Chapter 1
Atop a remote hill on the far outskirts of Ponyville, several theories humans held on the transportation of matter across dimensions violently died as a spatial tear rent the air. In a nearby tree a bird perched on a branch noticed the odd distortion in the air, and became curious. Cautiously, it flew down to the ground, hopping inches at a time as it cocked its head and examined the odd phenomenon.
The bird stopped its approach a foot away from the oddly pulsating sphere that rested inches off the ground. Noting that it did not appear to be threatening in any manner, the bird decided to fly towards it to get a better view. Moments later it squawked in indignation as it found itself flying towards the exact spot it had leapt from. Slightly dazed from hitting the ground, the bird shook its head before hopping to its feet and angrily glaring at the sphere. Deciding that it was a pointless endeavor, the bird returned back to its perch in the nearby tree, shooting off one last squawk of anger at it.
Already forgotten by the bird, the sphere began to slowly expand before violently imploding moments later, completely disappearing. Left behind in its wake was an unconscious figure laying on its side in the grass. The afternoon sun’s rays pierced the eyelids of the individual, waking them from their slumber.
“What the… what a weird dream,” Tempest mumbled, her body feeling unusually heavy. Squinting due to the bright light, she slowly opened her eyes. “Uugh, this reminds me of that one time—” she stopped as her eyes bulged at the sight before her. The fact that her field of vision had widely expanded or that a blue starfield fluttered at the edge of her vision completely escaped her notice as she took in the scenic view before her.
Tempest tightly closed her eyes, her breathing rapidly quickening as she muttered rapidly under her breath. “This is just another dream, gotta change it, just a dream.” Envisioning the recreational park in her mind that she and the twins often frequented, she forced it in place and slowly opened her eyes. “Shit.” Tempest looked up to the sky, noticing that she did not have to squint as she looked at the sun high above. Briefly, she considered trying to make it night, but after a moment of nothing occurring came to a frightening revelation.
“Earth to Tempest, you’re not in Kansas anymore…” Fighting her desire to freak out, Tempest began to assess the situation, knowing that panicking would serve no purpose. She was somewhere else, and a quick turn of her head brought out a few more facts, each and every one quite startling. From the vantage the hilltop afforded her, she noticed an expansive forest off to her right, stretching further than her eyes could see. In the distance a small rural town sprawled across a relatively flat plain, large orchards and farms on its outskirts. Even farther away behind the small town was a large mountain, the sunlight occasionally reflecting off of something near its peak.
Of more concern to Tempest after her initial survey was the fact her vision was wide, much too wide for what it should have been. The dark blue object that remained in the bottom center of her vision and the fluttering starfield were also somewhat alarming as Tempest attempted to stand up. She promptly fell down as her body refused to cooperate, causing her to wrench her head down and look at herself. “I’m… a freakin’ horse?!”
In lieu of her hands, two legs greeted her vision, covered in a coat of fine, black hair. At the tips of the appendages hard hooves had replaced her hands, also black. She slowly lifted one of the limbs, noting how it bent at odd angles in comparison to the way her arm had.
Her breathing began to accelerate as she lay there on the ground, panic rapidly eating away at what little rationality remained in her mind. Her hooves scrambled to where her lighter would have been, had she still had pockets, or clothes for that matter. She needed a flame, or any source of fire, as her heart rate joined her breathing, pushing her closer to the brink of losing it. Being somewhat of a pyromaniac, anytime she had previously found herself in need of clearing her mind, fire was always the key.
The distinct lack of her lighter only served to send her closer to a panic as she screwed her eyes shut and desperately wished for a flame of any size, shape or heat to focus on. A warmth different than that of the sun’s rays drew her attention as she slowly opened her eyes. Hovering in the air in front of her was a small swirling ball of teal fire, complete with occasional sparks of the same color. She barely noticed the same color glow coming from the top center of her vision.
Tempest’s eyes locked onto the swirling mass, her breathing beginning to slow as her sight looked at, into, and through the fire all at once. A feeling of complete calm entered her mind, all other thoughts fleeing at once. Her heart rate slowed alongside her breathing, and she lost herself within the fire.
Some time later, her focus slowly returned, the fire sputtering as it died out as the glow from the top of her vision disappeared. Shaking her head lightly, Tempest felt ready to deal with her situation, starting with something simple. Carefully, she raised a hoof once more and firmly placed it in the grass before putting some of her weight on it. Satisfied that it would hold, she turned her attention towards the other hoof, repeating the same motions with it. Both forehooves now firmly planted on the ground, she glanced back at the heavy weights she now knew to be her back hooves.
She attempted to stand on all fours, but failed miserably as she pushed with her back hooves too hard. Tumbling forward, she felt an odd tug on her head as she landed belly up in the grass, her vision momentarily shrouded in what appeared to be a starfield. Tempest found herself in an awkward situation as something kept her head pinned to the ground. After struggling for nearly a minute, she finally managed to pull her head free from the unknown object, sending clods of dirt and bits of grass flying as she jerked it forward, the weird, blue starfield still in her vision.
A dull throb filled her head as Tempest’s vision cleared, revealing the two black wings widely spread at her sides. Now that it had been brought to her focus, she realized that she could actually feel individual blades of grass tickling at them, the sensitive nerves contained within the wings constantly sending her brain signals. Struggling, she managed to get her wings closed and hooves underneath herself. Using a little less power this time, she managed to stand.
“This is weird,” Tempest muttered as she carefully took her first steps as a pony. She noticed a small pond less than a hundred feet away and an idea came to her mind. The water looks clear enough from here, maybe I can get a better idea of what the hell I’m supposed to be, since horses don’t have wings… Wait, horses with wings equals a pegasus, I think. Either way, what a damn pain…
Cautiously, Tempest put one hoof forward, attempting to walk towards the pond. As she closed the distance between herself and the pool of water, each step became more confident than the last one. By the time she reached her destination, she felt somewhat comfortable with her new form of locomotion. She stopped at the edge of the water and gazed down into its clear, partially reflective surface.
Tempest carefully reached up and poked the bony-looking black protrusion that originated from her forehead. She could feel a spiralling groove pattern through her hoof, and recognition struck her. It’s a bloody horn… So, I’m a freak horse with wings and a horn? A pegasus with a horn? Either way, I’m definitely a freak, just look at my eyes…
Peering into the water, it became painfully obvious why she thought so. They were large, much too large for her head. A small, spherical pupil rested within the vast ocean of teal that dominated them, with a little amount of white around the edges. Tempest was reminded of a stuffed animal, they just did not belong.
“So you’re in a new land, Tempest. One in which you’re a freak horse thingy with an astronomer’s wet dream for your hair and new tail. On top of that, you have wings and a horn on your damn head, and are completely black.” Tempest turned around and looked back at herself, noticing the purple splotch near her rear that also contained a crescent moon within it. Sighing, she continued to talk to herself as she turned away from the water. “Well, you’re almost completely black, like some clichéd villain. Then, you also have a tramp stamp on your ass in the shape of a crescent moon. Plus, there’s also— stupid hair, stars, whatever the hell you are!” Tempest uttered, spitting out some of her mane that had ended up in her muzzle.
Looking once more towards the small town in the distance, Tempest decided that her best bet lay there. For whatever reason she had found herself in presumably an entirely different world, and the only way she would find anything out would be by finding another to talk to. The thought of using her new wings briefly came to mind before immediately being shot down as images of falling formed in her mind. Shuddering slightly, she set off towards the distant town, one hoof in front of the other.
In the small town of Ponyville, its inhabitants were gearing up for its favorite festival of the year. Not a house was spared during the decorating spree that had occurred in the past few days, and the giant statue of Nightmare Moon had been put in its customary place in the square. Games were being set up over at Sweet Apple Acres, and every sign pointed towards the beginning of another wonderful Nightmare Night.
However, the sun had to finish its journey first before the festival could officially begin. It still lingered above the horizon, declaring that there was still another hour before the festivities could begin. Most ponies did not let that stop them, however, as many were already dressed in their costumes and anxiously awaiting the collection of candy.
Within the confines of the Golden Oaks Library, the town’s resident princess was frantically running through checklists in her mind in preparation for her first Nightmare Night as an official representative of Equestria. Spike patiently stood nearby, an amused smirk on his face as he watched Twilight pace back and forth, her wings twitching every time she turned.
“Twilight!” he finally cried out, gaining her attention as she paused and looked at him, her head tilted to the side. “Relax! You’ll be just fine, I’m sure nopony will care if you aren’t perfect. Just so long as you don’t go blowing up part of the town, I’m sure everything will end up just fine.” Spike hesitantly chuckled, secretly hoping that the latter did not come to pass.
Rolling her eyes, Twilight resumed her pacing. “Preposterous! Inconceivable! I must make sure that my first Nightmare Night as a Princess of Equestria goes off without a hitch, and I especially don’t want to let Princess Luna down either!”
Spike rolled his eyes as he stepped in front of her path. “Seriously, Twi, just take a deep breath— Uurk!” He was interrupted as flames erupted from his mouth in a sound not unlike a burp, a scroll materializing from the ash. Patting his chest and coughing, the parchment was surrounded by Twilight’s magic before it was halfway to the floor. She unfurled it and began reading, her eyes rapidly moving back and forth as she drank in the words.
Twilight,
Please, do not be alarmed by what you are about to read. However, Luna claims that she felt a brief amount of magic earlier this afternoon that shared an eerie resemblance to that of the Nightmare which had possessed her. Luna claimed that the same power attempted to connect with her moon moments later; however neither Luna nor I were able to place where it emanated from. She claims that the attempt was extremely brief, lasting no longer than a few seconds.
However, please do not let this weigh on your mind, I do believe that you have a festival to enjoy this evening, and my sister still plans to visit Ponyville. If I didn’t know any better, I would think that she has come to hold your small town dear in her heart, for which I am highly thankful for. I merely suggest that you inform your friends of the possibility that we may need their services in the near future, but I believe it can wait until we locate the threat, if it truly exists. Enjoy your evening.
Happy Nightmare Night,
Celestia
“Oh no,” Twilight muttered, letting the letter drop to the library floor. “Spike, are you ready to go? We need to head out a little earlier than planned, I’ve got to make a quick round and tell the girls something.” Spike reached for the parchment, but Twilight quickly teleported it out of sight to the bedroom. “I can stop by Sugarcube Corner first in case I run a little late, too.”
Spike grabbed his costume with a hand, tucking it underneath his arm. “Okay, ready to go!” he exclaimed, already halfway to the door. Twilight lightly smiled at the sheer exuberance he was exuding. “Well, come on, Twi, time’s wasting!”
This time she laughed, using a quick burst of magic to rest Spike on her back. “Okay, Spike, I got you. Time to put those lessons with Rainbow to use,” Twilight turned around and smirked as his expression turned to one of horror. Pushing off the ground with all four hooves as she unfurled and flapped her wings, Twilight took to the air.
It was an extremely short flight to the iconic bakery, and Twilight roughly landed on the grass next to the side of the building. Out front a large group of ponies had already begun to gather, mostly because of Pinkie Pie. Because of her ability with foals, it had long since become customary for every parent to bring their children to her for Nightmare Night.
Twilight exchanged a few short greetings with the ponies outside as she made her way inside Sugarcube Corner. Within moments of entering, she found pink engulfing her vision.
“Twilight? What brings you by so early; I thought you and Spike were going to meet up with me in the plaza!” Pinkie questioned as she quirked her head to the side.
Spike hopped off Twilight’s back as she briefly hugged Pinkie, a large, warm smile on her face. “I was just swinging by to bring Spike over early so he wouldn’t miss any of Nightmare Night. I’ve got to go run a few quick errands before it kicks off.” Twilight leaned in closely and quietly whispered into Pinkie’s ear, ensuring no one else could hear them. “Also, please be very, very quiet about this, but I got a letter from the Princess. There’s a chance that we might have to deal with Nightmare Moon in the future. Princess Luna apparently felt her magic earlier today, but they aren’t sure where she is.”
Before Twilight had even fully pulled back, Pinkie dramatically gasped, both hooves held up to her mouth. “Oh my, that’s no fun! She better not try and mess with us tonight, nopony messes with Nightmare Night! Nopony!” Twilight fought back a laugh as Pinkie ended her short verbal onslaught, a serious expression on her face.
“Thanks, Pinkie. I’m going to go and let the others know, so in case I’m late, have a good Nightmare Night!” Twilight warmly smiled at Pinkie before turning around and walking over to Spike. “Hey, have a good time tonight, okay? And no more than, say… two handfuls of candy tonight, okay? Save some for later.”
Twilight briefly nuzzled Spike as he rolled his eyes and muttered underneath his breath. “Pft, I can totally handle more than two handfuls of candy.” Twilight smiled and left Sugarcube Corner, taking to the sky once more.
She delighted in the feel of the wind through her feathers as she glanced at the dropping sun. Twilight ran through the list of her friends in her mind, and after a few moments she decided to go and tell Applejack next. Although Fluttershy was the furthest away from town, she was still thoroughly terrified of Nightmare Night, so it would be extremely easy to track her down later on. Pinkie would inevitably meet up with Dash before the pranks began, so Dash would find out, leading to Rarity being told within moments.
As she began to descend towards the orchard, a figure in the distance caught her eye. Twilight went into a hover as she squinted, but from this far out she was unable to determine anything beyond the individual being a pony. Glancing off towards the orchard, she ascended higher and began flying closer, curious as to who would be so far out of Ponyville at this time of the day.
The sun behind her back made it hard to determine the color of the approaching pony, although as the distance rapidly closed, it became apparent that it had not been the light at her back that made her think the pony was black in color. Her eyes widened in shock as her mind quickly linked the black coat with the large, imposing figure of the pony, and Twilight went to turn. The mare in the distance stumbled, causing Twilight to second guess herself as she moved in closer to observe.
Details that she had initially missed made themselves painfully known as Twilight hovered in place well above Nightmare Moon. At a distance she had seemed imposing with her height, starry mane and tail waving in the wind, and pitch black coat, but now the exact opposite was being proven instead. Every step taken was accompanied with a small limp and an occasional grunt from the mare below her. The wind rustled at her mane and tail, but they limply hung, the colors seemingly muted from the radiant blue Twilight recalled from that fateful night years ago. Nightmare’s coat was ragged and filled with bits of grass and dirt, and it appeared that it was taking all of her concentration to continue walking. In all, Nightmare looked a complete disaster that Twilight could almost pity, had she not possessed Luna and attempted to overthrow Celestia.
Twilight was torn by indecision, remaining in a hover as she weighed the dilemma before her. On one hoof, she was prepared to rush back to Sugarcube Corner and have Spike send for the Elements. She was extremely tempted to ensure Nightmare Moon had no second chance to try and overthrow Equestria once more. On the other hoof, however, it appeared that Nightmare Moon was incapable of being a threat to them, given her current posture and apparent exhaustion. The fact that she was walking on her injuries and not flying or using magic spoke volumes.
Repressing the urge to scream aloud, Twilight entered into a dive that would put her landing well in front of Nightmare Moon. As she landed, a brief glow of her horn surrounded her with one of the strongest shield spells she knew, created by Shining Armor himself. Taking a deep breath, she steeled herself and began to approach Nightmare Moon.
Tempest continued to trudge forward, coming to the crest of yet another hill on her journey to the far-off town she had first spied. At its top another sight of the rural establishment taunted her, still looming off on the horizon. It felt like Tempest had been traveling all day, but the sun’s progress told her that it could have been no more than a few hours.
“Stupid fantasy land, stupid horse-pegasus body, or whatever the hell I’m supposed to be… stupid— Ouch, dammit!” Tempest cursed as she snagged a hoof in another depression in the ground that had seemingly appeared from nowhere. Lifting up the limb and shaking it slightly to alleviate the slight throb that had ran through the leg, impatience finally won out over her better senses.
Stopping and closing her eyes, she took a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm down, the knowledge that getting further pissed off would be quite useless without anything or anyone around to hit. Slowly, her wings unfurled from their position on her side, expanding out to their full length.
Flying will be so much quicker than walking, and maybe I can get to that town before next week. Her legs tensed, and she did her best impression of a jump as her wings awkwardly flapped. For a moment, Tempest widely smiled at the feel of the air caressing each and every feather as her wings beat in sync, gradually gaining altitude.
However, it all came to a close the moment Tempest attempted to move forward in flight. Her wings began flapping out of sync, and within moments she somehow found herself upside down. “Oh, shi—” she began before hitting the ground hard and rolling down the hill. Tempest grunted with each impact, limbs flailing as she tumbled.
Finally rolling to a stop, the first thing Tempest was truly aware of was the dull throb that ran through her entire body. Groaning, she moved off her side and managed to get her hooves underneath her. Tempest made no attempt to stand as she tried to take stock of what hurt, and where.
“That was a really bad idea, Tempest. Real smart, go ahead and try to fly just because you’ve done it in your dreams…” Her eyes watered slightly as she was reminded once more of the physical pain she felt, as well as what it indicated. “Stay calm, Tempest, freaking out just makes matters worse, take deep breaths…”
She rested for a few minutes, her resolve steeling itself once more to not completely freak out regardless of how strong of an urge she had to do so. Standing up, another twinge of pain ran through her, this time specifically located in her left forehoof. Carefully, she turned around and looked at her crash site and attempted to whistle.
Tempest had left a small furrow in the hillside from her initial impact up until the point she had begun to roll. From there, small patches of grass and dirt had been disturbed by her passing. Ignorant of the copious amounts of dirt and grass stuck in her coat, she turned back towards the town and began walking again, doing her best to ignore the small twinge with every step she felt.
As she walked, time rolled by as the sun continued to drop from its perch in the sky, moving ever closer to the horizon. The small twinge she felt from her front hoof turned into a dull throb, which only continued to intensify as time passed. Tempest was thankful that the terrain had finally shifted from hills to mostly flatland, even if she still had some distance to go.
Sighing, Tempest continued to trudge along, now limping with every other step. Her mood felt horrendous, and her head hung low. Her ears perked up as a sound from just in front of her greeted them, something resembling the flapping of wings.
“Woah… Uh, this is not what I expected, not at all,” a female voice filled with caution and curiosity greeted Tempest’s ears. As her head came up, Tempest noticed that there was another horse-like creature in front of her, also with a pair of wings and a unicorn’s horn on her forehead, which was currently surrounded by a rose colored nimbus. Her coat was purple, and she had some funky colors in her hair and tail, a mixture of blues and pinks. “So, uh, you’re not going to try and take over Equestria again, are you?”
Tempest found herself momentarily stunned at finally meeting something that could talk. After a few moments to recover from the shock, she excitedly spoke. “Finally, something that can talk and isn’t going to run away! I mean, it’s silly, everything has taken one look at me and ended up running as if I were going to eat them or something.” Tempest rolled her eyes before pushing past her pain to warmly smile. “Hi, my name’s Tempest, and I have no fucking clue where or what I am!”
She looked on in curiosity as the other pony’s mouth opened and closed like a flounder, not a word coming from them. “Well, I could’ve sworn you were speaking,” Tempest started, beginning to look around for where else the speech could have originated from. “I mean, I don’t see anything else, so it had to be you talking, right?”
“Uh, yes. That was me talking,” she responded, confusion rampant in her voice. Shaking her head, she directly addressed Tempest at last. “I’m Twilight Sparkle… you said your name was Tempest? Are you certain of that?”
Tempest quirked a brow at the question as her head subconsciously tilted to the side. “Uh, yeah, of course I’m sure. I mean, my name is actually Jeanne Tempest Jones, but Jeanne is just so stupid. So, I go by Tempest. Why, do you think I’m supposed to be someone else? I do sorta look like some clichéd villain, after all.” Tempest smirked and stood on her back hooves for a few seconds, waving her forehooves in the air. “Ooooh, beware me, for I shall do dastardly things to you.” She grimaced as weight was put back onto her front hooves, lightly hissing.
“You know what, nevermind,” Twilight grumbled, the nimbus around her horn blinking out. “You’re in Equestria, just outside of Ponyville,” she began, awkwardly watching Tempest’s reaction, which remained a blank gaze. “We should really stop just standing here though. Give me your hoof.”
Confused, Tempest slowly stretched out her injured limb. “So, uh, how exactly is this going to help us get somewhere—” The world felt like it was bending around her, each and every part of her body being sent through a blender only to come out in one piece afterwards. “—else?” Tempest finished her question as she suddenly found herself inside what appeared to be a library. Moments later she was bent over, dry heaving as her body thanked her for the mode of transport.
“Oh god, what was that?” Tempest asked, licking at her lips and smacking them as she attempted to remove the acidic aftertaste. Shuddering, she sat down on the floor, eyes scrunched tightly closed. “I thought that one rollercoaster at Six Flags was bad…” Tempest muttered underneath her breath.
She heard Twilight walk up to her side, a hoof hesitantly finding its way to her shoulder. “Um, I really haven’t seen anypony react to a teleport like that, ever. Listen very carefully for a minute though, please. I know you have questions, and I have some too, but I need to go and get somepony else first, okay?”
Tempest coughed, a small twinge of anger entering her voice. “You don’t have to speak to me like I’m a damn child, Twilight Sparkle. I’m eighteen, not eight. You want me to stick around in this… library I’m guessing, so that you can go and grab a buddy?” Tempest waited for Twilight to nod in confirmation before she continued. “Umm, I suppose that’s fine. I can finally get off this stupid hoof and get some answers, good.” She stood up and carefully limped over to a couch, but before she could sit down Tempest found herself immobilized.
“Um, sorry, but there is no way in Tarterus I’m letting you sit on anything in here looking like that.” Tempest saw Twilight’s horn glow that rose color again before a tingling feeling ran through her, starting from her hooves and working its way up. She noticed a smirk on Twilight’s face as a ball of mud and grass hovered in the air for a few moments before disappearing. “Okay, now you can sit down. That stuff is a pain to clean, even with magic. Anyways, I’ll be back soon.” Twilight’s horn lit up again, before she paused. “Oh, also, whatever you do, please do not go outside. Period.
“Gotta go get Princess L—” Twilight’s voice barely reached Tempest’s ears before cutting off as she blinked from existence. Tempest stood there and stared at the spot Twilight had inhabited just moments before, confusion running through her mind. Shaking her head to clear the jumbled thoughts, Tempest sat down on the couch.
Fatigue set in as she sank into its cushions, the day’s mental and physical toll finally catching up to her. Tempest’s eyelids grew heavy as her limbs gently shifted beneath her to allow for more comfort, and she slowly drifted off into unconsciousness.
Tempest was unaware of how long she slept for, however she was abruptly jolted back into consciousness as a massive, booming voice reached her ears, shaking the very walls of the building she was in and knocking some of the books off of the shelves.
“WHERE ARE YOU AT, FOUL MONSTER?! HAVE AT THEE!”
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Yes! I was w8ing for this!
yay for bat pony community stuff! and pyromania stuff.
Awwwww yeah!
Finally got off your ass and released the thing!
~Skeeter The Lurker
4450198
Had to wait on the artist, who then decided to prematurely post the art at midnight last night, heh...
But yeah. Got the next chapter in the works as well. Fun little story so far.
Oh, I like this a lot. Can't wait to see the shouting match with Luna.
ETA on next chapter?
4450375
Glad you like it, been tweaking and working on it for the last month now.
Shouting match? *rubs hands together*
Working on it alongside two other stories at the moment as far as the next chapter goes. No promises, although tentatively speaking, maybe a week or two. I've found myself taking 2-3 runs at editing, which means I need to give people time to look over it as well.
4450541
Glad to hear that you enjoy it.
Truthfully, the only reason I tagged the Halloween One-shot as a prequel as it is one, in loose terms. The concept itself is what I am further exploring, but while the prequel was fun, overt comedy brought about by genderswapping a human and putting them into Nightmare Moon's body, it set the wrong tone for what I was going for in a novel-length story. Needed to tone the comedy down some, so while this is looking further into the concept of "Human-Looking-Like-Villain" it actually will not include the protagonist from it.
Looks good! I'll be sure to read it!
As to who helps them...
DAT DA DA! PRINCE WINTER TO THE RESCUE!
4450433 Week or two eh? Sounds good.
Oooh, i liked the oneshot you posted earlier with this concept! Now you're doing a full story, Space? Count me in for a fave and thumb. Can't wait to see how this all goes.
4450967
Yeah, that one-shot nagged me from October clear through my hiatus. One could even say coming up with this idea got me off of the hiatus, even if it took me another month to have it strong enough to write. Hope you enjoy it, man.
MOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4451193
Lol, hey Parable. Just a 'moar' comment, hey? No feedback? Tsk tsk!
4451171
I certainly intend to!
4451196
Lol, well, feed back...
Love the little light hinting at the fact that Tempy might very well actually be Nightmare in truth. The eyecolor and sudden appearance of the little baby just kinda screamed that IMO.
Her reactions to suddenly having four left hooves was rather amusing. Everypony dance the stumble-horse!
Kewl. Faved and liked.
4450209
That art was well worth the wait, mate.
~Skeeter The Lurlker
I just read it (well, the good parts eg. Tempest arrives in Equestria) and I must say that now I wanna do a story like this!
This is a pretty good one, and I can't wait to see what Luna does to a Nightmare Moon that isn't really Nightmare Moon.
Prediction: RUN, TEMPEST, RUN!
Oh, hey, I should have been editing this. XD
Yes Twilight, go get your frie-NO TWILIGHT NOT PRINCESS LUNA YOU ARE UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES TO- dammit
Well aren't you just a whore for the kinds of stories that I'm interested in? If this is anything like your other works I'm sure to be enraptured. Again.
4451263
Lol, thanks. Glad ya liked it though, was fun doing this one and it got me out of my funk.
4451742
Lol! I was inspired after the Halloween One-Shot, what with the whole "Human Looking Like X Villain" but I had no idea where to take it until about 6-8 weeks back. This is the result.
4451831
If you do find anything I'll make the changes. Think I went over both chapters about five times and had a bunch of others pick through it as well, so shouldn't be too much, at least technically.
Maybe?
4451926
I know, right? Originally I was going to add in a scene in which Twilight planned out her response, and decided on going to Luna, and then the events that led to this shout occurred, but... figured I would cliffhanger it instead and write that up for the next Tempest oriented chapter.
4451991
Pst, still waiting on... okay, no nagging, Space. xD I'm glad to see that you're here for the ride, I am a fan of your story as well, and your name has been popping up a bit more frequently. Would love to hear your thoughts and feedbacks once you finish these first two chapters.
4452036
This comment is quite useless to me, so I would ask that you elaborate. What about this chapter was meh? What did you find unsatisfactory about it? What were its deficiencies? What were its strong points? Et cetera, simply posting "meh" with the little Applejack face serves no purpose, truthfully.
This... this story seems familiar...
4452328
Fairly certain that you're not someone who is in one of the Skype groups that I've shared the rough drafts or ideas with, so I have no clue where you might have seen something similar before, unless you want to talk broad and mention any of the multitude of "Human as Nightmare Moon" stories that exist. Well, maybe not multitudes, but there are quite a few. I haven't really read any of them myself, however.
Good story
, but dang it Twilight!!
This should be interesting! Promising start, can't wait to read more.
4452387
Twilight misunderstandings are best misunderstandings, am I right?
Glad you've liked what I've gotten thus far.
4452420
glad to hear you enjoyed it.
4452359 Its still a good story, its just that I'm reading another story with the same premiss at the moment.
4452097
So...is this open to OC appearances...because if it is, boy do I have an OC for you!
When is the next chapter coming out, and on that note, what stage is it's progress at? I'M DYING TO KNOW!
At what point did this happen?
~The lizardman has taken interest in this story, so he shall fave it
4453710
Was more of an off-screen type thing, as I shifted from Tempest to Twilight for a period of time, and then back to Tempest. While there was some overlap, there was a period time in which Tempest was 'off-screen' prior to her attempting the ill-fated trial of flight. I had brought that up to a friend for a line, and he and others agreed it was quite comical, so I went with it.
Glad that you seem to have liked it as well
4453755 And just who did she run into? Clearly not any ponies, since then the town would be up in arms.
~The lizardman is curious
idk if anyone else brought this up before sorry if you have. But it is widly accepted that NNM possessed luna but was her own entity im guessing in this fic? if not plz correct me. so if she was then i would think that luna might be bumbfounded that she has a body that is not hers. though her reaction was expected. cause that seemes odd though i think i know how it happened dosent mean the characters do. sorry if i missed something lolz.
Hehe, I saw (and commented on) the commissioned cover photo on deviantart before the fiction even appeared here.
*puts on hipster glasses*
I saw the Coverart on DA first, then I saw it here... nice commission. but... if this isn't your commission, its rude not to leave a link and at least commendation to the artist, especially one as good as her...
4454563
Lol, indeed ya did. You commented on it first as well, you have the exact same icon so I remember it. I would've posted the story, but... Who submits anything for approval at 12:30 am on a Monday morning? Love her work, but that language barrier... Cripes.
4454565
It is sourced, hover over the image. Plus, if you had taken a few seconds to look at the little bit of info she posted when she put that up, you would have noticed the same icon and name over on DeviantArt that I use here. As well as the link to this specific story. It's why I sat on these two chapters for as long as I did, if you look at the published dates on them.
4452359
This isn't meant as critical but I also initially thought this was a different story. A couple months ago a story by the name of "Trust in the Night" featured a similar setup: a girl ends up going to Equestria and becoming Nightmare Moon. Though yours has a bit more backstory and hinted justification for it.
I think that's what makes your story seem just more. With the timing and similarities its implied that Tempest is Nightmare Moon after having been defeated. But she's essentially gotten a second chance and now this is really her homecoming. It's not just some human ending up as Nightmare Moon and having to overcome the natural negative reactions from everyone; it's potentially also Nightmare Moon having to overcome herself as old thoughts, feelings, and maybe even memories start to return. How does an oblivious and good-natured Nightmare Moon deal with an angry, vengeful side resurfacing and possibly proving all of her friends' fears right?
That's what I got from these two chapters.
4455984
Honestly, even after hours, my description skills still suck. I think I rely a lot on people having seen/heard of me and my writing, as well as curiosity when I write something new. This one I really struggled with, and I do recall the story you mentioned. I actually delayed writing this one because while I was planning it out, that story was released and got featured. I was going to sit on this even longer originally, but then the artist went and posted the coverart... gah! I suppose I should read that one to see what they did, to ensure nothing overlaps. I truly doubt anything will though.
And yeah, the fact that she might be Nightmare Moon is a big part of the conflict of the first half of the story. The fact that everyone holds fear or hatred towards her is just part of the conflict. Her two friends are actually going to come into the play, the next chapter is actually more oriented towards them.
Thanks for the feedback though, love it. Working on rereading through TLaP still as well. Almost 200k now, which is extremely impressive.
4455364 Good sir, I am lazy!
Hmm, I enjoyed this story so far
Like others have mentioned, I've also read a story with similar premise. But in this case, the conflict arising from the possibility that Tempest might be an incarnation of Nightmare Moon makes it even more interesting. I will be eagerly waiting for future updates
4456397
So, a bit of work, and she's now the 'edgy' teenager who is using her crazy middle name because 'it sounds cool.'
Originally it was going to be her first name, but then I had it pointed out to me that it was "Mary-Stu" "Too pony" "A stripper's name" and one friend that simply cursed it out.
4456686
Thanks. I saw that story a few months ago, and didn't read it, but shelved this story for awhile just in case. I am guessing a lot of people are making the connection between that story and mine though, the difference being that maybe I'm getting glossed over by some as 'it's just another X story,' but who knows. I'm glad you did like it though, it is fun to write. I'm looking forward to writing this Thestra (Batpony) society in the next chapter as well.
This comment is quite useless to me. What did you find unsatisfactory about it?
YES. Eagerly following and liking this! (Love that you're dragging twins into it as well, and putting them in Hollow Shades. (Guessing that, because it LOOKS like a Thestral Community on the map...))
Glad to see her have SOME sort of a panic attack, brief as it was, having to keep forcing herself to focus/not panic. Helps make it feel a bit more real.
4456912
Yeah. Was trying to figure out what to use to calm her down that wasn't overplayed or a major freakout, and friend of mine smacked me in the head and just said one word. Pyromaniac. I was sold on it. And yes, Thestrals, Batponies, whatever you would like to call them have a nice role in this story, and I'm looking forward to writing about them.
4456890
While I enjoy comments, a simple meh doesn't elaborate what exactly you found boring, unsatisfactory, et cetera about the story. So, if there is a valid issue that is making you go 'meh' then that means I have no clue what it is that might need further scrutiny on my end.
you had better post another chapter soon, else.... I shall be very upset
please continue this is so good
Prolouuuuueg
This looks like a promising story already. I can't wait to read the next chapter of this!
A tempestuous rebirth:
Her spirit renew
Rising to the heaven’s view
Kiss the moon’s bright bloom
•‼•‼•‼•‼•‼•‼•‼•‼•‼•‼•‼•‼•
Looking forward to much more...please.