As the pair darted through the town, Rainbow Dash suddenly realized she was losing ground. How was Twilight going this fast?! At their last flying session she was just beginning to maneuver, let alone rapidly zig-zagging in erratic patterns through the city streets.
Rick James was leading his girl through the streets of the city, eager to sweeten her up with some confectionaries.
Eventually, Rainbow Dash fell too far behind, losing her friend within the city streets. Rainbow Dash was very concerned, who knew what kind of trouble Twilight could get into while under Discord's spell! After all, now that she was a princess, she had a reputation to maintain!
Rick James acknowledged that Rainy Dee was no longer there, and he shrugged, continuing about his walk of the city. As he meandered the streets he noticed another building, also alive with music and commotion. He noticed that this wasn't another jazz bar, this was a rocking night club, and he knew he could really get the party going.
Twilight stood outside the Ponyville police station, head bobbing, before heading to the front door.
Rick James nodded at the bouncer, quickly being allowed inside. He was Rick James, after all. Inside the lights were bright and plentiful, and strange electronic music was playing. Rick James had a responsibility to show these poor folks some real good music, and show them he would.
Twilight nodded at a police stallion standing outside the station before spinning around and bucking the doors wide open, taking a bite out of the guard stallion's doughnut, and walking inside, leaving the guard stallion confused and doughnut-less. He decided this was not part of his job (it was exactly his job) and he decided to go get another doughnut from Pony Joe.
The inside of the station was full of ringing telephones and a lone frantic mare, receiving a myriad of concerned calls, all about an 'out of control princess'.
The mare dropped her phone and stared at Twilight, silent and alone, as all other officers were out looking for the very mare in front of her.
"Uh, Princess? Thank you for coming in, we've received some concerned calls about you, are you feeling alright? Also, what's all over your face?"
Rick James parted the crowd of party-going ponies like Moses parted the sea. The entire club fell silent as he approached the stage, and the current disk jockey paused his track to look at Rick James.
"Well if it isn't my old nemesis, Rick James...We meet again."
"Skrillex..." Rick James replied, his voice dripping with malice towards his ancient foe.
Twilight staggered a bit before narrowing her eyes at the dispatcher. "Skrillex..." she mumbled.
"You honestly believe you can come into my club?! INTO MY TURF?! Our fight ends here Rick, and you will fall by my MacBook." Skrillex stated confidently from the stage.
"What? What's a 'Skrillex'?" The dispatcher replied.
"We'll see about that, Skrillex! I know you have imprisoned the minds of these innocent folks, but the raw power of my funk will set them free." Rick James answered, ready to battle. "YOUR MUSIC HAS NO SOUL, SKRILLEX! And that will be its downfall."
Twilight mumbled before screaming "TH' POWER OF FUNK COMPLELS YOU!" And diving at the unfortunate mare.
Their battle was one of awe as the hypnotized patrons below stared on in shock. The two musical legends dueled fiercely, deep and powerful wubs clashing agains the high, intense love and great passion or Rick James' voice.
Twilight swung at the dispatcher while shrieking, "GIVE IT TO ME BAYBAH!", missed, and fell forward. Her ass quickly rolled over her head and landed on the dispatchers face with a dull 'thunk', knocking her unconscious.
Eventually, the deep felt soul of Rick James overpowered the many noises and bleeps of Skrillex. Rick James charged his final attack with a flying summersault and released a torrent of soul. In an explosion of raw musical energy, Skrillex fell. The spell was broken, and the many club-goers cheered for their savior, finally being free of the enrapturing noises. Rick James bowed humbly, and grabbed the microphone to address his new fans.
Twilight wobbled over the unconscious mare and grabbed the microphone of the dispatcher's radio.
"You are all free now! But do not thank me alone! For ultimately, it was the power of funk which has freed you. However, if any fly honeys wanna join me in the VIP lounge, I won't be puttin' up much of a fuss." He announced with a smile, ending with a cheeky wink.
Twilight screamed into the police radio, "I WIN! I, RICK JAMES, AM TH' GOD OF FUNKY!"
Rick James cooly walked to the VIP room to find a large pile of cocaine, a generous present from the many club-goers. Now Rick James always did love a bit of powder to keep the party happening, so who was he to refuse?
Twilight walked into the evidence locker and did, in fact, find a labeled bag of cocaine sitting on a shelf.
Rick James dove face first into the cocaine, inhaling deeply through his nose. After a second he rose up, eyes the size of saucers and screamed "GOD I LOVE COCAINE!"
Twilight really did do that bit.
(DO NOT SNORT COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF COCAINE. REALLY, YOU SHOULDN'T BE DOING COCAINE AT ALL BUT I'M NOT YOUR MOTHER SO IF YOU REALLY WANT TO IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN STOP YOU BUT REALLY, LIKE, BE SENSIBLE ABOUT IT AND JUST DO HUMAN SERVINGS, HOWEVER MUCH THAT IS. YOU CAN DEFINITELY O.D. ON COKE SO LIKE DON'T DO THAT SHIT M'KAY? YOU ARE NOT CHARLIE SHEEN. UNLESS CHARLIE SHEEN IS READING THIS WHICH IS REALLY WICKED AND WE SHOULD RAGE SOMETIME. BUT EVERYONE ELSE, JUST...JUST DON'T DO IT.)
Sooo...Is Twilight gonna be Charlie Sheen now?
Dear Celestia... 0_0
Okay, this story is so bucking awesome!
i laughed so hard i think i may have pooped a little
I have yet to stop laughing. Please keep this up, its bucking hilarious :
WHAT!? This is based on my favorite rapper/comedian's music? This is SENSATIONALLLLLLLLLLL!
Twilight the high, drunk, rapist, stealing princess
OMG This is the funniest story I've ever read! XD
I am a dispatcher and just about to go on shift. This made me smile.
4159476 Not yet, not yet, she still has to do Buck Yo Couch first.
4159662 #twilightisbestprincess
Frankly, any amount of coke is an OD. But I can't imagine that Twilight gives a buck about that right now.
4159662 - Not sure she actually raped anyone... sure she solicited a stallion to stand up and perform, but he did sorta 'volunteer'... for four hours, with a bar full of ponies watching...
So now we have a Viagra filled [with 30 X the recommended limit [good thing she can't suffer from proisis [sp?] or she'd have a boner for months]], drunk, hallucinating, high as a kite Princess whose now doing enough coke to make Charlie Sheen proud. Good thing she's immortal. Now we just have to sit back and watch the fun begin.
4159853
And left him horribly mentally scared. It was hillarious.
4159853
gotta admire someone who last 4 hours with twilight
...This is so dumb it's awesome. ALL OF MY LIKES.
A very very dead horse.
WTF did I just read? All I can do is this.
That last line though.
unrealitymag.bcmediagroup.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/i-like-crack.jpg
I LIKE CRACK!
Well, that was... interesting. Now I want to know what happens next. I'm half hoping she falls into a coma somewhere along the way and some other country does invade and Celestia & Luna come back to an invading army to expel and Twilight completely out cold on the floor of the throne room having slid off the throne or maybe dangling off one of the towers of Canterlot.
4160073 You're reading too much into it. Just don't give a buck and everything will be fine.
I have but one upvote to give you for this. Well, one upvote and one amusing friendship letter.
i.imgur.com/woMW2B4.jpg
4159119
But what if they already empty, like Twi? Or like future of all alicorns? Because even if they will be the most buck-miserly creatures, eventually, in distant future, their buck-pocket become empty too.
5 and 2. looks ready to become 6 and 1 in a second.
This is pretty much how I see Twilight now.
Cocaine's a hell of a drug...
I...I want to see how much more awesome this can get.
LOL @ this being rated Everyone in the beginning. I was like "whaaaat?"
this is fantesticle. penis jokes aside, I do find myself in love with this concept.
This is beautiful. Just beautiful.
That Capslocked incorrect use of You're instead of Your during Skrillex battle made me cringe
and now the hilarity is quickly being replaced by repetitive dullness...ya may want to end this soon, this chapter nearly put me to sleep.
Hahaha! White pony wasted! This is the most fucking funniest story I have read in a long time.
Wow. Guy must be pretty low on bucks himself if he's going all the way to Canterlot for a replacement donut.
In any case, I can only imagine what the coke is going to do to Twilight's already addled mind. I look forward to finding out.
Is there such a thing as an emergency Buck transplant? Because that needs to be a thing, like, five minutes ago.
4160456 Combine Jan's utter lack of fucks to give with Alucard's... Alucard-ness. Then, you get a better idea of the picture.
All I know is, that Twilight just went Up Up and Away; and she probably wont come down for a couple of days.
(Wonder how much she has to do to get so wasted she is literally incapable of moving under her own power)
Oh god, I couldn't stop laughing.
Is that a 'Lel' I see in there?
4161547 you seem to be assuming twilight can pronounce words correctly at the moment, or that she gives a buck.
4161600 I'm not, it's just somewhat funny to me to imagine Twilight saying 'Complels you' while on an assortment of drugs.
4161613 funny haha? or funny ugh...
4161677 Funny haha! Let's just say, I seem to enjoy things like that. Along with looking at a picture of someone's skin on their hand cut off, to see the muscles and insides.
4160456
I love Hellsing Abridged.
I have to follow this now. It is a trainwreck and I just have to see how far Twilight falls.
calling it now tony montanna is the next person she decides she is
4159530
WINNING!! I am on a drug and it's called Charlie frickin Sheen
4162019
maybe
Looks like Twilight's experiencing her very first Nigga Moment.
img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120622143130/boondockstv/images/9/9c/Tumblr_lq0j52Fbxg1qg4m1u.png
I will be honest now, the fic had a nice premise but I wanted to see Twilight not care about responsibilities, her friends, her friend's feelings, stuff like that.
This fic, at the moment, could have easily been titled "Twilight Sparkle does Drugs" since most of what we are seeing is basically the stuff she has taken taking effect.
Still, I have hopes for the fic