Fears
"What the hay is an asexual?!"
She read the line beneath the word, telling her what page to go to. Turned out there was a whole chapter on the subject.
"An asexual (slang term: "ace") is some pony who experiences no (or very little) sexual attraction," Rainbow read. "That does not necessarily mean they cannot be attracted romantically. Asexuals can be heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic or aromantic.
"Like all sexual orientations, asexuality is not a choice, but a way of being. Most asexuals have no problem with sex, nor are they unable to have it, but have very little interest in it. Asexuals will have sex for the sake of having children or pleasing their partner..."
As she read on, Rainbow felt the uneasiness that had been building up inside her melt away.
"Many asexuals grow up believing they are homosexual and while some are homoromantic, there is no physical part of them that desires sex. Some might experience sexual arousals, but not feel the need to act upon them. Aces usually favor strong platonic relationships over sexual ones, even with their partners..."
Rainbow put the book down for a moment and stared up at the ceiling.
It explained everything.
Since she was a teenager, she had known there was something that set her apart from the other fillies, not just her tomboyish attitude. She never quite understood why all her female friends in Cloudsdale could talk about were boys and why every conversation would lead to sex. At one point, she could not even mention the word "banana" around them.
Maybe that was why she had grown fond of Fluttershy. The shy pegasus was always too embarrassed to talk about such things, so her mind did not seem as messed up. Rainbow could see why ponies had interpreted their relationship differently with all the time they spent together. She and Fluttershy were close, but only because she was her oldest friend and, for a while, had been her only flying buddy. She was willing to protect her at all costs, but her feelings did not run any deeper than that.
Now that she thought about it, she had strong ties with all five of her friends and while others had seen them the wrong way, they were purely platonic. Rainbow Dash had never seen them as anything more. Were best friends not supposed to be close?
Then she thought of Pinkie Pie. She had apparently thought they should be something more.
"Oh, dang," Rainbow said, putting her hoof to her forehead. "I ran out of there in such a huff, I probably hurt her feelings!"
Perhaps her pink friend would understand after she explained things to her.
The idea made Rainbow smile. She was not gay. She was ace. For the first time in her life, she felt a sense of belonging. The sexual part of heterosexuality never quite did it for her and she was not interested in girls. Being ace also meant she could stay in her relationship with Soarin! They could go back to the way things were: casual and non-sexual!
Then her face fell as another thought occurred to her. Did Soarin or her friends even know what asexuality was? She had not even heard of it before today. Twilight was sure to know, as there was no doubt she had read this book from cover to cover. What about Pinkie? Had she looked it up while using this? Fluttershy, as she was shy anyway, was sure to understand, right? And Applejack, who was understanding about almost anything, there would be no problem telling her, right? And what about Rarity?
"Maybe not," Rainbow uttered. "She's so colt-crazy she probably wouldn't get it."
She looked back at the open book and stiffened once she read the next paragraph:
"It is harder for asexuals to come out than it is for homosexuals. As they only make up one percent of the pony population, most ponies do not know about asexuals. They are even discriminated by members of the LGBTQ community. It may seem like a respectable orientation, but as sex is considered a natural desire in creatures, asexuals may seem to sexuals as incomplete or unnatural. The same can be said for demisexuals, who only experience sexual attraction towards those they have strong emotional connections with.
"There are many things said about those who identify themselves as asexuals, that it is not a "thing," that they are cold and insensitive, that they are too afraid to admit they are homosexual, that they are going to die alone, that they like cake (though really, who doesn't like cake?), or that they simply have not found the right pony yet. Some think there is something wrong with asexuals and they need to fix that with corrective rape..."
Rainbow Dash closed the book, not being able to read further.
Was that true? Were asexuals really so discriminated? She was confused. Did they not put a strong emphasis on abstinence in Health Class? Did parents not want their daughters to get knocked up? Did being asexual not make things easier?
Corrective rape. The term made Rainbow shiver. Did ponies really do that? If she told Soarin about her asexuality, would he...?
She shook the idea out of her head. No, Soarin would never do a thing like that. Still, how would he feel when he learned she would never go all the way with him? He had made it clear last night that he wanted to do it with her. Sure, he was cool that she did not want to do it now, but if she never wanted to do it, how would that affect their relationship?
This was even more serious than when she had discovered her love for reading. Reading was a common thing. Not wanting to do it was not. After all, that was all adult ponies talked about! Did that make her an outcast?
What about Twilight? Her situation was similar to hers. Was she an outcast too? Did the others even know she was demisexual?
And Pinkie? Well, at least she wanted it, but with every pony? Was she in love with all five of them? Rainbow remembered her reaction to Pinkie's confession. Did she face rejection all the time? Even with stallions? Not all ponies liked girls after all. That could not be easy for her.
This made Rainbow feel even more guilty.
Why had she not heard about these other sexualities before? Were they not supposed to teach you that stuff in Health Class? And what was with this discrimination against them? If society was learning to accept gays, why could they not accept aces?
The more she thought about this, the more her fear increased. How could she tell ponies about this?
She glanced at the clock and only then realized how late it had gotten.
"I should sleep on it," she said, nodding to herself. "I'll figure it all out in the morning."
She put the book on her side table, switched off her reading lamp and pulled the covers over her body. It took a while for her to fall asleep with all she had on her mind, but fatigue won the battle and she descended into Dream Land.
A single spotlight shone on her. Everything around her was dark, until another light came on, showing three judging podiums towering over her. Sitting at the highest one in the middle was Rarity, Applejack on her right and Fluttershy on her left. They were all glaring down at the multi-colored pegasus.
"Rainbow Dash," Rarity said, her sour voice echoing throughout the dark room. "You have been brought to this court on the charge of being asexual. How do you plea?"
The word escaped her lips before she could stop it: "Guilty."
Fluttershy and Applejack gasped.
"So what if I am?" Rainbow shouted. "It's not a crime! I'm not hurting any pony!"
She heard a wail to her left and turned to see Pinkie Pie, her hair flat, her hooves cuffed and chained.
"You hurt me!" she cried, fighting against her restraints. "Why couldn't you be a lesbian like we all thought you were?!"
"And what about me?!"
Rainbow turned to her right, seeing a teary-eyed Soarin standing beside her.
"We could've been happy!" Soarin exclaimed. "If you had just done what I wanted you to do, we could still be in a relationship!"
"No!" Rainbow insisted, backing away from him. "We can still have that! I just can't..."
She was interrupted as she bumped into Pinkie.
"Free me from these chains, Dashie!" the crazy mare shouted, advancing towards her. "They treat me like an out-of-control animal who doesn't know the difference between a mare and a stallion! But they'll free me if I choose!"
Pinkie was so close now that she had caused Rainbow to back into Soarin. Now she was stuck between them.
"And you must choose, Dashie!" Soarin growled. "Which one of us are you willing to go all the way with?"
"Neither!" Rainbow cried as she curled up into a ball.
"You must choose, Rainbow Dash!" Rarity called from her podium. "Every pony must pick! You don't want to end up like Twilight, do you?"
The multi-colored pegasus gasped. "What did you do to her?"
"The same thing we're gonna do to you," Applejack scowled.
"If you don't choose," Fluttershy said coldly, crossing her hooves.
"Well, Dashie?" Soarin urged.
"Who's it gonna be?" Pinkie asked with a dark chuckle.
Rainbow glanced between them, her fear spreading throughout her entire body.
"I...I..."
She let out a cry and hid her head beneath her hooves.
"I can't! I don't wanna!"
Rarity shook her head. "Then you leave us no choice. Rainbow Dash, the court hereby sentences you to..." She paused as she banged her gavel on the podium. "Sexual correction!"
Rainbow gasped. "What?"
"Soarin, would you care to do the honors?"
The dark grin on Soarin's face made Rainbow's blood curdle. "With pleasure."
He advanced towards her and Rainbow backed into Pinkie again. The chained mare grabbed her forelegs and pinned her to the ground. Rainbow's eyes widened as she realized what they were trying to do.
"No!" she cried, trying to wriggle out of Pinkie's grasp. "Please! Don't!"
"It's for your own good, Dashie," Rarity said, coming out from behind Soarin.
"We're tryin' to help ya," Applejack assured her.
"I don't need help!" Rainbow insisted. "I'm fine the way I am!"
"What's the matter, Dashie?" Fluttershy teased. "The toughest pony in all of Equestria is afraid of a little sex?"
"I'm not afraid! Why can't you just leave me alone?!"
"Don't worry, Dashie."
The new voice was Twilight's. She appeared behind Soarin with the others and she was smiling maliciously.
"This will fix you," she said. "It certainly fixed me."
"And us," said two female voices.
Rainbow then saw Lyra and Bon Bon, who appeared on separate sides of the group.
"Heck," Pinkie snickered above her. "I might have a go after this."
"Just relax, Dashie," Soarin said, firmly pressing his hooves on her shoulders, "and enjoy the ride."
"No," Rainbow uttered. "No! NO!"
Rainbow sat up, panting heavily. She quickly checked her surroundings and found she was alone in bed, exactly where she should be.
"Sweet Celestia!" she breathed. "That was the worst nightmare ever!"
She grabbed her Daring Do doll and clutched it to her chest for security.
"It was just a dream," she whispered, rocking back and forth. "Just a dream. Your friends would never do that. They would never do that. Especially Soarin. He would never do that. He would never do that."
She was still afraid though. From what she had read in the book, that kind of stuff happened to ponies like her. It was unlikely that her friends would go to those extremes, but they might not see her in the same way ever again.
And if word got out? Maybe her friends would not treat her that way, but others might. Who was to say they would not try what her friends had done in her dream?
Rainbow let out a sigh and flopped back onto her pillow. What was she to do? She could not hide this forever. What if Soarin made a move on her again? What if they got married some day? All married couples did it. He would question her eventually.
She rolled onto her side, her eyes staring into space. She did not want to lose Soarin. Guys like him were hard to find. She could marry him if he asked. She would even have his foals! Well, not at the moment, but some day, anyway.
Morning was a few hours away. She did not want to face it.
She had to talk to some pony, some pony who would understand. She considered Twilight, but she decided she had had enough technical advice on the subject. She thought of Pinkie Pie, but after yesterday's incident, the idea of talking to her felt awkward. Fluttershy was out of the question, as she did not like to talk about such things. As for Rarity...would she even understand? She was straighter than all of them put together, and she was the one who believed she was gay.
Applejack seemed like the most reasonable pony to talk to. She would not judge her right away and would give an honest opinion, and Rainbow was sure a conversation with her would have less tension.
But even the thought of talking to Applejack made her worry. The whole situation made her worry. It was for that reason she did not get any sleep the rest of the night.
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I'm still holding out hope Rarity's bi, because RariJack.
Applejack I'm hoping is a lesbian, see above.
Fluttershy...I don't know.
4134479 Shrug, she could be bi, but there's no doubt she at least likes stallions.
Got some writing of my own to do right now. Will read later.
4134514 i don't read PinkieDash storys sorry.
4134491 Well, a bit, except that I've never had a boyfriend to deal with.
4134479
Yes. A thousand times this.
___
Also, shame on you author! No mentioning of Flash Sentry and Twi! Evil bad! Evil! Shun the Gary Stu!
Wow, that got dark quick. We need more fics like this I think. I have to agree with your interpretation of Twilight, for what it's worth. Keep up the good work.
I'm happy you wrote this. Asexuals get so little representation and understanding, even though it's probably one of the hardest identities to come to terms with. This gets a
, a 
, and a favorite.
Dang, girl. You have me even more hooked than before now. The writing is superb, the dream sequence was utterly terrifying without having to explain every single detail, the size is a bit short for my tastes, but if the trade off is more frequent updates, I'm all for this having shorter chapters. I was kinda hoping she was demi- only if it would irritate her to be like Twilight in that respect and that made her uncomfortable, but Ace works just as well, although perhaps a bit more obvious. Considering this is slightly self-insert, I can't really fault you, but nitpicks... Anyway, I both can't wait for more (yes, I can, I just don't want to) and you have inspired me to write a piece of my own* concerning sexualities/gender identities... Not sure who it'll be yet, but you have sparked my creativity.
*when I finish writing my current story probably.
You have my continued attention. This was, again, an interesting chapter. I don't have any quippy puns this time around. I thought it was an interesting read and thought provoking at the same time (same as the prior chapter.)
I used to think that I might be asexual as well, but I'm probably closer to pansexual. I tend to find all genders attractive, but feel no compulsion to get it on, as it were. Other concerns constantly come up like family, work, ponies, and other things that I consider more important than my sexuality so I tend not to think about it all that much. I'm actually pretty grateful for the opportunity to ponder it. So thank you.
4134855 You could be asexual, just panromantic. Hmm, maybe I should have put that in there.
I put this on my read-later list, even though I have read both chapters. I hope you finish this. This is one of the most interesting alternate-lifestyle stories I have read in a while, so it has my attention.
I want a Daring Do doll.
This gets an upvote from me. Nice job.
Very Yes
I really hope Rainbow finds what she's looking for
4134870
That would make an amazing "Coming of Age" story. A pan-romantic, asexual filly who has to come to an understanding of her desire to be in a loving relationship and the lack of desire to be sexual.
She has to deal with the pressure from her friends and the false beliefs that she has acquired from her life in a society that doesn't understand her feelings. Lotsa dramatic potential and opportunity for emotional scenes.
I kinda want to write that now.
4134966 Go ahead. I've only started learning about pansexuality/romanticism. I can only describe what I know, that's why I wrote about my sexuality.
I know this is going to sound silly but you're fic actually helped me find out what my true sexuality is. After Twilight explained who she was I got curious and looked up Demisexuality, and after reading extensively what a Demisexual is I have finally come to grips with who I am.
So in short if i didn't stumble upon this and read up on Demisexuality, I would have spent a further god knows how many years on top of the 9 I've already spent constantly questioning myself, so for this I thank you deeply for enlightening my mind to other definitions of sexuality (I seriously thought there was only straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual and asexual, i had no idea about all of the others) and helping me find out who I am.
And to further thank you, I wil favorite this fic and follow your page, I look forward to seeing the end of this fic and any other stories you may come up with.
Well, I always see Flutters as bi, probably because I myself am bi, and Flutters is my favorite
I have no idea for AJ
Rarity is most likely straight.
While I respect your vision for Twilight, she always struck me as bi, as she isn't likely to care what gender the pony who loves her is. Not all straights or bis express their sexuality like Rarity. For instance, I have never obsessed over a girl or guy, yet I am aware that, yes if offered, I would have sex with just about anyone.
Why is Pinkie pansexual? We all know she would be omnisexual. Pansexuals tend to fall in love with humans, whereas Omnisexuals don't give a shit if you're human or not, just as long as you're sapient.
iambrony.dget.cc/mlp/gif/132988456850.gif
...I'm terribly sorry. You may lynch me now.
4135159 Actually, pansexuality and omnisexuality are pretty much the same. Omnisexuals just acknowledge the difference in gender but don't care. Don't judge.
And just so you know, demisexuals aren't all heteroromantic. I left that open for interpretation too.
4135221 I never meant that all demisexuals were heteroromantic, and if I implied that then I'm sorry. I need to work on my word choice.
And that omnisexual part was mostly a joke. I'm fine with Pinkie being Pan, and I meant no offense to Omnisexuals
*SPOILER*
I like how this isn't the usual "Rainbow Dash is gay" story, but I have to ask: Has anyone ever written a story where a character questions their sexuality, then turns out to be straight? It must happen sometimes, right?
4134710
Excuse me I need to write something.
My thoughts during this story,
At the beginning: Talk to Twilight, go on talk to Twilight.
A bit further on: Talk to Twilight already will you.
During the dream sequence: Where the hell is Luna! Luna you suck at this job!
After the dream sequence: TALK TO TWILIGHT, TALK TO TWILIGHT... Okay, talk to Applejack then, just talk to someone!
I just want to say, I am liking this story. The part about corrective rape scared me, is that actually a thing? I actually know a couple of asexuals (though after reading this I am pretty sure one of them is demisexual), it frightens me to think that some people would do that to them.
4135828 I know, it's disgusting, but it happens.
Pinkie was the one who always seemed asexual to me. But then again, what do I know about all that.
It seems odd how Twilight just completely ignored the slight against her personal sexuality...
I wonder what would happen if this was submitted to equestria daily... would they reject it because of it being a "Sensitive topic?"
Or would they just reject it because the mods would somehow feel offended...
or accept it because you as a great writer has changed the views of people of different sexuality (at least for me)
4135980 Pinkie always seemed so touchy feely, and me...well, I'm just not. Hey, could still be possible though.
4135188 after the nightmare I needed something to cheer me up...
Made my week
I like to think of Pinkie as being attracted to inanimate objects as well as ponies, as she grew up on a rock farm and has an active imagination.
That book would be insanely useful if it exists. For me, it's more like 'I've had crushes on dudes, but chicks are kinda hot too, but dicks are gross, but I dunno about ladies..."
4136061 You sound like a biromantic ace, but that's just what I gather from your testimony. I'm no expert of course.
4134017
You used to see it a lot particularly around season 1. There are actually a good number of popular stories featuring that ship though sadly many are now older. Look up "the Party hasn't Ended" or "the Games We Play" if you want some classic Pinkie Dash in longer stories.
4135964 Man that horrible.
I still think Luna failed Rainbow miserably here, she should have shown up for a dream this bad.
4136194 Yeah, you're right. But now that I think about it, it would've slowed things down a bit too much. I think I like Rainbow figuring things out for herself.
4134017 In a over-analyzing video I saw, the show doesn't give enough evidence to say what way Rainbow swings. However it has shown enough to suggest that Dash sees Pinkie as an exception, no matter possible orientaion.
Dashes revelations here was like when I realized I was agendered. Huge relief.
4136235 for posterity and to help the curious one I will post the link to said video
I wrote Trixie as asexual to demisexual, here in An Extended Performance. Actually had never encountered the term "demisexual" before, but it fits my Trixie quite well, as she's really only attracted to one Pony, and she's not sure about the "sex" part of things. Your fic was actually useful to me in that it explained that term pretty well.
4136356 I love how you say that you're an imperfect human, but your image is Shodan (spelled it wrong probably).
Unrelated to that persons comment, I really like the story so far. You really seem to know what you're doing. L&F
Going to be keeping an eye on this story, the premise is interesting (and there are so few stories, as you said, that cover asexuality, or the other possibilities on the sexuality spectrum)
The only criticism I could offer would be that some of the dialogue comes across as a little stilted, as if they are reading from a book, or giving text book definitions of the different sexualities, but then that is a very subjective opinion, so take it for what you will.
This would be an example, of something I felt was a little stilted. I am really struggling to work out how to explain myself here, but let's see if this works: this section feels like you are trying to explain the label, rather than Pinkie describing herself. Almost like... "I am a pansexual so that means I like people/ponies regardless of their gender" vs "I like people/ponies regardless of their gender, so I identify as pansexual." It might be pedantic on my part, but it seems a little cart before the horse (pun intended!)
You might also find it a bit more natural not having the characters explain the different sexualities and their respective terms IN the story, perhaps a glossary in the authors notes might do. This is possibly the reason it comes off as the text book dialogue to me (and might explain a few of the soapbox comments that have been made). I mean, to be honest, the people who will be reading this story are likely already going to know the definitions, or have a basic understanding of the words, that a small glossary at the end to clear up the confusion for others might help, but if they aren't aware of the differences between the sexualities, then they probably aren't the kind of people who will read this anyway (#sadfact)
The other thing is the whole dream felt like it escalated pretty fast. At least from my experience, coming to terms with ones sexuality is a progressive thing, and even if you test as something from a book, coming to terms with that label takes a little longer, and I don't know if I personally find it plausible that her fears would escalate so fast.
Anyway, please don't take the WALLOFTEXT as disapproval of the story, I am very interested in seeing where this goes.
Moose
4136508 I watched that video earlier today! What're the chances? but I digress
friend and I once tried to write a fic where a gay rights group tricks dash into becoming a sort of mascot for them because of her mane. Dash is furious when she finds out the truth, and sues to stop them from misusing her image. in response, they start harassing her. She finally loses it and punches their leader in the face- in public. She presses assault charges and portrays dash as a vicious bigot. Thanks to help from her friends and a lawyer, Dash is able to tell the truth and the group is arrested for harassment, vandalism ,felony fraud and other minor charges. Dash's reputation is restored, and she even turns down offers to endorse sports items.
i'm a little surprised to see this but happy all the same. I can relate to RD in this situation. I got asked point blank if I was lesbian by my family. I told them I didn't feel that way nor did I feel that way towards males. It was like I had something wrong with me and, I was rushed to the doctor the next day. question after question he asked me. he has me look at "art" that was really graphic. then asked me my first thought. I just looked at him for a moment and said. "you are one sick puppy if you call this art." I was in the room talking to that "doctor' for two hours. finally called my family and said bluntly. "she doesn't feel sexual attraction to neither sex. she might grow out of it or same this way."
that was years ago. I'll have a fleeting thought that a guy was cute but I never wanted to jump in the sack with him. never had those thoughts about a girl though. my family has never brought it up again and I'm glad. I never want to see that doctor again.
this fic man
this fic
its actually getting shameful how o LOVE SO MUCH OF YOUR WORK
really makes my fan fics look like a pile of crap
you take this like and fav right now!
Looks interesting!
So, if your friends think you're gay, suddenly you become gay?
I dun get it.
4136431 The only sex drug Trixie needs is the sex drug called Trixie. (Trixie later hooks up with Charlie Sheen)
4136862
... and you've pretty much described half of Trixie's problems right there.