It is a little-known fact that all living beings, great or small, are born with a finite amount of bucks to give. The beasts of the wild are born with few, as few issues come to stress them, mainly just survival, food and water, and reproduction. Past that, most animals simply don't give a buck, with few exceptions, mainly in domesticated pets, and only towards their owners.
The superiorly intelligent races of ponies, donkeys, and other like minded creatures are born with a surpassingly large amount of bucks, to help carry them through daily stresses and responsibilities. The well being of friends and family, laws, taxes, and politics, all largely pressure the pony psyche, and thus, evolution has equipped them with more and more bucks to give.
The race of alicorns, however, are a curious breed. While their physiology allows for immortality, they are born with an amount of bucks fairly equal to the average pony, and instead use superior intelligence to delegate these bucks to only the most pressing of matters, and forcing many other decisions to the trows of logic to minimize buck giving.
This evolution has shown that ponies very rarely run out of bucks to give before they pass on. Exceptions have been seen within the community of severely elderly ponies, but due to their inability to produce any true catastrophe, this has not been recognized as an absence of bucks. It has been recognized as "dementia", or more simply, a mental affliction of the elderly.
An instance where a pony has run out of bucks while still in his or her prime is exceedingly rare, happening only once in recorded history, to a young princess alicorn known as Twilight Sparkle.
This is the story of that day.
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The sun hung low in the horizon of the quiet mountain town of Ponyville. For the majority of its citizens, it was an ordinary, albeit beautiful day. Outside of the tree library, all seemed peaceful and serene. Gentle clouds rolled across the skyline, birds sang merrily, and a gentle wind brought about a soothing and cooling breeze to rustle the trees. Everything was calm and relaxed.
Inside of the Ponyville Tree Library, things were not so.
Twilight paced about frantically, grinding her teeth as her mane sparked out in all directions. She had just received a letter, which brought about great stress, from her mentor and teacher, Princess Celestia. The parchment was simple. The calligraphy, well written and calm, much like the voice which wrote it. The message contained within was simple, with no hint of need cause alarm.
My Faithful Student Princess Twilight,
Due to current tensions within Saddle-Arabia due to a trade embargo, my sister and I will be temporarily visiting their capital in order to maintain diplomacy.
I expect to return within 3 days and nights.
However, in the meantime, you will be standing as our replacements.
Do not worry about raising the sun and moon, Luna and I can manage from here, and do not concern yourself with any official meetings, as they have all been rescheduled.
Feel free to stay in the palace if you wish, but you may of course stay at home if you desire.
All you need to do is keep an eye out for danger, and let us know if there is an emergency.
Yours Truly,
Princess Celestia
The purple alicorn ran rampant, flinging books on diplomacy, proper running of a monarchy, and even 'Ruling a Country for Dummies' from the shelves of her library, frantically reading through each page.
"UGH! This is hopeless Spike! There's nothing in here that can even help me run Equestria! I don't have the first idea what I'm supposed to do!" The frantic alicorn fumed.
"Uh, Twilight? No offense but I don't think you have to 'do' anything. I think you just have to, you know, exist and serve as somepony to come to if things get bad. And its only 3 days, I don't think anything too crazy will happen." The purple dragon reassured.
"But that's just it Spike! What if something does happen?! What if Princess Celestia and Luna get stuck in Saddle Arabia and I have to be the new princess?! What if there's some big disaster and I don't know how to handle it?! *GASP* WHAT IF ANOTHER COUNTRY INVADES?! I'll have to prepare for war! I'll have to defend the country and-" a small purple claw reached up and pinched her mouth shut.
"Twilight, seriously. You're overthinking this. Everything will be fine, just calm down."
"NO SPIKE! I will not calm down! I need to learn how to run a country by TOMORROW and everything has to be perfect or else I could mess up all of Equestria and then...
and then..."
Inside of twilight, an invisible gauge pointed E.
Twilight never finished her thought.
Instead there was silence, as Twilight just stared into space, her expression empty and void.
Then, something happened.
Twilight tried to care. She tried so, so hard but...
It just wasn't there.
She tried to give the slightest buck about everything and anything but was instead met with an exhausted feeling that quickly decided,
'Meh, buck it.'
Her buck supply had been running low for a long time, unnoticed by her. For her, such an enormous task required an excessive amount of bucks, and she was running on fumes.
This had exhausted her recourses. They were gone, all gone.
Twilight Sparkle had completely an totally run out of bucks to give.
Twilight turned to Spike with a tired face, her hair a mess and her eyes half dropped.
"Ya know what Spike? I'm going out on the town. You're in charge."
"What? But Twilight, I can't be in charge, Princess Celestia specifically choose you!" The tiny dragon protested.
"Yeah...you know what Spike?" Twilight turned to her faithful you assistant of many years and simply stated,
"I just don't give a buck."
Don't you mean fuck?
4152437
Look there, up in the sky: it is the joke! flying high right over your head!
4152457 *shoots it down and eat its heart*
read later, fave, like.
already following... can't do more
LOL.
I'm glad you're back, by the by.
I liked, commented, and favorited.
aaand now i have to read this
Just to see where this goes, I'll fave it.
I liiiiike~ commented and Favorited, this will be closely watched
4152437 I saw this story and thought of you! Is this your sole purpose on this site?
4153017 Kind of, sort of. Nice to see you again
This premise...
It's so utterly ludicrously stupid it loops straight back to bloody brilliant.
img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120622224030/thefanfictionwikiofgtfandphazon/images/8/85/Dis_gonna_b_gud.gif
Can't wait for more!
Don't give a buck. Duh dun nun nun dun dun doon doon dun dun nun nun. Don't give a buck. (parody of "Can't Touch This")
Brilliant and hilarious premise! Only one major issue:
You needed another "o".
message me if you need a proofreader/editor!
:edit:
Awesome story, love the premise.
Reading this while listening to Holst's Second Suite in F
My flibberts are a-jibblin'; dis gun be good!
4154269
Well... sequel has... well... err... age 13?
That premise is pure genius. I've finished chapter one, and I'm gonna read chapter two right now.
I've spotted several errors, though. I'll edit the full list into this post after I finish chapter 2.
EDIT: I'm back from chapter 2 (I'm really having fun so far)! And... on second thought, pointing out and correcting grammatical errors in the text would be completely against the spirit of this story. So... I'm not gonna give a buck about it. After all, there's no telling how many I have left to give.
Ponyville is a prarie town...
Golden Oak Library (or Golden Oaks Library)
alicorn
EDIT
Nitpicks:
And it is
Twilight
[youtube=xLnTWxpTQt4]
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4156588 One sliiiight quibble. Ponyville isn't prairie, that would be Appleoosa. There's no sod, there are forests, and in some episodes (depending how the animators feel that day or if Dash needs to run into a mountain or there's a dragon in town) the terrain is hilly at least. I'd call it more of a valley town.
4156588 I love your avatar...
4157441 Your avatar frightens me...
As opposed to how frequently it occurs in humans. In fact, it's so common amongst young adults, particularly high schoolers, that the affliction has been given its own name: Senioritis.
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Personaly, I like the premise but the timing is off.
Twilight should hit E right in the middle of a stressful situation later on. Like when she's being pressured by palace staff to do a lot of stuff that came up on short notice. Then Boom.
It'd be funnier.
4164552 I agree, but still this is pretty great. Imagine if another country actually had invaded, and right in the middle of a meeting with generals or something, she just ran out XD
I saw about 4 or 5 missing letters but who gives a fuc- er... buck? Yeah lets go with that.
But what i do give a buck about is this:
If this fic had an intro that would be it. xD
4176342 All of my yes, every last single one.
4179126 NO! If you give all your yes here you won't have any yes left to give anywhere else!
4153183
Agreed! Like Captain Jack Sparrow's Insane Troll Logic, so crazy that is makes sense. More or less.
You probably don't give a fuck about spelling, do you.
So in other words https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXK03FHVsHk