Rainbow Dash takes a nap

After a long day of flying, doing daring stunts, and being awesome, Ponyville's premiere weather pony takes a nap.

Chapters (2)

Comments ( 7 )

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DismantledAccount

DismantledAccount #1 · May 9th, 2014 · · · Revelations ·

It's a decent try, I'll give it that. But you've got some grammatical errors that could be cleaned up with the help of an editor.

Though, the main problems of this story are more of style choice than grammar. First of all, it's rushed. Second of all, you've got some pretty major "telling" going on. Fix those, and your story will improve. There are probably more, but a story is like an onion, to me. I gotta work in layers to find everything.

Besides that, I'll give it a like, I guess.

See the site Writing Guide for more help.

ponyartist

ponyartist #2 · May 9th, 2014 · · · Revelations ·

Not baby I liked it enough to see if you keep going with it and what you'll do. If I may make a suggestion maybe you could through a little splash of silent hill in their but that's just me.

NLRscout

NLRscout #3 · May 9th, 2014 · · · Revelations ·

4363200 Thanks for the comment, and yeah, I realize it's pretty rushed, but that's also why the chapters are so short. In my experience, not a whole lot of people want to read walls of text explaining menial things. The 'telling' is also due to the chapter length, if I didn't do that, there wouldn't be any sort of progression. If you would like me to write longer chapters, I will, I was just under the impression that nobody liked really long chapters that drag on. About the editor and grammatical errors, I apologize. I'm not the best at sorting those out, but I try, and I can't find an editor. Anyways, thanks again for the comment, hope I didn't sound like a dick.

Tailgate