Nopony Likes Striped Manes
One day, there was an amazing pony named the Great and Powerful Trixie. She was great at everything. She was a fantastic magician, and she had a beautifully-styled mane, and everypony in the world liked her and talked about how great she was.
Everypony, that is, except for one big, fat jerk. But we'll get back to her.
The Great and Powerful Trixie was very busy one day. She was busy reorganizing things in her wonderful, luxurious home, a home that everypony was clearly jealous of. She was putting all of her important belongings (which was all of them, because everything she owned was important due to the fact that she owned them) away in their proper places, in case she were to get a visit from a pony whose company she enjoyed. She had made sure to put the fine china in a easily accessible place, because perhaps a nice pony like Fluttershy might stop by for tea.
Then Trixie heard a knock on her door. She knew instantly who it had to be knocking. It was almost definitely one of her many adoring fans come to bask in the glory of her presence. Or perhaps it was Fluttershy after all. Trixie had not gotten the opportunity yet to invite her over for tea, but some ponies believe that smart ponies like Trixie and Fluttershy know when one is thinking about the other. Trixie opened the door to her lovely house, ready to greet her visitor.
And who was at the door?
Princess Stupid Jerk McButt!
The Great and Powerful Trixie was vexed by the sight of such a rude and unattractive pony at her door, but as always, she reacted with grace and charm. Princess Stupid Jerk McButt said something stupid like "Why are you yelling at me?" This proved that she was stupid, because Trixie was not yelling at all. She was simply projecting her voice and speaking clearly, so a less intelligent pony like Princess Stupid Jerk McButt could understand. She, of course, did not appreciate this, because she was dumb and ugly and bad at everything.
Her royal dumbness actually had the nerve to ask Trixie if she needed any help with anything! As if Trixie would ever need help from a clod like her! Trixie kindly informed the idiot that her services would not be needed, and the dunce somehow took offense to this. Trixie understood that sometimes the less fortunate ponies needed to feel needed, and that encouraging the dumb and useless to try and make themselves useful was a good practice. However, Trixie would not cowtow to the likes of her when she did not need any help. When the big dumb princess would not take no for an answer, Trixie, in all her benevolence, offered to allow her to help after all. Oddly enough (or sensibly enough, given the substandard intellect of the pony in question), Princess Stupid Jerk McButt managed to take offense at Trixie's suggestion that she find the nearest pier and go for a swim. Trixie thought (knew) she was being nice; it was a rather warm day. Of course, Princess Stupid Jerk McButt did not catch the not-so-subtle nuances of Trixie's suggestion.
Then, the royal doofus even had the gall to ask Trixie to come take residence in her house! As if Trixie would ever want to live in a big, stupid tree! Trixie's home was perfectly suitable and lovely, and for Twilight to insinuate otherwise was an affront to Trixie and everything she stood for! Sure, one of the wheels on her home was missing, but Trixie saw that as a blessing. It gave her more chance to exercise, and she did not even trust wheels to begin with. Trixie made sure to make all of this known to Princess Stupid Jerk McButt. She could have sworn she saw the idiot princess wipe her face off, but that was preposterous, as Trixie never spits. It was far more likely that a drop of rain from an errant cloud fell on her face, or that she was pretending to wipe something off of her face in an effort to make Trixie look uncivilized. As expected, it did not work.
Just as Trixie was about to request that Princess Stupid Jerk McButt stop harassing her, Fluttershy appeared. Trixie thought about how Fluttershy had a strange way of showing up when Princess Stupid Jerk McButt was around, and figured that perhaps she was doing her a service by staying close. After all, without proper supervision, a nincompoop like Princess Stupid Jerk McButt could hurt herself.
Fluttershy asked Trixie and the royal idiot to stop fighting. She certainly must have meant to only ask the princess, as Trixie was not being hostile in any sense, but being the kind-hearted soul that she is, she must have asked us both so as not to make the dolt feel bad about herself. Princess Stupid a Jerk McButt said something that sounded like "sorry," but she probably didn't even know what she was supposed to be sorry about. Trixie did not apologize because she had done nothing wrong.
Fluttershy was kind enough to ask Trixie if she needed any help moving her things. Trixie thanked her for her kindness and allowed her to aid in moving some of her belongings. Princess Stupid Jerk McButt attempted to steal some of Trixie's things under the guise of also trying to help, but Trixie caught her in the act and took her possessions back. She insisted that she was only trying to help, but apparently she was not as good a liar as she was a moron. Not that any lie could get past Trixie.
Once everything of Trixie's was moved, Fluttershy gave her a big smile. Trixie smiled back, because that is what nice, smart, talented ponies do when a sweet pony like Fluttershy smiles at them. Princess Stupid Jerk McButt also smiled at Trixie, but Trixie ignored her. Her smile was disingenuous, and she likely only did it because she saw Fluttershy do it, and all ponies should strive to be like Fluttershy. Well, actually, they should strive to be like Trixie, but if they want a more attainable goal, Fluttershy is a good choice.
Trixie felt an odd, warm feeling in her chest as Fluttershy smiled at her. It was probably the lunch she had eaten recurring on her, but it felt nicer than that. Trixie suddenly felt the urge to ask Fluttershy if she wanted to have tea with her right then and there. She did so immediately, but Fluttershy kindly declined, telling her that she was to go to the park with Princess Stupid Jerk McButt. Trixie understood; a pony of such low intelligence needed to be under constant supervision, and who better to supervise than Fluttershy? The only pony who was in her league was Trixie, and Trixie would not be caught dead spending considerable time with her royal dumbness. Fluttershy did promise, however, that she would join her for tea soon. Trixie felt warm again as she heard this. Her lunch was quite large and spicy, after all.
Trixie waved to Fluttershy as she left. She also begrudgingly waved to Princess Stupid Jerk McButt, and she could hear the idiot complaining to Fluttershy that Trixie had made a rude gesture to her with her hooves. Some ponies just do not understand manners.
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I love this story so much.
Really I do.
Edit: Ha! All other comments on this chapter must have a smaller timestamp number than this one!
Didn't say "first."
Well. This is awkward.
4273291
You're everywhere! How is that even possible!
This story is gold. Comedy in every single sentence.
Either Twilight is thinking too much or Trixie found a way.
4273317
Only Skeeter the Lurker is everywhere.
Trixie is, without a doubt, the best possible example of all ponies.
..except maybe, for Fluttershy...
The levels of childish humor are why this story is so great
Cannot get sick of the way this is written. Nope, can't do it.
I can see the Flixie building up
4273407
Fluttershy managed it once.
iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/133944131099.gif
Oh how I love reading this story. Some sentences make me want to tear Trixie apart for being so pretentious, but also make me laugh.
4277226 what episode is this?
4277500
The one with Iron Will in it. Can't remember the name though.
4273407
I think this one finally goes into the "thinking too hard" bin. Just because we know how unreasonable Trixie is being doesn't mean that everything Trixie does is horrid. Just enough to make Twilight Sparkle see a rude gesture in a begrudging wave.
4273317 I do not get.
Is this Trishy?
Trixie has a stripped mane. She just directly insulted herself. What.