• Member Since 24th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Sunday

Wise Cracker

Just some guy, who likes animated stuff. That's about it.


Spike's stealing again. He's not sure what caused it, but that doesn't really matter much. What matters is getting a solution.

Fortunately, there is one: Cogitin, a drug that numbs the influence of one's own magic, silencing any compulsions that might arise from it. Ponies use it all the time when they have problems with their talents.

And the drug is perfectly safe, with no side effects.

In principle, at least.

(May rustle some jimmies.)

Chapters (5)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 95 )

“Oatmeal? Are you crazy?” Sweetie Belle went wide-eyed.

Should I assume there was a conversation going on amongst the Crusaders that we weren't aware of, or did that just come out of nowhere? Or possibly from the ambient field of Pinkie magic that has permeated Sugarcube Corner's kitchen? :pinkiecrazy:
That said, I'm sure the animate dough is all Sweetie Belle.

I really like the idea of Spike picking up new tricks with his breath, though given the story description, we probably aren't going to see much more of that.

In any case, I look forward to more. Not sure if I'm going to like where you're headed with this, but I'm willing to get on the ride.

Promising. Give me more, sir/madam.

The story is completely finished as of today, I'll be uploading chapters once every two or three days. It's a short story, though. I am also a sir, and actually this will be my last story before a hiatus that'll last through August. Kind of a send-off. Will be making more, but not publishing right away, more info is in blogs.

They were arguing amongst themselves, yes, but it's hard to put that in writing and have a regular conversation going on in the foreground. The notion of Spike learning from Twilight without him being her 'child' or 'pupil' is part of the main... theme (?) of the story. Also note the Diamond Tiara tag. She doesn't do much, but she does get development. Horrible, horrible development :pinkiecrazy:

On a side note: whew, for a second there I thought this was going to tank completely just because the description had a caps lock joke in it. Dang random downvoters :flutterrage:.

For some reason, I expecting it to be a suppository.

Does Diamond Tiara's development involve a suppository?

Because I came here expecting a suppository and by Celestia's Beard, I want a supposi-..

I'm going to go lie down for awhile.

Looks good so far, and Spike really doesn't get enough time in the spotlight normally...

Hmm. Interesting enough start to merit a track, but since Knighty hasn't gotten the bookshelf feature online yet, faving to track. Will hold off on an upvote until I see more.

:twilightsmile: "So what do you feel when you see this gem?"

:moustache: "Grabby."

:facehoof: "That's not so much something you feel as it is something you do... hopefully not to me."

:moustache: "Well, maybe I FEEL grabby!"

Gosh, I'm kinda scared to answer this one now. If I say 'yes', then I'd have to alter the rating and rewrite the story, possibly as a comedy. If I say 'no', then... well, I kinda just did, didn't I? Sorry to disappoint, but I'm not going out with anal humour. Suffice to say it will be pills, and as for Diamond... well... where's that bloody River Song .gif? :pinkiecrazy:

Not bad, I'll stick around and see where you take it.

Well, considering other countries, because ones beyond America seem to exist, and the proof is in the Nikes, there are still parts of the world that still take on kids from as early as 4 or 6 to get hands on training helping them get familiar with how grownup professionals do their job. They have a professional chef at the age of 8! That's AWESOME. I myself was able to speak and adapt quickly to new words and meanings as early as 3. It's all about communication and how well you get the kid to listen.

So, I think Equestria isn't really breaking any child labor laws. If a pony can toss a rock as effectively as dropping a nuke over Hiroshima, and the ponies are always surrounded by potential death living so close to the Everfree's natural predatorial grounds, I think it's perfectly find to let them in on the farm work and get them into the routine, muscle memory, of wanting to work and grow up nice and strong to be able to casually hoof a tree in half.

Have you seen these ponies? lol Maud alone could probably single-hoofedly take out America if she got anywhere within 100 feet of a rock query! :twilightblush:

Far as this story goes, this was... wow. An actual Spike story that feels like Spike and delves into the nitty gritty of what makes a Spike.

If this was the prologue, I quiver to think what the rest of this story will be like after this!

Glad you like it. Expect things to go downhill starting tomorrow. If you thought Empathy escalated quickly, wait 'till you get a load of this one :pinkiecrazy:

Seriously, though, I will try to put this as close to show look and feel as possible, and that means having about four distinct segments in which Stuff Happens. It also means ponies acting like total jerks at times.

I have no idea what you mean by rock tossing and nukes, but I can take a wild guess. I have seen pictures of Maud, and I do admit it's clever to name a rock farmer from Pinkie's family after a mud pie, but I'm still in the dark regarding Season 4, and will continue to be until August, at least, which is when my hiatus is due to end. See blogs for more ranting whining information on the subject.

Clarification: I agree that Equestria isn't breaking any laws regarding foal labour. After all, pastel coloured ponies have different context and different resulting moralities. However, my point is that the system they have, which works, would need to involve some law that also protects children from exploitation. If I didn't point this out, I'd have a different story (and tags) altogether. So I went with the explanation they're allowed to work, but not beyond a certain time limit in one place. That's kind of like student jobs here, but with the caveat that kids can browse lots of jobs in one day.

4142551 Escalated quickly? Not really. I just PM'd a reply from a comment I caught regarding Empathy.

At it's core, it was Rarity's mental state and how untouchable she acted and forgiving the world is to just any adult pony that just happens to feel like doing what she did or worst.

The more it sank in, the more it sort of upset me due to the context of "I get to do whatever I want and walk out of this unscathed, because you, Missy, owe me a favor you didn't know you owed!" if you can see where I'm coming from with that, that be awesome. Doesn't mean the story is bad. I just didn't like the pony in that universe's state of mind.

Anyhow, hope that explains things better in less words. I do need to get some rest.

I'll look forward to seeing the poop hit the fan. Not in a fetish way, or literal for that matter, but I'm not adverse to seeing Diamond in bad situations. I can already surmise that DT is addicted to drugs or something and perhaps becomes Spike's dealer? There are a few other things I can imagine but that's the more immediate one I thought of.

Either way, bring it on. I can take all the awesome.

P.S. You should watch Twilight Time. It'd be the only episode you'd need that season.
But her, S4 had a Scootaloo episode with over the top DT and SS. Your Empathy got it right.


young poniess

It's odd for me reading something with an actual nice Filthy Rich, because I spend so much time in the Cubic Zirconia universe mindset. :twilightblush:

I'll be interested to see how this turns out. It may have been a little fast going from the problem occurring to Twilight going to the doctor and getting the drug, but she tends to focus on problems and look for a quick fix. And I'm sure that's going to backfire on her. Strange as it may seem, she probably should have done a bit more research...


Oh, I'm so tempted to throw a spoiler in the works now, but I'll restrain myself. And would you believe that poniess was originally just unicorns? That's why it got overlooked, most likely.

Hmm, that ending. It almost made it sound like Spike is gonna turn into a girl because of the pill. Jeez, I read too much.

On the other end, there was the Ponyville Writer’s Club, who would send a letter every week, like clockwork, imploring the Weather Patrol to ‘Please provide some weather that makes for a more interesting and original intro, as editors are tire of hearing what a sunny morning it is every single day’.

How deliciously meta.

To be honest, I'm having a bit if trouble pinning down the course of this fic, or how Diamond Tiara will factor in.

...dang, why didn't I think of that?

Seriously, though, the story's kind of going to shy away from the gender thing. I could add it as an additional theme, but I feel like there's enough 'Spike is a girl' fics around (one got featured a while back, no?) that I don't need to add to it. I wouldn't really be adding anything new to it.

And I totally wasn't taking a jab at Equestria Daily's standards there :scootangel:

Okay, I am officially hooked on this story now.:raritystarry:

I am eagerly awaiting the next chapter.:twilightsmile:

Comment posted by Matthais Unidostres deleted Mar 28th, 2014

Okay, so that won't happen. Thank goodness.


Yeah, there was that one fic... But it wasn't any good... Like, at all. "Oh, yeah, Celestia knew Spike was a girl all along but never told him because Twilight thought Spike was a boy because he's purple, and the fate of the world rests on her thinking that Spike is a boy, because reasons."

Spike's gender identity is something I wish more (non-clop)fics would dive into more. Whether it's he has some transgender type issues or he's gay, it'd be a nice introspect to his character.

Bah, off topic! I am still not sure as to where you ARE going with this story, however. There's no romance tag, so it's not a DT/Spike fic. Is this whole thing gonna be kind of a statement of the Ritalin debate?

This story is quite interesting, but I hope it doesn't go down the route of "Spike is a girl". Too bizzarre for me...
But I guess he could just lose the fear of girly things, kinda like in Dragon Quest.

Please don't kill me for this, but I think Roma and the others have a point. Spike is going on about how they have no right to judge him, but don't they have a right not to have their things stolen?

That doesn't mean Spike's in the wrong, of course. He can't help it. But something has to change, which is exactly why they visit the hospital.

This touches on an interesting problem I've seen in other fics, actually. In some cases, the fact that he's a dragon will be used to exonerate Spike of things we wouldn't forgive in others because 'he can't help it'; like hospitalising ponies, or even worse. Almost never is that idea spun to its logical conclusion, though—if Spike cannot control himself and seriously hurts folks without meaning to, we can't really blame him for it; but that also means he shouldn't get to walk around freely. Other people have a right not to get hurt, or to be compensated when it happens.

However, it's usually construed as a way to show off how bigoted the ponies are against dragons. The ponies get chewed out, the reader is supposed to root for Spike, and the behaviour which led to the problem is never addressed again. It's refreshing to see them actually trying to do something about it for a change...

You raise a good point, sir, but rest assured I did foresee that. I'm kinda happy someone is pointing this out, because it's this kind of dilemma that I like to read and write. There are two sides to this, and both have a fair point. Right now, the solution is to keep Spike medicated, so he does get a choice in what he does. Is that the right thing to do? Well, some other ponies might not agree, either.

Just wait. More is coming soon, and the issue you bring up was anticipated at the story's inception. Expect the next chapter on Sunday :twilightsmile:.

Hmm. Well, this is already not as bad as I'd feared. From the description, I thought the drug would be an actively antimagical substance. In any case, it will be fascinating to see the unforeseen side effects.
Still, I can't help but suspect that Spike's kleptomania was environmentally induced. He's restless because his usual duties have been automated. He needs something to do and doesn't know what, so his body is defaulting to instinct. At least, that's my guess.

Also, part of me wants to see the Crusaders take Cogitin somehow and then earn their marks, just for the irony value. :scootangel:

I look forward to more.

Environmentally induced, huh? Interesting idea...

It's hard not to spoil anything in comment replies, so I won't say whether you're right or wrong. But what's missing is: suppose you're right, what's the solution? Spike now already knows his job can be done by magic. How's he supposed to feel useful, being an assistant to someone who doesn't need one?


Oh, I can believe it. Changes made later on tend to be the ones that end up needing fixes. I know I had to totally rewrite two paragraphs that I added late in the game on my new chapter of Cubic Zirconia after running it by Elric...


Three ways immediately come to mind: find another way to assist, find someone else to assist, or convince Twilight to let him keep assisting instead of the more efficient method.

Given who we're talking about, option one seems like the best one.

Have I mentioned how much I love stories that make me think? :pinkiehappy:

I'm not fooling anyone, am I?

Not even a little bit.

sounds like when I took ridlen

It's inspired by the controversy surrounding that drug, but it's not outright based on it. That would be disrespectful of me. But glad it's close enough for the resemblance to be noticed :twilightsmile:

You know, if you're curious, I was already saying to myself that Spike really needs to stop taking that drug during the bunny scene. I'm interested in seeing how this plays out...

And both of us released chapters of a fanfic within the same week that involve Diamond in Rarity's shop, having a dress put on her, too. Interesting bit of synchronicity. Of course, your Diamond was a lot happier with the situation then mine. :scootangel:


“You never heard that story? It’s really good. Why, my mom’s -”

on a business trip

Diamonds on the pills calling it now

Ah, but if she is, is it the pills that are making her act nicer or is it that the pills normally make her act nasty and that's why no one ever punishes her for it? Assuming you're right, of course :scootangel:.

Okay, I was still on the fence with this one (tentatively leaning :yay:) until this chapter. The hilarious bunny part sold me.

I bet that his lack of apetite for gems will make him fall terribly ill because dragons need the nutritents from gems to grow up healthy.

“That all depends on where you draw the line for homologous organs,

That was my favorite retort to such a common complaint people who write pony get. xD
And fit Twilight perfectly. Who was just adorable this chapter.

I'd say more but I'll just note you if I feel like expanding.

Hope to see a new chapter today.


Nah, I'm gonna guess she swiped the stuff, Spike got blamed and she suddenly developed a soul when she saw how the town reacted and felt guilty.

No, no you aren't. But I look forward to seeing just how this escalates.

“You never heard that story? It’s really good. Why, my mom’s -”

"One of the first astroponies. Sometimes I can look up and see the space station in orbit."

Also, the bit with White Rabbit was fantastic. I was expecting the bunny to adjust a little monocle and everything.

Oh, and this:

"There’s lots of fun things to do in Ponyville.”
“Like what?”
“I wouldn’t know; I’m too busy reading."

Twilight Sparkle, ladies and gentlemen! :twilightsmile:

I think I'm seeing how the drugs are affecting Spike: because dragon magic is so intrinsically emotion-based, altering how Spike's magic affects his mind also alters his emotions. He's becoming less able to feel without actively trying to, as with resentment towards Diamond Tiara. A similar effect applies to his appetite. It's getting harder for him to feel the more subtle signs of hunger. At least, that's my theory.

In any case, looking forward to more.

To be fair, the one time she read a book and didn't finish it, it nearly destroyed an empire that had just gotten back out of a 1000-year stasis. And the one time she started a book and skipped to the end, it nearly... whatever the Spheres happened in Miracle of Friendship. So you can't blame her for being thorough in her reading, at least.

As for Spike? Well... oh, where did I put that dang River Song .gif? :twilightsheepish:

Light wound right?

Otherwise I will hunt you down, this is not the story I want her dead in

If she were dead, would her dad just leave after telling Twilight about it? Would Twilight even hesitate to put Spike in a containment field?

Diamond's not dead, no. There wouldn't be any point.


I figured as much, given that she ran off crying, rather than collapsing or anything. Rainbow Dash having been on it once actually makes sense. Wonder if Fluttershy's ever been on any sort of mind altering medication?


Well, the manure had just hit the fan for Spike

Final chapter on Thursday, then I'm gone. Expect one final blog then, and after that it's only art-related blogs (I hope).

G... gone? Like, no more writing, gone? :fluttercry:

“Blood, Spike. You took a swipe at a little girl's throat, and you drew blood.”

:pinkiegasp: oh shit!

Final chapter on Thursday

NNNOOOOO!!!! :raritycry:

I've never actually felt SORRY for Diamond Tiara before. :fluttercry:

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!