And Along Came Fluttershy...

by pyre_panda

Not so Fair and Fun at the Farmer's Market. [2]

Author's Note:

I'm sorry if it still seems rushed, I'm beginning to get better at it. My cat just started getting sick, so most of my time is spent towards keeping him warm. But other than that, enjoy! hopefully...

The morning dew glistened against the windows. Little droplet marks shone into the room because of the rising sun. The sleepy moon had been set and the fresh morning was brought in at its scheduled time. The birds in the window chirped with enthusiasm at the morning light while the owls hooted short disapprovals. The scent of baking breads filled the house with its yeasty flavor.

It was quiet that morning, as I recall. Other than the low hums and chirps of birds and critters, the world was very still. No cars drove down the street, bumping over potholes or past one another. No soccer moms, taking their daily walks, bustling on the sidewalks, leaving only salty stench in their wakes. It was quiet, too quiet.

Fluttershy sighed breathily against the wall, which made the sound echo slightly. Her once straight hair was now a scattered, stray pile of light pink strands that bundled atop her head lazily. The small stuffed animal she clutched in her death grip would have been strangled to death before she even fell asleep. I snuck down the carpet padded stairs undetected.

The kitchen was filled with wrapped, cooling, and still baking breads. Some where wrapped in a clear plastic, laced with pink and green ribbons. Others were wrapped in an opaque white bag, laced with glittery blue and yellow ribbons. The tables were littered with bags, ribbons, glue guns and packets of star candies.

I looked around for my mother, in the bathroom, her bedroom, the laundry room, and even in the garage, but still no mom. Finally accepting defeat, I bumbled back into the kitchen. Fluttershy had finally gotten up and was carving a loaf of bread. Two plates and a small bowl were on the table next to her. She smelled an end piece, thought, then put it on a plate. She carved three more pieces and split them evenly onto two plates. She grabbed a few items from the fridge and pantry and got started.

Fluttershy squeezed some chocolate syrup onto the white plates and drew on them decoratively with a spoon. She chopped up two bananas and placed them in the white bowl. She also spread some whipped cream and sprinkled some cinnamon on the top. She placed about seven pieces of banana on each plate.

Fluttershy brought the plates over to the table, and I got glasses and filled them with milk. Vitamin D is important! The plate of bread smelled sweet. I cut a piece off and put it in my mouth. Bracing myself for a yeasty flavor, I got a big shock. It was sweet! and it tasted like bananas… banana bread! I looked at her with wide eyes and a shocked look.

“How did you know I love banana bread?” I asked with genuine surprise. Fluttershy just looked at me and shook her head. She took a bite of her bread.

“I didn’t. Your mom told me she would be out this morning. She told me to be up in time to take the bread out of the oven and to make sure you were fed.” She looked down at her feet and wiped her eyes. Angel was scratching at her ankle. She picked up her white rabbit and placed him on the table. He immediately ran for the slices in the white bowl.

“Oh, did she tell you where she was going?” I asked while cutting up the banana bread into chunks.

“No, but she did tell me to run some errands for her if you want to help.” She finished up her bread shortly and cleaned the kitchen of bread. She placed them all in a large gray container.

“Um yeah. I just have to go up and put on some clothes if that is ok.” I walked up the carpeted stairs, leaving my plate on the table, and into my room. I found some clothes picked out for me and placed on my freshly made bed. I picked them up and went to the bathroom.

‘Ok let’s see what I’m going to wear today’ I thought as I unfolded a small sheet that contained a bundle of clothes. The clothes consisted of a few pieces: a blue dress with a puffy white lace edge, blue tights, blue flats, and a hair clip of a cloud with a tri-colored lightning bolt.

I slid the dress over my small frame and looked in the mirror. ‘It makes me look thin but it does fit my chest.’ I put on the tights and the flats. ‘I actually look… cute.’ I thought. I put my colored hair into a ponytail, leaving some bangs, and put the clip in my hair. I twirled around and felt the dress flutter around my body.

Fluttershy knocked on the door, “Hey Rainbow, um, are you done yet.” She sounded like she was in distress. I opened the door and looked at her. She squeezed past me and slammed the door shut. ‘Ok…’ I thought.

She emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later, “I’m sorry… I just really, really had to pee.” She smacked her hands together in an apologetic manner and asked for forgiveness, I accepted it. We then proceeded to the Farmer’s Market.
~

Walking with linked arms down the abandoned, dusty brick road past the forty-some odd stall, felt sort of nice. Just two friends, walking along, buying fruit. Yep, great. I let out a shortened sigh and I looked around. Fluttershy had taken off and browsed through the dimly lit carts for fresh produce.

“Let’s see here : One onion, a bag of potatoes, three cloves of garlic, a watermelon, six tomatoes, a bushel of apples…” She was listing out the food items that my mom had left for her to get.

“And a partridge in a pear tree-” I said in a sing-song voice. She giggled at my sudden joke and let out the cutest little snort you could ever hear from a quiet girl like her. I mean… Um… Dammit…

“Rainbow...” She said teasingly. “It isn’t Christmas yet!” She patted my head, letting her hand linger slightly on the top and letting her hand fall down the side of my face. Her gaze was fixed elsewhere. She pranced about the stalls looking for the perfect foods at the right prices. She was really good at that. But she was a bit shy so she made me do all the bartering. The time we spent at the farmer’s market wasn’t too eventful.

Walking through the aisles was pleasant and mostly quiet. The occasional snicker and whisper, followed us around, all day long. I tried not to think about it, which worked for a while but it always end with me watching my back.

“Rainbow, Is everything ok?” Fluttershy finally asked, while she finished buying some snap peas. “You seemed to be jittery and jumpy all day. I’m worried about you.” She caressed my face with one of her cold hands. The sounds of snicker increased as she pulled me into her for a hug.

“I think someone has been following us all day.” I pushed Fluttershy backwards, behind a tall tree and out of the line of sight of the prying eyes. I placed my hand over her mouth so she wouldn’t talk. Two girls walked past the gap, not noticing us, and looked around. They snickered slightly, and walked past the bushes.

“What was that about?” Fluttershy asked, finally free of my hand. “Why did you…?” She looked down to see that our bodies had been pressed together in an attempt to stay hidden. Her face turned a soft pink, almost as pink as her hair. I noticed why she was so eagerly quiet and quickly backed away.

“I think they were following us around all day long. They look familiar, but I don't remember where from.” I said looked down, away from her face. “You can leave if you want to. Even though I want you to stay with me, to let me protect you. You can go.” Despite my tries, Fluttershy saw my pinkening cheeks and pulled my downturned chin towards her face.

“Hey, look at me.” She pleaded. “If you tell me not to leave, I promise. I won’t go anywhere, ok?” She kissed my forehead softly and pulled me into a hug, holding me tightly. “I’ll promise, I won’t go anywhere.” I hugged her chest and heard her heart beat increase against her rib cage.
“I think we need to leave.” I said wiping my left eye quickly. “It is kind of dark and damp back here.” I pulled Fluttershy along the tree line until we reached a wide clearing. The clearing had a big open sky and and a flat grass ground. Fluttershy stopped running and sat down on the grass. She looked at me and extended her hand, and I reached for it. We sat down in the grassy plot and looked up at the pinkening sky.
“Oh for the love of Celestia!” Fluttershy said looking at the ripped tufts of grass I was unconsciously playing with. “I forgot that we needed to pass out the banana bread!” She got up from the ground and stomped her foot. “Ooooh! I’m just so frustrated I could scream.” She took deep and let out a high pitched, soft whine.
“That was a scream?” I looked at her confused and she nodded her head. “Well, It was weak.” Her face got redder. Im not sure if it was from embarrassment or anger, but it looked cute either way… I mean… I HAVE GOT TO STOP SAYING THINGS LIKE THAT!

~

One the way home I was forced to carry most of the bags. Fluttershy lagged behind and kicked a rock down the sidewalk. A few cars drove by a bit over the speed limit. One of them hit a big water puddle on the road spraying dirt water up onto the sidewalk. I quickly spun around, dropping the bags, and pulled Fluttershy into my arms. The second car passed by and sprayed the misted dirt all over my back.

“Oh my god! Rainbow! Are you ok?” Fluttershy seemed confused and panicked. She held up a cloth for me to clean up with. “I mean… Thank you.” She said trying to seem cool, however much a failure it was.

“You’re welcome.” I said with a toothy grin. She looked at me and giggled.

“So… I’ve kinda wondered. Why have you been so nice to me recently? You seem like you’ve been good friends with Gilda, and she didn’t seem so nice when we, ‘spent time together’ at school.” Fluttershy crouched down to pick up some fallen foods and put them back in the bag. “If you don’t mind my askings.”

“I don’t mind.” I said quietly. “Well… Gilda was my friend that I made in flight school. We hung out a lot. So I guess I ended up following her around. But I’ve always been nice, and if you tell anyone that, I will deny it. There was this one time I found this girl sitting all alone at the park. I think her name was Scootaloo. She had no one to play with and her parents were no where in sight, so I pushed her around on the swings, we played on the seesaw, and I think I cut my hand open on the monkey bars.”

I looked up from the piece of skin I was peeling from my hand to Fluttershy’s face. She wore a smile that could melt your heart. I looked down with a deep blush on my face.

“Awww. That is so sweet.” Fluttershy said with her honeyed voice. She placed one of her hands on top of mine and the other caressed my face. “Do you think of me like that? As a playmate?” I couldn’t help but laugh at how funny her words sounded.

“If that would make you happy, then sure. I think of you as a playmate.” I said while wiping a happy tear from the corner of my eye.

Fluttershy’s face turned red and she stomped her foot. “What? Was what I said so funny you had to laugh at me?”

“Well I can see you feel better about forgetting now.” I grabbed her hand. “That means we can get home and get me out of these wet clothes. I feel gross.” She just smiled, picking up a bag or two and walking towards the house.

Comments

[doombybbr]

i guess she should now sue him.

[Angius]

I like the overall idea. I really do! Unfortunately - this fic does not deliver the idea as good, as it could.

It all feels rushed. Horribly rushed.

First we know, that Fluttershy pretty much killed her mother and is going to live with a girl who bullied her. Then we suddenly see Dash crying for pretty much no reason, Fluttershy laying on Rainbow's bed, asking her to stay, then RD stays with her whole night holding her hand...

And then Dash goes to take a shower. Flutters barges in and... Something happens. I don't really know what exactly. Was Rainbow bathing in her swimsuit? Did Fluttershy just casually went under the shower with Dash and stood there? What the hell happened?

And everything is suddenly fine and dandy. Over the night everything is fixed, RD's mother is joking freely, Dash's largest concern is how flat she is, her mother gives Flutters a makeover and they are going...

Somewhere. Fluttershy took Rainbow (or was it Rainbow who took Fluttershy?) to a... Picnick? Restaurant? And somebody starts hitting on Flutters, kicks/punches Dash, then Dash punches him, lifts Fluttershy and goes... Somewhere.

That was an intense chapter. I felt like there were like 3-4 of them in one. Seriously, you could easily split them in a few of 3k words-long chaps. For example:

1. Fluttershy leaves her house, we see all of the action, we see what is happening, why RD's mother decided to take Flutters to her home et cetera.

2. Rainbow can't get over it, she fights with her emotions, Fluttershy fights with her emotions, they fight with eachother, Dash feels bad for Flutters, goes to apologize and comfort her.

3. *And the week has passed*, Fluttershy is mostly OK now, she slowly befriends Rainbow. And we have classical scene we know from every anime - one of them barges in while the other is taking a shower.

4. They decide that Fluttershy needs some clothes, so RD's mother is giving Flutters a temporary makeover, then she and Dash are going to town to buy some more clothes. They are there untill late evening, they eat in some restaurant and we have the damsel in distress situation, and Rainbow as a White Knight.

I'll keep this story on my Read Later list, though. I'll be back in some time, hoping, that you'll rewrite this fic. It'd be a shame if idea that good would go to waste. When you'll fix the pacing and other issues, I'll gladly give you like+fav.

As for now - keep it up. Rome was not built in a day, work on it and I'm sure, that one day you'll write a truly great fic

Edit: Oh, and I finished the first chapter now, the few last sentences... Did RD pulled Flutters to her bed? Just like that?

The pacing now looks more and more like a Brony In Equestria fic... I met the pony I love, she took me to her home since I had nowhere to stay, then I took her to a date, rescued her from a Manticor and the clop happened. End of chapter one (1160 words)

[Misty Horse]

Hate to say it, but I agree with Angius. I got pretty excited for this story, hoping it would/could be fixed some way. Another issue I'm seeing with this story is that there's a lot of spots where certain words, or actions, (Hell, detailed information), are left out, which means that I have to read it several times over to either hope I figured it out, or be left very confused and forcing myself to continue.

[Forum Explorer]

4143727

Very very much this. Your story is so rushed I literally can barely keep track of what's actually happening from moment to moment.

I mean they're stalked, kidnapped, imprisoned, and freed (by someone?) and then kiss all in the space of a chapter. Things are simply going way to fast to make for a good story.