Chapter 6
The interior of the bakery was candlelit, with the lowered blinds and extinguished lights amplifying the darkness that surrounded it. The usual tables had been cleared out in favour of a larger one usually used for party snacks, and flowers, all of them a vibrant pink, were strung in chains around the edges of the windows and placed in pots on the tables. A large banner said “HAPPY SECRET DATING PARTY TWILIGHT AND CELES--,” with a cartoonish but enthusiastically coloured drawing of the pair nuzzling one another within the shape of a heart spanning the centre. Twilight gave an “eep”, and did her best to hide behind Flash at the sight, while Celestia simply stared at it, fighting the urge to blush.
“Ah, yes, des dames de jou-er.” Pinkie Pie appeared beside Twilight with a stiff bow, a pressed petticoat and dress shirt covering her front half and a pencil moustache pasted to her lips. Twilight jumped, then relaxed into a smile once she recognized the (admittedly more posh than usual) voice. “May I take your crowns, my good mares?” Pinkie gave a little giggle, her moustache bouncing back and forth on her mouth as she did so. She looked down at the now-crooked fixture and frowned, setting it back in place with a hoof.
Celestia smiled at her, levitating her regalia towards a large pillow Pinkie had materialized in the time it had taken her to activate her magic. Twilight led the way to the table, seating herself down in the first seat she could find. Flash sat down facing her directly, and promptly lost himself in pools of diamond-studded grape juice. Rarity seated herself beside him, doing her best to avoid being caught in his line of sight. Pinkie Pie led Celestia to the table, and sat the royal down with a graceful courtsey. “And who might zees otzer couple be?”
Rarity gave a deadpan stare. “Pinkie, dear, you know who I am.”
Pinkie abruptly broke her act to stare directly and deeply at Rarity. “Do I, Rarity? Do I really?”
Rarity opened her mouth, pulling back under the intensity of the abrupt inspection.
Pinkie immediately returned to her bouncy self, smiling a big smile and giggling. “Yep! Turns out I do!” Twilight joined her, then paused to think about Pinkie’s phrasing.
“Pinkie...Rarity isn’t dating Flash.”
Pinkie Pie blinked, then turned to Flash. “Oh! Is that your name? Omigosh! I totally forgot! New pony! Hi! I’m Pinkie Pie! Welcome to Ponyville!” She grabbed up his hoof, stretching her own across the table to shake it vigorously. Retracting her arm to its normal size, she smiled at the four of them, then sniffed imperiously and resumed her rod-stiff posture. “And vat may I gather for the lovely ladies plus vone?” She pulled out a napkin to drape across her forearm as she said this, still trying her best not to giggle.
“Just a few of your cupcakes would be fine, I think.” Twilight smiled at Pinkie, who scrutinized her with a look that would have made Prince Blueblood feel uncouth.
“Twilight!” She whispered loudly, hiding her mouth from the others with a hoof. “You can’t order something like that! It has to be something fancy!”
Twilight rolled her eyes, an amused sigh coming from her. “Eight extra fancy cupcakes, madame.”
Pinkie smiled. “Much better!” The entire table turned a bit quieter and a bit gloomier once she had bounced off to the kitchens. Flash leaned his elbows against the table so that he might better ponder the greatness of Twilight Sparkle.
Celestia was sitting directly beside Twilight, their eyes meeting for a moment. Celestia must have seen something in her partner’s eyes, because she turned to face Flash and posed a question for him. “So, Flash? How has my niece’s empire been suiting you? I take it the crystal ponies have not been hard on you?”
“No, ma’am. The Empire has been great, thanks. Especially the time Twilight came to visit. Don’t you love what she does with her mane? It looks so mysterious.”
Twilight sighed. “Yeah, it’s an enigma.”
Celestia changed tactics. “You asked Twilight about her family earlier this afternoon, but you never really talked about yours.”
Rarity caught Celestia’s meaning at this point, turning to face the icy-eyed stallion. “I must confess I’m curious. Twilight doesn’t talk much about Canterlot, and I’d love to know what it’s like growing up there.” The three mares realized Rarity’s mistake almost instantly by the way Flash’s eyes lit up at the magic word.
“I’m sure Twilight can tell you more about it than I can. She’s got a great way with words.” He gave a sigh, then looked over at the other two. “Besides, I’m just a guard. I don’t know anything Twilight couldn’t tell you better. Isn’t that right?” He turned to look at her.
Twilight’s eye was twitching, again, which raised warning bells in all but one of the table’s occupants. “So, Rarity,” a very forced, desperation-edged cheer clawed its way into her voice, “Why don’t you tell Flash about the time I tried to brainwash the whole town? Or a bit about that time I made the parasprites eat Ponyville? How about when I made Fluttershy into a vampire batpony by mistake? Why don’t you tell him a bit about that?” She panted, her eyes daring anypony to try to let Flash talk more about her good points.
“You turned Fluttershy into a vampire batpony?” Celestia looked down at her in surprise. “I’m struggling to see a motivation to do that.”
Twilight sighed, resigning herself to talking more about herself. “I thought it would be a good way to stop vampire bats from eating Applejack’s harvest if I could turn them into insect eaters, so I got Fluttershy to do it using an amplified version of her Stare. Unfortunately, the resulting magical feedback turned her into an apple-loving vampire pony. Seems pretty silly, doesn’t it?”
“I’ll admit there was some lack of foresight, but at least your intentions were in the right place.” Celestia smiled at Twilight. “Still, I’m surprised you didn’t remember our lessons on accounting for potential side effects before testing new spells. Especially after the parasprite incidents. And the Want It, Need It incident. In fact,” Celestia stroked her chin, “I think we could stand to do some lessons on the correct and ethical use of mental magic at some point.”
Twilight nodded. “Absolutely! That’s a pretty big flaw, wouldn’t you say?”
Celestia scrutinized Twilight, not willing to play the game any more. “Failings in one school of magic out of dozens is a vastly impressive track record, Twilight. You are a wonderful mage.”
“The best! Besides, changing Flittershine into a fruit bat is still amazing! We could use ponies like that for stealth!” Flash defended, his body raising to quite literally stand in Twilight’s defense.
“Fluttershy needed an entire apple orchard in food to keep her satisfied.” Twilight raised an eyebrow, a vein in her forehead appearing.
“And our espionage unit would be unlikely to find giant vampire bat ponies to be a good way to stay inconspicuous.” Celestia sighed.
Flash opened his mouth, but Twilight cut him off. “Flash, I don’t like talking about myself, okay?”
“But why not? You’re so smart and you speak so well. I could listen to you for hours.”
“I don’t doubt it,” Twilight said through clenched teeth, “but I don’t want to talk about myself for hours.” She paused for thought. “In fact, you haven’t once let me try to start a conversation or asked me what I want to talk about! I knew something was annoying me! You haven’t said one thing about yourself beyond “I have a sister and a mother and I play guitar”! Do you even have anything else to say about yourself? I don’t know! But I guess I never will know, because if this keeps going I’ll be telling you about how I saved the town from an Ursa Minor for the next twenty three years, won’t I?!”
“Twilight, dear,” Rarity put a forehoof on her friend’s elbow.
“No! My friends have names, and if you want to date me, I expect you to care enough about them to at least learn them! What’s her name?” Twilight jabbed a hoof at Rarity.
“Umm...Treasured?” Flash scratched his chin. “I don’t really know them very well. But, I mean, I just want to know more about you. And I don’t talk about myself because there’s nothing really interesting to talk about. I’m just your average guy.”
“That’s funny,” Twilight countered, “I know a couple of ‘average guys’. I have a brother, I have a dragon, I have friends with brothers, I’ve met some stallions as Princess, I’ve fought some villains and made friends with some ex-villains who are all ‘guys’. And do you know what my data sample has taught me about ‘average guys’?” Twilight loomed over Flash, her patience long gone. “They actually take some time to learn about me! They learn that I love my friends more than anything else in the world, so they treat them with respect! They learn about things I actually like, so they talk about things that will interest me, like books, or magic, or a lot of other conversations you didn’t try to start! You know one thing they all realized? I’m not a huge fan of me! I don’t really like spending time talking about myself! And if you really, truly wanted to date me, and not some Twilight Sparkle that exists in your head, you’d have realized that twenty minutes ago when I was happier with a minute of being near Pinkie Pie talking about our dinner and the party than I have been in the entire conversation about how wonderful and amazing I am that I’ve been having with you!” Twilight sighed, panting with the exhaustion of the boiling-over anger.
“But you are wonderful and amazing! Why don’t you see that? Why can’t you understand that you’re worth talking about for an hour? That I love you?” Flash said earnestly, placing his hooves directly on the table to stare at Twilight.
Twilight wilted, looking regretful, but at the same time gaining a look in her eye that was decidedly quite different. Something akin to pity. “If you really think it’s me that you’re in love with, you’ll be in for a big surprise with all the ways I’ll disappoint you. All the ways in which I’m not perfect, or amazing in every way, or any of those things.” She sighed. “Go home, Flash. Please. We’ll both be better off if you do.”
Flash shook his head. “It is you that I’m in love with. I guess it just means I know the real you better than you do.” Twilight’s eyes widened in disbelief.
“Really?” She said, and there was something dangerous in her gaze.
“Maybe I know what’s best for us. Maybe you don’t know yourself at all, and you need to learn what you’re really like. Maybe you aren’t ready to see how great you really are, and I need to show yo--” Flash disappeared in a burst of salmon magic, and the table was left with three occupants.
The romantically stilted guard arrived with a flash, landing on his stomach against a hard stone floor. Flash blinked and looked around, finding himself faced with a row of cots and nondescript walls. The barracks. Twilight had sent him home.
---／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼---
Rarity stared at the place where Flash Sentry had been a few moments before, then turned to Twilight with a look somewhere between shock and relief. Twilight gave a weak smile. “Well, that kinda got rid of any dreams I might have had about dating a guard being the best thing for me.”
Rarity tilted her head. “You wanted to date a guard?”
Twilight gave a chuckle. “I thought I did. I don’t know any more. I know I want to date somepony who wants to know my friends. But it’s not a problem. I don’t think my bad date should ruin yours’.” She looked between them with a smile, then to Celestia. “Come on. I’ll be your wing-mare.”
Celestia laughed at that. “I couldn’t ask for a better one, though somehow I suspect a friend of yours is unlikely to bite, Twilight.”
“Cuuuuuupcakes!” A bouncy voice sang from the kitchen. Pinkie Pie strode towards them on stiff legs, her crisp collar and immaculate false moustache stained with frosting. She lowered the plate from her back to the table with delicate grace, then gave a rigid bow. “Your meal, ma-dam-mwah-zell-ehs.” She noticed the empty place at the table, and immediately the charade dropped into one of concern. “Where did Flash go?”
Twilight looked between the other mares, biting her lip.
“He had to poof.” Celestia said with one of her more devious grins.
“Oh, okie dokie! If you see him again, tell him we still have to throw him a party.” Pinkie smiled, bouncing off toward the kitchen. It was only after she had that Twilight and Rarity allowed themselves a relieved giggle.
“Now, Twilight, her maj--Celestia and I have been discussing the potential for my creating a counterculture in Canterlot. Something that might avoid ruffians like that awful,” she shuddered, “Blueblood. What are your thoughts?”
Twilight looked up at Celestia with shining eyes. “That would be great, wouldn’t it? You wanted to change the nobility around, didn’t you?”
“It absolutely would.” Celestia agreed. “But Rarity is currently trying to convince me that I should become a figure in the centre of the social circles she is hoping to influence.”
Twilight bit her lip. “I’m sorry, Rarity, but I don’t think that would be such a good idea.”
“But your majes--Celestia! You would lead such a wonderfully full social life! Isn’t that what you wanted? Some company?” Rarity was staring directly into Celestia’s eyes at this point, making the ruler have to fight back the urge to squirm. The sea wall was back, but this time Rarity had an agent on the inside to bring her the intelligence she needed.
“Rarity, Celestia doesn’t really like being the centre of attention. She hates the Gala, remember? That’s not because of the noble’s attitudes. It’s because your forearm gets tired from all the hoof-shaking and because everypony wants you to bless them with this or that compliment.” Twilight dangled a limp hoof for emphasis, and Celestia gave her a grateful smile. “Neither of us do, really. You wouldn’t even ask if I wanted to be the centre of attention at a party, would you?”
Rarity sighed in regret. “I suppose not. But you spend so much time on your throne helping others, darling. Isn’t that the same thing?”
“The focus there is on the problems being faced, not me personally. Besides which, I love my little ponies more than I fear their judgement. If I had to confess every event of my private life daily in order to keep my kingdom running well, I would.” Rarity opened her mouth, looking defiant, but Celestia had more to say. “My personal life I would rather spend quietly. I suppose you could say that makes me shy. I prefer to think that I would rather have a few friends who I can treasure deeply and get to know intimately, as opposed to many I will be perpetually disappointing with business and the spread of my attention to the many who wish to spend time with me. I did not even have time for dear Twilight at the Gala, and I invited her expressly because I wanted a companion through the evening.”
Twilight, who had been nodding along at what was being said up until that point, looked at Celestia in surprise. “You did?”
“Of course. I sent those invites to you and Spike hoping to see you both again. I missed you deeply those first few months, and it wasn’t a week before I needed to be certain I would see you again. It’s not every day I steal five tickets to the Gala from the royal stash.”
“Oh, Princess, you don’t mean to say five ponies didn’t get to go just so my friends and I could?”
“I was sure to give the five who lost their tickets compensation and make some spares. But yes, I did take them from other ponies in the heat of the moment. Oh, Luna was so surprised at how panicky I was getting, and--” She closed her mouth, noticing that Twilight was looking at her in concern and Rarity had a scold on the tip of her tongue. “Yes. I suppose it was rather unfair of me.”
Twilight’s concern was still there. “I shouldn’t come before anypony else, Princess. Nopony should.”
Celestia gave a guilty blush. The judging eyes of the ponies she was working towards a friendship with caused her to freeze, and all she could offer was a timid. “But you do, Twilight. I--I am sorry, but that is the truth. You saved me, over and over again, and everypony in my kingdom, and you gave me back my sister. And I’m sorry if that hurts you, but it is how I feel.”
Rarity bit her lip, uncertain of what to say, but Twilight touched Celestia with a wingtip, her eyes shimmering. “It’s okay, Princess. I do the same thing, you know? But I think it’s something we have to work on. Yeah?”
Rarity blinked, because the impenetrable sea wall built over the span of eons had melted in the span of five minutes, and now Celestia was wrapping her wing around Twilight and hugging her back. The dressmaker raised an eyebrow.
Twilight pulled away to look up at Celestia. “Do you remember the time you were dealing with that griffon noble who kept criticizing your rule and saying ‘the days of little Equestria are dwindling’ in that gloomy voice?”
Celestia snickered. “The one you turned into a chicken when you heard him call me ‘insufficient and indecisive’?”
“That’s the one!”
“I remember he was too embarassed to make an incident out of it when I changed him back.” They both exploded into giggles.
“‘No, you’re the one who’s little and dwindling, Mr. Chickenhead!’”
“‘What? Twilight?! Wait, no--!!’”
“‘Bwuaqaark!’”
The giggles became laughter, and soon the two were both catching their breath doubled over the plate of cupcakes. Rariy nibbled one in silence, her eyes scanning their faces. Twilight composed herself again. “Anyway, um, I should let you to get back to your date. Maybe I’ll go talk to Pinkie for a while.”
Pinkie chimed in from the kitchen. “That would be great!”
Twilight nodded, then jumped off her chair. “Coming!”
Rarity and Celestia watched her go, but Rarity turned her back to Twilight once she had reached the kitchen. “You could have simply told me that you didn’t like being the centre of attention, you know.”
Celestia gave Rarity a wearied smile. “I could have, but I find it much simpler to let ponies draw conclusions from my actions on their own. Explaining details tends to involve me in situations like the one I was in until Twilight cut in.” She gave a sigh. “That is also why I avoid drawing ponies in quickly. I find so often ponies are unwilling to look beyond my exterior of perfection, and are quick to judge me harshly when they see a fallible pony beneath. That is why Twilight is special. I find it hard to trust ponies after--well, either way, I find it hard to trust ponies. Twilight is unique that way, as she has never turned on me or abandoned me.” She stared at her food.
Rarity reached out a hoof, but did not stretch across the table to touch Celestia. “Celestia, when I reacted the way I did, I did not mean to judge you ‘harshly’ or turn on you. I merely thought it was unfair of you to behave the way you did. I would say the same to Rainbow Dash, Pinkie or any of my other friends.” Celestia still shifted on her chair, her expression of serenity belying her discomfort.
“I can understand that, Rarity, but do keep in mind I am not like your other, older friends. Not yet, at least.” Celestia lowered the barrier once more, touching the hoof that had been extended to her at last, and Rarity found herself relaxing alongside the Princess.
“I will try to keep that in mind, then.”
“As I will try to keep your advice in mind.” Celestia smiled a genuine smile, and at last the room lit up. It was at this point that Celestia realized the table still had seven perfectly untouched cupcakes in place. Four of them levitated to her plate.
“Splendid. Now, where were we? Ah, yes, I was talking about plans for Canterlot. I suppose we’ve talked that to death. Don’t let me shepherd the conversation, dear. Do let’s talk about the world of the Princess.”
Celestia ran conversation topics through her mind. Stargazing was out, as only Twilight and Luna had shown interest in the profession amongst any of the ponies she had talked to across her rule. Rarity was unlikely to be engaged by tax forms and bylaws in the way that only Twilight Sparkle could be, and the subject of magic seemed unlikely to tickle her heart the way it had her former protegee and her niece. History was an option, but Celestia decided something closer to home would be best.
“I confess your friendship letter on the subject has made me curious about your sister. Twilight insists that she’s a darling creature whenever I’ve asked, but that wasn’t the impression you’ve given me yourself.”
Rarity put a hoof to her forehead. “Dear Sweetie Belle is a trial, it is true. Twilight learned that herself when she took her on as a student.”
“Twilight has been teaching?”
“Oh, absolutely, yes. She was positively ecstatic over the idea. Though I can hardly blame her. She does love her studies, doesn’t she?”
Celestia countered the memory of Twilight snapping about how shallow and wrong it would be to romance her idol with the knowledge that the subject could be good conversation matter in the future. “She does that, there is no doubt.” Celestia realized with a start that she had completely derailed the conversation, and had to force down a blush. “But you were talking about Sweetie Belle.”
Rarity nodded slowly. “Yesss. I was, wasn’t I? Well, Sweetie is a dear, but she is, unfortunately, rather a bit naive. Oh, she means the best, but it is always a trial coming home to whatever chaos she has thought up this time.” She thought for a moment, then closed her mouth.
“Is there something else?”
“Oh, it’s nothing.” Rarity scrutinized Celestia, then changed to an expression of thoughtfulness. “Actually, you may have some experience with this sort of behaviour. Recently Sweetie has become...well, she is becoming a teen, I suppose. You know how teens are.” Rarity said with a wave of her hoof.
“I was one myself, yes. Though I confess Cadance and Twilight were rather unlike your average teenagers, so I’m not certain I do. Perhaps teens have changed since my day. I am a bit dated, after all.” She nibbled a cupcake with dainty precision, pulling the wrapper off with a delicate application of her magic.
“You were a teenager?” Rarity tried and failed to avoid gaping, her mind reeling at the thought of a teenage version of the dignified royal in front of her. It seemed almost as surreal as the pony stammering and blushing under the eyes of herself and her friend from earlier in the afternoon.
“Of course, dear. I didn’t simply show up, you know. I was rather bratty, too, truth be told.” Celestia’s expression took on a mischevious grin, enjoying the nostalgia. “I was a little prankster, and quite an attention-seeker. And, before you ask, yes, somewhere down the line I am related to Rainbow Dash, but no, she cannot trace her ancestry back to me.”
Rarity titled her head. “Wherever would you think I would get that idea?”
Celestia raised an eyebrow. “You mean she hasn’t made that claim around you? She spread some rumors that she was related to me directly once she learned one of her ancestors was related to my uncle by a very long line of descent, and I’ve been dealing with rumors of secret children hidden from the world ever since. Some papers even say she’s my daughter. Though, to be fair, those same rumors have existed around Twilight since the instant I took her in.”
Rarity pulled her head back in disbelief. “Related to you? Rainbow Dash?”
Celestia chuckled. “I am over four thousand years old. One tends to be related to quite a few ponies after long enough. I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m related to you somewhere down the line.”
“And what about the rest of Equestria?” Rarity pressed. “What about Twilight?”
“Almost everypony I meet has some distant relation to me or other. Twilight is no different. I have met parents and uncles of most of the ponies I know today, and many of my friends and family I have known since they were children. It’s a very unusual lifestyle, granted, but any relationship I form at all has some stage wherein I am more parent than friend or family, most likely. And most of my fellow immortals are either directly related to me or enemies of mine.”
“You mean to say that you see me as a child?” Rarity raised an eyebrow.
“I mean to say that the way I experience aging is so alien to yours that the fact that I may or may not have known you as a child is by this point irrelevant to how I see you as an adult. If I babied everypony in Equestria, the entire civilization would have stagnated by now. Besides, many ponies who I once was teaching basic speech are now capable of shaming me in their skills in leadership and heroism, like Twilight, Cadance or Spike.”
Rarity nodded, relaxing back to a smile. “That seems quite reasonable to me, yes. Though I must say, darling, this is all rather overwhelming for me.” She pursed her lips.
Celestia nodded. “I would imagine so, yes. That is yet another reason I am rather adamant on not opening the doors too quickly. My unusual biology can make it hard for other ponies to empathize with me. But that said, while my species has some unique traits that bring me a lengthy history, I hope you can appreciate our discussions from the perspective of one pony to another, as I have been doing. Remember, regardless of my age or my unusual background, I still experience things the same way any other pony does. And when it comes to experience with teenage younger sisters, I certainly have that.”
“You mean Luna?” Rarity unraveled a cupcake of her own, munching it with small, carefully measured bites.
“Luna and Sweetie Belle, I suppose. I certainly can imagine what you mean. Luna was always impulsive, always wished to be the centre of attention, always needed somepony to validate her. I tried to be there for her, but given I was myself only pulling out of a similar phase of need for recognition, it was likely not enough. Has Sweetie manifested her problems in any way?”
Rarity finished her cupcake with a heavy swallow. “Now that you mention it, yes. I remember her chasing me down to warn me she had sabotaged a costume of mine a while back because of how well my costumes went over in her play.”
Celestia looked troubled. “That does seem rather extreme, yes. You may wish to talk to her, then. I have found that avoiding judgement is the best way, myself. She is acting that way because she feels afraid, not malevolent.”
“Okie dokie lokie!” Pinkie Pie’s voice cut through the discussion from the kitchen, as did an explosion of confetti.
“Wait, Pinkie!” Came Twilight’s voice shortly after. “Ponyfeathers…” Her voice trailed off.
Rarity blinked, then turned back to Celestia. “Yes, and we did have that exact discussion, but thank you. If ever we have any further problems, I’d be grateful if I had somepony to turn to for advice. It’s a shame there isn’t some manual for dealing with growing up, isn’t there?”
“The Growing Pony:A Comprehensive Guide. Shelf twelve, first row, twenty-second from the right. Pony Decimal System designation 612: Equine Physiology.” Twilight interjected, arriving from the kitchen with a plate of cookies and a tea kettle.
“Hello, Twilight.” Celestia smiled over at the smaller pony. “How is Pinkie Pie?”
“She’s...active. She seems pretty set on this whole ‘dating party’ thing to me. She was really sad that the whole Flash thing didn’t work out. Right now she’s off finding somepony who she said she’s sure ‘has a super duper big crush on me and would love to try to date me’. Or something. Anyway, how has it been going with you two?”
Rarity and Celestia glanced at one another. “There have been some hiccups,” Rarity said after a pause, “but thus far I must say I have been enjoying myself. Celestia and I were just talking about our sisters.”
Twilight looked at Celestia in concern. “What about?”
Celestia smiled back. “We were merely talking about some of the trials of facing sisterly jealousy and how to manage it. And, of course, the teenage years.”
Rarity, doing her best to step around the elephant in the room for the second time, gave Twilight a devious smile. “Specifically, she mentioned that she was there for your teenage years, Twilight.”
Celestia gave a saintly smile. “I couldn’t possibly break the trust of a friend like Twilight by embarrassing her like that.” Twilight sighed with relief. “I can, however, tell you her older brother has a photo album, if you’re curious.” The saintly smile turned devious.
“Princess!” Twilight wailed, blushing.
“The Invisible Noodle Incident was of particular interest to me. As was The Book-eating Salamander Incident.”
“Princess!”
Twilight’s crimson face hit the table. Rarity paused in her chuckles. “But Celestia, wouldn’t you already know about her foalhood?”
Celestia smiled. “Oh, I have some stories from our lessons, but truth be told her brother and sister--sister-in-law, sorry, were the ones who raised her when she was in Canterlot with me. I was merely her magic tutor. Besides which, Twilight certainly has her stories about me. Ask her about the royal tea proclamation some time.”
Twilight, still fighting down her blush, managed to say, “‘All ponies wishing to sit in court on this day must first provide an active solution to the current tea shortage, so proclaims her majesty.’”
Celestia chuckled. “‘But your majesty, what about the petitioners for the royal dam project?’”
Twilight began to snicker. “‘Send them an aide. Because without any tea, frankly, Mr. Penthouse, I don’t give a--’”
“Twilight? Celestia?” Rarity cleared her throat. “I don’t mean to intrude, but I’m afraid I’m starting to seem rather like a third wheel. Truth be told, this whole date has been rather overwhelming, as lovely as our chats have been.”
“Oh, yes, my apologies, Rarity. I don’t mean to come across as so distracted. Tonight has been...hectic.” Celestia noticed Rarity’s word choice, and this time the blush escaped before Celestia had the time to fight it back.
Rarity merely gave a knowing smile. “That is quite alright, darling. Maybe we might make some more progress as friends when you are a little less ‘distracted’?” She smiled knowingly at Twilight, who merely blinked in confusion. Celestia, to her horror, blushed more at this, cursing herself for her loss of control.
Twilight looked between the two of them, her confusion slowly growing into suspicion, and she opened her mouth to speak. What Celestia heard, however, was not Twilight’s investigations or Rarity’s teasing, but rather the sound of a bombastic entrance directly behind her. The doors banged open, and a bright blue mare stood proudly framed within the entrance. With a flourish of her flowing star-studded cape, she threw her hooves up above her head.
“Fear not, Twilight Sparkle! Your greatest and most powerful of rivals is here to bring you the best date night of your life!”
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"Trixie."
"Sparkle."
Holy moly, this is written really well! And more interestingly, it flows just like an episode of the show might. The whole "there's a small problem that gradually spins out of control" thing is classic FiM, and I'm glad you've mastered it. Also, Pinkie's performance arguably outdoes her canon counterpart here, so bravo! Keep up the good work!
TRIXIE!
Oh dear lord here comes Twilight's in-verse fangirl
Oh god. Trixie? And right as Rarity was about to force the heart of the matter?
pun intended
4858080 Your avatar is relevant to your comment.
A wild trixie appeared!
Twilight used banish!
Trixie returned home.
Celestia gained 9999 xp.
And this is why we don't let Trixie in Twilestia stories: she makes it awkward.
... Trixie, I will admit I didn't see that coming. Ha! HA!
y u do dis
I've said it before and I'll say it again: this story has the best Twilight/Celestia chemistry I've ever read
I can just gape, completely openmouthed.
I did not see that coming at all.
I sat there for almost a whole minute just staring at the screen in mute shock.
Have a moustache. A hundred moustaches. Have a (moustache to the power of moustache) moustaches.
^
Have ALL of the moustaches.
Poo, meet fan. Fan, meet poo. You two are now the best of friends and will have fun with a high speed tackling contest.
That was so funny! Reference from Pokemon, BTW
Trixie? Ohhh, yessss... This is gonna be good.
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This is gonna be equal parts painfully awkward and hilarious.
SUDDENLY, TRIXIE OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE!
And somehow, as unexpected as that was, I'm not surprised. It's still hilarious, however. Trixie is so wonderfully amusing and the chaos she brings will probably be very interesting. I think some ponies will find her interference to be very unwelcome.
4857998
^ This. This is basically my opinion as well.
4858080>>4858348 4858296 4858223 i.imgur.com/6pmGxlY.png
4858080
There's only one solution, Rarity will have to seduce Trixie! Then they can go off and be overdramatic at each other and leave Twilight and Celestia alone.
Freaking Trixie, awwwww yeah
Trixie ! hahaha does she knows for what she is in ? hahahaha
i would laugh if she gets together with flash in the end of the story
I see what you did there.
4859290 I'm glad somepony caught it.
4859149 I actually have an idea for a story shipping Trixie. But you'd never guess with who.
4859303
Bulk Biceps! Wait, no, Twist!
4859317 No and no.
You are the worst.
4859389 x4.fjcdn.com/comments/What+kinda+loser+wants+to+be+a+Magical+Girl+anyway+_6dc220dd3f7f8bdfd51af823f089d8a4.jpg
4859392
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/786/656/d7b.jpg
4859227
That could work actually. Now, we just need an Ursa Major to attack the barracks while Trixie's there...
4859425 maybe just storys of how great trixie is doing would be enough ...
Just when I got to the end, and though awww, it's so cute watching those two.
Then, Trixie!
Well… fuck.
This story is hillarious. Poor Rarity feeling like a third wheel. The dialogue is well-written and the way the conversation keeps derailing itself is a wonderful hint of what that pony is really thinking about. Now Rarity has caught on to Celestia's crush. I hope she can work some magic of her own.
But god damnit Trixie...
Flash got off too easy. I would have made Twilight turn every piece of matter in his body to energy, creating a massive explosion. This would permanently destroy every atom that once made up Flash Sentry, never to steal another waifu again!
And here I thought we'd get a nice transition from a tricycle to a bicycle, but then you turned it into a train wreck with Trixie...
Where the hell did the vehicle analogy come from?
4860225
Also destroying Sugar Cube Corner, Rarity, and possibly Twi and Celestia....
4860342
And probably the rest of the world, since each pound of mass would make a 10,000 megaton explosion. (The biggest nuclear weapon ever created by mankind was 50 megatons, and it sent shockwaves around the world three times over). Still, it's a reasonable sacrifice.
4860464
So what you're saying is that just getting through his neutronium-like brain would unleash several tetratonnes of force. Impressive!
Oh... oh dear.
One bit of advise to Trixie in case Twilight dose not work out. There is a white unicorn in search for a very great and attractive mare, hint hint.
That brings up another point, how did Pinkie know whear Trixie even wear at?.... You know what i shouldn't ask.
~Tobben
Aaaaaawww yessssssss
One Flash's exit was wonderful. I love that you made fun of the fact that the 'canon' Flash Sentry has so little characterization that he might as well be a tube of nondescript paste. Also Twi's new dating partner amuses me greatly... oh and Twilight is dumb. Celestia totally wants her and she just can't see it... it makes the story dramatic, so that makes it fine, but I'm on the edge of my seat waiting for Twilight to finally infuriate Celestia enought that the Sun goddess finally kisses her.
Last, I'm impressed that you sneaked in Trixie, I was expecting attempted Twinkie, but teasing Twixie is fun too... Then again Pinkie is Pinkie so... yeah. See you at the next lovely chapter.
Holy shit a wild trixie appears!! and that the gods flash is gone.
stellar as usual dear author and i eagerly await more.
I, of course, think it's remarkable that the humans, out in their little world, use 612 for their physiology. I refuse to believe, though, that Melvil Dewey is related to Celestia.
(Seriously: nice touch. I love stuff like that, especially when it sneaks up on me.)
4859303
Never guess? ... Let's see, pretty sure Trixie's been shipped with pretty much everypony so far, even Spike.
... Winona?
4862556 Thank ye. I decided it wouldn't feel right to not look it up.
4863580 Still no!
4857992 I had to.
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Wow. Great chapter. LOL. Flash got the axe, and Trixie tries to steal the spot.
You did good getting rid of Flash. I approve whole heartedly.
Oh no.... We just got rid of Flashlight.... now we've got Twixie to deal with....
Pinkie Pie, what have you done?!?