IV: Of Eternity and Heartstrings
Spike awoke with a slight headache, and a strange feeling in his mouth. Almost as if his tongue were swollen, he thought. Other than these two minor details, he felt great as he peeled himself away from the red carpet of Celestia's study. He looked around, groggy and confused, until his eyes settled on a stream of light coming from between two scarlet curtains. He pulled them aside, blinking at the sudden burst of light.
It didn't appear to be too late into the day; probably not even noon, unless he missed his guess. Last night seemed kind of fuzzy to Spike, and he wasn't sure why until he recalled how much he had had to drink at dinner. The wine had really grown on him, and he remembered Celestia laughing and calling for more. Her servants had brought it by the bottle, which were more like cups to Spike.
Everything came back in a rush, and he smiled to himself in embarrassment. He was glad they had gone to dinner when they did; while the subject for their chat had been dark and troublesome, the rest of the evening had been grand and bright by comparison. They had laughed long, recounting stories new and old, enjoying each other's company. They had both been fairly drunk by the end of it, he knew. Celestia was quite the character when she was tipsy, and Spike felt a strange urge to see her that way again, just once more.
She had laughed freely, joked in ways he never would have expected from her, and had let the conversation flow. They had constantly interrupted one another, but neither minded. It had been so joyous, so carefree, and so normal. Everything had made perfect sense, felt right, been wonderful. Spike couldn't recall feeling like that around anypony in his entire life; and if he had expected to around anypony, it would not have been Celestia.
It was a welcome change from how he usually saw her. He honestly had difficulty picturing her the way he had used to now. He had seen her in all her true splendor; her many-faceted personality no longer shrouded by a mask of formality. Their friendship was deeper than ever for Spike, because he felt he truly knew her now. She wasn't untouchable or godlike; she was just another beautiful pony in his life.
Spike sat in the warm sunlight and rethought that. "Beautiful..." he muttered to himself, looking out the window into the gardens below. Sure she was; why shouldn't he think so? Considering how long she had lived she was probably the inventor of the word 'grace', so why wouldn't it suit her? She was the living embodiment of the sun, warm and awe inspiring.
Spike couldn't help these thoughts as he remembered back to her wonderful laugh, her charming, uncontrollable smile over dinner and the conversation afterwards. They had returned here to the study, staying up late and enjoying the evening. Spike remembered her saying she would be busy in the morning, leaving for her room. She offered to let him stay in the study, and drunk as he was he had readily agreed. The carpet was more comfortable than the wooden floor of the library he was used to anyways.
He was jarred from his awkward thoughts about his hostess when there came a knock at the study door. He rose gently, clawing his way over lazily. The room he was in was tall enough for him to stand on his hind legs, but whenever he found himself tired, he often realized that that posture was more trouble than it was worth. He lightly pulled the door back, fully hoping it was Celestia, come to tell him that she had finished her duties for the day. What a strange, strange thought.
It was her sister Luna instead. Spike could hardly say he was disappointed, as any visitor was welcome. Still, something fluttered in his heart in slight embarrassment as he realized he'd have rather have seen Celestia standing there.
"Good morning, Spike," she greeted warmly, trotting into the room. "We-- I thought it would be best to greet you today, since you seemed busy with my sister last evening." There was only sincerity in her tone, nothing accusing, and yet Spike felt oddly about it; as if somehow he had done something wrong by spending the evening with Celestia.
"Good to see you, Luna. Yeah, last night was certainly something," he said, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "I had a bit too much to drink, and it was my first time with alcohol."
"Oh, don't worry about that," she chuckled. "I don't even remember my first time drinking, so you're lucky you still have your memory. But I don't think you embarrassed yourself too badly." She smiled at him, climbing onto the couch Celestia had been sitting on all the evening before. "My sister and I had a bit of a talk about it afterwards, since you fell asleep so early," she said, her tone teasing, as if she had gossip she was withholding. As always, her words felt overly cultured and too formal, even when she was trying to pull off a joking tone.
"What did she have to say?" Spike asked, his own tone a bit too eager. Luna smiled at his quick reply, as if she knew something he didn't.
"Nothing too spectacular, my friend. Just that she had enjoyed herself last night more than she had in years. She is glad you will be staying a while." Luna shuffled into a more comfortable position on the sofa, and then continued. "She had no issues with your behavior last night. In fact, she admitted to being impressed with how well you handled your first bout of drinking."
Spike seemed a little relived at that, but also slightly disappointed. Had he been expecting something different? If so, what? What was it that he had been so eagerly expecting to hear from her?
"There was one other thing she mentioned," Luna prodded, her teasing tone still in place.
Spike was more careful not to let his emotions show this time. "And what's that?" he asked, trying his best to seem disinterested.
"She told me how handsome and brilliant she thought you were," Luna said, smiling ear to ear. "I can see what she meant. You're certainly something now; nothing like the little drake she and I knew long ago."
Spike appeared like he had been slapped lightly; surprised, but not hurt in the least. That was it. That was what he had been wanting to hear. What Celestia thought of him now. He hadn't known it in the front of his mind, but deep down he had wanted to be validated as a creature, as a male. He had been suffering from feelings of inadequacy as much as grief, he now realized, and the fact that Celestia thought him handsome warmed him.
"W-what else did she say?" he asked, making a graceless recovery.
Luna smiled, and laughed a little. "You're still so funny, Spike. She talked herself to sleep thinking of you, if you must know. I had to come and see with my own eyes what all the rumor was about. She loved every minute of her evening with you, or so she told me. But ponies are wont to say strange things when they are drunk." She looked at him with her eyes narrowed, sly and suspicious. "Why such interest, Spike? Do you share her take on things? Is she now beautiful to you, as you are handsome to her?"
This time Spike nearly fell over. He had forgotten how blunt and tactless Luna could be. "I-- what?" he asked, not sure if he even had a response to give her. "She's always been beautiful, everypony knows that," he said, in weak defense of his adolescent thoughts.
Luna raised an eyebrow, looking at him disbelieving. "Come with me," she said, standing and leaping off the couch, leading Spike to a balcony that overlooked the public gardens.
Spike followed slowly, as if unsure he should. He didn't feel like this was going his way. There was a slight dread in his heart that shrouded his face in a worried scowl. Why was she pressing him so hard for his feelings about Celestia? More importantly, he was terrified that he might actually have some. She was like a goddess to most ponies; untouchable, unapproachable on that kind of level. Whatever thoughts he had regarding how beautiful she was, they were probably illegal somehow, or forbidden at the very least.
They stopped at the railing. Down below, Celestia sat in a gazebo with some visitors; probably nobles looking to grease their hooves, or score some face time with the princess, he knew. "What do you want me to look at?" Spike asked, puzzled.
"Her, of course," Luna said, as if any other option were simply absurd. "Are you so dense? And here she said you were brilliant." Luna rolled her eyes and pointed with her front right hoof. "If you look at her, I can see for myself the feelings in your eyes. Then I will have my answer from you without the possibility of you lying about it."
Spike shuddered; it was such a simple request, yet it reeked of a trap. With a shallow gulp that was hardly necessary, he did as she demanded, looking down on his dear friend. As he had said, of course she was beautiful. But it was different from the night before. It was nothing like the beauty of her true self. This was the beauty everypony saw, the mask she wore to get through her trying days. Instead of seeing her as beautiful, he silently reflected on how fake she looked. Like a porcelain doll, the face crafted once, never to change.
His eyes filled with sadness at the thought. He might never be able to see her the same again, he knew. He had gotten but a brief glimpse of her true splendor, a passing evening in his life that he suddenly realized might have been a once in a lifetime event. He was unsure how he would feel around her, knowing what he did now, but only seeing that mask.
Luna smiled to herself, satisfied. "You do truly think she is beautiful. Not beautiful, as everypony has told you she is, but beautiful as you have seen with your own eyes." Luna leaned into him gently, sharing his feelings through slight contact. It was not intimate, just friendly. She too joined him in looking at her sister. "She never would have shown you if she did not think that you, too, were spectacularly beautiful."
"Why are you telling me this?" Spike asked, tearing his gaze away from Celestia, and back to the black mare at his side. "Even if it is true, what are you saying? That she has feelings for me? That I have feelings for her?" he asked, his tone quickly becoming offended as he began to think that Luna was being a bit presumptuous.
"I can't answer such things. The only reason I told you what I did is so that you will reflect on these questions yourself. I never asked them of you; you did," Luna pointed out mischievously.
Spike flushed red under his scales, realizing his stumbling point. She was right. He had openly admitted that he wondered if there were feelings between them. He was doubly embarrassed, knowing how he felt for Rarity. He felt as if somehow he had betrayed her now, admitting that there could possibly be another mare in competition for his heart. His feelings a mixture of shame and confusion, he hung his head in defeat. "I suppose you're right... These are my questions, I just never asked them out loud. I didn't even know I had them," he sighed.
Luna smiled, putting a hoof on his arm in support. "It may not seem like it now, but in the end asking them will help to right your heart in this sea of troubles. Please do not be angry with me."
Spike sighed again, and shook his head, putting on a bittersweet smile. "I'm not angry, just confused. I know that you're right; sooner or later I needed to consider something like this. But I shouldn't. Not with how I feel for Rarity."
Now it was she who sighed. "Spike, a heart such as yours is too large to belong to any one pony. You are young, full of love you wish to share in your life. Is it not natural that you should look in many places in search of it? When looking for a place to rest, do you settle on the first hill you see? If so, you have missed much of the world's splendor," she said, nudging him grumpily as if she assumed this was the case.
Spike raised his eyebrows in surprise at this. It was normal to search for love in many places? Well, certainly not at once, he figured. But things with Rarity were... complicated. Was it normal, then, for him to search out new possibilities? And was Celestia really one of them? This was a question he had no answer for. Steeling himself, figuring he had been embarrassed enough times today that once more wouldn't hurt, he had to ask it.
"Even if it is normal to look in new places for love..." he started lamely, unsure how to phrase it without suggesting that he truly did have feelings for her. Even now he had no solid answer on that front.
"It cannot hurt to try. Love can be found in the strangest of places. If it is but a single beat in your heart, a single pluck on your heartstrings, who is to know if it could not become more? Every song starts with but one sound. A single note is a mystery; it could become anything. It could be beautiful, it could be sad, it could be grand or simple. But until you have listened to the song all the way through, you cannot know," she said, gazing at him warmly, her smile and eyes all support. "Nopony is asking you to do anything, other than to be open to the callings of your heart, no matter how small."
Spike pondered that silently. It was so poetic, so grandiose. Did such an analogy really suit something as fickle as his heart? He felt sick with himself, spinning in a moral whirlpool as his heart and his head swam circles around one another. He looked down on Celestia again, lost in his thoughts. As if feeling his eyes on her, she turned and looked up to the balcony. She smiled and waved, a crack in the mask he so disliked now. It warmed him; he was the target of that break in her facade, the sole reason for her smile. He returned the smile, though it was weak with heartsickness and worry.
"I need time to think about it," he sighed to Luna. Celestia had turned back to her guests, so Spike turned back to his. "I need to sort myself out a little more. Things have been so strange and so fast lately. I don't want to be rude, but I think I want to be alone for a little while."
Luna only smiled and nodded, having expected such a reaction all along. "No offense taken. I agree you should think on this. No sense rushing it. She should be done sometime this afternoon. No doubt she will come looking for you. Try not to let it make things strange between the two of you," she said, looking at him slyly as if somehow none of this was her fault.
"If it gets awkward, I blame you," Spike grumbled, glaring at her. But he couldn't keep it up long, and they both laughed it off. Luna figured that was the end of it, and trotted back through the study. Spike followed her to the door, seeing her out.
"Luna..," he said, watching as she took a few steps away. "Thank you."
Simply smiling back at him, she continued on her way. Spike closed the door behind her, and went back to the carpeted center of the room. It was going to be a long afternoon.
Rarity paced about the train car impatiently. "Twenty four hours?" she asked herself for what must have been the sixth time. Yet each time it grew worse and worse to think about. She had forgotten how far away Canterlot was by train. A few times she had gone by pegasus-drawn carriage, but even then it had taken nearly half a day to reach the grand city.
Still grumbling and trotting this way and that, Rarity launched into one of her many unnecessary verbal thinking sessions. Everypony knew she talked to herself when she was upset, but today she had been doing so almost constantly, which was unusual.
She had done as Twilight had recommended her, and taken the first train out of the station not even two hours ago. For some reason she had filled her own mind with the idea that she would simply get on the train, and get right back off it five minutes later, running into Spike immediately. But now faced with a long wait, her resolve for the purpose of this trip was beginning to wear off.
She knew she was still afraid of Spike's body. It wasn't so simple to get rid of such a fear as a silly little slap to the face. No, it would require something a little more convincing than that. But what that slap had done was opened her eyes back up to what Spike was really like under that fearsome skin. She was ashamed that she had forgotten him that way, had been lost in her sudden phobia.
She had no idea what she would say to him, or how she would say it. Hardly much improvement from the first night she had gone out looking for him. Unlike that time, though, Rarity had made up her mind that she would not run away from him again. One way or another she would tell him how she really felt about him. Him as Spike, not him as a beast.
"But what if he runs from me?" she groaned, suddenly realizing that that was a distinct possibility. "What if he doesn't want to talk to me or hear me out? Oh what do I do then?" Shaking her head in frustration and chewing her lip, she did one more circuit through the train car before another voice stopped her.
"You've been at it since we left the station, deary. Don't you think maybe you should take a rest? You're going to spoil your mane if you keep this up, and then what will this boy of yours think?"
Rarity froze and looked around in slight panic. She had been pacing in this car because it hadn't had any ponies in it, or so she had thought. But sitting off to her right just one booth behind her was an old mare. She looked to be nearly as old as Granny Smith, and smiling in that same warm way that all old mares seemed to.
Her words were true enough, she realized. She had spent hours pulling herself back together, fixing her ruffled appearance. Rarity now looked as beautiful as she always had, but it had been stress and worry that had run her into that ugly state before. She intended to look her best when she saw Spike, even if it was hours from now, and so she stopped her next step, though it took a strong conscious effort.
"Come have a seat, dear." The old mare prodded the seat next to her in the booth. Slowly, Rarity made her way over and took the offered chair. She wasn't sure if she even really wanted company, but it would have been rude to simply decline or walk away.
"Who are you, if I may ask?" Though Rarity kept her tone polite and proper, she didn't really care who this mare was at this particular time. Her head was still too full of other things.
"You can just call me ma'am if you like. No need to memorize the name of some old codger on a train," she replied with a chuckle.
Rarity smiled a little at this, glad to see that her intruder at least had a sense of humor. "Very well, I shall just call you Madam then. How long have you been sitting here listening?"
"Ever since you came through this car. I came back here for a little nap, like we old mares tend to do. But when you came through, talking to nopony but yourself, you'll have to forgive me for being curious. I stayed up and listened, and it seems like you're in a situation where what you really need is somepony to talk to," Madam replied, her tone adopting a note of command, as if ordering Rarity to sit there and explain the situation to her.
Rarity thought about that for a moment. She had talked to Twilight, but that hadn't really gone well. Nor had they really discussed Rarity's true feelings or fears at length. Twilight was too biased; friends with both parties involved. Perhaps she did need someone like Madam; someone removed from it all, but clearly experienced and wise. "Very well. I would assume you can guess what my trouble is about."
"Some stallion that ran off to Canterlot without you." Madam waved a hoof as if at least this much were easy to know. "You've been saying 'him this' and 'him that' all morning after all."
"I wish it were so simple," Rarity sighed. "He's not a stallion at all, but actually a dragon."
Madam's eyes went wide at this. "You don't say. Now that is a strange love story. Still, I would be lying if I said it was the strangest thing I've ever heard. Tell me, miss..." Madam paused, waiting for Rarity to introduce herself.
She flushed in embarrassment, realizing she had asked the old mare's name but never given her own. "How rude of me! My name is Rarity."
"No trouble at all, Rarity. Such a lovely name, that. But as I was saying, tell me something. This dragon, what is he like?"
Rarity pondered this a second before answering. "He's roughly three times my size, has the most magnificent purple scales, and beautiful green spikes running down his back. But he is a dragon after all; what with the claws, the teeth, and the fire."
Madam shook her head in disappointment, and bopped Rarity lightly on top of her head with her hoof. "No no, you foolish filly. I didn't ask what he looked like, I asked what he is like. What is it about this dragon of yours that makes him worth chasing after, hmm? It's strange you even have feelings for a dragon in the first place, and I want to know why."
Her mind froze as she tried to formulate a usable answer. "Well, he's... more or less perfect," she replied lamely. Madam waved a hoof in a slow circle, urging her to elaborate and continue. "He's a complete gentlecolt... er, gentledrake. He's always helpful and polite, has a wonderful sense of humor. There was always an aura about him. Maybe it was the way he looked at me, saw who I really was. He helped to make me who I am today; we've been close a long time." Her speech had gained confidence and momentum at first, but ended in a note of defeat as she realized what she had said. He had always seen her the way she now needed to see him, and it only made her more disgusted with herself.
"You used to be close, is what you sound like you mean." Madam replied with a huff. "One tiff, no matter how major, shouldn't drive you apart, after hearing what I have. If anything, it seems like it should deepen things between you."
"What do you mean?" Rarity asked, puzzled beyond all reason. How could her fight with Spike possibly improve her relationship with him.
"Unless whatever drove you apart had happened, you wouldn't be going after him right now. You would have felt this way forever and never known if you could pursue him or not," she said slyly. "Honey, I've been alive a long time. My own husband's long gone, and taking a look at me I'm not far behind. I've seen my share of heartbreaks, but more importantly I've seen true love. He and I were married fifty long years, and to win my heart he had to do for me what you are doing now for this dragon you love," she sighed quietly. "He was such a foolish colt that he broke my heart. But he chased after me with the pieces of my shattered heart in his hooves, all just to put it back together." Madam smiled at Rarity softly. "It's the purest form of love to act without thought, purely out of selflessness. When you see your dragon again, my dear, he will understand how you feel, even if you have no words to explain it to him."
Rarity teared up a bit at this. "But how can I tell him how I feel? How can I know he won't run from me again? After what I've done, I certainly deserve it."
Madam grunted angrily. "Unless you let him go, what's it matter? He can run, and run, and run some more. As long as you chase him, he'll come to understand your sincerity. Perhaps you didn't love him once, but you do now, don't you?"
"I always did," Rarity said quietly, knowing it was true deep down, without knowing how or why. "I was just too afraid of him to show it. But not this time!" She stamped a hoof roughly on the booth next to her. "I mean, he is still a dragon, and I am still nervous. But I know what I need to say, even if I don't know how to word it, and if it takes me weeks of following him I'll make him listen."
"That's the spirit," Madam chuckled gently. "Few things in life are as tenacious as a mare in love. Now then deary, I think you've got your head in the right place. As for me, I think it's time this old coot finally took that nap. Try and keep it down this time?" she asked with a wry smile.
Rarity hopped off her seat in the booth, smiling and feeling renewed. "I think I can manage that. Thank you so much, Madam. You've really helped to clear my head and get me thinking about what's really important." She dipped her head in respect and gratitude.
"Don't mention it, honey. Now go on, shoo!" she said, laughing to show she meant it good-naturedly.
Rarity laughed and left the booth, leaving the old mare to her rest. What a wonderful and unexpected heart-lift she had been. Rarity no longer felt the need to pace the train, but instead took a booth of her own. She could sit and plan her words now, she knew; the nervousness and uncertainty no longer loomed over her. But one thing still did.
"Twenty four hours is a long time."
Spike had only left the study on a few occasions all afternoon, mostly just for food purposes or a change of scenery. Even if he had seen anypony, he highly doubted he would have spoken with them. Not that he was in a bad mood, but rather that his head was too full of ideas. All day he had reflected on his thoughts of Celestia, and he didn't want to be distracted from that. The longer he thought on it, the more important his meditation became.
He had been hung up a while on thoughts of her beauty. What did that mean to him? Spike was not a shallow dragon, wasn't overly impressed with a mare's physical appearance unless she had first impressed him with her personality and spirit. But he adored both these things about Celestia; her body was a reflection of her innermost self. Without that, Spike knew, her perfect smile, gorgeous eyes, and slender flank would mean little to him. Indeed, until recently it had never registered to him that she was pretty.
Like it had never registered to Rarity that he was frightening, he knew. Those two situations were complete reversals, he realized. She had reserved judgment of his looks until she had considered his love. For her, his looks were completely separate from his personality. But as for Celestia, he received his due judgment. She had thought him handsome, also a reflection of his spirit.
"She and I are so alike," he said to himself, scratching gently at the stone of the balcony. He had moved his thoughts outside, to a place where the ambient sounds of nature could surround him. He felt that somehow the chime of birds and the rustle of the trees was more valuable than silence. When it was quiet his thoughts felt like shouts in his head, and would echo for minutes on end. But here they were directed and interrupted gently, allowing him to press forward.
"Luna was right. Things between Rarity and I can always be revisited. There's no guarantee things between Celestia and I would work. Things between Rarity and I already haven't. I shouldn't try with her again unless I can't find some new way to be happy; I've been pushing that issue for years. It's time I let it set for a while," Spike said quietly, tapping a claw on his chin in thought. It made sense, or at least enough. Rarity had turned him down enough times, why shouldn't he see someone new? He knew it might not work, but Luna had prompted him to follow his heart, and it was screaming for this chance to flee from grief and Rarity's denial.
"I'll do it then. I'll tell Celestia how I feel." He rose from his position lying on the stone and stretched his neck and back. He should have been terrified of asking her, he knew. He couldn't deny a slight weakness threatening to take over his knees, or the quick flutter in his heart as he made up his mind. Yet he couldn't tell if it was eagerness or nervousness, not really. Still, he felt good to have finally made up his mind. What could it hurt to ask her?
He would have his chance sooner than he would have liked, he found. Celestia came on swift wing, circling around the castle to land on the very balcony he was standing on. Spike unintentionally stumbled, not expecting to see her so quickly. Had his thoughts accidentally summoned her? He shook that nonsense away and regained his composure. It was roughly five o' clock now, he realized, so maybe she was just coming to get him for dinner.
For having made up his mind, he sure felt like beating around the bush about it.
She landed, graceful as always, and trotted over to stand a polite and comfortable distance away. "Good afternoon Spike. I'm sorry all of that took so long," she sighed, twisting her neck side to side as if to get some pain out of it.
"Looks like it wasn't much fun," he pointed out with a slight chuckle, glad to feel the laughter take some of his nerves with it.
"It never is. Some ponies never learn. I told them weeks ago I wouldn't be attending the pegasus race at the end of the month, yet every puffed-collar and brown-nose wants me sitting in their booth anyways," she said, stomping a hoof in exasperation. "It gets old very fast."
Spike just smiled and moved aside a step, waving her closer to the study. "Sounds rough. You should take a load off and just relax before dinner," he said, heading that way himself. He fully intended to tell her what he had been thinking about all day, but he certainly wasn't going to do it out here.
She followed him in, plopping down very unladylike on the couch, just letting gravity have its fun. She grumbled into the cushions and just sat there a few seconds before resurfacing.
Spike curled up on the floor, laughing warmly at her antics. "Feeling better?" He teased.
"Much," she sighed comfortably, wriggling better into the pillows. "How was your day? I'm sorry I wasn't able to be a better hostess, but it wasn't really up to me."
Spike waved her concerns away. "Today was boring mostly, but last night more than makes up for it. Besides, it's been a while since I had a boring day in all this mess." He hadn't meant to bring it up that way, but he figured it was worth spring-boarding off of at this point. He opened his mouth to say something, but Celestia interrupted him instead.
"Speaking of that, Spike... There is something I need to tell you," she said, her tone suddenly serious. Spike realized she wouldn't look him in the eye now, and he was concerned. Was Celestia going to beat him to it, let him know she had feelings for him? If so, Spike was all for that. It sure would make his life easier.
"What is it? You can tell me anything, Celestia," he said warmly, trying to encourage what he thought was a nervous admission.
It was not what he received. "You recall our talk about how I am immortal." She paused, as if not sure she could continue.
"Of course I do. It's terrible what you've had to go through. I couldn't imagine having to live that way," Spike said sadly, his voice all well-meant pity and sympathy.
Celestia winced badly, as if he had said the one thing she could not have stood to hear. "Spike, I have to confess something to you. I did not have the heart to tell you last night when we cried together. You were already in so much pain. But you are a dragon... and dragons, like alicorns, age forever." She finished sadly.
Spike's jaw dropped open, small coughing sounds coming out instead of words. "W-what?" he asked quietly, his face all disbelief.
"Spike, I'm sorry..." Celestia began, but he wasn't listening.
Spike's mind was full of that horror. He would live forever, unless something took his life. He would someday have to endure as his friends grew old and died around him. Everypony would eventually fade, leaving him alone. Twilight.
Rarity.
"Why haven't you told me sooner?" he asked, trying hard to keep the pain from his heart. "Why not when I was younger?"
"I couldn't have, Spike. You saw my pain with your own eyes. How could I bring that upon a baby dragon? But you're older now, and you would have found out someday, the dark and painful way that Luna and I did. Please, please don't be angry with me," she basically pleaded. To her, revealing this knowledge was the same as injuring Spike, and it had been intentional.
Spike sat back down, having stood up in his shock. He hit the floor hard, shaking the room slightly. He didn't know what to say, how to react. He felt numb and stupid. All thoughts from earlier were replaced with fear and despair. "Everypony..." he muttered sadly. "Twilight, my friends... Rarity," he said, choking on her name.
He was jarred from his approaching sadness by a gentle hoof on his arm. Celestia was all but climbing into the fold in his crossed arms, just below his great head. She hugged him hard, nuzzling him gently to calm him. "I know it's hard to believe Spike, and terribly unfair... But you have to understand, it makes your time with them all the more valuable. Each second you spend with a mortal is a treasure that never fades, even when they have. You'll remember them and all the happiness you shared for all your life," she said calmly, sharing his sadness as only she could in this regard. It was like she was a waiting vessel, ready to catch the overflow of emotions coming from Spike. Between them, the sea of turmoil could be divided, overcome.
"I don't want to think of seeing them go, Tia," he said, shortening her name unconsciously, as he had often heard Luna do when he was younger. "I don't want to think of them dying, of leaving me alone."
"You must never think of them like that. They're not gone yet, and even if they will be some day, you need to love every minute of the present." She wiped an idle tear from his scaly face, smiling encouragingly to him. "To quote a perfect friend I have... You will always have me."
Spike couldn't help but smile as she quoted him. It was ironic now that he had said that, not knowing at the time that 'always' in his case truly would be. Feeling his spirits lifting at that, he allowed his mind to force out the bad, try to embrace the good. "Focus on the present..," he said under his breath, so quietly that not even Celestia heard him.
All it served to do was remind him why he had wanted to talk to her initially. It made even more sense now. Why shouldn't he learn to love Celestia, give them a chance? They would have all of eternity together if this was the case. He would eventually have to watch Rarity fade in his arms, and the thought chilled him to the soul. No matter how much he loved her, he wondered if he could bear that. Or if she could when she discovered he would never join her in the afterlife, if such a thing existed.
He felt his resolve to do this thing returning. He could handle his fears of sorrow some other time, but sitting directly in front of him was a chance at love all over again. Focus on the present.
He became suddenly aware that she was wrapped in his arms now. She had put herself there, and yet Spike felt as if somehow it had been his doing. For what he needed to say, he wasn't sure if he could do so touching her. It was strange enough already without 'holding her prisoner', so to speak, while he told her his feelings for her.
He set her down gently, smiling to show her that he didn't want to so much as he needed to. Her returning smile showed no offense, and so he opened his mouth. Nothing came out, of course, and he just sat there breathing, trying to think of what to say. She looked at him curiously, but did not prod him, clearly seeing that it was worth the struggle, whatever it was.
Spike stopped his 'speech' suddenly, a new thought coming over him. He could not bear to be feared again. What if he told her all the feelings of his heart, only to terrify her? He refused to let himself fall prey to such a miserable fate again. He would not offer anything about his feelings until he knew for sure. He had to know.
"Celestia... do I frighten you?" he asked quietly, nervously.
She looked at him in shock, not at all what she had expected. "Of course not, Spike. Why would you? Where did this question even come from?" she asked, laughing slightly to try and lighten the sudden mood.
It had little of its intended effect. "Because... Rarity is terrified of me," he said at last. He had never said it out loud to anypony since that night, only to himself. Yet here it was; if anypony deserved to know it was Celestia, the wisest and most caring friend he had.
Celestia looked at him, dumbfounded. "Rarity is afraid of you?" Spike had no words for it, only nodded. Her face became a very sudden mix of anger with Rarity, and concern for Spike. "Why?"
Spike sighed. "Don't hold it against her... I certainly can't. I'm a dragon, Tia. Dangerous, fire breathing. I have claws and fangs, not hooves and teeth. The thought of my body near hers made her frightened, as if she feared I would hurt her somehow," he said, as if it all made sense and he was fine with it. He wasn't.
Spike felt a sudden tug on his arm. Looking down, he saw one of his claws engulfed in a golden, magical aura; the same aura lining Celestia's horn. She dragged him closer, her magic spreading his claw out, poising it like it was ready to strike her.
Spike was suddenly horrified. Her face was a stone-cold, determined, and angry mask. She meant to try and make him hit her! Spike struggled hard at this realization. "Celestia, what are you doing?" he pleaded as much as asked. But her magic was too powerful, and he moved closer to her still, unable to halt his own advance.
"Proving to you that you could never, would never, hurt anypony," Celestia growled.
She knew. She knew that Spike had his doubts about his form. He was as afraid of being a dragon as Rarity was of him being one. He was terribly afraid that someday he would hurt one of his friends, or his lover. Rarity's fear had convinced him that he was harmful, dangerous; a time bomb waiting to blow. And Celestia meant to prove him wrong by what? Proving him right?
"No! Stop this!" He thrashed, his tail overturning the couch. He had reached her now, his claw poised mere feet above her head, ready to come down on her.
She looked at him hard, no fear in her eyes. "No, you stop it. You can either prove that she's right to be afraid of you, or prove her wrong." Without another word, she used her magic to swing his claw at her face.
"No!" Spike roared. Unable to stop his claw by force of his arm alone, he shot his long neck out, biting hard onto his wrist and tearing it away from her face. It pained him greatly as his fangs clamped hard onto his own wrist, but it was working. His mighty neck, combined with the power in his arm, pulled his claw away from her face. Sweat ran down her neck as she tried to keep up the magical battle, but eventually she slumped and the aura faded.
Spike stumbled backwards, letting his wrist free from his mouth. "Are you insane?" he groaned. "I could have killed you!"
She was breathing hard from magical exertion, but smiling all the same. "No you could not have. Don't you see, Spike? Look at your arm. You would sooner hurt yourself than hurt anypony in all the world. How could you let the fears of one mare convince you that you are harmful?" she asked.
Spike's eyes went wide as the thought hit home. She was right. He had fought her magic with all his strength, succeeding in saving her in the end no matter the cost to himself. If he had had to, he had no doubt in his mind that he would have bitten his own claw off. He too slumped to the floor, breathing hard from his strain. "But why?" he asked again, completely clueless.
"If anypony can show you they are not afraid of you, why should you fear yourself?" she asked, smiling warmly at him again, like she had used to.
Spike sighed, shaking his head. "You're crazy, I hope you know that," he said, waving his sore wrist around to clear the stinging. The tension in the air finally snapped in the classic way. Both shaking from exhaustion and nerves, unable to find any more words, they just laughed. Uncontrollably, loudly, the laugh of those who have just had their lives threatened, and changed as a result.
"I suppose I am," Celestia said, wiping the tears of hard laughter from her eyes. She used her magic to right the couch again.
Spike got up and cut her off before she could go back to her cushiony perch. She had been brave enough to say what she had to, even at the risk of her own life. Now it was his turn, at the risk of his heart a second time. The look in his eyes was all determination and importance, and Celestia seemed slightly shocked by this.
"What is it?" she asked, sitting down on the floor in front of him, nervously awaiting his words.
"I need to tell you... Since I've come here, been spending time with you, I have seen you. The real you, not the prim and proper princess everypony else has to see." He smiled at her warmly, his eyes bittersweet, as if he expected to be denied his oncoming request. "I have learned how tired you are of being alone. I have seen your humor, your kindness, your selflessness, and your warmth. Celestia, I know it is strange, and I don't know what you will say, but I have to ask..." He looked at her hard, his eyes full of pleading and longing. "Will you be my mare?"
It was the classic line young colts used to court fillies. It was a symbol of a real relationship, not just some fling. It was a decision a stallion and a mare only made if they felt that there was potential between them, a sort of love that was not always fully grown, but ready to expand at any moment.
Celestia had not been asked that question for centuries. Her eyes teared up, partly from memories and partly from happy shock. "Oh Spike... Of course I will," she said quietly, standing and walking over to him. She hugged him again, crawling back into his arms. She had been thinking similar thoughts all since last night, that maybe Spike could be the male for her. That he was immortal didn't impact it much. But she was in love with his fanged smile, his beautiful words and sheepish, young ways. He reminded her so much of herself when she was younger; lost, needing love, and with only good intentions in his heart. It was all she would have asked for in a stallion... Why not in a dragon?
She nuzzled him warmly, happier than she had been in years. Her heart was flooded with the feeling of being loved by someone she had feelings for. Spike nuzzled her back, his own chest similarly alight. They weren't each other's first loves, but neither of them cared. Love might even have been a strong word for what they now shared, but the potential for it was obvious. So obvious that they could not help but want to pursue it.
"Spike..." She whispered gently, pressed against his massive chest.
"Yes, Tia?" he asked, giving her a gentle squeeze to encourage her thoughts.
"Thank you... It's been so long since anypony... or any dragon, saw me for what I was. I showed myself to you hoping you would take this road. I am very glad you did," she said sheepishly.
In his arms she felt small, her tone slight and nervous. She was like a nervous young mare in his embrace, regardless of her years. She was his mare now, his princess. "I'm glad it was a road open to me. Thank you, Tia," he said, holding her a little tighter.
They stayed that way a while, the Princess of the world and her immortal dragon, lost in each other's touch. But even love was not immune to hunger, and Spike's stomach eventually growled. Celestia laughed, and he scratched his head in embarrassment. Smiling, Tia extracted herself politely from his hug, and they both stood from the floor.
"I suppose that means it's dinner time?" Spike asked hopefully, rubbing his belly.
Celestia just smiled at him, and made her way to the study door. "Yes, I suppose it does. Come on, let's see if we can't find a few more bottles of wine for the evening." She tossed the door open with magic, and out the new couple went, on their way in search of a meal and another wonderful evening.
All the way down the hall, their laughs echoed back to the quiet study.
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I have got to stop setting myself deadlines. This story is getting out of claw.
But, as my blog post decreed, it is now Wednesday, and so the new chapter is up. As always, let me know what you find, and enjoy the read!
Oh dear... Rarity is NOT going to like that...
img.ponibooru.org/_images/704a65b5c8298201d5bf89dfa0d01005/130303%20-%20animated%20big_macintosh%20brace_yourselves%20macro%20reaction_image%20shitstorm.gif
RARITY AND CELESTIA! FIGHT FOR LOVE!
A BATTLE FOR THE AGES!
TICKETS BEING SOLD NOW!
.....
WHAAAAT?!
I cannot wait for the (hopefully) rarityrage thats coming
Have a moustache for an excellent chapter.
love it!
That was beautifully written. Very good job, yet again. I can't wait to read more.
Oh dear.
HOLY SHIT.
You know I was actually expecting that.
First of all, I loved how you portrayed Luna in this chapter. Second of all... Spike and Celestia? This story just keeps getting more and more awesome.
Sorry Rarity, but royalty has it perks!
Fantastic chapter! I can't wait to see what will happen when Rarity finds out. Or when Twilight finds out!
Noooo. Don't do it. You are eeevil. EEEEVVVIIIILLLL. Preserve my Sparity pairing! It's the only hetero pairing I support! Don't take that away from me!
Looks like it's too late for Rarity now, she dun goofed.
ok, 1:30 am, better get to bed. Oh crap, someone just updated.
2:00 am, good story, i better read anothe- WTF 2:00 am
Rarity is gonna be SOOOOOOOOO pissed, more pissed than when Dash left her with Pinkie in the middle of the desert
This story just took a brand new turn. Love it!
That was awesome, Nuka approves this Celestia lovin' :D.
It's 4 in the morning and silence reigns in the house.
Suddenly:
"WHAAA?! WHAT THE **** AM I READIN-" *chair creaks* *trip* *CRASH* "...BWAHAHAHA!"
Everybody woke up.
Excellent Chapter, making Spike immortal strikes me as cruel in a way. He'll have to watch everyone around except the Princesses fade away and he'll never be able to join them in the afterlife
but hey at least he and Celestia will never be apart 
Though with Rarity set on winning back her Spikey Wikey...
i306.photobucket.com/albums/nn272/JuWantSum/sailor-says-there-be-a-shit-storm-brewing.jpg
Hm... Welp, I'm all up for the Spikelestia. I had misgivings last chapter because of the notions of the unusual ship docking; the whole immortal and mortal pairing isn't my favorite path (even if the mortal lives for a damning long time) since it always results in a sorrowful end, or bittersweet if you're lucky. However, since "Dragon Immortality" is being tossed in I'm all up for this ship to set sail for new land.
Regardless, it's a terrible thing to happen to Rarity considering her new-found/newly-rediscovered/etc. love for him after crushing his, and the fact that it could cause permanent harm on her friendships with her fellow Mane 6.
I was surpised by the lack of a paragraph or two explaining how Luna looked with comparisons to her element; however, since Luna doesn't appear to be a love interest, I understand why you didn't. Unless... it's because the sun was out at the time?
I foretell much drama and scenery porn to come; looking forward to it, especially the scenery porn.
Ohohohohoh, this is not going to go well for poor ol' Rarity. How could a mere mortal hope to hold a candle to the sun, to a veritable goddess?
409576
OK, good. I'm not the only one holding out hope for Rarity. My guess, though, is that Celestia was lying when she told him he was immortal. I'm thinking this is all a ploy to get Spike and Rarity together. She IS...well, you know...
Oh just yes, YEEEEES!
OOOOOH SHIT!
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Oh, this is going to be so sad no matter what happens next.
I was hoping you'd take it in that direction, Spike x Celestia is a pretty interesting pairing I don't think I've seen before. Good job, can't wait to see where this goes.
And I suppose I should try to keep to the theme of this thread.
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I have to say I wasn't sure about Spike/Celestia at first but now have to say I'm liking it.
Hell of a rebound. Get rejected by a dressmaker- move on to the ruler of a country.
Oh wow, I have so many mixed emotions right now.
O crap im a big spike and rarity fan mostly because i gave my heart and she to put it simple she sucks. so if im not happy he is. but this story is like OMG it Mindblowing im like WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! right now here have this
And this is what i think rarity will be like
[img]C:\Users\MLP FIM\Pictures\everthing\heros stuff\tumblr_m09zuacUrA1qcfgllo1_500.gif[/img]
I love the direction this story is taking, Rarity missed the boat and its time to explore new possibilities
.
Note to self: never read a fic like this with a music playlist in the background composed entirely of breakup songs.
Interesting turn, although it was likely to happen based on the last chapter. Bracing myself for the inevitable confrontation...
dis shitstorm is gonna be good
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I love this because it feels classic but not overdone, the way you tell the story has me clutching my chest in many different ways. From "Ah, no! rarity! The heartbreak she will feel!" *clutch*
to "Celestia and Spike! They are amazing together! They are immortal! HAHA the immortality has been doubled! HNNNG" *clutch* 
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Oh, AND ALL OF MY YES. This story pleases me.
Pardon my fancy talk, but, OH SHIT. Awwwwww brony, I can see the clouds of confusion and drama forming over this beautiful sunrise of affection. Still, I'm surprised that the princess, with all her knowledge and wisdom and experience, was not a little suspicious that his sudden feelings for her were not a rebound/second choice from Rarity. Still, that surprise is offset by when she asked him why he loved Rarity, and him unable to come up with an answer, so I'll just wait and see what happens.
That aside, YUH, SPIKELESTIA!
409663
I have to humbly disagree on behalf of rarity's newfound feelings for spike. Despite everything thats happened to rarity in response to the whole spike debacle, I dont feel as if her "love" for spike is genuine. It comes across as a mere reaction to the situation, a more "heat of the moment" type of deal. If rarity really does love spike there shouldn't be any kind of fear lingering in the back of her head. She even said so herself when talking talking to the old mare on the train that she's intimated by his appearance. It sounds as if that rarity is forcing herself to have feelings for spike in response of the hoobla that came about. and with her being the element of generosity at all it's just in her nature to do the right thing. Celestia's feelings for spike on the other hand is bonafide, nothing about them seems manufactured, situational or wooden. The fact that she was willing to risk her physical well-being for the sake of proving a point is a testament too it. I hope spike ends up with celestia, it only seems right in my opinion
hoooooo shiiiiiit this, this right here, is gonna be epic on so many levels
And thus, with all the pieces in place, Murphy sat back in his plush chair and wedged a lit cigar in his sh*t-eating grin.
This is the First
X
that I have seen, and I am looking forward to seeing where it goes. Especially when Spike starts 100 year naps
On one hand you have the chick that lied to you and is only now willing to realize her feeling vs. a f---king God with a charming personality, great sense of humor, doesn't fear you in the slightest and shares your woes of being immortal. The choice is clear. Pick Celestia, Spike.
ALL HAIL KING SPIKE!!!
I think this fic could benefit from multiple endings to keep everyone happy. I really like this fic, but part of be fears this is gonna end in the cliche: Rarity wins back Spike, even though the other choice is better. There is no real reason for this to end in Sparity shipping.
I say maybe have the readers vote or do multiple endings because I think someone is gonna be pissed.
I vote for Spikestia ...it's never been done before.
The way you set your story up, this isn't a crack-pairing at all! Celestia and Spike actually have chemistry here me thinks! This is brilliant, and you're brilliant! Can't wait for the next chapter!
Oh my... i don´t know what to say... except....
Good work sir
Hah... Personally I like how it's going, but then again, that's due to me not really caring all that much for Rarity. Don't get me wrong, she deserves her happiness, but I just don't really care about her.
409703 That. Is. Awesome. Hands down, that's an awesome pic there.
Wonderful story, I love where this is heading and I can't wait for more. I love how things are developing between Sipke and Celestia!
Rarity still not deserving Spike is intentional right now. Otherwise, things are going to happen in a really fast, not cool way when the shitstorm begins.
Multiple endings is the intention. The last thing I need is to piss everyone off, whether it's my story or not. Besides, it's more writing for me, and I like writing. So yeah.
Each ending will probably get roughly two chapters to itself (I'm not fishing for more content at all mind you) simply because it will require at least one or two chapters of personal conflict and or bonding between whoever he chooses in the end to make it acceptable. Otherwise I feel like one ending would make a lot of sense and the other would feel way too rushed. Anyways, multi-part completion is the plan.
Oh.
Oh dear.
I did NOT see that coming. And even when Spike asked, I was like, "No way Celestia will say yes. She's like, 1000 years his elder!" But hey! It happened, and I am interested to see where it goes.
" Spike sighed, shaking his head. "You're crazy, I hope you know that,""
Is it bad all i could think was Cortana saying, "Unfortunately for us both, I like crazy"?
Btw, all of my D'aaww!!!
410295
Thank you so much for making multiple endings, I can't wait. Dude you rock, have a GIF.
chzbronies.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-youre-damn-right-she-is.gif
peace Out.