My Life as an Eldritch Abomination
I carefully shape my face into a smile. “But I do love Pinkie Pie.”
Twilight seems to buy it, and we look fondly (or pretend, in my case) at Pinkie for a moment. Then I get on the train, and the trial is over. Once again, I have evaded detection.
I answer to Maud Pie, and I am not who you think I am.
I am, in fact, not a pony at all. Call my species remoras, if you like. We live in the void between dimensions, and latch onto those who enter the void to hitch rides into universes. A lot of us come to Equestria; ponies who teleport frequently are like commuter shuttles. It would not be entirely wrong to describe this universe as “infested.”
Do not think too harshly of us, though. We’re not very parasitic. Yes, we rewrite the past upon arrival to create roles to fill. But we cannot very well just hang around in our natural forms; for one thing, we don’t even have forms in the void. And if we had forms, they would probably drive any ponies that looked upon us mad.
That was a joke, by the way. I’ve been reading H.P. Hoofcraft in my free time. I’m trying to learn how to be amused, and I’m told his misconceptions about eldritch abominations are hilarious. I would not expect a native like you to understand.
Anyway, we can also be quite beneficial to our anchors. We rely on them to keep us from slipping back to the void, and we often grow quite close to them. I myself seem to be . . . grateful, I think it is, to Pinkie for bringing me here. Do you remember that hug I gave Pinkie after she almost died? Yes, I know you were watching. That is not the point. The point is that it was easy to fake that, because I was genuinely somewhat concerned. So what if I was concerned mostly for my own sake?
Really, natives should be as eager to be anchors as remoras are to have anchors. Old remoras, I mean. Remoras who have learned how to be eager. It is a very mutually beneficial arrangement. We protect our anchors. And we hate to be separated from them.
I can feel it, you know. Pinkie is far away. Further now than when I was stuck on the rock farm and she was in Ponyville. The rocks roll by outside the window, accompanied by the steady dull ripping sensation of the distance growing. I am unlikely to destabilize, but it still hurts. Why did the Elders have to send me away? It’s not fair!
I can accept keeping a certain distance most of the time. It is true that I should not have set myself up as Pinkie’s sister. This is my first time in a universe, and I was foolish to put myself so close to my anchor when I had no experience. The Elders were right to dismiss me as another 200-year-old who thinks she knows everything and send me to the rock farm. At the time.
But that was months ago. And time passes differently in here. I’m so much more than I was at first! How many remoras learn gratitude in only a few months? I’m a prodigy! I should be moving to Ponyville, not going halfway to Draconia to pretend to study rock science!
Wait . . . is this anger? Am I angry? See, Elders? I just learned a new emotion. Just right now, on the spot, learned an emotion. If that doesn’t prove you were wrong about me, I don’t know what does!
That’s it. Buck the Elders, I’m going to Ponyville. I’ll make them see that I’m ready.
In retrospect, maybe jumping out the window of a moving train was a poor plan. I was just trying to practice my anger, but apparently practicing a new skill is a bad idea now. Can I be angry at anger? Because it completely betrayed me.
You may be aware that breaking through glass windows is harmful to ponies, as is hitting the ground above galloping speed. So of course the passengers who heard my window break assumed I would be hurt. And of course there would now be ponies scouring the area to save me. If they find that I am unharmed, they may be suspicious. And if I draw attention like that, I doubt it will make the Elders trust me to be anywhere near Pinkie.
Now if I were Shining Armor or Cadance . . . they would get away with this. They just gallivant around being high-profile royalty and the Elders don’t even care. I’m surprised we don’t all go around kissing the ground they walk on, with how much every remora looks up to them.
They almost gave us away during the changeling invasion, you know. Do you think a real pony can feed a changeling so well she can overpower Celestia? Do you even know how defeating changelings with a blast of love is even supposed to make sense? They might as well have been wearing signs that said “We’re suspicious!”
And did they get punished for it? Well, I suppose they are far away from Twilight now, but it was Celestia’s idea. The Elders can’t take credit for that. No way can they control her. And they still get to visit Twilight regularly. They’re not being sent away for four years. They’ve only got close relationships with all the most powerful ponies in Equestria; it’s not like they could do any damage with their recklessness.
And that’s another thing! Why are the Elders so obsessed with Pinkie? Just because they do not know how she teleports, they treat her like she might catch one of us at any minute. She’s just an earth pony! Half the time she acts weirder that I did when I had just arrived. How does she have any chance of catching that I’m not a pony? Why should I suffer for the Elders’ irrational fear?
Am I fuming? I think I may be fuming.
Fuming in a cave. The great unrecognized prodigy, practicing her anger while hiding from search parties. At least they assume me to be too injured to get so far from the tracks. If only the pegasi would leave, I could get on with my journey. I am going to be angry at the pegasi, for being able to see so far. Angry at the pegasi, angry at the Elders, and angry at anger. I am getting quite good at anger, I would say.
Wait. What was I supposed to do now? I cannot simply walk into Ponyville; I need time to prove myself before the Elders learn I returned. But they keep a constant watch on Pinkie. I barely know any remoras in Ponyville; how am I supposed to ensure that I am not spotted? But how can I prove myself responsible enough to be near Pinkie if I cannot get near Pinkie?
Once again, anger has betrayed me.
At least I can watch the ponies go about their daily routines from here. Maybe that will give me some ideas.
Look at them down there. All so close. Most of them smiling. How do they do it? How do they show so much emotion, day in and day out? I cannot even imagine trying.
Does that mean I am not ready? Were the Elders right? I think I may have made a mistake, coming back here. I suppose I should leave.
Maybe I’ll learn something at the university. There are so many emotions left to master. And I do seem to be making progress on doubt.
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You turned multiple plot holes and random absurdities into a story...
Bravo.
This story is perfectly internally consistent, and, quite frankly, makes more sense than any 'reasonable' in-world explanations for the matters it addresses. Very cool.
Also I'm confused about the groups it's been placed in; what on Earth did any of this have to do with Maud Pie?
Woohoo, tentacled retconning abominations!
I would be interested in seeing this universe expanded, as well as following Abominaud's growth as a horror beyond walls of reality. Will the Equestrians catch on? If they do, so what? Will remoras become native in time? Is there any chance of seeing more of this?
Just want to say that I love the world-building in this.
Think I'll agree with 4114137 This would be really interesting to see more off.
4114137 4114200 I'll keep in mind that people want to see more of this story, and I'll probably revisit it once the season ends and I don't have new episodes to write about, but I can't make any guarantees. My inspiration can be fickle.
This was surprisingly enjoyable. I'm sure Pinkie would still love if you told her the truth. In fact, she'd probably throw a party!
Iä! Iä! Shub-Niggurath!
... well then.
that was surprisingly interesting
4114137
No, don't be stupid... if they manage to survive for a few trillion years they become Great Old Ones of Hoofcraftian fame.
What? The 'remora' being able to perceive the GOOs would be like plankton being able to perceive whales, how do you even conceive of something so much more vast than yourself? :hinthint;human-perceiving-God:
Well, this explains how Maud Pie suddenly turns up in a photo of Pinkie's first party when she wasn't actually there in the first place. But surely Pinkie's some sort of superequine entity too! She has more powers over the laws of physics than the alicorns!
"Remora" sounds like a good name for these things. Real remoras only stick to fish; they don't feed off of them any any way (other than noshing on crumbs).
I've got to ask: was this fic inspired in any way by the comic "The Devil Maud Me Do It?"
H. P. Hoofcraft. Love it!
This makes all of the sense. I utterly love it. Especially Shining Armor and Cadence. And I can only imagine how many remoras have found their way into the Apple family. (Heck, technically speaking, Maud is one of them.)
Thank you for a brief but fantastic story.
4120214 Not consciously, but I wouldn't rule it out entirely.
4120214 This?
fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2014/075/8/c/the_devil_maud_me_do_it_by_pixelkitties-d7a8kj2.png
Hmm... if even the elders can't control Princess Celestia, and Kheydinss is a remora, then we have Luna, who is presumably equally uncontrollable, and... Twilight.
What exactly is it about the alicorns?
am i the only one who is kinda hoping there will be some sort of continuation of this?
Maud is an eldritch abomination? Well, I suppose that makes sense since Pinkie Pie is an Eldritch Abomination, too.
4114287
I agree with what Lord of Dorkness and Immanuel said: we'd all love to see more.
Well, wow. Pretty damn good.
HEADCANON ACQUIRED!
4128469 As you wish. I've gotten more requests for a sequel to this than some of my stories have comments at all. I clearly can't just ignore popular demand.
Coming this summer: Some Yet-to-be-Determined Sequel to This Story (in 3D).
I guess you could call her... an Eldritch Amaudination.
I see I'm not the only one who thinks that Pinkie should have a very unusual sister.
Least Noticeable and Little Flappy
Not the same one, though.
i.imgur.com/9rPot3h.gif
4131073 Huzzah! :3
Intresting
Huh, I think I love this story! I guess I have a thing for non-malicious eldritch abominations in Equestria.
I really like your idea of "remoras", too. I might end up yoinking it if I find an idea that could use it.
I like the concept but then I've always liked alternate interpretations of old ideas.
4134452 Just make sure to toss me a link if you do so. I don't mind people borrowing my ideas, but I like to know what they're doing with them.
. . . It does go without saying that if you write a story inspired by mine, you'll mention as much in the description, right?
4135441 Well, I'm generally too much of a procrastinator to actually WRITE most of the ideas I have floating around in my head; and I don't even have an IDEA right now to attach the "remora" concept to. By the time I do, if I ever do, I'll probably have forgotten where I got it from, just that it was some story I read and it was short and I liked it and I wish I could find it again.
4135556 Fair enough. I won't hold it against you if you can only remember that you saw the idea somewhere and not where.
I still have "The Scorched Town" in my head and this fanfic doesn't disappoint too!
It's very creative again and with a slight touch of horror, give me more!
There is a lot of irony here if you read the Shining Armor Arc of the pony pov series.
4255626
Highly ironic.
4131646
No. Just no. I love puns, but you should feel ashamed about that one.
4408405
4408422
Sad Pinkie does not make a difference.
4408427
4408427
I guess you could say I'm overdue for an...
Maudest punishment.
... *Flee*
4408447
That was actually pretty good.
4408449
4408488
What can I say? Such puns are somethign of a Rarity.
According to another fics (1, 2), Pinkie is an Eldritch Abomination too
Does it mean the whole Pie family consist of Eldritch Abominations?
Is there a youngest one named Dawn Pie?
Wait a minute...
Day, night, Twilight... Dawn...
I already know who will be the fifth Princess!
She makes a good point... one does not simply walk into Ponyville.
So...every character that's related to the main cast, but just showed up out of nowhere in the show and became semi-important to important characters are eldritch abominations?
I'd like to see a fanfic that addresses this please...though the last time I read something like that, Twilight put herself through a cycle of amnesia, remembrance, and head bashing the wall.
6893541
there's a story where the mane 6 finally demand an explanation for all the crazy things pinkie can do, and she gets really scared and defensive, saying that no one was ever supposed to find out. Celestia days she knew the whole time, and explains to the rest what pinkie actually is.
I really widh I could remember the title.
Nice. I loved Cadance and Shiny being dimension hopping aliens. It makes complete sense that something ELSE blasted Chrysalis away, because she feeds on LOVE. If anything, the love blast should have made her more powerful, not hurt her.
7746819
Did you read the list for Evil Overlords on TvTropes? I think I remember there being a section for "consuming energy fields larger than your head"...
8383509
a rather funny list