• Published 31st Mar 2014
  • 8,218 Views, 89 Comments

This Gift - Dconstructed Reconstruct



Six years after her ascension, Twilight and Spike have started to grow apart. Spike starts to fear what age will do to him, and he comes to the realization that he must tell Twilight a shocking truth before it's too late.

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Chapter One (Redux)

Everywhere I turned, I met a world of white that started nowhere and led nowhere.



I can’t feel my claws… I can’t even breathe flames…



I tried to call out in the hopes that somepony would help me, but the sounds I managed to croak were swallowed by the roaring winds. Snow and hail buffeted and tore at my scales, numbing me to the very bone. Yet, no matter what pain the elements inflicted on me, they couldn’t compare to the one that was slowly unraveling me from the core out: the pain in my heart.



I… can’t go on…



I collapsed onto the snow and curled my body to try and keep some of my warmth. The only thing that gave me any body heat was the orange scarf wrapped around my neck.



I pushed through the numbness in my claws and wrapped them around the scarf. Its warmth seeped through my scales, reminding me of Twilight's warm coat and the way it had felt back when she used to wrap me in her embrace. For a moment, I could even hear the sound of her voice calling to me from far away.



Then I remembered her broken promise. Tears filled my eyes as all the warmth from the happy memories were blown away by the icy winds, replaced by only by the bitter chill that tore through my muscles and gripped my heart. Though the wind continued to howl, those words were all I could hear.



“We were home. You said you didn’t need me anymore. Y-you were sending me away…”



“A fear that will never come to pass. I’m never going to send you away.”

How could she lie to me?


* * *


This Gift


A few minutes earlier…


“Spike, where are the books I asked you to reshelve?” Twilight shouted across the room. She was lying on her old ‘reading cushion,’ surrounded by rolled up scrolls. All the windows were closed shut, and the door… I swear, that door looked more and more sinister with every passing day.



“Got them right here,” I shouted back. I took a deep breath and started climbing up the basement stairs, heading for the library’s main floor. I did my best to balance the stack of books in my claws.



I grunted, shifting the weight of the books on my arms. Kind of forgot how much stuff we actually had in stock. I could carry a lot now that I was as tall as Twilight, but a stack that nearly reached the ceiling was pushing it. Everything from archaic encyclopedias to Daring Do novels.



I put the stack down next to the empty bookshelf and turned to face Twilight. “Alright, got the books here,” I said. She was still busy reading dozens of letters, all marked with the Royal Equestrian Principality insignia.



“Are you going to help me sort these books?” I grabbed one of the Daring Do novels from the top of the pile and smiled at Twi. “You know, for old time’s sake?”



Twi didn’t reply. She only chanced a glance before going back to her letters. “Guess not.” I turned to the shelf and sighed. Every day, Twilight worried more and more about her royal duties than the library. I couldn’t really blame her, though. It was her way of coping with all that had happened in the last six years.



I narrowed my eyes. Can’t she at least be more open about it though?

“Twilight,” I started, well aware that she was not paying me much mind, “do you… ever miss the others?”



As expected, no reply. I started to stroke the orange scarf around my neck.



“I don't know about you, but I sure do. Ever since they all started moving away, things just haven't been the same.” I sighed. “Only one left now is Fluttershy, yet you barely talk to her.”



“Maybe you should worry less about the past, and more about the present,” Twilight said.



I turned to face her, only to meet her glare. “At least I remember them!” I diverted my gaze away from her.



“Spike, I miss them too, but standing around reminiscing about the old days isn’t productive.” I turned back to face Twi. That’s when I noticed her eyes soften for a fraction of a second before she turned back to her letters.



I again grabbed on to the scarf tied around my neck and caressed it. I wanted to say something, but in the end, I couldn’t find the words. It hadn’t been too long ago since Twilight had made me the scarf.



I turned to the pile of books and focused, calling forth a surge of energy that ran through my body. The books turned weightless as I wrapped them in a telekinetic field. A neat trick I had learned from Celestia—or, as she preferred I call her nowadays, ‘Mom.’



I started putting each book into the shelf by category and alphabetical order. My mind often wandered during this task. As my luck would have it, it wandered into the one thought I had been trying to avoid all day.



For as long as I could remember, the idea of growing up had terrified me. Part of the reason had to do with my greed incident seven years ago. I couldn’t remember everything, but I still had nightmares about that day.



Normally, every youth dreamed of the day he or she grew up. For ponies, the road to maturity started when their cutie marks were discovered, showing them what their place in society would be. After that, they fell in love and had foals. But I wasn’t a pony. I had no set “destiny” to guide me through my life, and I certainly had no pony to love. The one mare I had loved above all others had not only rejected me, but had moved on without me. I didn’t think there was anypony else I could love like I had loved her.



Well, except for…



I shook my head. She can’t ever love me. Maybe once upon a time, but that ship had sailed long ago—especially now that I was nearly eighteen by pony standards. I had no idea how long I had until I got too large and violent to live among ponies.



As I chanced a glance back to Twi, I wondered if the same thought had crossed her mind as well. Was that the reason she was being so distant with me?



I turned back just in time to see the next book to be up for reshelving. The Crystal Empire Chronicles.



I cringed.



How had that book found its way into the pile? I didn’t remember picking it up.



I tried to ignore it as best as I could. Put the book down, Spike. Put it down before it makes you remember. It was no use. The memories flooded back in.

*** *** ***

“Monstrous dragon!” Twilight shouted, horn flashing as she charged her magic.



With a steely gaze and bared teeth, she pointed her hoof at me. “Get out of my sight, you filthy beast!” She slammed her hoof on the floor. “I swear by Celestia, if you do not leave my sight, I will destroy you!”



Bitter tears poured out of my eyes as I desperately tried to understand why Twilight would turn so cold and hateful towards me. “What have I done to make you hate me so much!?” I shouted, only for my words to be lost to the cacophony of thunder and rain.



“Did you ever really believe that you were anything more than a tool!?” Twilight snarled, using her magic to shove me away. “I never loved you! You’re just a thing that’s outlived its usefulness.”



The words stabbed at me like a knife, forcing the very air from my lungs. Yet it was the next phrase that truly shattered everything I had ever known, everything I had ever cared about: “I never loved you, you monster. Leave and never come back!”

*** *** ***

I shook the memory off, forcing my eyes shut to fight back the overwhelming desire to cry. I put the book on the shelf and kept working.



When I had only a few books left, I found one I had not expected. It was an old romance novel, one that had been Rarity’s favorite. At the realization, I feel another pang of agony stab at my chest. I finished re-shelving the books as swiftly as I could.



“T-there, Twilight. I’m d-done.”



Twilight looked up from her letter and inspected the shelf. She said nothing, only nodding in approval.



I rushed for the library’s basement, passing through stairs that reminded me more of Sombra’s castle stairs with every passing day. Part of the basement had been turned into my personal quarters as soon as I had outgrown my basket bed.



As soon as I stepped inside my room, I tossed myself on my bed face-down and let the tears flow. I… I don’t want to remember her… please, Cele—Mother… don’t make me remember her!



Once upon a time, Rarity had been, in my opinion, the single most beautiful mare I had ever laid eyes on. Her flawless coat, eyes that shone like gemstones, and lips that glistened like radiant crystals: all features that had made her the one mare I swore to seek to the ends of the earth.



As the years passed, Rarity and I grew apart. One day, she came bursting into Sugarcube Corner, raving about how she had found the stallion of her dreams. Less than a year after moving to Manehattan, she had wed her sweetheart.



On her wedding day, I told her how I really felt.



“Oh Spikey-wikey… your affection really was the only thing that got me through some rather tough times, and I will never forget that. But darling, in the end, you were always just a dear friend to me, nothing more. I-I’m sorry if you feel like I led you on and betrayed your affection. It was my fault for not stopping it before it got out of hoof. If you hate me… I completely understand and accept it. Just know that one day, you’ll find the one that will make you happy. Don’t ever forget that, even if you do forget about me.”



How could I hate Rarity for being there for me?



After the wedding, I withdrew myself. I did everything I could to change who I was—what I was. I went so far as to beg Celestia to change me into a pony.



“My son, I could change you into whatever you want to be. I could even give you the power of a prince if it meant seeing you happy. But doing so would only be imposing a lie on you. If you can’t be happy with who you are, then you’ll never truly be happy, no matter what shape you choose to take.”

“But what if I never find somepony to love me? What if I’m forever cursed to be alone just because of who I am?”

“My son, you are young. You’ve many years ahead of you. One day, you will find that special someone that will love you for who you are deep down. Love comes from the most unexpected of places. Just have faith that it will find you.”



I knew Mom was right, but her words had done little to ease my woes. In the end, I resigned myself to despair. I watched the world go on without me. It was only when Twilight once again promised to never leave me that I worked through the pain.



Six years later, she wouldn’t even turn to look at me.



I sat on my bed and wiped the tears. Where had I gone wrong? Had I not been the best assistant a princess could ask for? I gazed at my room’s ceiling. Tell me, Twi. Have I ever failed you?



I stood and walked to my own bookshelf. My old comic books and a couple of light novels were still there. One book stood out in particular: The Tale of Sir Bulwark.



I grabbed the beat-up tome, the corners of my mouth rising. Once upon a time, this had been one of my favorite stories to hear at bedtime. It brought back many fond memories.



Twilight’s favorite game growing up had been to pretend she was a princess trapped by a vicious dragon. Her brother, Shining Armor, took the role of the brave knight. That left me as the only one to fill the role of dragon. The dynamic changed when Shining Armor left for the Guard Academy. I graduated to the role of knight, and Smarty Pants took the role of the dragon.



The day of my ‘promotion,’ I decided to commemorate the occasion with a silver-painted suit of cardboard armor. I had been a bit nervous, seeing as I had always played the villain, but once I had gotten into the rhythm of things, I turned into the perfect ‘gentledragon.’



My brow scrunched as I recalled how a group of four bullies—jealous of Twilight’s role as the princess’s protégée—had terrorized her. Without hesitation, I had charged them, not caring about potential injuries. In the end, even the bruises had been worth hearing Twilight thank me for my services as the four bullies ran away crying. She had then rewarded her brave silver knight with a kiss on the cheek.



Back then, it’d been little more than a simple peck. As I rubbed my cheek, I started to realize it had been more than that. I should have known things were not that simple.



The feelings had started to build soon after Rarity’s wedding. I had chalked it to growth, but I started to see Twilight as the one mare that could love me for what I was. I had said nothing at first, afraid of having my heart torn out once again. I had only just realized that keeping quiet had allowed the rift between me and Twi to form.



I raced out of my room and up the stairs. I entered into the Library’s main room and found Twilight, still looking over the letters, sipping on a mug of hot chocolate.



Twilight continued to read and reply to the letters until she finally noticed me almost half a minute later. As soon as she did, she sat up straight, her expression never changing. “Spike, there is something we have to talk about,” she started. Her tone was still distant, almost as cold as the blizzard raging on the other side of the library walls.



I considered going back to my room and staying there. Then I remembered my own thoughts, why I had rushed up here in the first place. I knew there was no turning back now.



I swallowed a lump in my throat. “Let me say something that’s been bothering me for some time first.” Even though the emotions swirled in me like a hive of angry hornets, I knew I had to speak. With a resolute exhalation, I steeled myself for what was to come. One final stand against all I fear. One final cry of truth—then I can be at peace.



I walked up to Twilight and embraced her as fondly as I could. She was caught by surprise, so much so that she spilled her cocoa.



I took in the softness of Twi’s coat and the warmth of her body. My will all but set, I locked eyes with her. Before she could even say a word about my hug, I uttered a sentence that I had said many times in the past. It carried the weight of my hopes and dreams in every single letter.



“Twilight… I love you. I have always loved you, and I always will!” I finished my words by planting a deep kiss on Twi’s lips.



As I parted, I took in Twilight’s gaze. Eyes wide in shock, corners of her lips pointing down. Without warning, she pushed me aside and stood up. She gazed deep into my eyes, her expression never changing. She closed her eyes and turned away from me.



“What’s wrong?”



‘I-I’m s-sorry, Spike.”



“Please, Twi…” I started, already feeling chills run up my spine.



“Please… just-just leave… leave me alone.”



“W-what are you saying?”



“L-leave… me alone…”



“Wha….wha?”



Twilight flinched at my voice, almost as if my words hurt her.



“I-I’m sorry, Spike… I’ve no need of your services… P-please just… go.”



I felt my eyes moisten as a cold numbness spread across my being. The dark vision that had tormented me for years had come to pass, and I had been its catalyst.



I smiled, if nothing else, to show Twilight that I had gracefully accepted her answer. No, Spike… don’t let Twilight see you crying… Show strength… because deep down… you knew this is how it would end. Be strong. Be strong…



After all, Twilight was a pony, and I was a dragon. Why would she love me?



Without a word, I turned and headed for the library’s door. I reached out for the handle, but stopped.



Don’t let her see you crying…



I turned back to face Twilight one last time. She was still facing away from me like a statue. With a bitter chuckle, I finally accepted my fate.



“Sorry it ended like this. It was an honor to have been your assistant.” I turned, facing the blizzard raging outside. “So long, Princess Twilight.”



I carefully closed the door behind me, claw reluctant to let go of what had been my home for almost eight years. Deep down, I knew there was no turning back.



I headed into the white nothingness, unsure as to where to go next. I considered heading to Canterlot and letting Mom know what happened. But a part of me didn’t want that; the truth was that I didn’t really care. I closed my eyes and let my feet carry me to whatever fate had in store for me.



After what felt like hours of walking, I finally stopped. At last, now that I was as far as I could get from the library, I allowed the tears I had been bottling up to swell out. I gazed upward, watching the sky darken through teary eyes.



My scales grew numb to the rising blizzard.