• Member Since 9th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen 9 hours ago

little big pony


Remember kids, eat your veggies, go to school, and murder all your enemies.... I murder all my enemies....

Sequels1

Comments ( 156 )

Rule 63'd Sombra because why not?

I do believe this is up my alley, I gots me some clop to read this evening.:moustache:

Yesss, Cryssstalssss...

Femdom is muh fetish.

OK, someone go get Zamairiac!

Curses, I knew I should have finished my story when I had the chance. Oh well, I guess I'll have to make the second umbra x human clopfic :facehoof:

Great story by the way, everything I could've hoped for

4128998
Please, no. The last thing I want is to turn this into NTR or something along the like.

4128998

You called? :trollestia:

Crap, now I want more...

Why do we need zamairiac again?

Is this... Is this... the first/only R63 Sombra fic in the archive?
Wow, just when I think that every story angle's been done to pieces before, something new pops up and proves me wrong. :twilightsheepish:

4129474 not in a bad way just curious lol

i like the story and clop but dont like the questions left unanswered it makes me really want to know what their reactions would be if they tried to save him but were too late

Sorry, but the Human thing kind of drove me away from this...

I don't come here to read about Humans, if I was going to do that i'd read Human books.

A great idea but I don't like the "John the Human" thing.

I really enjoyed this. Simple, but fun. Kinda wish there was more, and I don't just mean as in a sequel. You could have stretched out the sex a bit more, added some more details.

Still, I like it. :ajsmug:

crazy powerful saver-queen lady

*slaver

Get proof readers.

havent even gotten to the sex but u get thumbs up

4130023

I have the most appropriate boner right now.

I usually need shipping told to me before I read. :twilightoops: Sorry.

4129653

The story is marked with the 'Human' tag. :facehoof: It's not like John was a surprise addition or anything so if you don't like Humans then you shouldn't have clicked on the story in the first place, much less just to tell everyone of your dislike.

I love this. Couldn't get enough, gonna find more rule 63 ponies to see fucked senseless. Muahahahahahaha!!! I love evil btw, it turns me on. Heh heh heh

4129653 What's wrong with the name John? :trixieshiftright:


4130023 Damn, I don't even like anthro, but...
cs311316.vk.me/v311316993/1ca2/oF4N-ob-SP0.jpg

Would be interested to see if the poor guy escapes.

With another spell, the human’s hands were once again bond, this time above his head, as Umbra slowly spun around and shook her flank enticingly at him, the firm flesh giving just enough jiggle.

Closing her eyes, Umbra smiled. “Ohhhh, I can see those delicious thoughts swimming around in that head of yours~” she cooed, nipping his cheek with a fang and drawing blood. “Is that what you want, Peasant? To take your Queen again and again and again, to pleasure her until neither of us can walk?”

How the hell can she bite his cheek and at the same time she shows her flank?

I picture it like a 69 position but you can't reach a cheak that way.

Am I missing something?

Umbra shuttering when she felt him
she cooed before shuttering.
John shuttered while
John shuttered.

Unless they've suddenly become windows, the word you're looking for is shudder, as in to tremble or lightly shake.

This wasn't bad, but it could really benefit from a good editing pass. There's a lot of missing words, repetition, verb tense issues, and the like. The sex was much too quick. You took your time with the teasing and domination, but once you got to the acts themselves there was very little description or feeling in them.

Lastly ... John the Human ... seriously?:facehoof: If you're going to have a character that actually has and uses a title like "the something" at least make it something interesting. You also run into some really major Lavender Unicorn Syndrome, referring to John as simply "the human" a staggering 53 times in the story.

4130967
... His butt cheek? :applejackconfused:

SEQUEL IS DEMANDED :flutterrage::heart:

This story is rife with grammatical errors. I say unto thee: get thee to an editor, post-haste! :facehoof:

--We’re almost at the Crystal Empire, Girls,”

There's no need for the opening "--", it's completely unnecessary.

Spike and John bravely hide behind them.

Hid.

The tension was so thick that you could cut it until the pony came into view.

Missing comma here: "it, until"

Shining looked from his sister to the group before he saw something that made him bite back a pang of fear as he pushed his sister out of the way as his horn glowed with power, a giant black cloud.

Ugh, really awkward sentence structure here. Try this: "Shining looked from his sister to the group before he saw something that made him bite back a pang of fear; a giant black cloud! He quickly pushed his sister out of the way as his horn glowed with power."

some sort of ice cave/cavern.

What's wrong with the word "or"? Get rid of the "/", replace it with "or".

a crown covering her ample body

A crown usually rests on the head, not covers the body. Perhaps you mean "cloak"?

“...Your Queen Umbra...Right?”

You're.

ones actions

one's actions

to rule well after all.”

to rule well, after all

see things in my perspective

from my perspective

Look at that thing! Its

It's

The Queen smirked when the human flinched was her horn glowed with power, Umbra turning herself into mist and circling all around the embarrassed, confused, and slightly aroused John, who felt her there-but-not-there dark cloud, even through his sweat shirt, and tried to wiggle away, but the chains kept him in place.

I've seen some run-on sentences in my time, and this is certainly one of them. I'm not even certain what you are trying to say here. Break it up, restructure it, and try again.

for fuck sakes!

for fuck's sake!

he muttered in fear as Umbra gave him a toothy smile.

Missing comma here: "fear, as"

For another half-an-hour, John held out,

Get rid of the first comma.

the evil mare in top of him

on

the angry Queen’s marehood, which she dangled over his head

:twilightoops: Marehoods shouldn't dangle; she should see a doctor about that, or maybe a plastic surgeon.

access.But its just so

Should be: "access. But it's just so"

“Well done my pet,” she cooed before shuttering.

Missing comma here: "done, my"
Also, "stuttering", not "shuttering".

Alright, lets

let's

once again bond

"bound", not "bond"

Come on, quiet teasing!

"quit", not "quiet".

“Not until you beg for it, Boy,”

Be consistent with your capitalisation!

giving her ass in final shake

Either "a" or "one", not "in".

“Beg my pet, and I will grant you the release you crave,” John shuttered while the Queen’s tail

Missing comma here: "Beg, my pet".
Also, "shuddered", not "shuttered".

quick stuck

"suck", not "stuck"

John shuttered.

"shuddered", not "shuttered"

until her snort was pressed up against his lower stomach.

I think you mean "snout'.
Also, I'm trying to figure this out... I'm assuming that they are in a "69" position, so unless her face is upside down, I can't see how her snout (nose) would press against his stomach?

the Queen’s hunger gullet.

hungry

pushing

pushed

and position himself, but he stopped for a second, smiling evilly

positioning
Also, get rid of "but"

he slowly thrusted

thrust

What do you mean, "Will I get better at writing these?".

This was amazing! It even go featured! 10/10 will read again!

Another chapter please? Pretty please?

Rule 63 Sombra...BRILLIANT!:pinkiehappy:
But Umbra or Eris? :rainbowhuh: Who is the definitively sexier one? :rainbowderp:

4129474

Gonna answer the question? :trollestia:

God. Damn! Look at that thing! Its—

And i imagine this was playing in the back of his mind when he saw her ass.

4130023
You owe me a new pair of pants, sir.

Warning: Contains horse/human sexy times

Well, I never!
I'm quite annoyed that you would do such a thing!
Calling these ponies 'horses' is quite offensive!

4131833 That could be the only posible answer, but it will be wise to clarify it as butt cheek in the story.

4132712 He forgot.

Pinch the booty

Nip the booty

Bite the booty

:rainbowwild::rainbowkiss::rainbowlaugh:

WoW Just wow......:twilightsmile:

just reading the description has gotten me to read it! :pinkiehappy:

Just finished reading this story and I must say, this was quite the tale. Well done. Going straight to my faves

I'm serious, who're you shipping? :ajbemused:

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