Just Friends

by lonewolf.007

Chapter 1

It was quiet. The gentle breeze touched the leaves of the trees. The small hill on the edge of Sweet Apple Acres rippled as the soft green grass bent in the breeze. The sunset was beautiful. But she felt no happiness. No joy at seeing the brilliant orange of the sun slowly dip below the horizon, changing the sky into spectacular shades of orange and pink and purple. Once Applejack would have loved to witness such a sunset. Once upon a time, she was happy. But now, all she felt was emptiness. Sadness. She didn't think she'd ever be happy again.

"Another sunset… the end of another day..."

The orange Earth pony turned away from the spectacle. And her eyes fell on the old apple tree on top of the hill. She shut her eyes, desperately trying to keep the memories away. But it was as if the glance had burned the image into her mind. The huge apple tree, standing proudly on the hill, overlooking all of Sweet Apple Acres. The small engraved message on the bark that said the three words that meant more to her than all the words in the world.

"No… Ah don't want ta think abou' that…"

Applejack opened her eyes, and cast around for something, anything, to distract her from her thoughts. From her feelings. But everywhere she looked, it brought back another bittersweet memory. Another thought, another feeling, things she had been trying so hard to forget.

"Why did Ah come here again? Why?"

She wanted so desperately to escape, to run from her feelings. From the past. From the best thing that had ever happened to her, because it was over now. Over forever. And of all the places she chose to go, she came here. Where it started. Where it ended.

Applejack couldn't not think about it. She couldn't hold off the things she was trying to forget. And, she despised herself for it, she couldn't help wanting to think about them again, because it meant reliving the sweetest moments of her life, though she hadn't realised at the time.

It was a summer evening when she had decided to go for a walk through the orchards after supper. She'd spent the day working on the farm, bucking the apples out of the trees. It was warm, and the air was sweet. The last golden rays of sunshine were slowly disappearing as the sun made its descent through the sky. All of a sudden, a tom-colt's voice came from above.

"Whatchya doing?"

It was her. Rainbow Dash. The rainbow-maned, cyan Pegasus. Brash, confident, daring, and loyal. Applejack's rival, and oldest, closest friend.

"Well, hay there, Rainbow. Ah'm walkin', as y’all can see. I ain't got a fancy pair of wings like y’all have there on yer back." Applejack smiled up at the grinning Pegasus.
"Well, I am 20% cooler than anypony else. I'm the coolest pony in all of Ponyville! In all of Equestria!"
Applejack rolled her eyes at Rainbow's words, and continued to walk, looking ahead.
She heard a flutter of wings and felt a gust of wind on her flank. Out of the corner of her eye, Applejack watched Rainbow land and begin to trot alongside her. Glancing at her, the blonde-maned work pony saw a small smile on Dash's face. The one she wore whenever she thought no one was watching her. After all, she did have a reputation to keep. As the toughest, coolest Young Flier in all of Equestria.

Applejack sat down on the hill, covering a face with a hoof. That smile. The sweetest smile. She'd fallen in love with that smile. Looking back now, Applejack knew that Dash had her from that moment. Only she'd never thought about it before. Never bothered to notice every aspect of her, never bothered to fully appreciate her unwavering loyalty, her coarse laughter, her tomcoltish yet caring nature. Lost.

"It's a beautiful night."

Applejack had never heard Rainbow speak like that before. If they had been in company, they would both have disregarded it as the mushy romance stuff, the kind that someone like Rarity might fantasise over, but of which neither of them would have cared for.

"I... really... like nights like these," Rainbow spoke, her voice unusually quiet.

"Ah know y’all do." Applejack smiled at Rainbow. Ever since Rainbow Dash began to join her on her evening trots, Applejack found herself making it a daily occurrence, enjoying the Pegasus's company.

"R-really?" Rainbow looked nervous.

"Well, sure Ah do! Ah've known y’all fer a long time."

Rainbow Dash stopped. Applejack stopped too, and looked at her, slightly confused. Then her emerald green eyes met the deep magenta ones and she felt a strange feeling blossom in her chest. She felt a little giddy, and her stomach felt as if a whole lot of butterflies suddenly decided to take flight there.

"Well... I... uh... don't suppose... y-you know... why I... uh... like these nights so much?" Dash's nervousness was writen all over her face. She might as well have been the Element of Honesty.

"Well... Ah might... maybe..." she whispered. Rainbow was too close, and Applejack could smell the scent of fresh morning air and stormy rain on her skin. She found herself drinking it in. Found herself leaning in a little.

"Y-you do?"

"Well… why don't ya just tell me?"

"C-cause... uh... I'm not sure how you'll... uh... take the answer." Rainbow was on the brink of going from nervous to downright worried. It was almost... cute. The unbidden thought snuck into the work pony's mind.
"Awww, Dash, tell me."

"Mmmm…"

"Please?"

Rainbow looked down at her hooves, unsure. "Well... um... I... uh... really enjoy these night c-cause, um... ya know, cause of... the cool breeze! Yeah. The cool breeze, and uh... the fresh air. Ya know, it gets all hot in the day, and at night... uh... I eat a lot for dinner, and ya know, gotta get out and do a bit of work, gotta stay in top conditions, being the best flier in all of Equestria... yeah..."

The sky blue Pegasus's words wound down to a halt, and she looked at the ground, her hoof pawing at the dirt nervously. Applejack had a feeling that Dash wasn't quite finished yet, so she watched the rainbow mane on Dash's bowed head, waiting.

"Wait... that's not it... uh... well... it's true... but... um... it's not the main... uh... reason that I like these nights..."
Applejack's own nervousness rose, as she watched Rainbow lift her head. Could it be...?

"I... uh... Applejack... um... I really enjoy these nights... cause... uh... well... cause we can talk together ya know? Just... uh... talk and stuff, and ya know, not be rivals for a while... We can spend time together... Just as friends!" she quickly added, nervously.

Applejack felt some disappointment at her words. "Just as friends." But then she caught the look on Dash's face as she glanced at her. And she knew, right then, that they shared the same feelings. She slowly reached out, and took her hoof. Dash looked up quickly, surprised at the action. Then their eyes met, and something clicked.

“I really… enjoy these nights… cause of you.”

No, no, no. Don’t think about that. The night when they became more than just friends. It had been coming for a while. But that night, they shared their first kiss. “Just as friends.” That line wouldn’t leave her head. It ate at her mind. She tried to shut it out, but had as much success as shutting the memories out. If she had known that later those same words would be spoken, with totally different meanings behind them, and different feelings, would she have dared to have kissed Rainbow, that night? But it was her fault. All her fault. She could dwell on their happy memories together. She could try and pretend that they simply fell apart at the end. But Applejack could not hide the ugly truth from herself. She could not hide that fact that her own arrogance, her own stupidity, had broken them apart.

“I can’t believe you did that!” Dash yelled, turning away angrily, but unable to keep the hurt out of her voice.

“Well, Ah can’t keep pretendin’! We’re not the same anymore, y’all must’a realised! Ah mean, look at us! Mare an’ mare just ain’t meant ta work out. Everypony’s been sayin’ it! And we barely spend any time together anymore, and it’s all jus’ different! And ya know Ah don’t lie.”

“But to cheat on me? If you didn’t want to keep this relationship, why didn’t you just end it?”

“Well, Ah didn’t want to hurt y–”

“You didn’t want to hurt me?” Applejack had never heard such anger in Dash’s voice before. Or such hurt. “You cheated on me! That must be one of the worst things you could do! And you didn’t want to hurt me?”

Silence fell.

Then…

“How long?”

Pause.

“A while.”

“How long?”

She couldn’t lie. “Three months.”

Rainbow Dash shut her eyes. “I see.”

Applejack sprang up, tears streaming down her face. If only she could turn back the clock, stop herself from making that mistake. She ran, away from the place, almost believing that she could outrun the pain. Rainbow had left the next day, after that terrible argument. Their friends had been surprised at her sudden departure, until Applejack related the painful tale to them. Rainbow moved away, and for a while, Applejack had no idea where she was. Foolishly, she had believed that it was all for the best, and that she had found true happiness with her new coltfriend. How wrong she’d been.

She stopped, trying to catch her breath. Applejack was a strong pony, but she had run hard and she had run fast. She had run, without looking, her mind too busy reliving the past. When she straightened up she wished that she hadn’t run at all. Not here. Not the clearing. Anywhere but here. She turned tail and ran, as hard as she could, away from the place. The place where they became reacquainted. Just as friends…

It didn’t take long before she realised that something was missing. Something wasn’t there. There wasn’t that same kind of feeling between her and her new coltfriend. And slowly, as the days passed, she found herself thinking of Dash, where she was, what she was up to, and increasingly, whether she had forgiven her yet. She saw all the differences between her relationship with the new coltfriend and the relationship she had had with her. She missed having someone she could talk to without a care in the world. She missed having someone who would listen to her, and make her feel better. She missed someone she could argue with and have a friendly competition with. But most of all, she missed having someone who loved her for who she was, not for how she looked, or for impressing their friends. Someone who would love her, always.

Within a month, she had broken up with the colt, and soon began trying to find… her. It soon became a sort of obsession. As time went by, she found herself longing to see Dash more and more. She began to appear everywhere, but was never there when she looked twice. She snuck into Applejack’s dreams, and she would see the sky-blue coat of the Pegasus shooting across the sky, leaving behind a trail of rainbows, or running through the forest in the Running of the Leaves. Surely she’d forgive her. Rainbow Dash was the Element of Loyalty, after all. She would tell her everything, the mistake she had made, and how she realised it was a mistake. And they would be together again.

Such arrogance, she reflected. Such stupidity.

But day in and day out, she found neither mane not tail of her, and she began to worry. Then the fateful day came. Applejack woke up, and she felt… strange. Something… was going to happen. As a habit, she went to their place. Yes. The sunset hills on the edge of Apple Acres. With the old apple tree, and the message that Rainbow carved on the day of their one year anniversary.

She came to the tree and sat on the grass at the base. She curled up next to the trunk, but it felt too open. It was perfect for a couple. Applejack felt sad, as she thought of the times when they had sat together under the branches of the apple tree. She had never shown this place to anyone else. Not the coltfriend, not their best friends, no one. It was their special place. Their secret place. She felt strangely empty sitting there by herself. She never really noticed just how lonely she was without her…

Applejack got up and wondered. She walked around the area, as dusk turned into evening. And then she came upon the clearing. And saw her standing there, leaning casually against a tree. She was facing the other way, legs folded at her chest, her back against the trunk. She took her breath away. It had been months since she last saw her, but it felt like forever. She made to move, but her hoof landed on a twig and it cracked. The cyan pony turned at the sound, and saw her.
Silence. Complete silence. It had never been so quiet. They stared at each other for a moment. And then the rainbow-maned Pegasus lowered her eyes.

“H-hay.” Applejack couldn’t think of anything better to say. She thought how stupid a comment it was to start a conversation with someone she hadn’t seen for ages, with whom she had left on bad terms. But the sight of Rainbow Dash had wiped her mind blank. She couldn’t think of anything, except how much she had missed her, how much she wanted her back in her life.
Silence.

“It’s… been a while.”

Still nothing.

“Ah… missed ya.” Miss you. Love you. Want you in my life again. Want you to be mine. Forever. Always. Like you once told me. Always. She bit her tongue, refusing to utter those words.

What if she had said them? Would it have been different? Would the hard-working Earth pony have gotten the confident Pegasus? Would they have been together? If she told her everything she felt, had felt over the last few months… would she have had the Pegasus of her dreams?

Dash looked past her, into the trees, saying nothing. She simply stood there, in the silence, as Applejack’s words fell like broken glass between them.

“H-how have y’all been?”

Pause. “Good.”

“What have y’all been doing?”

“Things.”

This wasn’t what was meant to happen. She had pictured it in her head. Anger, disbelief, sadness, but not this empty, expressionless exchange. She longed to see her smile again, hear her laugh, look into those magenta eyes and lose herself in them. She wanted to feel Dash’s hold around her again. She wanted to taste her kiss. She wanted Dash to love her…
“Ah’m… so sorry. About everything. A-Ah made a mistake. A huge one! Ah was stupid! Ah… Ah…. Can y’all forgive me?” It was pathetic. She knew it was. But what else could she say? The elaborate speeches she had planned while she worked in the orchards were gone like dust on a windy day.

“I forgive you. I forgave you long ago.”

She looked up at her eagerly, expecting a smile, or at least some sort of warmth. But she only saw the distant expression, and the way Rainbow still wouldn’t look at her. Something was wrong.
“How’s the coltfriend?”

It was as if she had slapped her across the face. It was so unexpected, and strange. But, strangely, what hurt Applejack most was the way she said it. It was casual. Selfish and stupid though it was, she couldn’t help hoping to hear some jealousy in Rainbow’s voice, a touch of anger, or… something. Anything but this calm, detached demeanour, so unlike the brash young Pegasus that had led her home to Sweet Apple Acres all those years ago.

“Ah don’t have one.”

“Over already?”

The words stung, in their casualty, their coolness.

“Yeah. Ah ended it.”

“Well, it’s good you did the right thing this time… though I don’t think he would have cared too much.”

The words were ugly, but Applejack deserved them. She knew that.

“Ah broke up with him. Ah didn’t love him. A part of me always knew, Ah didn’t love him. Not the way Ah loved ya. Ah couldn’t lie ta mah own heart. But Ah was too busy listenin’ to the other ponies, ponies Ah didn’t even know. Ah should have been listenin’ to mah friends, and mah heart. Mah own feelin’s. Ah don’t deserve ta be the Element of Honesty. Ah’ve been lyin’ ta mah friends and ta mahself for too long. Ah’ve been lyin’ ta y’all. But if there’s one thing Ah do know, it’s that Ah never loved anypony the way Ah loved ya. Ah still love ya. Maybe… maybe… we could… try? Again?” She could hear the longing in her own voice, the desperation.

Rainbow sighed, and looked away again. “I don’t think so.”

That hurt. But the Earth pony couldn’t give up. Not yet. “Why not?”

Dash closed her eyes and rubbed her temples with a hoof. “Because… after we broke up, I’ve been away… to do some thinking. I forgave you for what you did. But… to try? Again? I’m sorry, but I can’t. Not after that.” Dash must have seen the pain in her face. She hurried to add, “But we can still stay in contact… you know, just as friends.”

It would have been better if she had yelled that she hated her and never wanted to see her again, or if she had slapped her across the face. Anything would be better than that. Just as friends.

Those three words. They change a pony’s life. Forever a friend. Forever a second priority. Never to be the one, the perfect mare, her lover, her best friend, her wife. Never to be anything more than a friend. Just a friend. Just another pony to talk to, share jokes and stories with. Another pony to have a friendly competition with. Not the one. Just a friend. Spending time together. Just as friends. Talking. Just as friends. Applejack would never be able to hold her, simply because she loved her. There could be no love. There could only be friendship. Nothing romantic.

Her dreams, her fantasies, dashed by those three words. Her heaven was so close, yet so far away. She could be in another universe, even as they stood next to each other. She wouldn’t know, couldn’t know how much she had hurt her. It would have been unintentional. But there couldn’t be anything between them anymore. Applejack could only watch from a distance as Dash moved on, fell in love, married someone else, had a family, and grew old with them. In other words, watch some strange mare live her dream.

“No. No,” Applejack moaned, desperately keeping those thoughts at bay. But she couldn’t hold them down forever. She had the mare of her dreams, had once possessed her heart, but now she barely had her hoof to hold on to. She could not hold her, could not even hug her without reason. She would never feel Dash’s touch again on her cheek. Never feel Dash’s soft lips against hers. Never taste the sweetness of Dash’s breath, or be able to inhale her scent. Could not hold on to her, and make Rainbow Dash her Pegasus forever.

It could not be. Just as friends.

Just as friends.

Just friends.

Comments

[Lord-Sparda]

This is almost as sad as the book i read on here called "I Might Have Been"...... That book would have made the writer a millionaire if i cried money....... But sadly, all i could do was tell him/her what i thought of it. #2 best book ive ever read there.....