• Member Since 20th Jan, 2014
  • offline last seen May 27th

BusterBuizel


Amateur Brony Analyst, Pokemaniac, Military Expert, Gamer, Writer, and Fanboy. Specialized in Sci Fi and Action fan fictions.

T

The world now stands still; its surface scarred with the remnants of the Great Destruction, Judgment Day, the Apocalypse.

It has been 200 years after the world was destroyed by a holocaustic fire that rained from the sky, turning the land into nothing more than an intolerable, cracked, and inhospitable wasteland.

The sky raged…
The oceans roared…
The land cracked…

Billions meet their end, some slow and agonizing. Others vaporized, while some, against all odds.

…Survived…

Some went insane, others mutated into horrid and twisted forms, and others kept trying to rebuild society, while others seek to destroy society. It is a hostile land, with little signs of mercy shown to anypony but the test of time and the Apocalypse will only strengthen the resolve and the will to survive of those who still hang on to magic of friendship. This is where our story begins.

We follow a young stallion, seasoned by the horrors of the wastes to find his own path with his faithful friend by his side. They will be faced by all those horrors and more in this epic story of struggle, lost, friendship, and adversity. For in this wasteland everyday is a horror within itself…

Chapters (6)
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Comments ( 11 )

Excellent, a new FoE story :rainbowwild:

So then: All rise, mothab*ckas!

- I would like some kind of introduction at the beginning, it starts a little bit...abruptly
- your weapons...I like the looks of a G36 (aww, we germanes (pun intended) just know how to make good looking killing machines...), but it's a bit out of place given the FoE setting
- the character development's a little bit too quick for my liking (e.g. his father giving Ranger this gun for no pressing reason)
- there size of described action's a little bit small

(By Salt-Upon-Wounds' ghost, that were quite some "bits" I mentioned above...)

Don't feel bad just because the things I listed above are the bad things, the rest is fairly well made.
I've still got my eyes, for any grammar mistacks didn't burn them out (but since I'm no native speaker you should consult other people for that)
I'll be watching how this story progresses.
Keep on writing

4119981 I welcome that comment with open arms friend! To be honest with you, this is a non-pony story that I simply ponified. I've been reading FOE nonstop so whateves.

I like real world weapons but I'm also gonna throw in FOE weapons and Fallout Weapons in there as well. And yes, I do realize the German rifles are a little out of place. But I also plan for this to be an ARMA 2/3 Wasteland and Day Z fan fiction as well (Not really so much with the zombies but more for the references)

Thanks for adding your story to the Fallout Equestria Group! Hope it helps your story get more views!

4126036 No, thank you for reading it! Tell me, is there anything to nitpick?

The only real issue I have with the last two chapters is that some of the details don't really fit the Fallout Equestria setting
- weapon names (although that's not that bad)
- the existence of airplanes / the accessibility of the sky in general
- the pegasus (with a parachute (what good is a parachute to a pegasus?)), who's strangely okay with Ranger shooting her friend, but I guess that's some kind of army-mentality.
etc.
Sure, you mean your story to be a multi-verse-crossover, but if you put FoE in the title FoE should be in the tin or else some readers might be scared away/be disappointed/be hateful

You should elaborate parts like the destruction of New Trotakomai a bit more, it is (or was) Ranger's home town after all. He adapts a bit too fast to this/accepts/is strangely okay with it. Yes, you mentioned Ranger looking at the burning ruins that used to be his home and his family and friends being dead, but only from afar, so it could've just as easily been some strangers he knew for like an hour or two.
Let him react a little bit more scared, sad and/or panicking (just don't overdo it or you got another wangsty pony out in the wasteland), let him run into the town and search for survivors. Apart from the character development that gives some details and I think details about your MC always to be important.

The cousin-thing seems a bit odd and unnecessary for the moment, I think it would've been better if you revealed that one later. (My guts simply tell me it's going to be important)

Now the parts I liked best:
- The Pipwatch is a nice idea, I had something like this planned for my own story...but then I decided to resolve the matter another way.
- You've got a major role pegasus in your story, you can get me with that any time.
- Ranger's no angst-ridden sociopath

In conclusion:
I like your story and I think I will continue reading it, but you should stick a little bit more to FoE canon (or you should make some explanation such as: this story is set XXX years after the Day of Sunshine and Rainbows, I've read even stranger (that's not necessarily bad) things emerging from that specification)

well this was good but please stick to lore buster

4127567 Oh, you'll see. It will fit in quite well

Finished up a First Impressions Critique on your story rounding up to two thousand words.
Try using it to improve. :twilightsmile:

Would had finished it Sunday, but the lazyness got me. :twilightsheepish:

way better than the first five

4356296 How so? What made the other five so meh?

4360108 too short and not enough structure

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