• Member Since 27th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 27th, 2012

lonewolf.007


E

Applejack could only reminisce about everything they could have been. Until the fateful day when Rainbow Dash returns. But there are a million questions to ask. And only one Pegasus can answer them.

Chapters (17)
Comments ( 43 )

Not to sound insulting or anything, but was your thought process "I don't know what to write about, so I'd better write an appledash.", by any chance? That road is taken a bit often, don't you think? (Not like the thought process for my fic, "Better write a self-insertion like a bloody idiot." was any more original, though. Continue writing if it appeases you, I won't try to pressure you into stopping, nor will I vote this down because the genre of shipping makes me wanna puke sometimes. Carry on!)

I liked this. It beats a bunch of the fanfics that are coming out today by a billion miles! Tracked and favorited.

Meeester
Moderator

Tracked. After reading the first chapter I'm hooked. I will have to finish reading this tomorrow then suffer through waiting for more epic chapters.

This chapter was well done! Repeating the "Just as friends" over and over was totally effective, and I felt you handled the switching back and forth between now and before and just-a-little-before well, too.

Also, nice sort of stream of conciousness bits with Applejack's thoughts! Ya, when saying simple things that mean so much more to the character (like "just friends"), repetition is definitely the way to do it, as you've shown very well here!

Oh, and the dialogue was excellent! It was very . . . real, you know? Like how people ( . . . or ponies) really talk. Very convincing, I think that was my favourite part of this!

One bit of criticism--just at the beginning, really--I feel you could do a bit more to "show not tell", as the mantra goes. Basically I feel that by saying exactly what Applejack is feeling, it somewhat cheapens the overall impression. Like when you say she feels sadness and emptiness, I know that's what she's feeling (because you told me!) but I don't really feel that she feels it? Or something (that's a lot of "feel"s . . .). "She felt sad" doesn't really emote anything, you know?
(Maybe that spots okay, because it leads on to why she's sad when its a nice evening . . . but that sort of general idea or whatever. Like you could probably take out the line "The sunset was beautiful" and we'd still know that--and maybe feel it a bit more, even? That kind of stuff, I think. The beginning still works well enough, though--more just something to consider in future writing.)

I dunno, just what I thought. Nice start though, I'm definitely pulled in. A ship that's been done many times, but you're doing it well enough and strongly enough that it's perfectly fine, I think! :moustache: On to read the rest now . . .

(wow, I was just gonna say, "awesome, good stuff!" . . . it turned into a lot more somehow . . . :rainbowhuh:
cheers and good day)

380097

Perhaps it is taken a bit often, though that may say less about the quality of the story itself rather than your personal preference as far as subject matter goes. I could probably say the same thing about Donny's Boy Rainbow Pie stories (or at least the series of drabbles he's been writing) but the execution on those is very strong.

380644 I'm sure fine pieces of literature are crafted from these elements, but it is such a tired thing to see.

roflcat.com/images/cats/I_Want_Moar.jpg

*slams his fist onto his desk* I demand it be sated!:flutterrage:

i read chapter 1 and was all "hmmm, this looks promising :moustache:",
then i read chapter 2 and was all "oh crap, it's going to be wings, isn't it :facehoof:"
then i read the rest of it and came out deciding to track, but not give thumbs up just yet.

Mixed reactions. Lonewolf.007 will be pleased. Or something. He has yet to update Chapter 8 on FanFiction, so I can't really update it here. x_x But yeah, just in case nobody clicked the link or cared to check, I posted it onto this site.

Meeester
Moderator

Oooo 3 updates, 1 left to read for this.

I did indeed feel RD's character done very well in ch9. The references to Daring Doo, the hesitance during her recollection, everything felt genuine/canon to me. VERY well written. Now I must read ch10!

Meeester
Moderator

I was worried at first with this story before these latest chapters. I thought this was going to turn in to a cookie-cutter AppleDash fic, but this development with RD's parents really spices it up. Nicely done.:rainbowlaugh:

Meeester
Moderator

Losing your touch? :rainbowlaugh:HA!

I really enjoyed how you would do a chunk of the chapter for plot then switch to the RD/AJ tension for a shorter time compared to plot. It could be seen by some cynical readers as lazy writing but it just made me want more and read more. The tension between the two was noticeable and I started to feel it myself after reading this chapter.

I don't like to comment on every story I read but this one has to be an exception!

edit: Forgot to mention, AJ's nightmare hit me hard and I loved how you put her accent into her internal dialog. (did I mention the internal dialog part already before?)

Can't wait for the next chapter!

Meeester
Moderator

FINALLY! :ajsmug::rainbowlaugh:

Sweet relief.:moustache:

Loved the fight scene and how you played everything out, mainly the renewal of their feelings. VERY well done

This is almost as sad as the book i read on here called "I Might Have Been"...... That book would have made the writer a millionaire if i cried money....... But sadly, all i could do was tell him/her what i thought of it. #2 best book ive ever read there.....

No..... Please god no..... Say shes alright.... *flips to next chapter*

My heart stopped when i read "She's in the hospital" Last chapter. It didn't start again until this chapter said she was alive. I almost screamed "FUCK YEAH!!!!!" As loud as i could when it said that..... Please, let this next chapter be happier... *flips to next chapter*

YAAAAAY IT GETS HAPPY!!!!!:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

Damn it, come on AJ, Dash! One of you has to say something to the other before this is over!!!!! PLEASE GOD SAY THEY GET BACK TOGETHER!!!!!!! COME ONE GOD DONT FAIL ME NOW!!!!! *flips to next chapter*

Come on Dash...... Come on..... *flips to the next page*

Please AJ.... Tell her..... Tell her that you love her..... Remember who you are! You are the element of honesty! Being with her is a destiny! Its YOUR destiny! Tell her before its too late AJ!!!!!

Oh god, come on AJ! SHE IS YOUR DESTINY!!!!! TELL HER THAT YOU LOVE HER!!!! PLEASE, for the sake of your friendship, tell her that you love her!!!!!

HA THATS HILARIOUS AUTHOR!!!!!

FOR THE POWER OF LOYALTY WE ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As a wise man once said:

YOOOUU!!!!!!!!! SHAAAAALLL!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOT!!!!!!!!!!! PAAAAAASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DAMN YOU WRITER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *broken keyboard* *flips to next chapter*

You!?......... Lose your touch?........... *bites lower lip* BAAAAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THATS PATHETIC TO EVEN SAY!!!! YOU CANT LOSE YOUR TOUCH YOUR JUST TOO FUCKING GOOD!!!!! your writing skill level is....... Over Nine THOUSAAAAAAAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

I better see some motherfucking love confession next chapter, or im KICKIN' YOUR ASS!!!!!

THANK YOOOOUU!!!!!!! THAAAAAAAAAANK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!

I cant help but smile when I'm reading this story!:scootangel:
Great job keep it up.

Meeester
Moderator

After all of those chapters of AJ withholding her feelings, MAN these past two chapters have been incredibly satisfying. Kudos to you.

Maybe the multiple kissing scenes could be considered excessive when only looking at this single chapter, but anyone who has been reading this entire story should recognize their necessity.

As always, LOVED the chapter. I don't care what the polls say, as long as your writing stays this fluid then idgaf what the ending is.

Arby feels like a sucker for posting the story of a rival and watch said rival's story explode with popularity that grew faster than everything else.

DAMN YOU CLIFFHANGERS!!!!!!!! *insert main screaming on a mountaintop here*:flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:

Left bold on, bro.

Meeester
Moderator

Holy crap! There's romance stories, adventure stories, and thinking stories. This in a league of its own above all others. The creativity here is astounding; I love how clever the notes from twilight are and how all of the planning before the trip has come together. GREAT chapter.

585146 Shit, I thought the text looked weird. I'll edit that when I get home. Don't tell Lonewolf.007 I screwed up an upload. :twilightblush:

DAMN YOU CLIFFHANGERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

593268 Arby Works posting because he's too lazy to log back in to his account, but the bold is fixed.

Arby Works posting; Lonewolf.007 has finally updated... but another hiatus is on it's way. Ah well.

Meeester
Moderator

OOooo! It's been forever! Just as good as the first chapter.:pinkiehappy:

aww. poor rainbow
poor AJ
poor everyone
amazing story though

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