WARNING! This story, DOES, have spoilers for the first and a tiny bit of the second games in the series so be careful when reading.
Serenade Stereo never had much 'luck' in his life. There was never a dull moment at least.
One day he receives a letter from the mysterious 'Hope's Peak Academy' explaining that they had seen his work and would like him to attend their school as one of the 'Super High School Level' students.
As he crosses the gate he passes out and wakes up with 15 other ponies his age also accepted for their talents as 'Super High School Levels'. They soon learn that they aren't there for their talents at all, but to be forced by a demonic creature that goes by the name 'Monkuma' to live in his 'School Life of Mutual Killings'...
I think it's cool that as someone who hasn't seen a single episode of Dangan Ronpa, I can still follow every bit of this story. That's just a testament to the fact that you're actually a competent writer. Congratulations.
4143289 Well thanks, I was hesitant to start off with this because it is a really rare crossover and thank you for the feedback
So far pretty good.
lol I think I'm gonna like the main protagonist. Also there a few errors but nothing major.
4148116 I'll re-read it to find the errors, thanks for letting me know there isn't anything huge that was wrong
4147959 Are the two of us the only ones who have noticed this story?
4143303 It seems less common now than it was. Sure, there's only five or six, but still, it's clearly not impossible. Well, anyway, welcome to the secret order of DR/MLP crossover authors~!
So far I like it, but for the sake of making good better, here's some constructive criticism: First off, back in chapter 1, you accidentally bolded the whole chapter. I've done that too a couple times, it's an easy fix. Second, some scenes seem a little bit rushed. I'd work on pacing. Third is that there are some parts where I feel you should improve your clarity, but then again I didn't find myself getting lost that much, so maybe I'm just comparing it to my rambly, long winded writing style. Honestly, I really like this story and I'm having trouble finding fault with it. The most serious issues are some spelling/grammar mistakes, and I think I noticed a couple of unfinished sentences.
Now here's the more positive stuff. So far I'm loving these characters. The opening that introduced them all seemed on the short side, but even the first victim got to show off a little bit of his personality, and I feel like I'm really getting to know Beau, B, and Punch, not to mention Seranade. I'm really looking forward to seeing how you characterize the others, because I think that that's where you really shine. Also, while I did complain about rushed scenes, I gotta say I like how 'fun-sized' your chapters are. Personally, I couldn't get under 3000 words if I tried. Anyway, I'm looking forward to solving the murder! Thanks for posting this true work of art!
4154427 Well thanks for the feedback. I'll try to be more careful with my spelling/grammar. I'll read through the other chapters and fix the mistakes in them.
Great so far, BUT I have to say one thing: make sure it is clear who is saying each line. Another Danganronpa story (which I totally recommend, not only because it's good, but because you can see what I'm talking about) had the same problem. Once he started fixing it in later chapters, it got way better.
4183592 Alright, clarity. Got it!
Hypnosis? So the hacker knows hypnosis... was that ever mentioned before now?
4183652 It'll become clear soon
Well, I don't wanna knock ya, but... I honestly can't see a murder method that relies on hypnotism. It's just too out of left field and breaks the suspension of disbelief. If there was a SHSL Hypnotist, or even a Magician, that'd be one thing, but this makes it look like just anyone might know how to perfectly hypnotize someone.
PLEASE don't take that as discouragement, because I love the story otherwise. I just couldn't see that as realistic.
4188951 Oh I clear that part up in the next chapter on why it was that character that could only be the one that done it.
Not bad, though I think you need a proofreader, as the grammatical errors haven't gotten any better. That said, I think Imma stop critiquing every last thing I had a problem with, it's making things look worse than they really are.
4196857 no I do like to know what I need to work on.
4197565 Mkay then. It's good to hear that you can take it.
4198036 It isn't a surprise that there are a few grammar mistakes. I'm in my early teens so...
4198504 Ah. Yeah, definitely keep at it, then. It's better to start young :3
4200066 Thanks
This is the best motive ever! I hope you do great things with this!
I like it so far. Still, there were a few issues with clarity as to who was talking.
The bottom line indicates that Beau is the one speaking, though in context you can tell it's supposed to be Serenade.
Regardless, this is looking to be bloodtastic! Can't wait for the next one!
Nerd culture always seems to be get kill off so fast
The class trial where everything is a living hell!
Hypnotize. Now that is a clever way to try to kill someone.
Well I play this.
Despair nightmare. HOLY SHIT!
This is getting tense.
Gonna first state that I haven't read the fic first.
It's funny how I just saw this here. I've actually had a story with this idea going in my head for a while now.
4349157 Coincidence? I think not
Yay! More Dangan RonPonya!
That anagram tho.
HA! DRAT references...
Well, I'm intrigued, certainly, but I'm having trouble following Serenade's logic. He said that the pipe was used to make the wall bloody, but he didn't give any reason why it HAD to be the pipe. He just insisted that it was involved somehow and everyone accepted his reasoning. I also have to object to the students asking Monokuma for hints, because him actually answering seemed incredibly out of character.
4353297 Well, what it's supposed to mean, which might not seem obvious when you first read it, means that it must have been something damaging to her skull to help create the blood wall alongside the curved weapon, and since it is a metal rod, that would pretty damaging to her skull. I should make that a little clearer, sorry about that
4353458 But B said more than once that it was too thin.
4356489 Oh geez, I forgot about that!
It was clearly Wild. I know this series too well to think that the hamster meant nothing.
4369087 But can you use the evidence provided to backup that theory?
4369988 He needed an accomplice that could fit through the vents, right? What else but hamsters? One of them even chewed her skirt.
4371970 So you've been paying very close attention...well we'll see if you're right, obviously I can't say if you're right or wrong on this. To much of a spoiler
Wait, so why didn't Lock say anything immediately again?
Oh I so can't wait to see how you will kill this wild beast.
4374223 Lock is supposed to be this quiet, mysterious character that enjoys excitement and nobody would really understand, so it's kind of natural for him to not say anything. Plus he left a clue that he thought made the culprit perfectly clear.
4376545 I guess it makes no less sense than when Togami did it in the game.
4377690 Exactly!
Dem feels in this chapter...
I wonder what the punishment will be.
That execution was intense
.
That wasn't good. For the sake of adding some diamond studs to this gold though, I would recommend stretching the executions out a bit. Many people, such as myself had their first experience with Danganronpa through videos of the brutal executions! A single paragraph gets the point across, but not the raw emotion. Make the scene really explode! When a life must end, let it end with a bang!