

Trixie did not stop laughing until Fluttershy happened by. Trixie found herself unable to speak when she saw Fluttershy. Perhaps it was because she was so accustomed to talking to dumb ponies like Princess Stupid Jerk McButt and the white one that finding something to say to a smart, sweet pony like Fluttershy was an awkward change for her. Fluttershy asked what was going on, and the other two nincompoops tried to answer, but Trixie's voice was too great and powerful for them to be heard.

Once Fluttershy heard the whole story from Trixie, she had a suggestion, saying that maybe Trixie should allow the white one (who she told her was named Rarity or something along those lines) to make her a new outfit. Trixie thought about it for a moment. For some reason, when Fluttershy said it, it sounded like a good idea. Probably because Fluttershy is actually smart and nice, unlike the other two dimwits she was dealing with. Trixie allowed Rarity to make her an outfit, but only because Fluttershy asked so nicely. After all, it was probably a good thing to allow a pony of substandard intelligence to feel useful. That is what benevolent ponies do, and if there is any word that describes Trixie besides great and powerful, it was benevolent. The Great and Powerful and Benevolent Trixie.

Once Rarity was placated, Trixie decided that now would be the best time to talk to Fluttershy about tea. It took some time for her to get the words out. If it was another pony having the same difficulty, it could have been seen as nervousness, but Trixie never got nervous about anything, so odds were that she just had something caught in her throat. When she finally did, she invited Fluttershy to come back later (without the other two, because they were boring and dumb) to have tea with Trixie. Fluttershy hesitated, likely taken aback by how great and generous an offer it was. Then she said yes. Trixie was very happy about this, especially since her saying that also seemed to make Princess Stupid Jerk McButt look upset for some reason, and anything that makes Princess Stupid Jerk McButt upset was fine by her. Not that she was vindictive, of course.

Fluttershy promised to return in two hours, and then she left with the other two. Princess Stupid Jerk McButt seemed to be haranguing Fluttershy about something as the three walked off, but Trixie did not listen in. Whatever her royal dumbness was saying was probably too dumb for Trixie to care. All she cared about right now was making sure that tea would be ready for the sweet, lovely Fluttershy's visit. Trixie finally decided upon entering the house that perhaps a pony like Fluttershy was worthy of seeing Trixie on a regular basis, and could not wait for what she considered to be their first date to begin.

Comments

[DismantledAccount]

Great as always, O author who is close to being (but not quite) as awesome as The Great and Powerful Trixie.

[Princess Glitzy]

Wasn't this a oneshot before? Why wasn't I notified that more awesome has been written?

[Twinkletail]

4283346

Haha, sorry about that! It initially was a one-shot, but then I was happy with the response and really into the idea of continuing it.

[Ignaltus]

Twilight see what you did.

[HumanFlea]

What could possibly go wrong?

[Mad Pancake]

4283653
Why would you do that?

[Wacky]

I don't think Trixie would really call it a date unless that's what you're going for, but who am I to judge? I read fanfics for a cartoon show for little girls.

[Justice3442]

4283378

I'm glad you did. Each chapter continues to be hilarious and the idea to write them from Trixie's (unreliable) point of view is simply genius.

[Discord_Lexia]

4284274 But, it's just that there are waaaay too many ships in the sea.

[ponyponipon3]

Speed Holes FTW!