Chapter the one and only

With Big Mac and Granny Smith in Appaloosa again and Applebloom staying behind Applejack was under a bit of pressure to take care of her little sister and get the apple-bucking started. Currently Applejack was trying to cook something but her cookbook kept turning pages on her resulting in mixed instructions to the Earth Pony. Meanwhile Applebloom was upstairs with her two best friends and fellow crusaders Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. The girls were planning their crusade for the upcoming weekend “I’m telling you guys this weekend we get our cutie marks in... bungee jumping!” said Scootaloo.

“Yeah!” said Applebloom excitedly.

“Whoa who!” cheered Sweetie Belle happily.

“Hey, I wonder if dinner is ready” said Scootaloo.

“I’ll go check” said Applebloom.

Meanwhile in the kitchen Applejack was still struggling with the cookbook “sauce?” she asked “when the hey did ya tell me ta make sauce?” she asked rushing through the kitchen as suddenly smoke filled the air from the oven “land sakes!” said Applejack as she removed her smoking dish and fanned the smoke out before salvaging her dish and dumping the inedible parts down the drain. “Okay, I’ll just make a little something else quickly” said Applejack trying to remain calm. However as she turned around she tripped on some stray water and fell to the floor “oh ****!” Applejack immediately turned red as an apple as she blushed and covered her mouth, Applejack chuckled nervously and looked around “hope nopony heard that” she said.

Unbeknownst to Applejack Applebloom was just outside the kitchen and after asking when dinner would be she went back upstairs. “So when’s dinner?” asked Scootaloo.

“In an hour” said Applebloom as she sat down with her friends “so where are we gonna bungee?” she asked.

“Well there’s that really tall cliff over here” said Scootaloo pointing to a spot on the map, Applebloom made an X with a crayon.

“Maybe we should start with a little cliff like the one over here” said Sweetie Belle pointing to another spot where once again Applebloom made a mark.

“Fine what about this cliff here, it’s not to big and not to small” said Scootaloo.

Applebloom tried to make a mark like before but this time midway through an X the crayon snapped “Ah **** that was a new crayon” she said. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo looked at Applebloom as she got another crayon from her crayon box. “Ah well ah guess this X will just have to be blue and red” she said.

“What did you say?” asked Sweetie Belle curiously.

“ah said the X will have to be blue and red” said Applebloom.

“No before, that new word” said Scootaloo.

“Oh you mean *****?” asked Applebloom.

“Yeah” said Sweetie Belle “what does it mean?” she asked.

“Ah don’t know ah heard Applejack say it ah think it sounds neat” said Applebloom.

“Yeah” agreed Scootaloo “it sounds cool!”

“But what does it mean?” asked Sweetie Belle.

“Ah bet it’s an adjective” said Applebloom “like a word to put emphasis to words like good, great, and fantastic and ah bet it can be used for positive messages and negative messages.”

“You think so?” asked Sweetie Belle.

“Yeah like you could say: that math test was so ******** boring or you could say that new game is so ******* great” said Applebloom.

“Cool” said Scootaloo “I mean ******* cool” she corrected.

“I wanna try so ******* badly” said Sweetie Belle “hey I did it.”

“It’s such a ******* great word” said Applebloom happily “ah can’t wait to use it” she added.

The next morning Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle came to pick up Applebloom for school same as always. “Hi girls” Applebloom greeted “sure is a ******* good day isn't it?” she asked.

“Yeah” Scootaloo agreed “look at the sky not one ******* cloud in the sky.”

“And not one ******* sign of icky winds to mess up our manes” said Sweetie Belle.

“Sweetie Belle you’ve been spending way too much ******* time with Rarity” said Applebloom as the three fillies headed out.

The girls had to pass by the home of a certain carrot loving pony who was out watering her crop “good morning Ms. Carrot Top” said Applebloom.

“Good morning girls” Carrot Top greeted back as she watered her carrots.

“Sure is a nice day isn't it?” asked Sweetie Belle.

“Yes very nice” said Carrot Top as she continued her work “perfect for catching up on my watering, say hello to Cheerilee for me” she added.

“We will” Scootaloo promised “and have a ******* good day” she added as the fillies continued on their way.

Carrot looked up from her watering and nearly dropped her can “well I never” she said angrily.

Mayor Mare was escorting an important pony around town today, a reporter from a traveling magazine called Around Equestria. “Ms. Mayor” said the reporter “this month’s issue was all about big cities like Las Pegasus and Manehatten so this issue will be all about towns for ponies with simpler pleasures and families, quiet towns where ponies go for hush and shhhhhhh.”

“Well let me assure you that Ponyville is all about hush and shhhhhhh” said Mayor Mare at that moment the crusaders came around the corner. “Why look three young ponies of Ponyville” said Mayor Mare “three young, adorable, fillies and don’t they just whisper hush and shhhhhhh” she added. “Good morning girls” said Mayor.

“Good morning Ms. Mayor” the crusaders greeted back.

“I’d love to get an inside view of Ponyville from a fillies eye” said the reporter taking her note pad out “How would you girls describe Ponyville?”

“Ponyville is so ******* great!” said Scootaloo. Suddenly the Mayor looked nervous and the reporter scowled as she made notes.

“We got every kind of ******* pony of pony livin here” said Applebloom.

“And there are so many ******* nice shops” said Sweetie Belle.

“Yeah and big forests, and fields, and canyons, and lakes to play in it’s so ******* fun!” said Scootaloo.

“An everypony is really ******* nice” said Applebloom.

“Well I think I’ve got a pretty good idea of Ponyville’s atmosphere” said the reporter.

“Glad we could help” said Applebloom.

“Have a ******* nice day” said Scootaloo as the crusaders went on their way to school.

“You know I’m not sure those fillies are from Ponyville” the Mayor lied “we get so many tourists it’s hard to keep track they’re probably from….. Manehatten!” she insisted.

The crusaders arrived at school just in time, as usual Cheerilee was updating the dates on the chalk board before she turned to greet her class “good morning my little ponies” she said cheerfully.

“Good morning Ms. Cheerilee” the class chanted back.

“As we’re half way through multiplication I thought we’d start off today with a little quiz” said Cheerilee pausing for the collective groan throughout the room. “Now, now nothing to worry about” said Cheerilee as she began passing out the quiz “just a little something to see where you’re at and where you need to improve. Expect results back before lunch.”

Following Art as promised Cheerilee passed back the results of the quiz to her students, the crusaders looked over their results, Applebloom had earned an A, Sweetie Belle a B, and Scootaloo a C-.

“Ah ******* awesome!” said Applebloom cheerfully.

“Oh pretty ****** good” said Sweetie Belle.

“Oh ******* feathers” huffed Scootaloo.

Every eye in the room was now on the crusaders, several students giggled, some looked disgusted, and some didn’t seem to fully grasp what was going on. Meanwhile Cheerilee looked like she might need a fainting couch. At that moment the lunch bell rang “everypony enjoy their lunch” said Cheerilee. There was the usual cheer and scramble outside of rushing fillies “not you girls” said Cheerilee to the crusaders “you three have lunch detention.” She then pointed the three fillies to their desks.

“But Ms. Cheerilee what’d we do?” asked Applebloom.

“You three know very well what you did” said Cheerilee.

“But..” the crusaders began.

Cheerilee raised a hoof to silence the crusaders “you three can eat your lunches in here but I don’t want to hear a peep out of anyone of you” she said.

“But…” The crusaders repeated.

“Not a peep” said Cheerilee slowly. The crusaders realized that they were in no position to argue and ate their lunches in silence.

“What was with Ms. Cheerilee?” asked Applebloom as the crusaders left after school.

“I don’t know” said Sweetie Belle “maybe she thought we were too loud?” she asked.

“Ah, teachers” said Scootaloo “what are ya gonna do?” she asked.

The crusaders agreed that they would plan their weekend crusade at the clubhouse but first Sweetie Belle wanted to unload her backpack at the Carousal Boutique. But first they had to pass through the park, a favorite nap spot for a certain cyan pegasus “Rainbow Dash!” Scootaloo called from bellow.

Rainbow looked down from her cloud spot “hey squirt” she greeted back. “So where are you three going?”

“We’re going to go plan our crusade” said Scootaloo “we’re going to get out cutie marks in bungee jumping!”

“Ah yeah” said Dash “that’s my squirt almost as extreme as me” she said proudly. At that moment however she remembered all the long, boring lectures she’d gotten from her friends about “being a good role model” and “making sure Scootaloo didn’t do anything too dangerous.” “Just…um…” Rainbow paused to think “make sure your equipment is good” she said.

“We will” said Scootaloo as she and the other crusaders headed off “and one more thing” she shouted “Rainbow Dash you’re ******* awesome!”

Several ponies in the park looked up from what they were doing, Amethyst Star who was watching Dinky for the day immediately covered the little filly’s ears, Lyra who was doing some street preforming nearby suddenly missed a note and looked up, and as for Dash her reaction was “Whoa, what the? Ahhhhh” and then she fell off her cloud and onto the ground. Dash knew she had to do something, right after the birds over her head went away.

Meanwhile the crusaders were currently fueling up in the Carousal Boutique, having sometime after completing her work for the day and thinking Sweetie Belle might pop in she prepared an after school snack for the filly to enjoy and though she hoped to spend the time alone with her sister catching up she always did look so sweet with her little friends, “though their table manners could use some improvement” she thought watching the fillies tear through the sandwiches she made. “Could I get you girls something to drink?” she asked.

“Water” said Sweetie Belle.

“Apple Juice” said Apple Bloom.

“Water” said Scootaloo.

“Coming right up” said Rarity going to the fridge and taking three glasses from her cabinet “now what are you three up to today?” she asked.

“We’re gonna plan our crusade to get our cutie marks in, Bunge Jumping!” said Applebloom.

“Oh my, that sounds a little dangerous” said Rarity.

“We’ll be fine Rarity” said Sweetie Belle “we’re gonna take it slow” she promised.

“That’s what you told me when you tried to be cutie mark crusaders chemists and I let you use my kitchen for a lab” Rarity pointed out recalling the crusade that required a month of repairs and clean up.

“I still can’t believe we didn’t get our marks” said Scootaloo “we made a great substitute for nitroglycerine.”

“Yea but we were trying ta make a new kinda soap” said Applebloom.

“Who knew hoof sanitizer was so flammable” said Sweetie Belle “they should really put that on the bottle.”

“Umm they do Sweetie Belle” said Rarity as she levitated a bottle of hoof sanitizer for her sister to see, sure enough on the back of the bottle, under the ingredients was a list of warnings one which was that the substance was indeed quite flammable.

“I told you guys we should’ve read the labels but no pony ever ******* listens to me” said Sweetie Belle quite loudly.

Rarity nearly lost her magical hold on the glass she was filling and looked at her sister shocked “what did you say Sweetie?” she asked slowly.

“I said no pony ever ******* listens to me” said Sweetie Belle confused. “Oh I know” she said “You’re gonna tell me “a lady must ******* never raise her voice in conversation” right Rarity?” asked Sweetie Belle. “I’m sorry, I just feel like they aren’t taking my suggestions ******* seriously enough, sometimes I feel like everything I say goes in one ******* ear and out the other ******* ear.”

By now Rarity’s left eye was twitching and her teeth were grinding “dearest could I see you alone for a moment.”

“Sure” said Sweetie Belle as she and Rarity headed off to for some reason the bathroom. “Rarity what are you doing… hey let me go… icky, icky…. (glug, glug, glug)” Sweetie Belle came out of the bathroom with soap bubbles at the rim of her mouth. “Run!” she told her friends.

Soon the crusaders were running to the door as Rarity came out of the bathroom with a bar of non-toxic soap in her magical grip “you get back here this instant young mare!” she said in hot pursuit of Sweetie Belle “we have to wash that filthy mouth of yours!” she screamed as the crusaders ran out the door as fast as their hooves could carry them. Rarity followed them in pursuit until they got past her yard at which point they took cover by trees, Rarity couldn’t tell which way they were going but she knew exactly where they were going, Rarity turned toward her home, she’d head to Sweet Apple Acres and the crusaders clubhouse, she couldn’t beat them there but when she got there…

“Rarity!” said a familiar cyan Pegasus as she landed in Rarity’s backyard.

“Rainbow Dash you won’t believe what my sweet little sister just said” said Rarity.

“I think I will believe it because Scootaloo probably said the same thing when she and the others were passing through the park” said Rainbow Dash. “And I bumped into Cheerilee they all said the same thing at school today, and the mayor told me their language cost Ponyville a magazine article.”

“I just can’t understand why those sweet little fillies would use such a horrible word” said Rarity. “They’re headed to the clubhouse I think we should have a talk with them.”

“Totally” said Rainbow Dash agreed “but first were missing a third of our posse so we got to get AJ before we bust the fillies ya dig?”

“Someone’s been reading her old comics again” Rarity thought to herself as she and Dash headed off.

For Rainbow and Rarity the walk to Sweet Apple Acres was uninteresting although they did get some mad looks from Carrot Top, Rainbow Dash and Rarity found Applejack bucking apples as usual “Hey gals what can I do ya for?” she asked happily.

“Applejack we need to talk to you about the girls” said Rarity.

Applejack took a break from her work to listen to her friends “What about them?”

“Well you see the girls have been using some strong language…” Rarity began.

“And we thought the three of us should talk to them about it” said Rainbow.

“Well what kinda “strong language” are we talkin here?” asked Applejack.

“Well they said…” Rarity began but stopped suddenly “it is a very unladylike word and…”

“Oh for Ponies sake” said Rainbow Dash frustrated “the girls said…” she began but stopped suddenly “well they said” she got close to AJ and whispered the word into the farm ponies ear.

Applejack gasped dramatically “land sakes not that word” she said “ah can’t believe ma sweet little Applebloom would even know that word!” she said shocked “when ah get a hold a her…” she began getting red under the mane.

“Applejack calm down” said Rarity “I’m shocked too but what we really must think of is the fact that this word didn’t just pop up in their little heads it had to have come from somewhere.”

“You mean some pony taught that word to the girls?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“Yes” said Rarity “and if we can find out who we can teach the girls not to use that kind of filthy language and not to look up to ponies who use that kind of language.”

“Yeah” Rainbow agreed spreading her wings “Scoots doesn’t need to look up to any ponies like that not when she has the pony of pure awesomeness around!”

“When ah get a hold of the pony that taught em that word I’m gonna tan their hide” said Applejack.

The three ponies headed to the crusaders club house to confront the girls, along the way they pass Pinkie Pie who was gathering apples for a series of treats she and the Cakes were making however she was also babysitting the twins today and Pumpkin was having another magic surge and currently the apples destined to become sweets were floating over Pinkie’s head as she struggled to reach them, Pinkie waved a greeting to her friends but they only half waved back, they had other things on their minds. Finally they reached the crusader club house “Applebloom!” Applejack shouted “ah want your tail down here now!” she said.

The crusaders looked sheepishly outside the clubhouse door, they knew they were in trouble for, whatever it is they’d done, and they knew it had to be bad whatever it was because it took a lot for all three older sisters (metaphorically in Scootaloo’s case) to come down to the club house. The crusaders knew that running away or pretending that they couldn’t hear Applejack would just be fuel on the fire so they glumly walked down to face their fate.

“Ah wanna know where you girls learned that word from right now!” said Applejack.

“Applejack calm down” said Rarity “girls you’ve been using some… mature language and we would like to know where it came from.”

“Mature language” Applebloom repeated “what mature language is that?”

“You squirts have been using a… grown up word” said Rainbow Dash “for grown up ponies.”

“For grown up ponies?” asked Scootaloo.

“Yeah!” said Rainbow Dash.

“No girls that word is bad word for anypony who uses it grown up ponies included” said Rarity.

“Well what word is it?” asked Sweetie Belle.

“It’s that word you’ve been using all day” said Rainbow.

“Is it “the”, we used that word a lot” said Applebloom.

“Or “and”, we used that one a lot too” said Sweetie Belle.

“I don’t know what the ******* big deal is” said Scootaloo.

“That’s it!” yelled Applejack “that’s the word!”

“Ya mean *******?” asked Applebloom.

“Stop saying that!” said Applejack.

“What’s the big deal it’s just an adjective like very right?” asked Sweetie Belle.

“No Sweetie it isn’t” Rarity told her little sister “now we want to know where you girls learned it.”

“Well I learned it from Applebloom” said Sweetie Belle.

“Me too” said Scootaloo.

All eyes were now on Applebloom and Applejack looked mad enough to send her sister to the moon if she had the power. “Alright Applebloom ya got ten seconds ta tell me where ah can find the pony that poisoned your mind!” she said.

Applebloom looked at Applejack with an innocent smile “well ah heard it from you Applejack.”

Now Applejack was red of a different shade and of a different emotion, now she was red of blush. Applejack looked at her friends, if looks could kill the one Rarity was giving her would make the farm pony die and come back several times, Rainbow Dash was trying to look serious but she was struggling to burst out laughing. “Well it may’ve slipped out” she mumbled “ah was… there was… ah….” she fumbled to find the right words before turning to the crusaders. “Girls I’m mighty sorry ah said the word and taught it to ya, ah knew it wasn’t a nice word and ah still used it and you gals musta got in a heap a trouble today, girls the words not a nice word and it sure isn’t an adjective.”

“Then what’s it mean?” asked Applebloom.

Applejack took a heavy sigh and motioned for the crusaders to come closer, the girls leaned in curiously as Applejack whispered the words true meaning into their ears immediately the crusaders faces became those of shock and disgust.

“No!” said Applebloom shocked all the times she used the word today suddenly coming back at her.

“That’s disturbing” said Scootaloo looking traumatized.

“Oh no, oh no, oh no I’m a potty mouth!” said Sweetie Belle.

“Like ah said I’m mighty sorry I taught you gals the word even if it was an accident” said Applejack.

“Are we in trouble?” asked Scootaloo.

“No girls” said Rarity jumping back into the conversation “it wasn’t your fault” she said looking at Applejack and the farm pony knew that it would be a while before she heard the end of this from the designer. “Now you know better than to use that word” Rarity finished.

“Yeah” said Rainbow Dash “I think we’ve all learned something today, right Applejack?” she asked her friend slyly.

“Right” said Applejack still blushing.

The crusaders soon went back to planning their crusade, Rarity and Rainbow Dash headed back to the skies and the boutique, and Applejack headed back to the fields where she was working. As she walked along she soon came by Pinkie who was still struggling to get the apples out of Pumpkin’s magical grip. “Come on Pumpkin-wumpkin and let the apples down for your pal Pinkie-winkie” the poor foalsitter said to her charge. Suddenly the light surrounding the apples began to fade. “That’s it” said Pinkie so focused that this little game was over she didn’t notice her tail twitching, the moment the light faded completely about a hundred apples pelleted Pinkie on the head. Pinkie lifted her head out of the bushel of apples only to be hit by an apple barrel! After coming out of a little daze Pinkie frowned “Oh ****!” she said immediately gasping dramatically and covering her mouth.

Applejack cleared her throat “you alright there Pinkie Pie?” she asked.

“Applejack I’m so sorry” said Pinkie Pie “that one just slipped out” she said blushing.

“Don’t worry about it Pinkie, we all slip up now and again” said Applejack.

“Well I still feel awful but I’ll control myself next time” Pinkie promised.

Applejack nodded she was just about to head off again when she heard something small falling, Pound Cake had knocked over his tower of blocks and was now giggling madly “uh oh” he said happily “****!”

“****” Pumpkin repeated giggling.

“Oh no!” said Pinkie alarmed. The twins continued to repeated their new word happily as Pinkie began to worry “guys stop!” she begged but the twins continued to repeat the word over and over again “I gotta stop them!” said Pinkie before suddenly realizing “wait I can’t stop them, because this story is over!” she said as she tried to prevent the author from writing the last two words “wait, don’t you can’t leave me like this” Pinkie begged. “You better be planning a sequel!” she shouted.

THE END!

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Comments ( 30 )

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Zytharros

Zytharros #1 · Apr 3rd, 2014 · 7 · ·

I got a chuckle or two, but a story like this is funnier when it's either explicit or a joke word left til the end of the fic.

SuperPinkBrony12

SuperPinkBrony12 #2 · Apr 3rd, 2014 · · ·

I see the CMC were having fun with their sentence enhancers.

Mewaponny

Mewaponny #3 · Apr 4th, 2014 · 1 · ·

shame on you three

ferret

ferret #4 · Apr 5th, 2014 · · ·

People get upset at you for using the word "fuck" but not the word "damn" when "fuck" just means to hit something, and "damn" means to condemn someone to eternal suffering.

SuperPinkBrony12

SuperPinkBrony12 #5 · Apr 5th, 2014 · · ·

4184413 "Fuck" can also be used to describe a very you-know-what kind of action. P.S. it's NSFW.

ferret

ferret #6 · Apr 5th, 2014 · · ·

4184804

It can only be used to describe that action, when that action is very rough and involves things smacking into each other repeatedly with force. Thus the phrase "I'd hit it." Fuck is synonymous with hit, or beat. You can use all those words to refer to various sex acts, but when someone says "I'm gonna fuck you up" they generally do not intend to do anything other than beat you black and blue, non-sexually.

Cartoonfan10

Cartoonfan10 #7 · Apr 18th, 2014 · · ·

Are you making a sequel?

Shadowlord

Shadowlord #8 · Apr 20th, 2014 · · ·

4254708 No, sorry.

FoxfanMLP22

FoxfanMLP22 #9 · Mar 6th, 2015 · 1 · ·

This is Based on the Ppwerpuff Girls Episode "Curses" Isn't it?
I LOVE IT!!!

redsopine

redsopine #10 · Nov 8th, 2015 · · ·

Ok havent read it but i know il love it

Finished and pffffff hahaha im lmbfo from this bit “I said no pony ever ******* listens to me” said Sweetie Belle confused. “Oh I know” she said “You’re gonna tell me “a lady must ******* never raise her voice in conversation” right Rarity?” asked Sweetie Belle. “I’m sorry, I just feel like they aren’t taking my suggestions ******* seriously enough, sometimes I feel like everything I say goes in one ******* ear and out the other ******* ear.”

DemonKingAurora