"What do ya'll mean, you're leavin'?" Rainbow heard Applejack saying in the back of her head. "I just don't get it."
"AJ, this is a huge opportunity for- " Spike was cut off by a mall, magic bubble Twilight had created.
"I'm capable of speaking for myself, Spike." Her horn still glowing, the violet alicorn began to address her friends. "Princess Celestia knows that I can perform my duties here, but she's invited me to spend a year in Canterlot to further my magical studies with several of the universities there. And Spike's right- it is a huge opportunity for me!" Everypony in Ponyville could see the sparkle in her eyes, true to her name. "She even said I could bring a Ponyville friend, too!"
The others all gave concerned looks. They all went down to Canterlot pretty frequently, but a whole year?
"Sugarcube, I'd love to. But I got Sweet Apple Acres to look over."
"Well, there's Sweetie Belle, and the boutique..."
"I don't think all those animals could look after themselves for that long..."
"I've even got work at the bakery!" Pinkie was actually surprised- even she had work to do.
Only Rainbow Dash was still to say why she couldn't go with her. She didn't have any real obligations, save Scootaloo, whom she was not legally in charge of. "Well, I'll go with you!"
With those words, the library, her friends, and Ponyville vanished from view. The whole scene was black. "What's happening!" she screamed.
"You are dreaming, my child." A strange yet familiar voice loomed over the pegasus. As she turned around, Dash was met with a unexpected face- Princess Luna, Equestria's mistress of dreams. "All the while learning a valuable lesson."
"What do you mean? What happened to Ponyville? " A look of confusion and dismay crept onto Rainbow Dash's face.
"I cannot teach you everything, Rainbow Dash. I hope you remember your dream well. We have much to see." Suddenly, something happened in that void that could only be described as Dash's life flashing before her eyes. Except, it started to late- it was when she met twilight, and accidently giving her that ridiculous manestyle. Every scene following had something to do with Twilight in some way.
"I don't understand, Princess. These are all moments that Twilight and I have shared, but that dream wasn't real." What was Luna trying to tell her?
"It didn't have to. It could happen. Would that have been your response?" Luna didn't show any emotion. She seemed to be getting impatient.
"Yeah, I guess." Her response was feeble at best.
"Then watch. We are here."
"And where is-" Rainbow Dash had just started her question when she noticed where "here" was.
The library. Her friends were there, wearing their elements, circling a relatively large scorch mark on the ground. From her position in the air next to Luna, she surveyed the faces of the ponies in the room. As she passed her own, she remarked in her head how sad it looked. She remembered this moment- Twilight had gone somewhere to become an alicorn.
"What happened here, Rainbow Dash?" Luna seemed quieter.
"Twilight was gone. I was so sad..."
"What happened to you?" Luna was standing straight, wings folded, looking at the crying mess that used to be Rainbow Dash. She was so close to understanding why Luna had brought her here. The princess strengthened her resolve. She couldn't give up now. "Something happened here that never happened before. Something you felt. I need to know what it was."
"This is when I noticed it. I love Twilight Sparkle." Through the tears, Rainbow was only able to mutter the words.
"Then I may take my leave. And you, child, may wake from your slumber."
As the pegasus opened her eyes, she could hear Twilight speaking to her. Whispered ever so faintly, she heard her friend saying "Rainbow? How's that for two percent! Rainbow, can you hear me?"
Well, I'm not much of a critique, but I have to say that for a first story, the setting is alright, You did way better than how I did my first story. You gave life to the characters. A bit of grammar errors, but that can be fixed later. I do notice that the chapters are short; It would be nice if they were longer,
unless, this was intended to be a short story. Keep up the good work!
Title should not say "My First Fiction." That's not something you should put in the title. Often I'd recommend against putting it prominently in the description either. Best place for it is an author's note at the end of the first chapter or so; that's what they'll generally read right before they'd be writing comments, and it doesn't predispose them to expect crap before they begin reading.
4169251 it was intended to be short. People say I'm good at it, mostly my friends, but I don't enjoy purely romance stories.
4169711 I appreciate the critique. I'll be sure to address it.
4169284 I like you. You use big words. Plus, I see where your coming from. This is why I'm always so open to comments- truth be told, I'm not very good with things like that.
4169962 I've decided to break it into much shorter chapers here than I did when I was writing it. I hate being halfway through one and having to close out of the site, only to have to find my place later. What I'm trying to do is place frequent milestones to prevent that kind of frustration.
Great storyso far!
Although I did see some grammar/spelling issues ..... (Dont worry I had alot of grammar problems in my story to ..like a ton more then yours has!) Any way good job! I like your story !