• Member Since 20th Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen Apr 20th, 2017


The window through which we perceive life is what defines our experience of it. We are only aware of a small fraction of what our senses pick up. We can all choose how we see the world.


Luna starts to look back on her life, until one memory in particular comes to mind. She always thought that she was in the shadow of her older sister, even when they were young. Until, she remembers that one night alone.

The credit for the cover art goes to - MBlood

This story has been approved by Luna's Fanfiction Library

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 50 )

Everything and more of what I expected in a story from you. Great job!.

4149363 Thank you so much! :twilightsmile:

Great story. Only one thing. You seemed to mix Luna's and Celestia's ages. What I mean is, in many parts, you portray Luna as being the older sister. While in actuality, Celestia is the older one. Here is an example: "Luna opened the door with her hoof, analyzing the room with her eyes and looking at her YOUNGER sister". There are other such cases. The only exception where you got it right was this one: "Luna wiped a tear away from her eyes. I love you so much, BIG SIS.". Just to let you know, as you may want to correct this.

Maexam out.

4149627 I'll be sure to edit it right now. Oh, and thank you! :)

Aww that was cute and sad. :fluttershysad: The feels were pretty good, although like that one guy said is that the whole age difference is a bit wrong. Other than that this story is perfect! :twilightsmile:

4154115 Don't worry, I fixed the age difference problem! I'm glad that you loved the story, I always aim to please. :twilightsmile:

4149650 You're welcome. And it's no problem at all.

this is kinda like mine. :trollestia:

4507932 What are the odds?! :rainbowlaugh:


I have read and reviewd your work, so here are some of my play by play comments, and then overall review;

''My sister, you must lower the moon!'' Celestia's eyes started to form a wave of tears. ''It is your duty!''

''I am no longer Luna, I am Nightmare Moon!'' Nightmare Moon glided up to the ceiling of the castle, crashing through the hard, granite ceiling. She had no intentions, but to get rid of her sister permanently.

((you started with great description, however, this part feels rushed. To be picky, horses/ponies don’t actually have tear-ducts, so they can’t shed tears. Don’t think that really matters. Anyways, you could slow it down a little, by describing the torment going on in each of their hearts, how Luna must feel, battling Nightmare Moon, (there IS a small inner battle, no?) and how Celestia must feel, seeing her beloved sister go to the dark side…much despair, I would imagine! Describe that, and it will help slow down the pace a bit.
Also, what does Luna look like compared to N’Moon? Is her gaze darker? Flashing shadows in her mane or eyes? A evil glint? Readers live for this sorta detail…at least, I do, and if you really wanna play the two egos of Luna well, these descriptions are a must.))

Celestia's horn shot out a powerful blast of magic, as the Elements of Harmony…

((What does this look like, the powerful blast? Can you describe it, like a glowing aura, or a slimey green wave of ickyness? See how lack of description leaves the reader open to what you might not want them to invision?))

The screams were heard all around in the air from ear to ear, while the citizens were scrambling for cover in their homes with the sad news of one of Canterlot's royals planning to plunge Equestria into an eternal night.

((Well, that was fast. How was the news spread so quickly?? Again, rushed. If you want to portray this properly, delve into the citizens’ panic and chaos, describe the terror, and how that terror spread, so that eventually, not long after, they all knew. See where I’m going with this?))

Nightmare Moon tried to tread on and defeat her younger sister, but Celestia's beam was too much for her. The beam's bright light flashed in front of her eyes, in which it engulfed her and shot her up into the sky. ''Noooooooo!''

((Again, fast and abrupt. Add the struggle; was her pelt damp from sweat from the effort? Were her muscles burning? Head spinning from maintaining the magic? Gritting her teeth? DETAILS!!!))

Luna left her private chamber and headed to the inside of the castle….

((what does the castle look like? What are the halls to Celestia’s tower like? Is she alone as she walks, or does she pass guards?))

''Who is it?''
''Seriously, sister, we have been living in this castle for a thousand years.''
''You may enter.''

((This is funny, I like this humor. It adds a good comic relief to the downcast mood you have set – which, by the way – you are keeping a great job at maintain the mood. It takes good writing to stay true to the mood you are trying to set. Well done!))

Luna opened the door with her hoof, analyzing the room with her eyes and looking at her older sister along with her pet phoenix. ''Greetings, my sister.''

((Annnd…time to describe what they look like in her eyes!!))

''Actually, I had the memory of the night that you banished me to the moon where I was a prisoner. All alone without being allowed to return for a thousand years.'' Luna proclaimed.

((Proclaimed?? I think she would feel sheepish about it, sad, uncomfortable? If not, make sure to describe how she feels, so it is appropriete to say ‘proclaim.’ Maybe it is just me, but proclaim seems to strong of a word for this.))

Luna laid down next to her sister on the rug, feeling a little more comfortable with her. As the moon shined in the sky with the stars flickering on and off, the warmth of the fireplace and the bond between the two sisters made it all worth while.
Luna wiped a tear away from her eyes. I love you so much, big sis.

((Beautiful ending. :) ))

Rating; 2/5 stars.

Overall, add more DESCRIPTION!! This piece has so much untapped potential. Your strength is definitely setting and maintaining a mood, but it is hard for the reader to keep up as you rush it. Readers need to be brought along slowly, so you can intensify or slowly change the mood you are writing.
For instance;

Soooo much more description could have been used! Readers live for this kinda stuff, and battle scenes have so much potential to be epic, but with lack of description, sensory details and emotions, it goes by way to fast, with lack of…epic-ness. You feel me?

When she entered C’Tia’s room, she seemed like “Hoity toity, everything is fine, wanna snuggle?” when, if you had used description as she walked to the room, you could have toyed with her emotions, and the readers. What was she thinking of the memory? Did she manage to shake of fher feelings by the time she reached the room, which is why she was able to ‘proclaim’? Or was she feeling shaky, sad, and wanted comfort?
If she wanted comfort, the ending few sentences fit in much better.

That is all I have so far, I am glad that I was able to read it, because it was good, with lots of potential! If you have any questions, concerns, smart alec remarks, feel free to PM me, and make sure to send me more review requests!

While you are at it, you may return the favor and respond with a rating to my review? 

Well done,

Untill the next time we meet in the wonderful written world,

~Inspector Me

4585325 Thank you for your honest review man, really appreciate it! I should be more descriptive in my stories and actually convey emotion, similar to acting. Thanks again, I will be sure to improve! :pinkiehappy: 5/5 for your review.

4585403 Check out my SIsters Forever when you can, please? :pinkiehappy:

4585406 I did already. :pinkiehappy:

4585408 Comment? Like? :)

4585414 Liked, but did not comment yet.

4585450 Well, I will comment.

Huh, I know a guy that wrote a slightly similar story with the same title...

4671759 1Shot as well, written like, December 2013 or something, can't even remember his name...

4671760 Maybe the inspiration came from that story.

4671764 Well, both stories are pretty great. :twilightblush:

4671778 Aye', have you ever woundered why no ponies ever wear sunglasses indoors?

4671782 Not really, maybe they don't mind the glare of the sun.

4671792 Celestia, please.

4671797 Celestia, wat'ru u doin? Celestiah, stahp.

4671801 I'll make sure that she does. :raritywink:

4671811 Communist ponies.
Speaking of which, did you read The Aryan Next Door?

4671822 Love that, Sir Hat is awesome.
But he scares me slightly, one day he just randomly up and followed me, i'm still not sure how to feel about that xD

4671827 Better to accept it. xD

4671829 I think i'll go with honoured, but on guard.

4671837 poking intensifies.

4671853 Intensify the intensifies the pokingly intensify.

4671855 The poking is so painful!

4671856 A thousand nordic stars poke!

4671862 Thanks a lot, Loki. :facehoof:

4671870 I'm Swedish, i'm allowed to!
Ten Thousand Fingers Glare Poke!

4671888 The Poke To Rule Them All!

4585473 is just me, or if I put Chaotic's profile pic on the right, and Arya's on left, it looks like they're weary of each other, staring each other down.

4703963 Maybe it does. :rainbowhuh:

4777288 Of course I will! :pinkiehappy:

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