Ash, Prince of a Kingdom has been transported to world very different from his... will he find what here what he didn't from before?
Chapters (10)
- Member Since 27th Mar, 2014
- offline last seen Nov 5th, 2019
posponer
I like Pokemon and I'm a brony... I'm also a gamer... mostly handhelds though... expect lots of crossovers made by me... :)
posponer
Joined 27th Mar, 2014 ·
Offline
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Looks good...
This very enjoyable, but I stopped counting mistakes after 36. I will happily fill the role, but dude, you need an Editor.
4187183 Haha yeah I re-read the whole 3 chapters and noticed some errors here and there... XD.. I'll fix them after I take my nap thanks for the heads up
Great chapter. The AJ/Ash cuddle was adorable.
4187409 Haha thanks... I really find Applejack cute for some reason... maybe because of her southern accent? I don't really know... I just like her...
I really enjoyed it when Ash uses his charm.
4254373 Me too, friend. Me too. He reminds me of Charlie Sheen, except with feelings and a heart.
I see the name Ash... is this a Pokemon crossover or something, or is that just his name?
4268684 This is basically a Pony Centric... it's semi crossover with an Archaic Ash but the only real pokemon here right now is Lucario...
I have an idea to add more once I get a little further from the story...4268696 I don't really care what pokemon are involved. I just wanted to know if it was a Pokemon crossover or if the dude's name was Ash just because. Pretty sure I got my answer based on the groups this is in.
4268737 glad to have that straightened out then
at the end only one thing bugged me
A great news is just great news or a great thing to happen to you
but the rest is great
like and fav for you by good author
see ya next update
Twilight should change her fur color to red just to save herself the embarrasment.
That's it. I'm done. I quit. I refuse to read further.
This story is just god awful. I would have quit reading earlier, but because it was Pokemon, and a Ye Olde English version of Ash, I decided to give it a chance. I'm sorry to say that I regret reading this. The grammar, punctuation, and odd random capitalization were just turn offs since the very first paragraph. Now after I read halfway through chapter two, I can no longer continue.
I suck at Ye Olde English, so when I can tell that you did it wrong, you dun fucked it up. Even after all that, there's the story in general. He comes to Equestria, then meets the Mane 6, who immediately believe him except for Rainbow Dash. That part was okay. It was a start, and sometimes beginnings are hard to do. But them, after all that, when the Elements of Harmony activate, he transforms into an alicorn, the Mane 6 tear up at the thought that he almost died while all slapping him (sans Pinkie/Fluttershy), he gets the seventh hidden Element, and he tells them all the truth. That right there... that's what should have tipped me off that this story was a metaphorical sinking ship.
Then we have his magic and flight. He's a bipedal being originally, yet he can somehow walk perfectly fine on all fours, with a body he's never had before. He can also somehow fly perfectly, and according to the beginning of chapter two, can use teleportation magic. Teleportation magic is an extremely advanced level spell that Twilight was only able to barely pull off after years and years of magical study. He is using sage level magic after a single day. Let me reiterate this for you. You cannot pull off god tier magic after suddenly gaining powers like that.
Then we have the plot in general. You show him using high level magic, then have him ask Twilight to teach him magic even though he's apparently at the same level as her. You also have pretty much all the Mane 6 devolving into blushing school fillies every time he does something remotely 'charismatic'. Then after that, we have the confrontation with the guards. They won't let him in, he gets mad at them after they pull the whole 'hurr hurr, nope. Nopony is seein' da princess today boyo' guard shtick. Then after that, Luna appears and tells them to stand down, only for them to disobey her, which is not something a guardsman would do after being trained to always listen to their superiors. She then points out he's a prince, and they finally see his wings and horn and immediately apologize to him, where he lets them off the hook just as quickly.
That's where I stopped. I'm sorry, but this story was an absolute waste of my time. I tried to give it a chance; I really did. But the amount of errors in this is just inexcusable. And this is me being lenient! I saw what you said about it being your first story, so I gave you some leeway. But the sheer amount of errors in this is absolutely dreadful! You spit in the face of common English when you write like this!
4302792 well... I don't really know what to say other than.... Thanks for giving it a try? Anyways different strokes for different folks and all that. Sorry if it wasn't your kind of juice or stuff
I've had more destructive comments in life that the comment/review you gave me is more of a helpful thing for me so really.... Thanks for that. 
THIS WAS FUCKING AWSOME
I really love it when you update. Seeing the mares blush with Ash's charm never gets old.
4460577 Thanks man, that comment helps a lot.
I've been busy with RL stuff, but I'll still try to update from time to time. 
Okay... With all the mares... A harem is manditory for this story. The only other story I have seen pull it off was "Spiders and Magic: The Rise of Spidermane", and even it had a side story. "The Lost Element" couldn't do it without making them background ponies. PLEASE make a harem...
When u update?
Make soon plz.
4732049 I'm just getting some stuff out of the way... Been real busy in life and Depressed for no reason (I may need to talk to my psychiatrist again)
4460705 I found a brother! I love harems My man... so if you also love harems... well... you've found a brother in me
4733789 *raises arms to the heavens* I HAVE FOUND YOU, BROTHER!!!!!!
Great chapter.
Thanks for the update!
may i pleas be granted another one soon?
cool chapter and awesome story overall. I just feel that ash's reaction to it at his camp is a somewhat underwhelming. Though I hope to see a powerful reaction from ash about this development in the next chapter. So well done on the story thus far.
Loved the ending.
awesome, though I wonder if this is AU because of the very different background and personality if ash?
:)
very nice
need add Pikachu without Pikachu won't be lose. and word be the same way they are brother and family.
When is the next update?
When is the next update?
Sooo, this can go two ways. An old member of ash's family or alternative universe ash