This story is a sequel to Etiamsi Omnes, Ego Non
Equestria's fall did not happen without responses and its degradation does not continue without retribution. Two figures promise to cleanse the world, to scrub the scum and horror away. Promises made, the poet says, are a debt unpaid. The rebels will pay their bill, in the blood of the guilty and monstrous.
(These stories will have different formats and inspiration.
The Ballad of the Last Arch-Magus- A poem, inspired by the epic "Horatius"
The Great Locutor- A conventional story containing a speech inspired by Charlie Chaplin's phenomenal one in "The Great Dictator.)
Chapters (2)
Yes. Show these diseased caribou what justice is...
Also, this story's, if not this whole idea's, theme song:
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"And how can man die better
Than facing fearful odds
For the ashes of his fathers
And the temples of his gods
And for the tender mother
Who dandled him to rest
And for the wife who nurses
His baby at her breast"
Life is more than one-sided psychotic, libertine debauchery. There is a higher part, a greater and more important part. The filthy creatures need a lesson in real life. And they will see how real life is in the blood they wallow in as they fall. They started it, but good folk will finish it.
Nation.
This was beautiful. Honestly, more beautiful than this wicked universe deserves.
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Sometimes it's the stupid creations that inspire the wisest responses.
It was good, but what I don't get, who is this king guy. He's a deer?
And he somehow made Equestria into it's own evil counterpart?
Like it's really good for how long it has to go on, but I have no idea what's happening.
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The Fall of Equestria universe is a weird thing. Basic idea: Shining Armor conspires with an evil Reindeer king to invade Equestria and turn all mares into mutilated sex slaves... because he was angry about Celestia putting Twilight in danger. Yes, it makes exactly zero sense.
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That's an incredibly stupid idea.
4173492 the most beautiful things can arise from the most terrible things...
Except for the Fall of Equestria universe.
That one's just f*cked up.
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Though, not to be overly egotistical, this "opposition story" might be a nice thing that came from that tasteless dreck. As they say, "Beautiful flowers grow from fertilizer."
And her gathered. And he gathered.
troops, was her. troops, was he.
There were a few other things I noticed, but I couldn't tell if they were intentional for the form. An that should be And for example.
This is probably just differing views again, but I can never understand why weapons that can win you a war this second are not used and armies are not obliterated immediately when the power is there.
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So very, VERY stupid, thus why these response stories came to be.
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There are no promises that you have well-trained-enough troops (and enough of them) to use the weapons (and if you're overrun the enemy gets the shiny new toys.) As fo the power, for social reasons the Arch-Magus doesn't want to be a killer; he's a scholar and he thinks he might lose some part of himself embracing his power (he expressed that fear to Twilight: getting comfortable with the power makes it easier and easier to use it.) For non-social reasons, his power DOES have limits. He can get tired and drained. Vidkun severely weakened him, so he couldn't press his slaughter.
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Which is why you nuke them instead of sitting there talking for 20 minutes.
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This ain't fu
ing Fallout: Equestria *Spit*
They don't have nukes or anything like it. And remember, most of the population was just brainwashed by powerful magic, there's a fascist invading force and they care about collateral damage. It's not an easy thing to decide.
So, he became a martyr for the resistance. He faked his death to bring hope.
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He faked faking his death. That's why he told them to delay. Likely the soldiers arriving were heard which means listeners might thnk he died as well. He always wants to confuse his enemies and throw them off-balace with uncertainty and second-guessing.
indicia. indication.
think the killed. think they killed.
I like how you can equate the insane hatred of feminine things of the Hind to the same hatred of feminine and 'childish' things that most teenage boys and young men and many older men espouse.
Okay so these, Northmen? One: How has their society lasted so long? Cause if it is as you say it is, then it's should of snuffed out it's self long ago. Two why are they deer? Shouldn't they be reindeer, if they live in the north. Yes Deer are often found in cool places but rarely in icy places, they don't have the hooves.
Also "Pony, donkey, cow, griffin, zebra, Diamond Dog, buffalo, Changeling, Dragon. Roa, Cannonite. Unicorn, pegasus, earth, mera" What no mules? And what's a Mera and Cannonite?
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Indicia is a valid word. A dictionary word, sure, but it can be used to mean brands, logos, symbols and the like.
That was my goal. To take to task the foolish idea that most PoMo or disaffected moderns have, especially the Bro-type and the Fallout/Half-Life/Killzone player sorts who want squallor and misery. Happy, sweet and bright things are not evil and dangerous... except to folk whose world-view is so fragile it can't stand the color pink or desserts.
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To address the points in order-
One: It's a slight hyperbole (but valid in this fictional world) for dramatic effect. However, extreme misogynistic societies can and have existed for ages. Female Genital Mutilation has been around for ages and the population remains stable. Treating women as walking wombs means they can enslave them (especially if there are more women than men) and force them to have babies regularly. Remember, it used to be common to have seven or eight kids or more. And they used to do that by choice. Imagine the numbers if they had been forced.
Two: I'm maintaining continuity with the other stories. I mistakenly thought from his name (I saw him called The Stag King) that he was just a deer. Even after finding out they are reindeer I try to downplay my error by shorthanding it to 'deer' or just keeping up 'hinds' or descriptors like 'The Heartless' or 'Northmen.'
Three: Mules are hybrids, a combination of pony and donkey. Cannonites are my term for a kind of Amish-like social minority, which includes Pinkie's family. Mera are seaponies, created by my collaborator Kipakuta, which we both use as the fourth race of ponies to give us the classical elemental quartet (Unicorns- Fire, Pegasi- Air, Earth- Earth, Merae- Water.)
They classify everything as either male or female just so they can be misogynistic about it. What in the fucking hell?! Is this actually part of the source material, which I have yet to read? This little tidbit is awful and I cringe to think that there's a possibility that something like this could've happened in real life. I mean, the French characterize their words as female, male or neutral (I think. I forget. French class was years ago and I never actually paid too much attention.)
This chapter clarified a bit of what happened in the previous poetic one.
I'm coming to love the way you describe the topic of food. I love food. Perhaps too much for my own good.
I have... or had... I dunno anymore, a friend who would ask us what was on our minds by asking if we cared to pontificate. Ever since I heard that word in a few Orzhov Syndicate cards in Magic, I've liked it. It doesn't seem to be used enough.
You'd think that the Hind's men would realize who rebels were by the scars on their foreheads, but then again would they actually pay attention to detail? None of those brainwashed stallions seem to pay attention to detail, nor question things that surely would've seen The Phantom caught by now. Plus, I have the feeling that the hit and run tactics that the rebels probably use leave little to be seen. Still, it's only a matter of time before a buck or something notices...
The magical "lobotomies" are a great addition to this world.
When I read the speech, I felt a warmth slowly blossom inside me. I'm quite an emotional person and I've been called a romantic. Almost teared up, too. I was touched.
Eheh... I remember watching that speech that Chaplain gave. Admittedly, I don't remember much. My brother was watching Charlie Chaplain's stuff for a project. We also watched the start of one of his movies, a commentary regarding the treatment of factory workers. The owner wanted to cut off lunch hours and utilize a machine that would auto feed workers. It was... eyebrow raising.
We never finished the movie. It didn't load or something. I forget the name.
I find Charlie Chaplain strangely attractive. I dunno why. Maybe his looks, but more on his comedy and stance on humanity that I know I can't ever accept if I want to succeed on my own terms. Maybe it's his charisma in the speech your story is based on.
"The Promises"... it's uplifting to find out what that subtitle is about.
Umm... I still haven't figured out the original source story of Fall of Equestria. What is it? Rather curious on it still. I've searched for it, admittedly fleetingly. All I could find were spinoffs of the original.
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Let me try to get to all your points.
Regarding linguistic gendering: Many languages classify words by gender. All Romance languages (Latin-derived languages) as well as German and possibly a few others. It's not necessarily misogynistic. In some cases it serves a purpose such as specifying (maestro- Male Teacher; maestra- Female Teacher). There is a patriarchal/male-normative element in collective descriptions at least in Spanish: a group of male teachers is described with "maestros." If a woman is in the group nothing changes. A group of female teachers is "maestras." If a man is in the group it becomes "maestros." Adding a woman changes nothing, adding a man necessitates a change to masculine. As for the description in the story: it's slight hyperbole, but I made a logical assumption. I just assumed they used gendered vocabulary. But from what I've seen they treat women like utter crap. The only women seen sort of free are utter quislings, and even they can quickly find themselves abused and degraded simply by fiat.
The scars: it's meant to be an implication. In the poem it was noted that some folks escaped from the mind control. But the Black Knight's blade has an enchantment that can lift the veil. As the Arch-Magus said, doing it in one cut will drive someone insane (they see the evil they did and their mind breaks) but a slow, gentle touch, cut and gingerly applied pressure will let them come to grips with their crime and make them penitent. They may have been "just following orders" but they did it. The scare-foreheaded ones are soldiers that The Black Knight chose to release for reasons only he can fathom (it's Sun Tzu's advice to be unfathomable to your own forces.) Plus, if they wear helmets the scar is covered.
I've sort of poked at the absurdity of the series by mentioning they have so much sex that they're useless at anything else because they can't focus. If all you do is concoct weird, kinky sex then do it can youmaintain a tax base, farm, develop technology or maintain what you have? No.
The only "original" context I've ever seen for Fall of Equestria is some kind of Tumblr, and I heard it was posted to the usual imageboards. It was a series of pictures with descriptions before it was stories. Someone paid real money (I'm assuming, I think it was commissioned) to see ponies that others love being brutally mutilated, abused mentally and physically, all-but-killed in a pre-genocide processing universe. It makes me sick. Then mad. Then the anger turns to righteous indignation. And this.
I think I missed it, but were was Shining Armor in all of this?
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"The Ballad of the Last Arch-Magus." I... guess you just didn't read it. He's pretty important there, as the villain leading the assault on Paddock Fifty-One and who brought the fascist hinds into Equestria.
I've seen other writers paraphrase Chaplin's speech from "The Great Dictator" in their works, but it feels like you actually put some effort into yours, instead of shuffling a few words around, and replacing other. Not that I expected any different from you, see.
Kick-ass work on the poem, as well! I was kinda dreading the fact that it was 3k words, poems aren't really my thing, but I really enjoyed it.
The theme of anti-fascism is very satisfying, as well.