• Published 25th Mar 2014
  • 10,743 Views, 463 Comments

I Am Not Gay - DisneyFanatic23



After hearing that her friends think she's gay, Rainbow Dash starts to question her sexuality, worrying that the truth might jeopardize her relationship with Soarin. A story about uncovering one's sexual identity and coming out.

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Discovery

Author's Note:

Please note that this story is not meant to be offensive to any group or individual and in no way is any of this canon. If you have any concerns, please refrain from rude language. This is also not a story on being gay or not being gay, but on uncovering one's identity. After a similar experience, I've wanted to write this but have not been able to until now.

Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony or the characters described in here.

Rated T for sexual references and language.

"Thanks for flying me home, Soarin," Rainbow Dash said as she and her coltfriend landed in front of her door. "I had a great time tonight. Though," she snickered, "you really need to work on your free throws."

The light blue pegasus stallion blushed. "Yeah, basketball's not my best sport, I'll admit. I'm more into air hockey."

"Don't worry. I could always help you out."

"Thanks, but I'll never be as good as you."

"Of course not. I'm awesome!"

Soarin grinned. "You certainly are."

Rainbow Dash blushed as he leaned forward and gave her a peck on the lips. They had been going out for nearly three months now and she still felt like a filly every time they kissed. It was weird. She had not thought much about kissing before, let alone dating, but when she was with Soarin, none of that seemed awkward. Their relationship was casual, without the lovey-dovey stuff. It was not that Soarin was unromantic, but Rainbow just liked hanging out with him as if they were not dating.

She had been surprised and embarrassed the first time he had kissed her, but as time went on, she did not mind so much. He treated her like one of the guys, yet she felt like a girl whenever he was with her. He was very humble and a very good listener. Most colts would roll their eyes after hearing her talk about herself for an hour. Soarin had said he liked hearing her talk and that she had every reason to be proud of herself. Although she had never admitted it, she liked hearing him talk as well, about the Wonderbolts, his childhood dreams of flying, or just small talk, like whether peaches or pineapples tasted better.

They had a lot in common, with a few exceptions. For one thing, she was the better athlete and the bigger braggart. He was wackier and a sloppy eater. Rainbow did not mind. After putting up with Pinkie Pie for years, she was used to it.

She enjoyed it when they played sports together and took flights through the starry sky. Their dates were always so chill and not extravagant.

Indeed, Rainbow liked how things were going between them.

"Well," Soarin said, spreading his wings. "I guess I'll be going."

Rainbow Dash frowned. This was how most of their dates ended, but for some reason, she did not want him going this time. At least, not yet. She quickly grabbed his foreleg before he could take off.

"Wait," she said. "The night's still young. Do you want to...come in for a bit?"

Soarin looked back at her with wide eyes and Rainbow started to regret what she had said. Her father had warned her about letting colts into her house late at night when she was alone, but she did not think there was anything to worry about. Soarin was not that kind of stallion.

"We can work on your free throws," Rainbow quickly said. "I have a mini-gym with a hoop. We could also play some video games."

Soarin stared at her for a long while and then grinned.

"Sure. Sounds great."

Rainbow smiled back and turned to open the door for him. She was looking forward to the rest of their night together.


Rarity glanced at the clock tower for the twentieth time, but it seemed like the hands of time were frozen. She and Rainbow Dash had made plans to meet at the café for lunch and she was fifteen minutes late! Now, her pegasus friend was not the most punctual of ponies, but she was not usually this late.

The unicorn then saw said pegasus walking slowly toward the café.

"Well, it's about time!" she groaned. "I've been waiting here forever! What took you so...?"

She trailed off when she saw the grim look on her friend's face.

"Is something wrong, Rainbow Dash?"

The pegasus sat down across from her and said nothing for a while. Then she looked sincerely up at the unicorn.

"Rarity," she muttered, "you've been on a lot of dates, right?"

"Oh, well..." Rarity said, clearing her throat. "I wouldn't say a lot of dates, but a few."

Rainbow Dash leaned forward. "Can I ask you something?"

"But of course, dear."

"You can't tell any pony about this! Not even the others. Really, it's not something I want going around."

"I won't tell any pony. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye. Now what is it?"

Rainbow glanced around. "Not here, okay?"

"But what about lunch?"

"Let's just eat at your place. I don't want any pony overhearing us."

The unicorn nodded in understanding and the two friends left the café for Carousel Boutique. Rarity then made them both some cucumber sandwiches and tea.

"Now, spill," she said once they were settled.

Rainbow Dash fiddled with her tea-cup as she tried to put her thoughts into words.

"Well..." she stammered. "You see...something...happened last night...with Soarin."

Rarity put down her cup. "He didn't break up with you, did he?"

"No, it's not that..."

"Did you have a bad time on your date?"

"No, we had a great time! But then..."

She paused and stared down at the floor.

"Take your time, Rainbow Dash," Rarity said.

Rainbow was not sure if she should be telling Rarity about this. While she was a good friend, she could be a gossip sometimes, but she had more dating experience than her other friends and was most likely to understand. She took a deep breath.

"Everything was going great. We went to the park, shot some hoops and then he took me home. We weren't tired, so I invited him in. We played some games and then I got us something to drink."

She saw the astonished look in Rarity's eyes and groaned. "Soda, of course. I would never drink with a guy around. Anyway, we weren't under influence or anything, but we were on the couch and...we started making out. A lot."

Rarity blinked. "Is that it?"

"It's not that, I mean we've made out before. It's what happened after that. Soarin...well, he..."

The unicorn gasped. "Oh my Celestia! He didn't...take advantage of you, did he?"

"No, it's not like that! But...he wanted to...you know..."

Rarity looked like she was going to faint. "Did you?"

Rainbow Dash looked away. "No. I...I couldn't...I didn't...I didn't want to. He was cool with it though when I told him, but then he left."

Neither of them said anything for a while. It was Rarity who broke the silence.

"It's nothing to worry about, Rainbow Dash. You just aren't ready yet. After all, you and Soarin haven't been going out for that long."

"That's not the thing. What worries me is that I didn't want to do it! I thought I did, I mean...why wouldn't I? I love Soarin! I really do! I haven't really told him yet, but I do! He's cool to hang out with and I can't imagine being with any pony else, but...I never thought about us...doing it."

She paused and looked her friend in the eye. "What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing's wrong with you, dear," Rarity assured her. "Maybe Soarin is just not the one."

"But he's the only guy I've ever dated. With the exception of that blind date with Caramel you set up."

"Maybe that's the thing. You have to kiss a few frogs before you find a prince."

"I'm not talking about kissing! I'm talking about sex!" Rainbow quickly looked around. "Sweetie Belle's not here, is she?"

"No, she's with her friends," Rarity said. "By all means, feel free to use any adult language. It will make things easier."

"Whatever. Just explain to me why I didn't want sex with Soarin!"

The unicorn cleared her throat. "Well, there's no doubt you're attracted to him, just not in...that way."

"I get that, but why?"

"Maybe he's not your type."

Rainbow stomped her hooves on the table. "Not my type? He's a Wonderbolt for crying out loud! He's almost as great a flyer as I am! On top of that, he's sweet, considerate, and doesn't mind that I want to take things slow!"

"Of course, he may be your type personality-wise, but maybe..." Rarity shook her head. "No, it's silly."

"What?"

The unicorn bit her lip nervously. "Well...it's nothing to be ashamed of, but..."

Rainbow narrowed her eyes at her. "But what?"

"See...before you started dating Soarin, we...well, you never seemed all that interested in colts, so we thought..."

"What? You thought what?"

Rarity shut her eyes. "We sort of thought you weren't interested in colts at all but rather you were interested in..."

She could not go on. She was ashamed to say it. She did not need to say it. Rainbow read the word in her face and it made the pegasus' eyes widen.

"Oh my Celestia!" she exclaimed. "You thought I was gay?!"

"Well," Rarity squeaked, "you never so much as looked at colts. We just assumed..."

"Oh, you assumed, huh?"

The unicorn shrieked as Rainbow Dash jumped onto the table, knocking over the tea set in the process.

"Why? Because I didn't date? Because I didn't flirt? Because I act like a guy? You just assumed I was a fillyfooler?!"

"Like I said! It's nothing to be ashamed of! I mean once you started going out with Soarin, those thoughts were dashed..."

"You shouldn't label ponies as gay just because they aren't all girly or flirty or whatever the reason might be! I've never even looked at a mare!"

Rarity took a deep breath. "Well...I sometimes thought because you were so protective of her that...you and...and Fluttershy..."

Rainbow choked. "Me and...and Fluttershy?! Are you kidding?! She would never go for a relationship like that! She doesn't even have the courage to ask a stallion out!"

"I'm sorry! I didn't really believe it entirely, but..."

The pegasus smacked herself on the forehead. "I can't believe it! One of my best friends thinks I'm a fillyfooler!"

"It's a possibility. I mean it explains why you and Soarin didn't..."

"I'm just not ready yet! Okay?! Goodbye! Thanks for nothing!"

With that, Rainbow Dash zoomed out of the boutique and rocketed up into the clouds. She touched her hoof on one and it instantly turned gray, reflecting her anger.

"I can't believe it," she muttered to herself as she paced back and forth. "She thought I was gay! I'm not gay! I don't like mares! I like stallions! I have a wonderful coltfriend! There's no way I'm a lesbian!"

She stopped in her tracks and her expression grew from furious to concerned.

"Am I?"

She sat down and thought about it. True, she did not really flirt with stallions, not even Soarin. She did not even stare at their flanks whenever they bent down. In fact, as soon as she saw them, she would look away in disgust. Now that she thought about it, she never really stared at Soarin's flank either, or felt his muscles or ogled at his hotness.

Then again, she did not find him "hot." He was cute, sure, but she was not that focused on his looks. She had never thought of any stallion as "hot." Handsome, maybe, but not "hot," or even "sexy." They just never seemed like the right words to use.

She had had a few crushes in the past. There was this one colt she had met at Flight Camp she had considered cute, but that crush had ended once she found out he had a girlfriend. When she was a teenager, Soarin had been her idol, but like all celebrity crushes, it came and went. It had returned the day Soarin asked her out, right after both their teams had qualified for the Equestria Games. Other than that, she had not been interested in many colts.

Did that mean she was interested in mares?

No, if that was the case, why were the only ponies she had ever been attracted to male? Then again, had she really been attracted to them? If she was as attracted to Soarin as she thought, why was she not able to go all the way with him? She liked him. She really did. So why?

What if she really was gay? What did that mean? Would she have to break up with Soarin? That thought made her stomach churn.

It was not that she was against that sort of thing. After all, her friends Lyra and Bon Bon had been together for a while and she never had a problem with it, though she could not help but cringe every time she saw them kiss. Other than that, Rainbow was not really homophobic. What concerned her was that if she turned out to be homosexual, it would jeopardize her current relationship and she did not want that to happen.

Then something else occurred to her. If Rarity thought she was gay, did her other friends think so too?

Rainbow Dash gazed down at Ponyville and caught sight of her pink friend bouncing down the street.

"Hey, Pinkie!" she called.

Pinkie Pie stopped bouncing and glanced up to see the pegasus zooming towards her.

"Hi, Rainbow Dash!" the pink party pony piped. "What's up? You know, other than yourself."

Rainbow rolled her eyes. "I need to talk to you about something, Pinkie. Can we go to your place?"

Pinkie smiled. "Sure! No problem! Follow me!"

She followed her pink friend to Sugar Cube Corner. Rainbow glanced around to see if they were alone. Pinkie seemed to read her mind.

"The Cakes are away this weekend, visiting Mrs. Cake's mother in Trottingham. We have the whole place to ourselves! So what did you want to talk about?"

Rainbow groaned, figuring she should get straight to the point.

"Do you think I'm gay?"

Pinkie blinked for a moment and then giggled.

"Of course not, silly!"

Rainbow sighed in relief.

"I mean...I was hoping you were!"

The pegasus' eyes widened. "What?!"

"Oh, it's nothing, just that I sort of had a crush on you for a while! But then you started dating Soarin and I figured there's no way you're gay, unless you're bi or pansexual or just dating a guy to hide the fact that you're gay..."

"Whoa, whoa, back up! What was that about you having a crush on me?"

"Didn't I tell you? I'm pansexual!"

"You're what now?"

"It means I'm attracted to every gender! Boys, girls, transgenders, hermaphrodites..."

"Never mind. This isn't about your sexual orientation, it's about mine! Soarin made a move on me last night and I...well, let's just say I didn't respond to it like I thought I would, and then Rarity said I might be gay, but I've never really been attracted to girls, but I'm starting to think maybe..."

"Only one way to find out!"

Rainbow opened her mouth to ask what she was talking about, when she was stopped by Pinkie's lips. The pegasus was so shocked, she couldn't move. After about three seconds, she pulled a way and spat at the ground in disgust.

"Pinkie!" she screamed. "What the hell?!"

"Huh," Pinkie said, tapping her chin. "That played out a lot better in my head."

"Blech!" Rainbow gagged, trying to wipe the taste of Pinkie off her tongue. "Why in Equestria did you kiss me?!"

"So we could find out if you're gay! Judging from your reaction, I take it you didn't enjoy it."

"You think?!"

"Then that proves you don't like girls! Well, either that or you just don't like me. I don't know whether I should feel happy for you or insulted."

"But did you have to kiss me?!"

"Hey! At least there was no tongue involved!"

Rainbow let out an angry groan. "Let's never speak of this again, okay?!"

Pinkie nodded and did her Pinkie Promise gesture.

"Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye. Oh, and word of advice: you might want to consider a breath mint."

The pegasus glared at her friend for a while before storming out of the shop and slamming the door.

"You're welcome!" Pinkie called. After a few seconds, she sighed sadly. "Note to self: no more falling for best friends."


Rainbow was still trying to get over the disgust of having to kiss Pinkie Pie! Pinkie Pie! One of her best friends! And a girl! I just kissed a girl!

Then again, she could understand what Pinkie was getting at. The two of them were buds and if she did like girls, Rainbow saw no reason why she would not like Pinkie. While she was crazy, she was very reliable, especially when it came to secrets, and their prank wars were so much fun!

But never in the wide world of Equestria had Rainbow ever thought of kissing Pinkie!

This just proved that she did not like girls and that made the pegasus smile. Her problems were solved and she could go back to having a steady relationship with her boyfriend!

Her smile did not last for long. The fact that she did not like Pinkie's kiss did not explain why she could not do it with Soarin. Also, as much as she hated to admit it, Pinkie's kiss was not all that bad. She tasted of frosting.

Did that mean she liked girls after all?

Rainbow refused to believe that. Pinkie's lips just tasted good, that was all. She had not felt anything.

She stopped in her tracks as she saw a certain yellow pegasus come down the street towards her. Rarity had thought she and Fluttershy had a thing. Did Fluttershy think that too? She would hate to find out two of her best friends were crushing on her, especially in the same day. Of course, it would make sense for Fluttershy because she was so shy, but for a long time, Dash had suspected she and Discord had a thing going on. The idea made her want to gag, but better Discord than herself.

Rainbow had to know if Fluttershy had the same opinion as Rarity and Pinkie.

"Oh, good morning, Rainbow Dash!" the yellow pegasus greeted.

"Do you think I'm gay?" Rainbow asked abruptly.

Fluttershy froze and her knees started buckling.

"I...I..."

After a long period of shuddering, she zipped into the sky and disappeared even faster than Rainbow Dash ever could. The multi-colored pegasus slapped herself in the forehead.

"What was I thinking, asking Fluttershy a question like that?"

She would never get a word out of her shy friend. Rainbow needed to go to some pony who could give her an honest opinion. And there was no pony in Equestria more honest than Applejack.


"Sounds like quite the identity crisis," Applejack said after Rainbow explained the whole story to her.

The pegasus sighed. "You don't think I'm gay, do you?"

"Well..." Applejack said before bucking another apple tree.

"Not you too, AJ!"

"I don't personally think you're gay, but there have been rumors about you and Fluttershy."

Rainbow snorted. "Yeah. Rarity told me."

"Some ponies thought you and I were a couple."

"What?!"

Applejack shrugged. "Yeah, the Running of the Leaves got ponies talkin'."

"But...that's just...WHAT?! I mean you're cool and all, AJ, but..."

"You can relax, I don't mind. Besides, I got my eye on someone else."

Rainbow tilted her head. "It's not that Trenderhoof guy, is it?"

The cowgirl cringed at the memory of that stallion. "We'll talk about my love life later. Anyway, there have also been rumors of you and Twilight."

This made Rainbow jump to her hooves. "WHAT?! Girl or boy, I would never date an egghead!"

"Oh, yeah. There were also some about you and Pinkie."

"Oh, well that sort of make sense, but WHAT?! I suppose there are rumors about me and Rarity too?!"

Applejack tapped her chin. "Actually, I haven't heard much about you and Rarity."

Rainbow slammed her back against a tree and slid to the ground. "I don't believe this! How can ponies think I'm a fillyfooler? And how can I be one with all my friends?! And why are they picking on me?! You spend as much time with the others as I do! Why me?!

The cowgirl shrugged again. "It could just be because you're a tomboy."

"So are you! I don't see as many rumors going around about you being gay!"

"Rainbow, they're just dumb rumors. I don't believe one word of them, and neither should you."

"But what if they're right? What if...what if I am gay?"

"So what if ya are? There's nothin' wrong with it."

"But...I've never had those kind of feelings towards mares, only towards Soarin."

"Then there ya go. You're not gay. Problem solved."

"Then why wasn't I able to go all the way with Soarin?"

Applejack sighed in defeat. "Look, I'm no expert on love...or sex. Maybe you should talk to Twilight. I'm sure she has a book or somethin' that could help ya."

Rainbow groaned. "Or she'll just give me a long, boring lecture."

"Either way, a little research never hurt any pony."

"Fine."


"Hmm," Twilight uttered as she searched through her bookshelves. "It's in here somewhere."

"Do you think I'm gay too?" Rainbow grumbled.

"How would I know? You can't really tell a pony's sexuality just by looking at them. You might not even be homosexual."

"Then what else would I be?"

"Well, there are other sexualities besides hetero and homo."

"If you mean bi, I know about that too."

"No, I'm talking about the other, lesser-known ones."

Rainbow blinked. "You mean there's more?"

"Uh-huh. There's asexuality, demisexuality, polysexuality, pansexuality..."

"Hey, Pinkie mentioned that."

"Oh, yes. I nearly forgot that Pinkie's a pansexual."

"What? How did you know that?"

"She came to me a few months ago. She was questioning, like you. I gave her a book and she found her true sexuality."

"So what is pansa...whatever you said, anyway?"

"A pansexual, often confused with bisexual, is some pony who experiences sexual, romantic, and/or spiritual attraction to ponies of all sexes, including those who don't necessarily identify themselves as male or female."

Rainbow was even more confused. "Huh?"

Twilight rolled her eyes and used a word only her friend would know: "Transgender."

"Oh."

"Another word to describe Pinkie would be gender-blind."

"So...you're saying that I'm not gay...but one of these other things?"

"I'm saying it's possible. You could just be paranoid, but... Ah, here it is!"

The alicorn used her magic to levitate a book from the shelf and into Rainbow's hooves. The pegasus read the cover:

"Sexuality 101: Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex but Were Afraid to Ask."

She looked wearily at Twilight. "Why do you even have this?"

The alicorn blushed for a moment before replying. "This is a library. We have books on every subject and genre. This is the book I gave Pinkie. It has a detailed description on every sexual orientation and even a quiz that is scientifically proven to be ninety percent accurate."

"What about the other ten?"

"Trust me. It's a fantastic reference guide. It's from the same company that published my slumber party guide! It was a great help for me."

"You?" Rainbow looked up questioningly at the alicorn. "What are you?"

"Demisexual. It's pretty simple to explain. It means I get attracted to ponies, but not as intensely as most. I don't experience sexual attraction unless I have a strong emotional connection to some pony."

"Okay, too much information."

Twilight tapped on the book. "You'll find everything you need to know in here."

Rainbow sighed. She had always hated studying, but she was determined to find out what was wrong with her. She also found herself curious of these other sexualities Twilight was talking about. So as soon as she got home, she opened the book to the table of contents, found the quiz and turned to it. She then took a pencil and paper out of her desk to write her answers.

"Let's see..." she said as she scanned the page. "Which genders are you attracted to?" She snorted. "I'm pretty sure it's just colts."

She wrote down the letter corresponding to her answer and read the next question: "Which genders do you enjoy/imagine kissing?" Rainbow tapped her chin. "Well, I've had a taste of both now. Pinkie's kiss wasn't bad and all, but...I kind of like Soarin's more." She shrugged. "Colts. Okay, next question: Which genders do you enjoy/imagine having sex with?"

This was where Rainbow started feeling queasy. She really had to think about this one. Had she ever experienced that deep an attraction towards some pony? She shivered at the memories of those horrifying lectures in Health Class. She had not even thought about it with Soarin, and her lack of sexual attraction had been proven last night.

She glanced at the page and then wrote her answer down: Neither.

Rainbow turned the page and covered the book with a shriek.

"EW, GROSS!"

She turned to the next page immediately. The question there read: How did that image make you feel?

"Nauseated," muttered Rainbow, about ready to barf as she read the next question. "Do you mastur...? What does that even mean?"

She knew she should have paid more attention in Health Class. After hearing how foals were made, she had pretty much zoned out the rest of the semester. Fortunately, the page number with the definition of the word was printed beneath the question. Rainbow quickly turned to that page and gagged once she read the definition.

"No! Who even does that?!"

Her nausea increased as she went through the rest of the quiz, answering deeply personal, sickening questions. Even though no pony was around to see this, she still felt embarrassed.

Then she came to the final question, which made her raise an eyebrow.

"Which sounds better? Sex or cake?" She snorted. "That's a no-brainer. What could be better than cake?"

She turned the page so she could add up her score. She was so relieved it was finally over, until she looked at her result.

What she saw was not what she had expected.