Going for a Walk
Apple Bloom tried to make herself as small as possible. She bunched up both forelegs beneath her, curling her tail around her front to act as a protective barrier. Two small damp spots formed on the comforter beneath her downcast eyes. The filly gave no effort to reign in her crying as her chest heaved against the blanket with every sob.
She waited, eyes shut. For the anger, the disappointment. For her sister’s shouts to nail her to the bed. Her ears twitched with apprehension, listening for the inevitable.
But as the seconds ticked by, nothing came. Not even so much as a whisper. Flickering first, her eyelids slowly slid open, revealing a world blurred by tears. She hesitated before daring to lift her head.
Seated on the floor in front of her, in the same spot as before, was Applejack. Her eyes were framed by the lines on her brow, forming a shallow V on her features. But strangely, the mare’s gaze was directed off into space, right out the window and into the oncoming sunlight that seemed to be cutting the room in half. Her lips were creased into a frown, pursed tightly together to stop them from quivering, and for a brief moment, Apple Bloom noticed the glint of the sun’s rays reflecting off of her sister’s eyes.
It was a look she recognized; the times she had seen it were times not so easily forgotten. It wasn’t disappointment so much as it was betrayal; it wasn’t anger so much as it was devastation. Apple Bloom’s stomach dropped into her gut, and she felt as though she was about to be sick.
No loud shouts or angry glares could have condemned her more than seeing that look on her sister’s face.
Applejack’s pursed lips opened slightly, letting a stifled breath escaped from between her clenched teeth like a hiss of steam. A small knot traveled down her throat as she audibly swallowed.
“Y-You…” Applejack took another deep breath. “…You took it when Ah was with Pinkie? When Ah was helpin’ her?”
She still hadn’t turned to face Apple Bloom. Her voice sounded pained, like somepony had driven a hammer into her gut. In the space between them, the pecan bun lay on the blanket, flattened and cold, an ever-present reminder of the crime. Apple Bloom gave a shaky nod of her head.
“Ye-Yeah…” she stammered. “Ah did…”
Applejack’s head shook slowly in response to her answer. It was difficult to see, but Apple Bloom noticed right away. She felt her heartbeat thumping against her ribs as she sank further into the bed.
“Just…” Applejack had to pause again, narrowing her eyes. “Why’d you… take it? Steal? Th-that ain’t you…”
She trailed off, closing her mouth again to grit her teeth together. The muscles on her jaw bulged. Apple Bloom began to cry again, struggling to say anything coherent.
“Ah-Ah dunno… Ah…”
“That ain’t an answer,” Applejack cut her off. She hadn’t raised her voice, but its sternness made Apple Bloom shiver.
“Ah… Ah don’t…” She was losing what remained of her composure, fast. “…Ah don’t wanna make you mad…”
The sound Applejack made was an odd mix between a snort and a guffaw. She shook her head mirthlessly. “It’s a little late for that, sis…”
The statement caused a new batch of tears to spring to Apple Bloom’s eyes. Try as she did, the words she was trying to form in her brain were refusing to come out. She felt helpless, like she was treading water in the open ocean with no land in sight.
“Ah, Ah just… Ah was…” She stumbled over her words. “… Ah was just mad, c-cuz you said that Ah c-could have one, a-and then you were gone an’ Ah saw them just sittin’ there an’ Ah…Ah…”
Apple Bloom’s eyes darted all around the room. The muscles in her abdomen tightened up as her diaphragm spasmed in a dry hiccup.
“Ah…”
The colors in front of her blurred together.
“Ah… Ah didn’t, Ah don’t want…”
She choked.
“Ah don’t want…
She tried to stop herself from breaking. She really did.
“Ah-Ah…”
But it had been a losing battle from the very beginning.
“…Ah’m sorry!” Her voice cracked, knees giving out from underneath her again as more hot tears poured down her face. She wailed into the sheets. “Ah-Ah’m sorry, Ah don’t know why Ah took it, Ah-Ah don’t know why, Ah… Ah didn’t wanna, Ah… Ah don’t wanna, Ah don’t… Ah’m sorry Ah’m such a rotten thief! Ah’m a horrible pony! Ah ain’t no Apple! Ah ain’t nothin’ at all! Ah-Ah’m sorry, Ah’m so s…”
Through the haze of despair, she felt something take a hold of her. Gripping her around the shoulders, pressing in just tightly enough to hurt. She squeaked, cringing like a wounded dog and shutting her eyes tight.
And then, she felt her whole body leave the bed. She gave a sharp breath, feeling for a moment like her entire body was suspended over a chasm, before two arms wrapped around her middle and pulled her into an embrace.
The still voice of her sister made it through her folded ears.
“Shh… calm down, hun, calm down…” She rubbed Apple Bloom’s back up and down gently, resting her chin on the nape of the girl’s neck. “Calm down…”
But Apple Bloom was not in a state that could be reasoned with. She continued to weep, uttering endless, breathless apologies. “Ah’m sorry, Ah’m sorry, Ah’m s…”
Applejack squeezed a little tighter, her left hoof never ceasing its soothing massage. Apple Bloom’s soaked face rested against her chest. “Shh, please, sis. Ah forgive you. Ah know you’re sorry. It’s okay, calm down. Ah ain’t mad at you, Ah promise…”
Applejack’s last statement made herself wince the moment it had left her lips. It was not as if she had forgotten what she had said in the heat of the moment only minutes prior. And judging from Apple Bloom’s renewed cries in response, she hadn’t, either.
“Yeah you are!” she yelled back. The hurt in her voice was plainly evident. “Ah know you are!”
The words hovered in the space above their heads, suspended in mid-air. Applejack grimaced. “N-now, AB… Ah know Ah said that before, b-but Ah…”
Apple Bloom wasn’t listening. “An’ why wouldn’t you be? You should be! Ah ain’t honest, Ah tarnished the family name, Ah… Ah… Ah ain’t even an Apple at all!”
She fell limp, buried her face into Applejack’s chest, and wept.
Applejack felt every heave of her sister’s ribs, the girl’s ragged breaths hot against her underside. She drew Apple Bloom in tighter, brushing her snout through the distraught filly’s mane. “Oh, Sugarcube…”
The sunlight, a focused ray of gold beaming through the window, fanned out into oblivion. Applejack rocked Apple Bloom gently from side to side as the room darkened around them. Eventually, the cries subsided into whimpers and the occasional sob.
Apple Bloom slumped against the warm body that held her tight, breathing softly through her mouth. Her head felt swollen like a balloon from her crying, and a steady ache worked its way into her entire frame. She could have fallen asleep right then and there, fevered and fatigued…
“Apple Bloom.”
Applejack said her name. Her eyes, stuck together with the muck of dried tears, peeled open. She felt the arms around her loosen their tight grip.
“Sweetheart…” she heard Applejack again. Then, her sister released her completely, setting both forelegs down on either side of her. Apple Bloom suddenly found herself having to support her own weight, making her stumble a bit. But before she could fall over, Applejack placed a hoof on her shoulder to keep her steady. Apple Bloom looked up, to see that her sister’s appearance was oddly neutral. In fact, it was almost as though the tongue lashing she knew she would be getting wasn’t coming after all…
“Sugarcube… Ah want you to come with me,” she spoke gently. “We’re gonna go for a walk.”
Such a simple statement. So innocent, said as though they were about to go for an afternoon stroll. Apple Bloom knew better. She swallowed, feeling another ball of warm phlegm that was stuck to the inside of her throat, and nodded.
“O-Okay,” she replied. It wasn’t as though she felt like she had any choice. A ghost of a smile played out on Applejack’s lips, and she nodded back with approval.
“Okay.” She walked over to the bed, passing her. Apple Bloom didn’t turn her head around, as if having curiosity would get her into even deeper trouble. She heard some shuffling behind her, and when Applejack came back, she was wearing Apple Bloom’s saddlebag on her back.
“Alrighty. Come on.” Applejack cocked her head toward the door. Apple Bloom said nothing, but followed her out of the room, eyeing the saddlebag on her sister’s back with an inquisitive stare. She nearly asked why Applejack was carrying her bag with her, but held her tongue.
The hallway seemed to stretch like a cord of rubber, lengthening with each step. The sensation made Apple Bloom dizzy, so she used the wall to her right as a guide to keep herself straight. Applejack walked only a couple of steps in front of her, but the distance appeared longer to her than it actually was.
When they reached the stairs, Apple Bloom felt as though she were about to tumble down them head over hooves, wobbly and weak at the knees. Once again, she hugged the wall for balance, but keeping her center was a challenge. She sniffled, mentally pushing aside the dread that iced her veins. The coldness was only magnified when Applejack opened the front door, letting in a draft of early autumn air. Goosebumps formed on her skin.
“Yeesh. Sun’s almost completely down.” Applejack peered at the horizon through the crack in the door. Where the sun had once been, it had left behind little more than tinge of pink and a gilded frame around the few clouds which remained in the sky. “It’s gettin’ later than Ah thought.”
Apple Bloom didn’t reply. She stayed back a few steps, stomach sinking in tandem with the sun’s descent. Applejack stepped outside, but propped the door open with a back hoof to let Apple Bloom out. She was hesitant to accept the invitation, but eventually she forced one leg in front of the other until she felt nothing but dirt beneath her hooves.
Applejack let the door swing shut with a small click and continued forward. Apple Bloom waited until she was a short ways away before she followed suit, staring at the ground. A slight breeze washed cool air over her back, making her shiver. Applejack looked over her shoulder and addressed her with a tilt of her head.
“Come on, sis.” She gestured to the spot beside her. “Ah can’t talk to ya if you’re way back there.”
Apple Bloom pulled her head up from the ground. Applejack was smiling at her, but just barely. Even so, Apple Bloom didn’t have the nerve to disobey what she felt was some kind of order, despite the relaxed tone in her sister’s voice. She sidled up to her reluctantly, still shivering. Once she was there, Applejack resumed her course, walking down the path with Apple Bloom at her side.
About a minute, perhaps two, went by without a word exchanged. The moon took up residence in the sun’s place, a waxing gibbous that illuminated the path and the surrounding field. For Apple Bloom, it felt quite strange that the two of them were out at this time of the day, walking together under a moonlit sky. Usually, by this time she would have been seated at the kitchen table, doing her math homework or reading a book…
“Sugarcube…”
Applejack interrupted her musings. At the mention of her nickname, her ears perked up, suddenly on the alert.
“… Ah’d be lyin’ if Ah didn’t admit Ah was mad. When you showed me that bun, Ah mean.” She was speaking down at an angle to make herself easier to hear. “Ah guess you can say that Ah felt… betrayed. Like… like Ah’d just been stabbed through the back with a bale hook.”
That description was enough to make Apple Bloom wince. She closed her eyes and nodded her head, whispering under her breath, “Ah’m sorry, sis…”
“Ah know y’are.” Applejack replied, keeping her voice level. “And y’know…in a way, you were kinda right. Ah… Ah wasn’t wrong to be mad. Hay,” she chuckled, “if Ah wasn’t, Ah think that would mean there’s something wrong with me.”
The little traces of amusement or mirth didn’t translate over to her younger sibling, whose face remained stoic and solemn. Applejack cleared her throat.
“…but Ah wasn’t mad fer the reasons you might think.” Applejack suddenly stopped in the middle of the path without warning. Apple Bloom’s response time was a little delayed, but she halted in turn. “Ah was mad, sure, but Ah was mad because o’ one, simple thing. Because this…”
Applejack reached into the saddlebag she was carrying and pulled out the flattened, stale pecan bun and held it in her hoof. Apple Bloom sucked in a sharp breath of air.
“…this ain’t you. Ah know you, sis. And you know what? Ah know you’re better than what you did today. What you did was real bad, don’t get me wrong, but…”
“No Ah ain’t.”
Apple Bloom cut her off mid-sentence. No sooner had she done so than she began to turn away, as if ashamed of her outburst. Applejack frowned.
“Ain’t what?”
Apple Bloom took a moment to answer. She shook her head slowly, tracing a small line in the dirt path beneath her hooves. “No Ah ain’t. Ah… Ah ain’t better ‘n that.”
Her statement hung in the air between them like a noose. Applejack pursed her lips, appearing deep in thought. “Why not, sis? What makes you say that?”
Apple Bloom sniffled, swiping a stray tear off her cheek and gritting her teeth together. “C-Cuz Ah already stole before. Ah… Ah took the heart’s desire from Zecora back when Ah was tryin’ to get my cutie mark, a-and now today Ah took the pecan bun from Sugarcube Corner…”
The more she spoke, the softer her voice became until it was barely audible. Regardless, Applejack made up for the loss of volume by leaning her head in closer.
“… and Ah ain’t like the rest of y’all. Y’all don’t cheat nopony, never. But Ah-Ah ain’t honest like you, or Granny, or Big Macintosh. A-and… Ah don’t feel like an Apple. Ah d-don’t think Ah really b—”
“Stop that right now,” Applejack said, giving her a stern glare. Apple Bloom was silenced immediately, shrinking into the ground as more tears began to form in her eyes. “Don’t… don’t you ever talk like that, y’hear?”
There was a warbling undertone in her voice. Apple Bloom lowered her head so far down that her snout touched the dusty path.
Applejack’s hoof below her chin, lifting up her head until she was looking at her face to face. From how close they were, the moonlight’s reflection off the surface of her eyes could be seen.
“No matter what you did, no matter what you do, you’ll always be a part of the family. You’ll always be an Apple.” She reached out and wrapped a hoof gently around Apple Bloom’s withers, bringing her in close. The filly accepted the hug with closed eyes. “Even the best of us make mistakes, or do things that we feel guilty about. But that don’t make us bad ponies, sweetheart. An’ it don’t make you a bad pony, neither.”
Apple Bloom felt the foreleg around her shoulders tighten its grip. She sniffled again. “Ah… Ah know. But Ah still don’t - hic! - feel right…”
Applejack nuzzled her cheek. “Ah know. An’ it’s alright if you feel guilty, still. That just means your heart’s in the right place.” She kissed Apple Bloom on the top of her head. “But don’t let that guilt beat you down. Don’t let it make you think that you ain’t worthy of forgiveness, cuz you are.”
Apple Bloom listened closely to Applejack’s whispered words. The warmth of her sister’s breath on her ear made it twitch.
“And Ah forgive you, sis. Ah do.” She loosened her hold and allowed Apple Bloom to lean back a ways until they were eye to eye. “Okay?”
Despite Applejack’s reassuring smile, Apple Bloom could not keep the nerve to look her in the eyes. Instead, she seemed to stare through her and into the nighttime sky, deep in thought.
It wasn’t that she didn’t believe Applejack, of course. But if her churning stomach was anything to go by, there was something that wasn’t settling right with her. In a way, it all seemed too easy. Like she’d been convicted of robbery, only to be set loose at the end of the trial, to roam the streets once more…
Finally, she answered. “Okay.”
Applejack’s smile widened, but just a bit. However, it strangely disappeared as fast as it had come. She turned around, hooves scraping lightly over the dirt, and took a deep breath.
“Okay,” she repeated. She closed her eyes. “Ah’m glad, sis. But…”
There it was. The catch, the exception. The unfinished business. This wasn’t going to be easy, after all.
“… But Ah ain’t the only pony you need to apologize to.”
At that instant, all the moisture evaporated off her tongue as though it had been under a heat lamp, leaving her mouth dry as sand and her throat coarse as keeled scales. Apple Bloom’s legs seized up underneath her, and her pupils, widened as they were by the darkness, shrank to the size of pinheads.
Suddenly, it all became clear. Why it hadn’t been before, she didn’t know, but now it seemed so obvious. Their walk had a purpose, and its destination was a place she would have given anything to avoid. The hairs over her body went rigid.
“Applejack…” she croaked. “Ah… Ah d—”
She trailed off, giving up on any effort to speak. No good would come of it, anyway. She hung her head.
Applejack smiled sadly, and in a curt nod, pointed down the path with her head.
“We ain’t got much time ‘til Sugarcube Corner closes.” She started forward. “Let’s go, AB.”
…
Apple Bloom walked as though she were being pulled on a chain leash. She swallowed bile that bubbled up from her stomach and into her throat, resisting the urge to heave at the prospect of what she was going to do.
Ponyville’s streetlights obscured the stars as they walked onto Main Street. Being in the town’s main square after dark was a rare experience for her, and she was surprised at how much it gave her the creeps. Truth be told, it was not that late, but she and her sister were nearly the only ponies left outside. Had it not been for the light glowing in many of the windows on either side of the street, she would have expected a tumbleweed to barrel across the cobblestone in front of her…
And then, just like that, there it was: the smell. The enticing aroma of sugar and glaze, of cinnamon and cocoa, all complimenting one another in a harmonious symphony of smells that could tempt even the most strong-willed of ponies.
This time, Apple Bloom nearly did throw up. She pressed a hoof over her cheeks as her abdomen clenched, and she could feel the acidic burn on the back of her throat. But somehow, she restrained herself just enough to get away with only a quiet, dry heave before the sensation subsided.
Apparently, the small sounds made by her stomach’s grisly efforts had not gone unnoticed. Applejack stopped for a moment, concern written on her face, to ask, “Y’ okay, sis?”
Apple Bloom still had a hoof clutched around her lower belly, and her face was locked into a long-lasting grimace. Still, she nodded her head.
“Yeah. Ah’m f-fine…” She looked up from the road, but no sooner had she done so that she found herself staring at the dust on her hooves once more. Right in front of her, the candy cane columns and gingerbread overhang framed Sugarcube Corner’s front door. Beside it, the ground floor window still glowed, and faint silhouettes could be seen moving within.
Applejack turned around, closing the small gap between them with a couple of steps. Apple Bloom glanced in her direction, but still resumed her examination of the cobblestone.
“Alright…” Applejack reached around her shoulder and picked the saddlebag off her back. “It still looks open, but Pinkie’s probably closing up shop real soon. Here…”
She set the bag gently over Apple Bloom’s croup, giving the strap a slight tug to make sure it wouldn’t fall off. The filly made no movement, standing solemn and still as though she were being prepped for execution. Applejack tapped the pouch on the right.
“The pecan bun’s in there, okay?” she said. Apple Bloom gave a slow, single nod.
“O—Okay,” she said, closing her eyes. Her front legs tensed up in an effort to stop from shaking. She felt Applejack’s hoof run through her mane.
“You can do it, sis,” she encouraged. “Just show her the bun, tell her what you did, and say that you’re sorry and that you won’t do it again. Alright?”
The instructions were simple enough. But that didn’t make the task any less daunting to Apple Bloom than it already was. She went over the steps in her head, breathing in deep to calm herself down, but the harder she focused, the faster her heart drummed in her chest. Confessing her crime to her sister had been one of the scariest experiences of her young life, and to be faced with doing it all over again was even more terrifying.
“Alr… Alright,” she replied with a hiccup. Applejack responded by giving her a small nuzzle on the base of her neck, a comfort which she gladly accepted.
“Good.” She took a step off to the side, leaving the path to the door wide and clear. “Ah’ll be right behind you. Ah won’t say anything because Ah want you to do this on your own, but Ah’ll be right here for you.”
And that was that. The conclusion of the sentence meant only one thing: her time was up. It was time for Apple Bloom to ascend the gallows. She gulped and blinked back a threatening tear.
“Okay… Thanks,” she added in after some pause. At this point, even the smallest of comforts were much appreciated. Steeling herself, she made the first step towards the door,.
Thinking back as far as she could remember, she realized that she had never seen Pinkie Pie angry. Sad, perhaps, but never angry. But after tonight, that was a fact that was likely to change. Vivid images of Pinkie’s face, her brow scrunched downward at her and her piercing eyes fixing her to the floor, flashed in front of her eyes like a projector screen.
And why wouldn’t she be mad? she thought to herself. You betrayed her. She did something nice for you, and you repay her by stealing from her shop?
Her blood thickened into paste in her veins, making every step more difficult on her way to the door. Applejack’s hoofsteps behind her assured that there was no going back. Nowhere to go but forward, nothing but to accept her fate…
She pushed the door open with one hoof, and with a steely glare of determination, set hoof inside the dreaded building once more.
The cheerful jingle of a silver bell announced her arrival. Its happy tone was a betrayal in and of itself, a false promise to the shop’s occupant that something good was on its way. Apple Bloom scanned the bakery from left to right, looking for Pinkie.
In the process, her eyes inevitably came across it again: the platter of pecan cinnamon swirl buns. Or, that is, what was left of it. Out of the once mighty pyramid of sweets only a few remained on the plate, but the sight of them was still enough to bring the memories of her bad deed to mind.
Fortunately, Apple Bloom did not have to reflect for long. The kitchen door swung open, and Pinkie Pie came rushing in, taking a spot behind the glass display counter.
“Welcome to Sugarcube Corner, how may I—” She saw the two of them standing there and immediately stopped. The pink pony tilted her head. “Oh. Didn’t expect it to be you girls again. What’re you doing back here so late? I’m closing up shop in fifteen minutes and I…”
“Hold on there for a second, Pinkie.” Applejack held up a hoof to stop her before she could get to rambling, as she was sometimes wont to do. “Ah’m sorry if we mighta came in at a bad time, but do you got a few minutes?”
Pinkie glanced between Applejack and Apple Bloom. Her poofy mane was slightly more frazzled than usual, and the question made her shift her hooves over to the kitchen door like she was prepared to make a run for it.
“Uh…” Her front hooves did a little dance on the floor. “…Uhh, yeah, that’s fine. What’s up? Oh no,” she gasped, “I didn’t give you the wrong recipe, did I? Ohmigosh, I’m so sorry! I’ve just been scatterbrained lately since the Cakes left me in ch—”
“No, no, not at all, Pinkie,” Applejack quickly dismissed her worries. “Don’t worry, that’s fine. We’re here because of… well, something else. Somethin’ my sister needs to tell ya.”
Apple Bloom’s lungs seized up, and it suddenly became hard to breathe. She waited for a little while in silence, half-expecting her sister to say something further, when she felt something pushing against her flank. Already in a tense state, she resisted it on instinct, but Applejack was much stronger, and she was soon standing right in the middle of the room. Apple Bloom looked behind her as Applejack retreated back to the wall, leaving her all alone in the middle of the room.
Her eyes widened, as if pleading. Applejack would have none of it. She gestured to Pinkie with a nudge of her snout.
“Go on,” she said. A ghostlike smile flashed on her lips for the briefest moment before sternness returned. Apple Bloom froze for a second, feeling a chill set upon her. Then, she turned her head to face Pinkie once more.
The other mare remained behind the counter. Her raised eyebrows and wrinkled forehead made it clear that she was puzzled by what was going on.
“What’s the matter? Is everything okay?” she asked, first to Applejack, and then to the filly standing right in front of her. “Apple Bloom?”
Pinkie’s mentioning of her name nearly caused her to jump. Apple Bloom suddenly found herself staring right into the older mare’s eyes, two blue orbs that gazed right back at her without waver.
Apple Bloom swallowed air. Her mouth had gone dry quite a while ago. She took in a shuddering breath through her nose, held it in her lungs, and released it in one, long sigh. This was it; the time had come.
And then, she spoke.
“Pinkie Pie…” She just barely managed to get the name out of her mouth. “…Ah got something… Ah-Ah got something…”
Another pause. She was at war with her nerves, and her nerves were winning. She took another breath, and continued while Pinkie waited.
“Ah have to t-tell you s… somethin’ th-that Ah… Ah…”
Frozen again. She couldn’t get the words out. It seemed like every time she tried, she’d choke up. She berated herself in her own head, tried to force herself to spit it out, but the words stuck to the lining of her throat like wet paper. She didn’t have to look to know that Applejack was probably glaring at her from behind. Pinkie Pie, on the other hoof, was frowning, unsure of what to think.
“Yeeeaah?” Pinkie craned her neck forward and squinted her eyes. “What is it? You can tell me, it’s okay…”
Apple Bloom began to shiver. Escape from this was not an option, and she knew that very well. But fear and shame made her dumb, and she didn’t know how to snap herself out of it.
There was only one other option. If she couldn’t say it…
In a swift motion, Apple Bloom reached around to her saddlebag and grabbed tight hold of the strap. Partly from frustration, she tossed the bag violently over her shoulder, causing it to land with a loud thwap on the tile floor. Both Applejack and Pinkie jolted from the impact.
“Um… you okay? What are you doing?” Pinkie walked out from behind the counter. Apple Bloom did not respond, oblivious to anything else around her except the task at hoof. She grabbed the flap of the right side pouch in her teeth and flipped it open.
Pinkie Pie exchanged a glance with Applejack at the other side of the room. The farm mare pointed wordlessly back to Apple Bloom, whose head was now in the pouch of the saddlebag. Pinkie frowned. “Something wrong? Did I do s—”
She stopped dead in her tracks. Apple Bloom’s head emerged from the bag with something held in her teeth. She dropped it onto the floor, and it rolled toward Pinkie until coming to a halt at her hoof.
Pinkie’s eyes locked onto the pecan bun. Apple Bloom watched her closely, making herself small.
For a moment, the other mare’s face was blank. The bun lay face up, the glistening icing and what bits of pecan that hadn’t fallen off already on full display. Her brow furrowed down.
“Heyy, is that… that’s one of the Cake’s pecan cinnamon swirl buns…” She observed in a puzzled tone.
Now, the damage had been done; after all the dreading and waiting on the edge of what she couldn’t escape, there was nothing left to hide anymore. Apple Bloom closed her eyes to suck in treacherous tears, and nodded.
“Ah-Ah know… Ah…” She swallowed a sob. “Ah stole it.”
The revelation brought the tension in the room to the point where it could be felt like static in the air. The words took a second to sink into Pinkie’s brain, and when they did, her jaw dropped.
“Stole? Y-You… when did you…?” Pinkie pointed to the bun, and then to Apple Bloom, and then back to the bun. “How’d you, I mean, how…”
“Ah took it from the plate when you ‘n Applejack were in the kitchen.” Apple Bloom mercifully cut her question short. “Ah just…”
She stopped herself before the words could leave her lips. Now was not the time for excuses, but for apologies. No more beating around the bush. She chastised herself in her head, and tried again.
“…Ah’m sorry for stealing from you, Pinkie Pie,” she said. “Ah’m really sorry. Y’all tried to do somethin’ nice for me, a-and Ah…”
More lousy tears. Apple Bloom gritted her teeth, wiped them away, and continued.
“…Ah still stole from you, all just ‘cause Ah was mad. Th-That ain’t right. Ah b-betrayed you… It wasn’t your fault, i-it wasn’t anypony’s fault. Ah’m… sorry Ah was a – hic! – thief.” Apple Bloom choked on the last word like it was poison. “An’ Ah promise Ah won’t never steal from you, or from anypony ever again. Ah promise. Ah promise…”
She punctuated her vow with a loud sniffle. During her apology, she had put forth her best effort to look Pinkie in the eye as she spoke, but she soon found herself right back where she had started: face downcast, eyes shut, and head nearly touching the tile.
Now that Apple Bloom had said everything that was necessary, she waited. Waited for Pinkie to penetrate the silence. Waited for the shrillness of her angry voice to cut the air and her heart in one slash.
Her expectation only made the reality that much more shocking.
“…Pinkie Promise?”
Apple Bloom’s ears twitched. Her eyes snapped open. “Huh?”
“You know…” Pinkie’s voice again. Strange; it didn’t exactly sound very angry. “… Stick a cupcake in your eye?”
Apple Bloom lifted her head. She was greeted with the sight of Pinkie standing right over her, only a couple of steps away. She gasped a little, almost jumping back a step from surprise.
But before she could react, there was something that popped out at her. It seemed so out of place at a time like this, but there it was anyway; Pinkie was smiling.
“Well, do ya?” she asked again. It still took some time for what Pinkie was asking for to sink in, but after a moment or two, Apple Bloom understood. She affirmed her emphatically, nodding like a bobble head.
“Oh, oh, yeah yeah, of course, uhh…” Apple Bloom went over the crucial steps in her head, trying to remember all of the times she’d seen her sister or her friends make the promise with an irrational desperation, on the verge of panic.
“C-Cross my heart, uhh…” She sat down on her haunches and drew an X over her chest while trying to remember the next line. “Uh… Cross my heart, a-and…”
“Hope to fly,” Pinkie added in, her smile widening. Apple Bloom moaned, slapping herself in the forehead. How could she have forgotten that?
“Oh yeah, duh! Sorry… Cross my heart, hope to fly…” she made sure her right eye was closed before jabbing it with her hoof. “… s-stick a cupcake in my eye?”
She ended the swear in a sort of question, still not quite sure of herself. Fortunately for her, Pinkie nodded in approval.
“Yep! You got it,” she replied. Her tone was oddly cheerful. “I forgive you, Apple Bloom.”
Then, there was another last thing Pinkie did that seemed totally out of place; she reached out, wrapped her forelegs around her, and pulled Apple Bloom into a crushing bear hug.
The suddenness of the gesture took Apple Bloom completely aback. She had no time to react, Pinkie’s limbs moving like a blur as they enveloped her. In fact, for a span of a few moments Apple Bloom even found it a little difficult to breathe.
Luckily, the hug did not last for very long. Pinkie let go of her and scooted back, leaving Apple Bloom by herself on the floor with her mouth opened in shock.
“B-But… wh-why’d, why did ya, why’re y—” Her lips were moving, but no sound came out. Not sound that was coherent, anyway. Pinkie gave her an amused grin.
“Why what?” she asked. Apple Bloom made her confusion apparent, holding her forelegs out in a gesture to the stale bun, which was lying a few hoofsteps away from them both.
“Well, y-you, Ah mean… Ah just thought you’d be, y’know…” Apple Bloom winced. Now that things had turned out far from what she had expected, it almost seemed an insult to Pinkie’s character to admit. “…mad at me. You know, for stealing and bein’ a rotten thief, an’ takin’ advantage of you…”
Such a suggestion seemed absurd to Pinkie, who shook her head adamantly. “Mad? Oh, no no! I’m not mad, Apple Bloom. Disappointed, sure, but not mad. And whoa whoa whoa, hold on for just a second there!” She held out her hoof like a pony directing a line of carriages to stop. “You are not, I repeat not a ‘rotten thief.’ You’re a great filly! It doesn’t mean you’re a bad pony just because you do something bad. We all have bad days, right? I mean, look at me! I get bad days all the time!”
Pinkie giggled. Despite herself, the humor broke through the lingering shame, causing Apple Bloom to laugh right along with her. Pinkie dipped her head down until they were both at the same eye level.
“Everypony makes mistakes. Believe me, I would know,” she said with another chuckle. “Okay?”
Apple Bloom simpered. Already, her breathing felt less labored and heavy. All of the fear that had been pressing down on her lifted off like a bushel of apples from her back.
“Okay,” she replied. Pinkie was glad.
“Good. But…” She wrinkled her chin in a slight grimace. “… I’m still going need the three bits. Cuz, you know, I can’t exactly sell that poor pecan cinnamon swirl bun to another customer now that it’s been everywhere.”
And just like that, the smile fell right away from Apple Bloom’s face. Granted, she should have expected that much, but for whatever reason, it still came as an unpleasant surprise. Nonetheless, she pursed her lips in stoic acceptance and nodded her head with understanding.
“Ah know... Ah promise Ah’ll pay for it as soon as Ah can. Ah don’t got any money with me right now, but Ah get my allowance this T—”
“Hold on there a minute, Sugarcube.”
Applejack piped up from the other side of the room, interrupting before she could finish. Both Pinkie Pie and Apple Bloom’s heads whirled around at the sound of her voice; she’d been so quiet that they’d both forgotten she was there at all. She frowned and shook her head at her sister.
“You ain’t using your allowance money to pay for it. That’s a privilege, not a guarantee,” she said sternly. “You’re gonna have to earn that money, sis.”
Apple Bloom’s countenance fell at the declaration. The word ‘earn’ carried a negative connotation in her mind, especially where hard work was concerned. And in their family, hard work lived up to its name. She sighed, but resigned herself without a fuss.
“Sorry… Yes, Applejack.” She turned to Pinkie. “Ah’ll pay for it as soon as Ah’ve earned the money, Ah promise. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”
She did the necessary gestures with her hoof. Pinkie patted her on the head.
“Thanks, Apple Bloom. I know you w—” She trailed off abruptly. A hoof drifted up to her chin, striking a contemplative pose. “Hmm…”
The sudden switch of tone brought a sense of unease to the room. A shallow V formed on Apple Bloom’s brow.
“Uhh…” She sounded nervous.“What is it, Pinkie Pie?”
At first, Pinkie made no indication that she had heard the question. She stared at the kitchen door, a thin, almost mischievous grin spreading on her lips. Then, she replied.
“So, I uh…” She paused. Her smile turned sheepish. “…Tomorrow’s gonna be a really busy day for me, because I got a huge order to fill for Dinky Doo’s birthday party. Her mom’s really pulling out all the stops since she didn’t have one last year, so there’s gonna be a lot to do. But after I fill it…”
She turned to the two Apple sisters with a giggle. “…There’s gonna be a lot of dishes to wash. And not just from that order, either. I’ve always been up super late this week ‘cause I don’t get a lot of time to do them during the day… you know, ‘cause the Cakes are still gone and all that… and tomorrow I was planning on pulling an all-nighter. But now… I’m thinking, you know…”
Pinkie tapped her hooves together. She winked at Apple Bloom.
“…maybe if I got some help?”
…
The moon’s glow was unobstructed by the cloudless sky. Its light was needed, as many of the glowing windows along Main Street had gone dark, leaving only the occasional street lamps to illuminate the road. Every hoofstep was amplified by the empty streets, an odd echo which reverberated around town like the inside of a yawning cavern.
Neither Apple Bloom nor Applejack had said anything since they’d left. Though, to be honest, there really wasn’t much else to say, after all. The apology had been made, and the sentence had been delivered. Helping Pinkie Pie scrub an endless mound of pans and mixing bowls after school was ruled a reasonable penance for her crime. Perhaps it was not quite what Applejack had in mind, but there was no arguing with the idea of serving the pony she’d wronged directly. If anything, it was better.
The arrangements had been made; Apple Bloom would come in right after school and wash anything that needed it, and would continue to do so until after closing. Of course, Pinkie would show her the ropes and make sure she did a good job. After it was all done, Pinkie would consider the stolen bun paid for.
“Thanks a lot, Apple Bloom! Have a good day at school tomorrow!” The pink pony had said, wishing her well as they’d walked out the door. She’d said it with great cheer, as though Apple Bloom had volunteered out of the goodness of her own heart rather than an obligation.
Instead of anger, she’d been met with nothing but kindness. Kindness that, quite frankly, she did not think she deserved…
“Y’know, sis… Ah’ve been thinking. About earlier, when we were talkin’ on the way.”
Applejack spoke beside her. The suddenness of it caught Bloom’s attention immediately. She perked one ear up while the other remained folded on her head.
“And… Ah realized something.” She stepped forward and leaned her head in, crossing her neck over Apple Bloom’s in an affectionate nuzzle. Her bottom lip quivered.
“Ah never told you how proud Ah am o’ you. For tellin’ me the truth, Ah mean,” she added. “O’ course, y’know Ah’m always proud o’ you, no matter what. But Ah really, really mean it, Sugarcube. Ah-Ah’m...”
She sniffed, wrapping her foreleg around Apple Bloom’s neck. The filly was taken unawares, but found herself melting right into it anyway.
“No matter what you do, don’t ever think you ain’t one of us. Don’t ever think you ain’t an Apple. You’re my sister, and Ah couldn’t be more proud o’ you. And…”
She let go, scooting back a step. For the first time that night, Apple Bloom actually dared to look up at her.
“Ah know you’re still feelin’ guilty. You haven’t said a word since we left,” she observed, brow creasing down with worry. “Hay, you’ve been draggin’ your hooves so bad Ah can see the scuff marks behind you. But Apple Bloom... Ah forgive you. Pinkie Pie forgives you. And now…”
Their noses almost touched as Applejack spoke softly to her, face to face. Apple Bloom never took her eyes off of her.
“…now, you just gotta forgive yourself.”
Silence let the words sink in. Apple Bloom blinked once. Twice. Her mouth hung open, but no words formed on her lips. Applejack stroked her once over the top of her head, playing with the frills of her pink bow. Finally, she broke the odd silence, turning herself around. She beckoned to Apple Bloom with a hoof.
“C’mon, sis.” She pointed to her back. “Climb on. Ah’ll carry you back home.”
Apple Bloom’s eyes widened. Blankness was all that registered on her expression for a minute, but as Applejack insisted again with another jab of her hoof, she complied.
“Uhh, Ah, uh… alright…” she stammered. With reluctance stemming from embarrassment, she stepped up to Applejack’s side. Applejack helped her up onto her back, fumbling awkwardly with all four of her limbs until Apple Bloom had a good grip around her sister's neck. She felt the warmth from Applejack's coat radiate upward, causing her to grasp tighter as a cool breeze washed over her.
“You comfortable?” she heard Applejack ask. She nodded once.
“Yeah…” she buried her face in Applejack’s ponytail. The last time she’d taken a spot on her sister’s back had been a while ago, and she’d forgotten how soft her mane really was. Applejack smiled.
“Good. Now let’s get home.”
Apple Bloom in tow, she started forward, leaving Ponyville behind.
In spite of the cold, the rolling feeling of being carried acted as a silent lullaby. Warmth from underneath her shielded her from the cool breeze, and Applejack’s hoofsteps tapped a steady rhythm on the dirt.
The same phrase played back in her head, over and over again like a pony's voice speaking right into her ear. Only this time, the voice was her own.
Now, you just gotta forgive yourself…
It was so dark that she didn’t even notice her eyes close.
…
Twenty minutes passed before Applejack stepped through the front door.
The soft glow of a candle flickered in the living room corner, illuminating Big Macintosh. He was seated in the big armchair with a book in his hooves, and upon seeing his two sisters emerge through the front door, he fixed Applejack with a fiery glare.
“Now where in the hay have you b—”
He stopped himself short of finishing. His pupils dilated when he saw the still form of Apple Bloom, fast asleep on Applejack’s back. A gentle snore came from her throat. Applejack held a hoof over her mouth in a shushing gesture.
“Ah’ll tell you in a bit.” She headed for the stairs. “Shh…”
She walked on the tips of her hooves, creeping up the stairs like a cat so as not to jostle Apple Bloom from her back. Big Mac watched with an eyebrow raised in puzzlement, but said nothing.
Applejack pushed open her sister’s bedroom door and snuck inside. She clenched her teeth together in concentration and lifted Apple Bloom, saddlebag and all, off her back, setting her down onto the comforter as gently as she could with her head resting on the pillow. The girl’s ear twitched, but she didn’t move. Her snoring resumed.
Applejack wiped a bead of sweat from her forehead in relief. Moving quickly and quietly, she slid the saddlebag off of her back and set it at the foot of the bed, careful not to make any noise. Then, grabbing the corner of the blanket, she pulled it over Apple Bloom’s body, wrapping her like a cocoon. She stroked a hoof over her head, which poked out of the covers.
“Sleep tight, sis,” she whispered. “You’ve got a big day tomorrow.”
She kissed Apple Bloom on the cheek. No response. Applejack glided over to the door.
“Ah love you, Apple Bloom."
Creaking of the hinges.
"More than anything."
The door clicked shut.
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This was a really touching chapter. I figured Pinkie wouldn't be mad with Apple Bloom, but I really liked that Apple Bloom was so mad at herself.
I really liked how Applejack told her that after Pinkie and she forgave Apple Bloom, the only one left was for Apple Bloom to forgive herself. It's nice that she has such a strong moral compass.
4458443
Thanks, I'm glad you liked it! I tried to convey Apple Bloom's little war with herself without making it sound so drawn out, but for some reason, I feel like I rushed it instead.
In my opinion, Apple Bloom's the kind of character that would fall into a guilt trip for this kind of situation because of her desire to please her family, so I wanted to describe that without going overboard. Judging from the 8000 word count, I'm not sure if I did that exactly, but oh well. Live and learn, I guess.
Oh, and thanks for the follow, as well!
4458573 Well, mission accomplished. AB's internal struggle felt very real, and it didn't feel rushed at all. I really liked how Applejack felt betrayed by her little sister's dishonesty rather than angry. I know she was angry, but the feeling of betrayal was stronger.
Apple Bloom also strikes me as a character that wants to please her family. You didn't go overboard, though I understand your concern with the word count. I worry about posting chapters that are too long. The longest I have is at the 10k mark.
Still, you did a great job and it wasn't too much, and you are quite welcome. I look forward to checking out some of your other stories.
Wow. This story is such a masterpiece because I'm sure there are some bronies out there that can relate to what Apple Bloom was going through: how she stole something, feels horrible about it, returns what she stole but still doesn't have the guts to forgive herself for it. They should totally make this into an episode of the show, it's just so realistic and well written!
Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful...
4459875
4460670
Saying it feels like an episode from the show is a pretty great compliment, so thank you! I'm glad you guys thought it was relatable and well-written. For me, it's sometimes hard to know, especially since my head's been kinda cloudy lately.
4461032
Thanks, glad you liked it!
4461420
I wish I could write like this.
It was a bit hoof-draggy, but a satisfying conclusion nonetheless.
good work Arwhale.
4469573
Dang nabbit. I kind of felt like it was, even based solely on the word count (8000 words... lolwhut), but I'd already been delayed so much with writing the chapter that I just decided to publish it anyway. Lesson learned.
Glad you found it satisfying anyway! I'll be getting to your story prompt idea at some point, but I'm still working on Hoof Covers Bruise and my dark Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo story for right now. They're going to take me some time, but I'll get to your story as soon as I can after that!
Thanks for reading!
4476787
I look forward to all of that.
Have a like, a fav, a feature rec, and a ribbon, my fine aquatic author.
i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png
4518501
Thanks a ton! Means a lot, especially since this one hasn't been as popular with people, it seems.
4510709
Yeah, suspense is kind of my forte, I'm not gonna lie. That's why a bunch of people got mad (and rightfully so) when I cancelled Heaven Nor Hell. It had a bunch of really cool suspense, but the story itself wasn't going to work out.
Hope you like the conclusion, too! And don't worry, Fimfic screws us all over at some point.
4518889
You're very welcome
I did! Sorry I never got to comment; finished it on the bus. Was definitely worth the read and the whole incident was handled in a really mature way, considering, y'know... Pinkie. The suspense in the rest of the fic made AB's total guilt absolutely genuine to read, too, which is why I was rooting for such a clean resolution
4545647
Sweet! Glad you liked it. I know it was a good bunch of words to slog through, but I'm glad you thought it was worth it, anyway!
Now, I'm just gonna try and get it accepted onto EQD, but I dunno if that'll work out. We shall see!
Very solidly done, you really beautifully capture the feeling of a young child.
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4159135
I actually came here to point out the exact same thing...
Let me be clear: I do not think that you intended to "steal" anything. My fic has what, a hundred views? It got rejected from EqD nearly two years ago. When I saw this pop up on EqD, I was a little bit irked (i'm actually kinda flattered that someone remembered my story). But now I'm just amused.
I haven't read your story yet, but I'll get around to it! You know what they say: great minds think alike (although I can say with full certainty that your mind is greater than mine
).
Godspeed and God bless,
Dubs
This was a very nice story and it taught some very important lessons. Good job. I liked how you made Apple Bloom act and feel because of her overwhelming guilt.
I'm once again reminded why I started following you in the first place. Your stories always feel so tangible and real to me. I remember the times I messed up as a kid and pretty much got the same lecture and treatment as Apple Bloom did. Brought a lot of warm, slightly embarrassing feelings back. It's a weird feeling, but a good one. I always remember my mom telling me that there was never something so bad that I wouldn't be able to tell it to my family, and whatever happened, family would never give up on each other. Thanks for taking me back to those feelings. It's been too long.
Damn you. Now I'm crying.
This was excellent. You paced this story perfectly, stretching out and showing the scenes that required such. I'm very glad I took the time to read your story.
Nitpicks:
Just imagine how devastated poor Bloom will feel when she finally learns that's Applejack's nickname for every pony.
From what I understand, the bun has been in its bag for most of the day. From what I understand, this is happening about an hour after suppertime. In the first chapter, Pinkie mentioned that, if Applejack were to buy a bun, it would still be fresh after suppertime. Shouldn't the bun still be fresh?
the stories real good, the characters are well developed and i was pretty emmersed in the story. love it
Congratulations on getting posted on EQD!!
This chapter legitimately made me cry. The way you handled the conflict was very sweet and believable. You have just gained another like, favorite, and watch from me.
Great story. Not too many fics can get into the mind of a child this well.
Man. This resolved so well, and it's all so realistic. I could practically feel Applebloom's emotions.
Growing up, I never wanted to do anything wrong or get scolded and I had a pretty good sense of moral. The word "no" or "don't" didn't go well with me, because it always made me think that perhaps I did something wrong - even if that "something" was causing the other person to feel like they had to say something. For example, if I was standing next to a large vase or something but I didn't even notice it - let alone wanna do anything to it - and yet someone saw me and said, "Ah - please don't touch that, okay?" in a polite but slightly concerned tone - I'd feel like I did what they asked me not to do simply because I was told not to do it, and it filled me with unneccesary worry and/or guilt.
So naturally, I know how it feels to do something wrong and feel bad for it. And even if everyone forgives you, that doesn't change the fact hat you did something wrong. If someone says "I forgive you" but then says, "But unfortunately you need to make up for it somehow", the idea of 'making up for it' only drills it deeper in your mind that you did something wrong, and it almost comes across as a punishment.
Things like that always made me feel very bad. I'm just glad I wasn't actually Applebloom. :)
Nice story. Well done. I enjoy slice-of-life things like this.
4612985
Not gonna lie... that does sound like it would be pretty irritating to see. Glad there are no hard feelings, though!
Oh, pish posh.
4613407
You're welcome. Means a lot to know that something I wrote meant a lot to you. Kinda validates why I'm writing stuff on here, to be honest.
4613519
YES. Getting the pacing down right is HUGE to me, so I'm glad you thought I did that well!
Well... you bring up a good point. I guess it's just because I thought the imagery would make more sense considering the whole tone of the rest of the scene. That, and the fact that it's a long time after "right after dinner" at that point in the story.
Or, at least, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
4622336
Heh, okay. I can live with that!
It's been more years than I care to admit since I've been a child, but this story made me relive all those times I did something I shouldn't, and the dread I felt until my deed was discovered. That was a very nice touch with Apple Bloom and Applejack's interaction at the moment of truth; I'm glad it wasn't the other way around. Faved and followed, well done!
Really great story; deserving of EQD!
This is an excellent story, and written very well.
I half expected to Applejack to be like, "Pfffft. Noob."
This was too good. Don't think I read such a well painted Apple Bloom story. You have a really nice way writing these characters. Hope to see more stories like this.
I wish I could express my ideas in the way you've done here. First chapter and the rough and tumble friendship Scoot and AB share, in contrast to Sweetie's more sensitive demeanor, shone through quite well.
The increasing quilt AB went through was great. Hah, especially at the dinner table! "Ain't none of us ever steal from no pony," and "Tarnish the Apple Family name." xD
Fun story.
I must say, with me this story started at a serious disadvantage. Given the premise, the story is very predictable; I can't see any of it playing out any differently while keeping the characters in character.
And yet, I very much enjoyed the story. I really felt for Apple Bloom all the way. That speaks for some very solid writing. Well done, author. Bravo!
Wonderful story!
That buildup in chapter 2 was so intense! And chapter 3 sloooowly releases all that tension. You may think it drags on, but in this case it's a positive, what better match for that kind of emotional state?
Chapter 1 was... okay. Nothing wrong with it, just okay. I guess that's the only flaw, that it takes a little bit too long to get to the hook. Even though I did enjoy the scene of the CMC playing together. It's just that the rest of the story soars so much higher, you know?
This was really good! I'd kinda like to see it be an episode in the actual show.
Another excellent story. This could very well be an episode in the show if the writers want a part 2 of the cutie pox incident only this time with a pastry. Almost everything was how it should've been handled but my one complaint if nothing else but a question what was with the lack of yelling? AB expected it during the confessions but none came which I think only lengthens the feeling of guilt weighing on AB. Everything else though I enjoyed.
Wow, I felt so bad for Apple Bloom after this. Not only did you do a wonderful job at making her feel guilty about what she has done, but you also do a tremendous job at coming to a satisfying conclusion.
This story brings up childhood memories I thought I'd forgotten. Well done, and have a ribbon:
i.imgur.com/BF6x9JM.png
Thank you for submitting this to my group.
I'm going to open up by saying that when people are trying to find those criminally underrated stories, those hidden gems, or those well-written stories that belong in the feature box or whatever, but simply don't get as much attention as all the porn and clickbait, this is what they're looking for.
Now, I'm not a big fan of Applejack, and by extension her family to include Apple Bloom. Out of the CMC I like Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle quite a bit more, and probably like Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon more as well. As for the M6, Applejack and Fluttershy often wrestle around in a completely platonic manner at the bottom of the M6-only barrel, and I tend to find myself far more interested in villains, supporting characters, and background nearly blank slate characters before I get down the list to the Apples. I just don't find their stories interesting, and I don't really find their character designs appealing the way I do my favorites.
As this is a review, there are spoilers.
So I find myself in an odd position of wondering just where to start praising this thing.
Rotten Apple is a character piece. It is a slice of life done right. All too often I've seen authors try to just put some characters together, have them talk about some things and do some stuff. There is no substance, there is no point to the collection of horsewords. There is no plot. "Character piece" and "slice of life" often carry with them this understanding that what you get into is going to be some giant waste of time. What those words should be used for is what we see in this story. There is an actual plot, with conflict, and resolution, that fits well within the scope of a slice of life story, as it is very personal and "normal" part of life. While following this plot, there is a great focus on the character of the cast.
Apple Bloom, the main character, never breaks character. At no point do we ever question who it is we're reading about. Her ever word, deed, and thought feels like it comes from a living breathing pony with a cute bow on her head. Never does she feel like some puppet being jerked around in front of us by strings held by the author. There are clever references to canon that help reinforce the mindset Apple Bloom has, and gives us a really solid feel that this pony not only matches up with what we've seen on the screen, but has learned from the events that have happened in her life. All this while depicting a little filly making a stupid mistake and going through her own personal hell for it. I'd be surprised if we ever see this sort of story on screen, but even if we do I doubt it would be this gut-wrenching.
The supporting cast, most prominently AJ and Pinkie Pie are both well done. AJ comes across as just that big sister we'd expect from the show. Even when mad and facing the revelation of her sister's misdeed, she's still loving family that guides young Apple Bloom instead of... the kinds of things we all to often see elsewhere. Pinkie Pie is refreshingly well-written, and comes across as cheerful, friendly, and dependable. All too often on-screen and in-fanfic we see her reduced to sight-gags and "random humor." In this story we see Pinkie holding down the fort for the Cakes and running Sugarcube Corner. When Apple Bloom confesses her misdeed, Pinkie comes through with her priorities: make ponies smile, and do what is right.
On to the plot itself, this is an old story, timeworn and timeless. Child figures out that they can steal and not get caught. Child feels guilty, confesses as they should. Parental-types discipline the child, but everyone still loves each other and forgives. All the morals involved are good. They're presented sincerely and at no point to the feel heavy-handed.
On to the technical aspect. Normally this section serves as a sort of neutral area between the good and the bad, but there are plenty of exceptions. For this story, there were both substantial good and substantial bad items that fit this section, so I'll list the good first.
This is a novella. The idea being conveyed by the story fits very well into the wordcount used. Where many authors try to pass what amounts to a single scene off as a full short story, Rotten Apple feels like it tells all the relevant bits to the audience without leaving them guessing or filling in what the author is too lazy or too timid to write. Realistically, when users on Fmfic write a "one-shot" this is what they should be aiming for. The fact that Rotten Apple is split into three chapters is really more of a style choice, where novellas are typically not chaptered. Those are able to go up to around 40k words.
Despite some of the flaws I noticed, the story was written in a rather engaging and immersive way. The level of description and pacing are great, making this a real "page flipper." Many of the scenes are rather memorable, just for the level of detail we get from the way Apple Bloom's stomach behaves to the expressions Applejack makes. Where most stories manage to (with varying degress of success) try not to "fuck it up" to quote RuPaul, this story sashays.
Did I mention flaws though? It isn't a fresh apple, afterall. The most pervasive and glaring flaw is ah-tism. Now, feel free to disagree, but it is actually poor writing to mangle words to phonetically spell the Apples' accent. They do not say, "Ah" they are saying "I." We all have heard the voice acting for the show, we know how their voices sound, and can imagine their accents just fine. While the dialogue for all the characters felt right in overall word choice, the ah-tisms were consistently bad. Do your part to fight this plague.
This is an ellipse. It has some particular functions as a punctuation mark. Normally if I'm mentioning this thing, it is because an author has overused it and that kind of overuse is typical of really shitty writing. My normal reasons for mentioning the ellipse don't apply this time. Instead, this is more of an oddity than an error, but one that would be easy to "fix" and be an improvement to do so. In Rotten Apple, scene breaks are indicated with an ellipse all by itself on a line with empty space above and below. This is an acceptable way to indicate your scene breaks. I bring it up at all because I feel it is a rather weak choice. The ellipse does, as previously mentioned, have certain uses, and it does draw the eye and bring up some uncertainty what is going on when used this way.
This:
is a horizontal rule. It forms a much more clear scene break indicator. The fact that it extends the width of the page and isn't a punctuation mark make for a much more pleasing to look at indicator.
So on to the non-technical negatives.
Honestly, I got nothin'.
As I said before, this is just a great story. If left to my own devices, I would never have found it or given it a second glance, because of my lack of interest in Apples. There are plenty of stories I read where I wonder how 10 or 20 people managed to like the thing to upvote it and feel my faith in humanity plummet. For Rotten Apple though, I think more people need to read it and plan to poke several people I know to get them to read it or even promote it if they are willing. This is an underrated fanfic.
5788953 Moly comments, Mare-do-well? What are you a reviewer?
5789072
...does that really need an answer?
5790869 Yes actually. While I am new to the site. I still haven't picked up on things about others. Usually in roleplaying I could easily identify who's who and one skill level, creativity, and commitment. For some reason on this site it seems different reasons make a person known on site.
5788953
Thank you very much for your review.
I've taken your feedback regarding "Ah-tism," and have since made a conscious effort to completely cut them out of future stories after having given your review some consideration. I grew up reading books (*cough Redwall series cough*) that did a lot of spelling substitutions for some of the character's accents and dialects within the dialogue, and it's a stylistic choice that I've always tried to emulate. With that being said, however, I can see why misspelling such an essential word over and over again can be aggravating or jarring, and seeing that I have plenty of other options at my disposal to convey their "farm drawl," I think it would be best to just eliminate that habit entirely.
The ellipse situation is also a result of personal bad habit, and I will be sure to not use them for scene breaks in the future. They're technically adequate, but a horizontal rule is much better.
As for the rest of your comments... I thank you. I do consider this story to be my most well-written one on the site, regardless of what the like/dislike ratio and amount of publicity might seem to indicate on the surface. I'm glad you enjoyed this, especially considering that this story dealt with characters that were not exactly your favorite to read about.
I would also like to apologize for taking so long to reply to your review. I only just realized that I never had replied until now, and that was extremely rude of me.
Anyways, I am glad you enjoyed this, and I very much appreciate the feedback you have given me. Take care!
~Arwhale
5907446
No worries. This is the internet, and in a year, nobody would even notice the time lapse, and I imagine we'd both have long forgotten it and moved on as well. I'm thankful for the reply letting me know my review was appreciated.
On the topic of phonetic spelling of an accent:
It depends on the point of view, or presentation of the character you're trying to present to the audience. If you're attempting to make the character feel foreign or "weird" then an accent can give that impression. A story from the POV of a city slicker spending time on a deep-south Texan ranch would probably benefit from that sort of style. The fact that the main character is probably often having trouble understanding what is being said would be conveyed to the reader that way. Even then, a light touch is a good idea. Early on when accented characters are introduced and "new" is fine to use it, but as the character grows accustomed to the dialect or accent, it should fade. It is actually a very complex thing to write.
In the case of Rotten Apple though, most of the dialogue is between Apple Bloom and Apple Jack, or those two and their family, or those two and Pinkie Pie. Between the Apples, none of them should even sound like they have an accent to each other. Pinkie Pie has known the Apples for longer than the duration of the show, and we've seen her in Ponyville as a young filly (Pinkie Pride).
If you think about it, you're essentially trying to create a situation where the entire family sounds weird to the audience, by emphasizing their accent even in in private. This has the effect of making the whole family, and the experience of the story, "foreign" instead of familiar. This actively separates the viewer from having as deep a connection with the otherwise familiar story.
The "accent" is a tool in writing. You are right that it has it's place, and I can only imagine it was used to good effect in Redwall. The problem with Fimfic.net is that the accent is basically never done correctly. It's a tool that has been used so many times and wrong so often that most of the readers don't even understand it is wrong, and there really isn't much to be gained from creating a story in which it would be right to use the tool.
So, I just commented the final chapter of Hoof Coverse Bruise and then I remember I haven't commented anything in this fic wich I just readed two days ago; this is really a gorgeous story and really, really well writen, I think it has become one of my favourites fics here. So, I'm sorry I can give a better "review", it does deserves it. But at least I want to share my feedback. An excelent story. Seriously.
I thoroughly enjoyed this story! It hits all the marks just right - in fact, it was a bit spooky that the word "gallows" also popped into my mind at the start of the the walk back to Sugarcube Corner.
Apple Bloom will likely want to wash that saddle bag - the smell and stains from her crime will probably be an ominous reminder of her deed, if it's anything like my own personal experiences: Even though I never stole any items from a store, being scolded by security for splashing water in mall fountains or playing with the unboxed toys on the shelves at local department stores always made the spots where they happened leave an indelible mark on me. The memories of what happened at those locations mocked me so profoundly I always tried to avoid them if possible for a long time.
One thing I was expecting but didn't get was Pinkie's Pinkie Sense coming into play. I would think she would have a combo for somepony stealing from her!
This was really good.
*Like*
Keep on goin.I want moar stories!!
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This... How. How, how the heck, did I miss this story? Wow... I must be... really, really off my game.
Arwhale, you've written an incredibly deep, compelling, and real story, here. You've got a way of capturing pure, raw emotion that I very rarely find outside of Tatsurou's stories, and THAT is high praise, since I consider him the king of heartwarming stories. But I think you're such a strong contender for my attention that I might just read everything you've got and then some from now on. Followed, subscribed, favorited, and if I could break that like button I would damn well do it!
Featured in May for Twilight's Library