Two fillies, Sky and Dizzle, go missing. A year later, Sweetie Belle goes missing as well. What is going on? Are the dissapearannces coneccted?
NOTE: THIS IS MY FIRST FANFICTION GUYS. YOU CAN'T EXPECT IT TO BE PERFECT.
Chapters (3)
Taylorthepega
Joined 29th Mar, 2012 ·
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Did you even spell check this? I mean, the idea's there. But you botched teh spelling and fluency. It needs some work.
This looks horribly rushed to all means of rushing.
-Lengthen the Chapters
-Lengthen the Story
is this dark/grimdark? the preview pic looks it... and holy crap, is this short! Can't tell if really rushed or just trying to make as many chapters as possible with a small amount of writing. or both. I'll read it anyway just for the hell of it.
*EDIT*
Okay everyone, I know this is short, but THIS IS MY FIRST FANFICTION.
385497
But this is my first Fanfic, and I am trying to spell check it. 
Thank you for the advice
Um, not to burst your bubble, but I had a character in my fanfic named Sky and I beat you to the name, just say'in.
I would say... It has the elements of a good fic, but the execution of the story leaves a bit to be desired. Overall, average. I like it, but I don't love it.
I'll keep an eye on this. You've got some decent ideas, but your short, unpolished chapters sell the story short.
385954
Oops! Sorry, i didn't know. Sky is one of my ponysonas, so i put her in here.
386067
Thank you for the advice!
386158
I know.
But i am trying to make the next chapters longer
Alright, here's my advice. You shouldn't try to stretch things out by adding unnessisary detail. Be descriptive, and pay attention to detail, but you should never just add things to make it feel longer, or it will become even worse. What you should do, is think out many scinarios and plot twists before beginning a chapter, rather than just wrighting with a vauge idea of where you want to go. Also, never plan where you'r going to stop a chapter, just get a very good idea of the story first, (I have found that wrighting down ideas in a separate peice of paper first is good) and stop the chapter when it seems long enough, and your at a good part to stop.
Try writing a couple improved versions of the chapter, and cleaning it up a bit before actualy posting it. Once you have this down the only hard part is transitioning from one magor idea to another. My best advise there is to just go with the flow. Write what you feel comfortable writing, and dont stress the transitions. Hope this helps you progress as an avid writer. 
386238
Thanks a lot!
Yeah, I agree. You need way longer chapters here.
385954 So.... Let me get this straight. You're honestly claiming the name Sky as your property to the point of calling someone using it out in their story comments?
Dude, there are close to 10,000 stories on this site, and I bet you at least a thousand of them already took that name long before you did. Besides, it's not like it's a creative, clever name, anyways. If it was something like, let's say, Twilight Sparkle. That's something identifiable and specific. Sky is Sky. It's the big blue thing you see when you look up. It's also one of the most popular mary sue character names ever.
387006 No Freakin way! I had no Idea the Sky was blue?!
You don't say!
ragecomics.memebase.com/wp-content/themes/vip/cheezcommon2/ragecomic/packs/seriously/images/YouDontSay.png
386808
Sorry, but I don't say my age.
386983
I know, I'm working on it.
386853
Thanks! This is my first Fanfic, so thanks for the tips!
Hmm, what can I say? As the others have stated, the chapters really should be a bit longer. I see the idea that you're trying to mold into the minds of the readers, but it's the actually delivery that isn't working for me. It's all soo... vague, I must say. Try to go further into detail with these things. Another thing. If Applebloom was originally the one who felt sick, why was she running? And Sweetie Belle seemed ready to go on the ride again, so why exactly did she hurt all of a sudden?
"Why,ah'll tell Rarity meself." Applebloom said, dispite her doubts eating her up. Can ah realleh do this? "Why, ah'll tell Rarity muhself." (&/or Myself) Applebloom said, despite her doubts eating her up. Can ah really do this?
That sounds a bit better, don't you think? This story needs improvement, but for the actual concept and such, I'll give it 2 out 6 of the mane six. [
_ _ _ _]
387291
Thanks you for the advice
387291
Oops! Sorry, I'll change that, thanks!
387845
you're replying so civilly to everypony.. why you cancel story?
469097
Thank you! (This is my new account) The two reasons why I cancelled it are
1: I ran out of ideas for it
and
2: I lost the password for that account and am unable to reset it.
If I get an idea, I will repost the story on this account