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Legionary


T

WARNING:Rewrite in progress!

As a last vindictive act Discord sends one of the Mane Six into the Multi-verse. The one to suffer this fate is Twilight. She somehow suvives the experience but comes out a filly with very little in terms of memory. Her situation is made much more better by being found by a society and a Human willing to take her in. However this is not so much a story of her life in her new home as a story of how she comes to terms with her old one.

This is the Story of Erika Gefallen as she struggles with the life and memories of Twilight Sparkle...

(Thanks is due to EvilBob for the awesome picture!)

Chapters (6)
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Comments ( 36 )

Interesting, indeed. :raritywink: Eager to see how this turns out, though a little dissapointed that it's not a Stargate crossover :derpytongue2:

Tracking.

375897 Thanks!

Although to tell the truth I'm extemely disappointed in how the formatting came out >:( *SIGH* I'll just put something else to show a scene change...

376986
Yes, I was rather wondering about that, but good ideas go wrong for the best of us :twilightsmile:

The grammar needs work, and the way you go into the background history somewhat breaks up the flow...there's no in-world reason to go into all of that there, so it just feels like the story's stopping for a bunch of stuff that has nothing to do with it. Of course, the information is actually necessary, and finding a more natural seeming way to introduce it isn't easy, but that's just something to consider for the future.

Other than that, the writing's not bad. It has an interesting idea and setting. Should be fun to see how the pony is raised by a human trope plays out in such a vastly different world. I shall track this.

I am actually writing something similar to this, but in mine the Atlantis is the one from Stargate a few hundred years in the future where that humanity finally got it right.

Very very well done! Forty-five days is a long time, then, eh? Haha. :rainbowlaugh:
Well, I assumed something like this would happen, but I like how you presented it. Keep up the great work! :twilightsmile:

Grammar's bad, yes, but it's an interesting premise! (If able or willing, this type of premise is definitely book material).

The funny thing is, as of right now, based only on the contents of this chapter, it can't even be considered a MLP fanfic.

!!! LOVE IT !!! :rainbowkiss:

A fascinating turn of events. An unexpected surprise! I am hooked!

412615 Thanks!

But personally I'm disappointed in myself for not taking advantage of two perfectly good moments to play off Pinkie's ability to twitch when danger is approuching >:C Oh well a lesson for next time...

As a side note a new chapter should be up tomorrow mid afternoon at the latest.

VERY, VERY, VERY WELL WRITTEN!

I can anticipate rich conflicts which will not be easily resolved, unlike My Little Dashie. Robcakeran decided to do a short story and basically kept Rainbow Dash isolated from the rest of society during her 18 years of life... (probably really unhealthy, socially, but whatever, it made it easier to take RD back to her universe because of the lack of connections). This story, however... so... many...rich... WTFs.

There'll be hell to pay in trying to move TS back to Equestria; even if she does get her memory back, there's gonna be so much social, familial, cultural and moral obligations tying her down in this universe. It'd be unthinkable to just up and leave... Regarding her current mindset, even if she soon realizes that the political organization of Equestria isn't as bad as she might think, her acculturation on the glory and superiority of Atlantean Empire (especially as the Emperor's daughter) won't be easily undone. (eg most British citizens of the British Empire and most American citizens of US hegemony both think of our system is the best, and indeed it is...for us. Colonial/non-US states like many countries in S. America or Vietnam often get the shaft, as history shows). [BTW: I love how you hint at this contradictory mindset with "forefront of invasion… NO, a liberation fleet]

And now... no matter how they react to the transdimensional news...there'll also be hell to pay! [This is, incidentally, one of the most effective paybacks Discord could have unleashed. Unfortunately, this payback will probably be negative for him as well, if he can get free. Considering the abilities the Empire has demonstrated so far (a standard military issue machine could overpower Celestia... imagine what special issue of special design could do to any one of the powerful magical creatures of Equestira!)] Now that an alien, space-faring EMPIRE with MAGIC, with a penchant for destruction with extreme prejudice (killing nobles on the spot simply because they're rulers of other non-imperial states as PROTOCOL?) KNOWS and not just theorizing based on magical academic endeavors by PMD corps about a whole new universe which just happens to be populated by more or less peace-loving creatures, and JUST happens to have royalty (and thus an excuse for warmongering in the form of bringing "freedom and liberation" by a freakin' Emperor-ruled EMPIRE) ...sounds ripe for introducing war and militarization to OR immediate subjugation and enslavement of Equestria pronto...Even if the Emperor and his family are benevolent and indeed leave Equestrian universe alone (I doubt it for the reasons of greed and human nature), an Empire is not composed and entirely ruled by one mind. Like any complex political organization, there will be contenders in the wings, ready to take over or prod policies in certain directions. Moreover, if a political upheaval should ensue, usurpers who take over would also have knowledge of Equestria and may not even be benevolent like the Emperor, [if he is indeed benevolent and adopted Twilight Sparkle because she was abandoned and because of his internal generosity and NOT for her ability (seems unlikely considering the protocol of execution without trial)]... these usurpers could very well embark on the campaign of conquest and subjugation (or simply colonial resource-exploitation of different dimensions and could also lead to Equestrian downfall)...


I can't believe I just spend an entire page speculating. This is a testament to to your superb writing and creative and credible setups of conflicts...Good job Legionary!

BTW: Good luck on staying internally consistent and resolving the conflicts you've setup in a credible and realistic way. But hey, at least everything you write from here on out would undoubtedly be interesting. This universe you have created + the questions and potential conflicts you have brought up have now officially taken it out of short story, and placed it into the novel / novel series category. The short story form will no longer be adequate for a cohesive ending that would do the story justice... (I mean, I guess you could force a quick conclusion... but by now, with everything introduced, it'd have to be pretty forced and hole-riddled)

419343 Not exactly a response to your most excellent comment but I do have a sort of codex that holds mostly a rough aproximation of Atlantean military units and ranks. The codex was written to help me keep an idea of who commands who and how large a company of Field Mages or a Legion of them actually are. Its holds no spoilers for later chapters, just presents background information and I'm not entirely sure if I should put it up.

Hmmm... I do believe I just answered my own question. Right Mini-update Codex chapter, going up.

Hmm... I'm fine with the new words that you seem to have invented, but does "navel" mages => "naval" officers? Are navel and naval interchangeable?

I'm also surprised the Air Forces only have a max unit name of 238 mages (one TAC). I would expect 10 or so TACs of air support per ground regiment/division...and thus at least ~2.38E5 air mages per theater. It seems a bit much to count up to 2000 TACs, and that there would be some intermediary unit for it?

The numbers also seem a bit strange... "depending on the conflict: up to 10 theaters"...that's about 10 billion troops. Not including air and orbital forces...also: there could be multiple conflicts x going on at any one time... 1E10 x troops... really???

AND EVERY SINGLE FUCKING ONE OF THEM IS PROFICIENT TO SOME DEGREE IN MAGIC?!?!?!?

Yep... Equestria's screwed.

Well, as many soldiers there seem to be I don't think Equestria could fall that easily. Considereing the presence of three god-like beings, the ponies who could me more or less trained to fight back (they also have magic), dragons, pheonixes, and the slew of monsters living under Mount Tartarus that could be released if the Imperial forces went planet side, Equestria could have a fighting chance. But, the repercussions of this could be severe. You just gotta consider all the variables.

425616 Yes thats true.

Also, remember every Nation has a limit to how much manpower they can throw at a single problem and I mean 'every' nation ;)

420754 Heh I'm not much of a military buff -_-" like I said I ripped all the unit and rank information from wikipedia and altered them somewhat to fit in. I supppose I could use some Field unit names and make them more Air and Navy sounding, Hmmm...

Reletively speaking, yes it certaintly 'appears' that Atlantis has Billions upoon Billions of War Mages in reserve doesn't it?

Also oops, naVEL and naVAL are two very, very different words, Heh Heh... Fixin...

P.S: One last thing, to clear things up a 'Theater' is a region of conflict. And in space terms (MY terms) the average region is twenty to forty star systems. Thats hundreds of potential worlds to wage Ground, Air and Orbital warfare over. Suddenly a billion soldiers don't seem so much, doesn't it?

425616>>425971 I think you guys are way too optimistic. I mean sure, the ponies COULD be armed and taught to fight back. However, we're talking a civilization missing a thousand years of militaristic conflict is vs. a highly aggressive militaristic empire. The ponies lack the magical, technological, logistical, and psychological advances and preparation for warfare...they're kinda screwed.

I'd like the note that the slew of monsters living near Equestria are of absolutely no use to the ponies whatsover. Having not have the mindset to train these beasts beforehand, it's unlikely that in the time of need, the monsters would suddenly aid the ponies. Even if the ponies were able to somehow be rally all the forces of nature (unlikely, this isn't like Avatar's Pandora which has a planet-wide neurological link to all animals) and the god-like beings, I'm still dubious as to their effectiveness in resistance. As demonstrated by Princess Celestia and their restraining machine, the Empire clearly have the ability to take on all of these god-like creatures.
Moreover, don't forget that in any invasion, the stratagem of divide and conquer is always effective, and always used. There will be unsatisfied ponies/griffins/dragons with current world-order and assist the invading forces.

The ponies would also be unlikely to have the opportunity to engage in guerilla warfare should takeover actually occur. First, because unlike Earth's modern nations' restrictions on dealing civilian casualties, the Empire seems to have no qualms in such actions as witnessed by its protocol of immediate destruction of nobles' ships (with their entire family and civilian servants aboard). Secondly, they lack the fundamental psychological component required.

The ponies' only hope, would be at least a few decades to a few centuries of militarization preparation for such invasion. Thus, should they get suddenly invaded, their only hope is somewhere else in the Empire arises concurrent full-scale rebellion that requires troop withdrawal. From Legionary's such hint, I have an inkling that this might be the course of events. The only other hope is choking/sabotaging the bottleneck. It apparently requires significant energy investment to make the dimensional leap. Choking this passage somehow, would be another effective strategy. Unfortunately, this method is not guaranteed and could only serve to buy time and nothing else.

426014 Actually, Legionary... that still a LOT of troops. I'm afraid I'm highly skeptical of your claim on the density of intelligent life in the universe. 40 star systems, you say? As we know, Earth's star system only contains one habitable world... Earth. We also know that there are plenty of star systems out there which have zero habitable planets. For the sake of argument, let's make this particular universe densely populated...
Let's suppose each star system does indeed have one habitable planet. We would thus have 40 worlds per theater...
Taking a survey of Earth, the top three total military forces combined (China, US, India), we would only come out to 12 million - that should be more than enough to keep an entire planet/star system in check.
Per 40 worlds in a theater then, one would only need 480 million troops...
They have what, 1 billion troops per theater (twice more than what's expected...)???

Yeah... billions and billions of troops still seem like a ton, in fact, like overkill, especially once you take into account their superior technological, magical, and logistical abilities.

426681 You make several good points, oh well...

You know the old saying *grins* theres always a bigger fish... Heh Heh Heh...

426681 P.S: Terraforming and biodome tech is practically freeware in this universe.

426681 Yes you are right. However, these "repercussions" I was speaking of was the fact that if said monsters were released that causualties on both sides would occur. As for the god-like beings, you are correct in that. Luna and Celestia would have almost no chance of defeating the restraining machines. However, if by some chance Discord were to be freed and by some miracle he decided to fight for the good of the world, there is no guarantee the restaining machines would affect him, as he is a being of chaos. That trait could possibly save his life, theoretically of course. The ponies are lacking in any form of training that could make them an effective military force which is why I was apprehensive to mention them in the first place. I realized that mistake a bit late though. And lastly, the chances of the dragons, ponies, griffons, and any other creatures joining in a global alliance is very slim. I agree that my ealier statement was a bit naive and optimistic.

427174 BTW, the released monsters causing damage to both sides sound like a very bad idea from ponies' perspective. The ponies will be on defensive and are already outnumbered. What little resistance they could form could likely be broken by additional onslaughts. The released monsters will moreover be more likely to cause damage to pony ground structures than to Atlantean orbital command.

426892 That reduces even more the likelihood of heavy/antagonistic military presence in those areas. Terraforming and biodome tech implies that successful colonization and removal of natives/replacement with those loyal to Empire has occurred. I would argue that in such a case, the military personnel numbers in such loyal star systems with multiple habitable worlds would be about the same as a star system with a single habitable world.

426828>>427174
However, there's no reason to despair! :trollestia:
I'm sure the author will write us a story with a happy ending in the which the main characters succeed (poke, poke). :derpytongue2:
And his taking into account all these variables and horrible odds will undoubtedly make the story that much more interesting! :pinkiehappy:

427328 Tiny bit of a spoiler. But I was talking about Non-Atlantean Star striding empires possesing such technology.

The Atlanteans have a Magitech equivalent capable of turning worlds, that are as far away from the sun as Pluto, into lush temperate garden worlds.

427500
Ooo-la-la!
Adding multiple high-power parties? This will be intricate & interesting!

I predict large-scale galactical wars before everything's done and over. (squee) :pinkiehappy:

I eagerly anticipate anticipate the plot progression and plot twists which shall occur.

FAN-fucking-TASTIC!
It'd be nice if you could more clearly demarcate shifts in scenes. It's was a bit hard to follow for awhile distinguishing what was dream and what was flashback and the present.

Clearly, this is an empire that has grown to incorporate multiple species though. I can only wonder what will happen next... so many questions of the future! Will the emperor try to add Equestria to his empire? Will he try to enlist the ponies to his side? Will he allow them to go free or to go back with TS? There's also a lot of backstory/background story too! He's the first Emperor? How old is the Empire? How old is the political/military structure/background on which the Empire arose? SO MANY QUESTIONS.

I shall eagerly await further plot developments.

448123 You know I'm thinking of adding sidestories to this.

Why? Because from what I can tell from the comments I've gotten so far people want to see a war. People want to see space fleets clashing, milion strong armies marching and entire worlds burning. And I myself want to write that and share the vision of this little universe I've created. At the risk of revealing more then I should I'll tell you that this will not be present in the amounts you and now I wish there to be. War has been a part of Erika's life for the past thirty years in universe and will continue to be for the rest of her life. But currently it will not be as present as I now desire it to be and as you can probably guess from the story introductory it was going to always be a minor part, to add to the character drama if you will. Now that I have gotten to writing and having people offer their thoughts and opinions on the story I want to show you guys the other parts of Atlantis.

I want to show you Atlantis at its very worst and very best. Loyal soldiers who are just doing their jobs to psychopaths who enjoy drowning in blood. Driven healers to apathetic spacialists who have nothing better to do. Simple people who treat military issues as out of sight out of mind to heartfelt activists who decry the violence. Now these sidestories would not dominate the 'main' storyline as they would marely add flavour and background without myself simply posting a codex chapter.

So what do you think, EvilBob? Good idea, bad idea?

450579 Good idea!

While reading about Atlanetean descriptions of war and tecnhniques/weapons/logistics/strategies used would be interesting, as you said: the character drama would be far more interesting. Not only because there are plenty of graphic descriptions of war out there, but also because what's most interesting of this story is how the MLP-FiM ponies will react; how TS changed and the final resolution regarding TS and the rest of the ponies.

In terms of realism and in making the story good, showing Atlantis at its very best and worst is definitely good. As with any large organization, there will always be the good, the bad, and the ugly. The interplay of these complexities will also help the story in the long-run. However, I'm a bit concerned for you, the author. All these complexities may be hard to keep straight in your head as you slowly reveal them - it always runs the risk of making the story longer than can be sustained. Like a good joke, stories need to have an adequate/multiple payoff/reward for its readers the longer it gets.
I'm also concerned that if the story gets too long, it'd be too much burden for you. There are real-life considerations outside of the story for you, and I'm afraid that if the project gets too big and long, the chances of you needing to fulfill other commitments and abandoning this story increases. That would leave the story on a cliffhanger with so many questions unanswered! :applecry:

Then where would I be? :twilightblush::unsuresweetie:

twilight, if i ever get my hands on you you will suffer:pinkiecrazy:

385622 have you ever read 'My Little Dashie' if you did that tought you one day in Equestria is a year in the human world but it's probably different in here

This like... has my interest in a vice grip for some unfathomable reason...

Nooooo!! My computer is dying!! Where is the fire trucking charger?!?!?!

-moments later in the garden center-

“What’s that daddy?” A little boy asked with excitement.

Huh!

A new improvement of the chapter :twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile:

I even like how you put the Atlantis symbol, remind me of old Atlantis movies

Nice job on the rewrite:twilightsmile: I will be watching from the shadows:rainbowdetermined2:

Another excellent rewrite good sir

although this gonna mean that I have to adjust a bit on my ebook....I always download storys on my phone so i can read when I don't have time on internet, although that cause some problem when it came to bold and italic words....

anyway I have your original in my comp :pinkiehappy:

Hmm a bit different take than the original but good job nonetheless :twilightsmile:

Soooo... I must say i was postponing this story in any way i could. I just dont like reading unfinished works. Yet since the wait for book 5 of emerald glimmer i needed something good to read so i finaly gave up and red this amazing story above ^
Is it possible for you to finish this story? In ur writer description u stated that u never start to write something u cant finish. I have always found this weird to see this one story at the bottom of ur other works.

8262179
Normally that would be the case but Emerald is quite a bit more popular, and this story wasn't nearly as good until I scrapped all of it and started rewriting chapters. I'll probably come back to this story eventually once I'm done with Emerald. Plus I admit getting only a handful of comments compared to my other stories kind of made me more reluctant to put the effort into this one

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