Fifteen Years Ago...
Deep within the heart of the Badlands, a cavern-riddled wasteland south of Equestria, resides the Hive. This hive was no ordinary hive, for instead of housing bees or some other from of insect, the Hive's inhabitants were a creature almost unknown to Equestria and its ponies.
Celestia, monarch of Equestria and princess of the sun, did know what was in the Hive as she flew into the Badlands. She had heard reports of attacks and ponyknappings on the nearby towns, such as Appleoosa. These attacks were no ordinary occurance, and the strangest part was that the attackers were changelings, creatures that had not been seen in almost five hundred years. These changelings were those that dwelled within the caves that made up the Hive.
Landing with a thud and a silent promise to eat less cake before bed, Princess Celestia strolled into the Hive as if it were her own castle, with the expeption that any and every changeling she saw was instantaneously incinerated in a blast of bright gold magic, heated to temperatures that would make the sun itself turn on the air conditioner. Celestia's usually colorful mane was a firey inferno, and her tail left scorch marks on the floor behind the white alicorn. Her hoofprints were seared into the ground as she walked. Nopony had, nor ever will see the sun princess as angry--no, livid--as she was that day.
"Come out, Chrysalis!" Celestia called out into the tunnels. "You will harm no more of my little ponies!"
"Make me," Queen Chrysalis hissed, allowing her buzzing voice to bounce off of the walls and reverberate throught the Hive, so as to throw Celestia away from her true location.
Celestia snorted and blasted apart the walls around herself, and walked through the new doorway into what appeared to be a hatchery. Changeling eggs glowed greeen and dotted the floor in groups, while tiny nymphs hung from the ceiling inside slimy green cocoons. The baby changeling drones slept soundly, even throught Celestia's rampage.
"Chrysalis?" Celestia growled, her hair flickering in its own flame. "Where are you?"
"Right here," the queen said, standing right behind Princess Celestia. Her sickly green mane and tail hung limp like sea weed, and was desperately in need of a wash. Chrysalis' carapace was dirty and her wings looked even more fragile than usual. Her hooves had gaping holes up past the knee, and her stomach was sunk in, both signs of starvation.
"You look terrible," Celestia taunted. "I'd have thought you would actually look fed after attacking so many ponies."
Chrysalis chuckled, which soon turned into a wheezing cough, as she said, "It wasn't for me."
"Then who did you attack my ponies for?" Celestia asked, horn charging up with bright gold magic. "Moi?"
"No!" Chrysalis snarled. "And you won't lay a hoof on her! I won't let you!"
"You? You couldn't even keep me out of your own home, much less away from any of your changelings," Celestia scoffed, her flaming hair crackling in rage. To emphasize her point, Celestia's magic shot out, blasting away a clutch of eggs. Tiny bits of shell and ash floated down from where the eggs had sat.
Chrysalis gasped, her breath caught in her throat. "You-you-you monster," she choked out, having heard the unhatched changelings die within the hivemind, which was the mental connection all changelings had.
"Oh no. You're the monster," Celestia said as she incinerated more of the eggs and even some of the cocoons, all of which Chrysalis could hear in her mind.
The changeling tried to shield the eggs, disrupt Celestia's magic, even attack Celestia herself, to no effect. Chrysalis heard a shriek that nearly deafened her before she realized that it was her own scream, wailing with a mother's agony.
"Scared?" Princess Celestia asked. "You should be. Nopony hurts my little ponies."
Chrysalis' scream turned into a choking sob. "I had no choice! Please, I beg of you! Spare my children!"
Celestia scoffed, "You are in no position to beg for mercy. Perhaps twenty victims ago..."
Chrysalis shivered, sobbing. Her frail wings quivered with her cries. "Spare us! Please! Please."
The princess ignored her, instead turning to a private room adjacent to the demolished hatchery. Stepping inside the crude door, Celestia lit up the room, her firey mane giving off more than enough light. The room's sole occupant, a tiny unicorn filly, slept soundly inside a green-tinted cocoon.
"Thou hast gone too far, Queen Chrysalis," Celestia spat out, turning back to the crying changeling. "Who doth thou thinkist thou art?" she growled backing Chrysalis into the wall. "Who doth thou think thou are?!"
"I-I don't-I don't know what-what you're--"
"Have thou no boundaries to your evil, twisted ways?!" Celestia screamed, her flaming hair crackling madly. "You will most certainly pay!"
"Have I not paid enough?!"
"I shalt have thou sent to the depths of Tartarus for what thou hast wrought!"
Chrysalis collapsed, covering her face with her forehooves. She peeked up at Celestia through the holes in her legs. "I don't know what you're talking about!"
Princess Celestia jerked her head towards the room housing the unicorn filly. "Even thou shouldst know that foalknapping is a most henious crime, punishable by death!"
"Foalknapping...?" Chrysalis asked hoasely, her eyes widening and her pupils shrinking to pinpricks. "No! That isn't--She's--I'm not--!"
"Plead all thou wish, all thine evidence is against thou."
Chrysalis grabbed at the white alicorn. "No! Please don't! Don't touch her!"
Celestia shook the changeling off and glared at her. "Don't touch me."
Tears ran down Chrysalis' cheeks and onto her chitinous hooves as she cried out, "Don't hurt my daughter!"
The sun princess froze, and without turning around, said in a voice cold as ice, "Cease thine lies, for they fall on deaf ears. Thou shalt steal away no more of my ponies as long as I shall live." Celestia met Chrysalis' eyes. "And I will live forever."
Chrysalis whimpered quietly as Celestia's golden magic pulled the filly from her cocoon. In the light, both monarchs could see the infant clearly. Soft lavender fur met straight purple hair, and when the filly yawned and opened her eyes, Celestia saw big, bright purple irises staring up at her. The princess' own mane and tail died down from a firey inferno to a soft rainbow of pastels as she smiled at the child.
"I will not kill you here," Celestia said after a pause. "And risk harming one of my little ponies."
Chrysalis sighed with relief.
"But, so help me, if you ever step hoof in Equestria again, I will send you straight to Tartarus."
I am going to read this solely because of the chapter name...
But not right now. Right now I'm too busy trying to avoid throwing up and resting.
Well, uh, good start, but OOC Celestia is REALLY OOC.
I'm having trouble buying Celestia killing unborn changelings because of what their mother did, especially since in canon she's forgiven the pony who tried to shroud the world in night forever (killing everything) and trusted that the being who eats the laws of physics for breakfast could be reformed.
I'll stick around for the concept, though.
Celestia very ooc but i'm intrigued so good job!
Celestia is extreammmmmmmmly OOC in this. You may want to give an explanation as to why she's acting this way, or revise it so she's not so OOC. Other than that, the chapter is fine.
This further proves that clestia is a little bitch that does not listen to begs of mercy.
Nice story! I am faving and hope to see more soon!
I can believe Celestia would do this. I'm going to favorite but I do hope for future chapters as this prologue was a bit short and I'm desperate for more good Twi is a Changeling fics.
Well, the story has the tag of "Alternate Universe", so I am not surprised at how Celestia acts
4156626 From what it looks like this is post-Nightmare Moon(just sent her to the moon) so she was probably not in a good mood.
4157408 Fifteen years ago?
4157410 I would assume so with the way Celestia is speaking in Luna.
Celestia! Nymph killer!
My opinion twilight is possibly the only one besides fluttershy to redeem the changelings. Plus with their bond I think they will try to make Celestia see reason with Luna's help. You said it yourself that even twilight didn't know she was a changeling which reminds me of the mimic ranks of my oc monsters the shades. They have a tendency to actually think their the very pony they mimic. Not perfectly but yeah they are more of the nutreal of the shades. Basically the civilians there.
4156625 I hope you feel better!
4156626 4156726 4156811 4156785 I know. I tried to make Celestia a bit over protective, and it kinda got out-of-hoof.
4157420 I made it so that as Celestia gets more and more emotional, she slips back into Ye Olde Equestrian. Nowadays she keeps her emotions in check, and doesn't speak archaicly.
I hope this answers some questions.
EDIT: 45+ likes in a single day? That's a new record! Thanks guys!
4157647 Okay this makes sense and so what she doesn't realize Twilight isn't a pony?
4157647 I'll try. It's hard, though.
4157647 Kinda? She went full-out evil-Tyrantlestia.
4157640 Twilight doesn't know because she was an infant the last time she saw her birth mother, and Celestia never told her so.
EDIT: 4157662 Okay, maybe a lot...
Holy shit! I have no sympathy for this universe's Celestia if she's so cruel as to murder children. Hopefully Twilight will grow up and avenge her siblings.
Celestia tearing through the changeling hive in a firey rage... now that's an impressive mental image.
I can see her searing her way through the changelings after they've taken (and apparently drained?) so many ponies, but deliberately killing the children and unhatched seems unusually cruel.
That said, depending on how much she knows about changeling physiology she might not have realized that the still-unhatched changelings had already reached a limited state of consciousness and entered the hive mind (although considering that she killed the cocooned nymphs too, it might not have mattered).
Although, if your changelings are like some other fictional depictions of hive creatures, then they would practically all be dead anyways once Celestia killed Chrysalis (by simply stopping everything without their ruler, or by losing all impetus or drive to carry on with daily tasks), or one of the next generation might undergo metamorphosis to become a queen should they no longer feel a queen changeling in the hivemind. Considering the threat that Celestia considered Chrysalis and the hive to be to her ponies, I don't think it would be unreasonable to think that Celestia would have been willing to melt the entire structure until stone flowed like water.
And although there's a lot of talk about Celestia being OOC (which I admit, I do feel that a bit too), we haven't been given anything of the history of changelings or pony/changeling relations. It isn't too hard to imagine a very good reason changelings had disappeared for 500 years (or rather, to imagine a reason to make them disappear). We also haven't gotten a real look at changeling life or how their feeding works either, so we don't actually have very much to go on in regards to why Celestia attacked as she did.
The changelings come off as pretty sympathetic, but then there's all their victims... honestly, I couldn't say if the changelings are victims of oppression, monsters that are being victimized but that make the world a worse place just by virtue of how they have to live (and should, arguably (arguably!) be wiped out for the good of everypony they would otherwise make suffer), monsters that are receiving slightly-crueler-than-just punishment, monsters being wiped out by the only effective method (but one that got cut short), a misunderstood race that has certainly done awful things but can't be so neatly categorized as 'good' or 'bad' for the world at large, or just a race of individuals driven by the goals of their queen and punished for her wrongs.
The last would seem pretty obvious, but a lot of authors, when bringing in species or national identity, encapsulate the entire category of people under a single archetype or opinion. I just don't know enough about the author (er... you, if you happen to be reading this) to say anything about how he'd handle that...
But anyways, it looks like Twilight's about to become one hell of a powerhouse. She's got the gathered love of who knows how many ponies poured into her, maternal love from Chrysalis (presumably), parental love from her "parents", sibling love from Shining Armor, mixed familial and friendship love from Cadence, possibly maternal love from Celestial, either filial or sibling love from Spike , friendship love from the many ponies she's met and befriended since leaving Canterlot (including Luna), pet/owner love with Owlicious, and of course intense friendship love from Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Applejack.
As far as love goes, you could say romantic love is the strongest in Power of Love terms (although that's going with tradition... in MLP, friendship love might be considered the highest form of love, and Frozen would like to dispute any statement sticking romantic love above familial), but Twilight has got an awful lot of sources of love-power to draw from... but most notably, three alicorns, Shining Armor, and the Elements of Harmony. Just Shining Armor let Chrysalis get the upper hand on Celestia (although I've seen that rewritten as the element of surprise a few times, so it might not be so here). Although she isn't a full-fledged queen, so might not be able to handle as much as Chrysalis... ? Regardless, I'll like to see what happens with Princess Twiling in the upcoming chapters!
This is very interesting, and I favorited it halfway through the chapter.
4157772
Yes, Celestia does not know about the Hivemind. Also, her actions are tainted be fear and anger, which can explaing her being "OOC".
Not immediately, but if a hive's Queen dies without heir, the drones will slowly die without their numbers being replentished because all changelings are children of the queen.
She does have a magic cutie mark. And she's subcontiously turned herself (at Celestia's spell's prompting) into an alicorn. So, yeah, we already see signs of this in canon material.
Alternet Univers Celestia, ok.
YOU B**** WILL STAND BEFORE KERRIGAN, THE QUEEN OF BLADES AND PAY FOR KILLING UNBORN CHANGELINGS.
FOR THE HIVE
FOR THE SWARM
I really want to like this one. Changeling Twilight stories are my favourite but the way Celestia's portrayed here really bothers me. Going out of her way to kill infants? That seems a bit too much
However, I do want to know how this will unfold once Twilight discovers just what happened to her home and family. Will be watching this one
Yay, changeling Twilight!
I loved that song! I also like stories where a changeling is involved. I shall favorite this, and hope that you shall update this soon.
You know, Alternative universe isn't just a change in character behavior and reactions. It means that the universe that they reside in has changed fundamentally from the original, such as a world were Luna rules instead of celestia.
Other than that, celesdtia seemed more cruel than overly protective. But we're just on the prologue so I don't have too much gripe with the story.
4157772 Best comment Around. Rispect, duuuude!
4158420 I will not tolerate this kind of language.
I'll give this story a follow, see where it goes.
4157816
Maybe Ancient Celestia, but not one that is 15 years prior to the the events of MLP: FiM.
Edit: Holy shit! I responded to Evilpresident!
90 views in 1 day! My most popular story yet!
4159553 I have already given my answer to the subject.
4159566
I know, I read the description. But it is just something to think about when moving forward. I like the premise since the only similar story I have been following is Mirror's Image. Though, with yours it seems as if Twilight is going to be alicornified, which with her being a changeling could be fun to play with.
Hmm... while I'm not fond of Princess Celestia's actions, this did happen a long time ago, probably when the Royal Canterlot Voice was still being used. What was the purpose of that Voice? Perhaps to get some unruly ponies to settle down and realize that the two taking control was the best course of action (they weren't always rulers, after all). Still, it seemed like they used the Voice pretty much ALL the time- hence the fact that that was the Voice Luna used when she had returned. So, what is my point? I feel that the Princesses were far more aggressive back then, using the Voice to quiet enemies, and also- quite possibly- strike fear into the hearts of any who might even think to disagree with their rule.
Still, I'd say that Celestia is being rather harsh here- but then, she's (probably) still young, so...
Well, I hope I get to see an overly-sweet, kind, and forgiving future Celestia!
4159394 I've never really come across anyone who'd deleted a comment of mine over the rather benign usage of a four letter word, but whatever. I'm not going to argue that point. At least take a look at this or get a copy of the King James Bible off the 'net and use that as a reference. It makes it very, very hard to read a story when the author attempts archaic English and messes it up, especially when the characters should be able to speak it fluently.
I'll read in a bit, I just gotta say something. Doesn't Twilight's eyes look super derped?
Aside from the standard 'get a proofreader and editor' stuff, your Celestia is way out of character. Blowing up a batch of changling eggs just to intimidate Chrysalis? That's kinda in 'crazy villain' territory - of course, if that's what you're going for, fine.
I'm a softie for this particular niche genre, so I'll keep an eye on this, but I can't really say much more until you get the aforementioned proofreader and editor in to tidy things up. Keep in mind, though, that this sort of story has been done before - and, frankly, a lot better than you've done so far. You have some work ahead of you.
Man, are you stupid Celestia? Not even gonna see if maybe the foal in your hooves is a member of the species you hate so much that murdering their children is as easy as breathing? The species who are WIDELY known to have the ability to shapeshift? Especially when one of them, the queen no less, tells you as much?
There must have been a lot of alcohol in that cake, Princess.
4160451 Sorry, but while Celestia bay be fluent, I am not.
4160558 I drew that picture myself on Paint.
As much as I normally like this type of story, this is too far gone for me.
I think I'll keep an eye on this. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
(I'd like to apologize in advance for the veritable essay you're about to read.)
Well, there's two big problems with this that I can see, and one thing that I'd like to see added to this chapter.
The first thing that stands out to me is Celestia's use of archaic language. My problem with it isn't so much the misuse of several words (after all, people don't speak like that anymore, so I can't really expect it to be done perfectly, and it can easily be fixed when/if you get an editor). My problem is that this scene is only 15 years in the past. Why would she still be using olden speech?
I see two ways this could be fixed. You could scrap the archaic speaking altogether, or you could add a line later in the story mentioning that Celestia reverts to it when she's upset (perhaps a scene where Celestia corrects Luna's grammar, and Luna makes a snide remark about how Tia does it too sometimes?)
The other thing, which most people have mentioned, this Celestia is WAAAAAAAY OOC. However, as you said, this is in the past, and something could have changed her. It would make sense for that 'something' to be Twilight, and perhaps that's what you were planning all along. Regardless, this Celestia is going to need some SERIOUS character development scenes, either through scenes from her life pre-Season 1 or, if you're jumping to/past that point, through flashbacks or something of that nature. There doesn't necessarily have to be a bunch of them; after all, sometimes 1 or 2 big events can completely change someone. The important thing is to include something that tells us WHY she changed, not just say "she's changed" and leave it at that. You CAN make this Celestia work, but it'll take a good degree of effort on your part.
The one thing I'd like to see added here would be a better description of what exactly the changelings did. Right now it just says "attacks and ponyknappings", but doesn't really go beyond that. Was it a few small incidents, or has it been bigger than that? If the attacks have been frequent, on a larger scale, and have left multiple ponies either wounded or dead, Celestia's wrath would be a bit more understandable. Adding a little bit about what happened could go a long ways to improving the story (or at least in my opinion it would).
Then one minor detail, you mentioned Appleloosa. However, if this was 15 years in the past, Appleloosa wouldn't exist yet. The buffalo running or whatever it was happened annually, and since this was the first time the buffaloes were having issues with Appleloosa, it can be inferred that the town was less than a year old during the episode. Just a minor detail, but I'm rather nitpicky.
Overall... I'm torn about this fic. On the one hoof, some things don't make sense and Celestia's very OOC, and, while I don't hold this next part against you or this fic since its simply a personal thing, I don't especially like grimdark/tragedy (I like ponies for happy fluffiness, not depression, I can get that anywhere). But, on the other hoof, it's still really too early for me to tell where you're going with this, and I've seen fics start off worse than this and end up becoming quite good. And you said only this chapter will be dark, so I shouldn't have to worry about that in the future.
I suppose I'll just have to follow this to see happens.
4163354 Thank you. I will likely be revising the first chapter, and/or deleting it altogether if I can absorb the material in later chapters through flashbacks. I know that Celestia is OOC, which is perhaps the biggest thing that I will try to fix.
I love how Celestia doesn't even slightly think of that when the monster calls you a monster, you are the ultimate monster between the two of you.
BTW, when will more chapters be released? I think I'd really, really love to read this story now due to this deleted scene. Until this chapter I was unsure where to put it but now I know its in favourites.
Sorry I can't see Celestia ever killing children. Heck she never killed Sombra, and Discord. WAY to OOC.
Where have I seen this plot device before?
(Cue image of Bardock dying to Frieza)
6024485 sombre was a pony she may be xenophobic to some degree she is very old and may still have some old prejudice from that time still in her.
Uhhh Appleoosa didn't exist 15 years before the show starts... it's brand new...
Um, no, Chrysalis is in the right here. Don't be a three year old. You're killing a mare's babies.
Celestia: Retarded Goddess Edition