Phase Shift

by redtau

Day 22: Escalation

Notes on another world: Day 22

The primer notes that worlds will often contain sentient creatures and that those creatures will gather into societies with rules and restrictions. It advises jumpers not to get involved with politics and whenever possible to find the sub section of society that has "slipped through the cracks." That way you can emulate the lost and society will ignore you and anything strange you do. The primer warns not to be too weird, or you will attract unwanted attention.

I've somewhat failed at this, seeing as how I'm living with a national hero and known to the local leaders.

The next bit of advice says that if you have attracted attention then be polite and diplomatic while promising nothing. It also recommends becoming familiar with local customs and taboo very quickly as certain outbursts can have different messages in different worlds.

Above all else avoid playing politics.

Which would be a lot easier if politics didn't keep playing me.

The letter in my hand was an anxiety inducing mess. It bore the seal of the equestrian royal family, meaning that anything in it counted as an order from the princes and one I was bound to obey. The internals were written in such flowery prose that the tech part of me started twitching. Anything that uses that many niceties to explain a simple invitation either wanted something desperate or was hiding something terrible.

The simple summary an initial reading produced was that some noble in Canterlot had heard of me, was interested, and had invited me to lunch. The only trouble was, as far as I knew, my presence was essentially unknown beyond Ponyville and the Princes. Even my horrific botch with the Saddle Arabian ambassadors had been kept almost entirely out of the papers.

So, somepony in Canterlot knew that I existed, that I was bound to Ponyville until a royal command released me, and that I might have something of value to offer. They wanted to meet me at a fancy upscale restaurant in the capitol city in a couple of days. My best suit had been badly damaged and stained during the incident with the ambassadors, and I needed transportation arranged and a bit of spending money.

"Dusk," I edged over to where the pony was reading, flinching a little as he jumped. He'd been twitchy around me since my last freak out, but wound't say why. "I hate to ask this, but can I get an advance on my salary?"

The purple pony frowned. "You know most of that is being set aside to repay damages right? How much do you need?"

"Enough for a round trip ticket to Canterlot." I presented the letter, which Dusk read through and scrunched his nose in disgust.

"Do you know who sent this?"

I shook my head. "The letter says Princess Cerulean Sanguine, but I've never heard of or met them."

"I haven't directly met her, but Elusive has. She's a stuck up brat by his reckoning, though he's never gone into exactly what happened."

"Royalty Elusive knows and you don't? Imagine that." I chuckled while Dusk rolled his eyes.

"They met at a ball about a while back. He never gave the details, but when I found him his outfit was a mess and he was covered in cake and red faced from yelling."

I raised my eyebrows. In the short time I'd been able to understand the ponies Elusive had come across as a creature of infinite generosity and unshakable manners. Whatever this princess had done in the span of a few hours had apparently rattled the stallion to his core. "Well, I've got to get my suit fixed. Maybe I should ask him?"

"I would advise against that." Dusk said, passing over a small purse of bits. "This should get you to Canterlot and back with a little extra for snacks on the train."

---

I looked at the five bits left in my hand and grumbled. While Dusk had given me more than enough for a standard train ticket to Canterlot the ponies at the station had tacked on a number of extra fees and fines that dropped a thirty bit surplus into a handful of change. I had asked for a detailed explanation and receipt which I would give Barb and Dusk when I got back to see if they were just bilking me for all I was worth.

The train car was spacious enough and I stretched out on the long bench of a seat. It wasn't an empty car, three other ponies occupied it. There had been more but they had all discretely moved before we'd left the station. Of those that were left one was Nocturne who sat across from me clutching a packet of forms. She still blushed a little when she made eye contact, even though I've apologized endlessly about cuddling her when I passed out from pain and regeneration.

The other two were conspicuous in their nonchalance. The first was a train conductor who seemed determined to keep an eye on me, as though I was going to go mad and break the train in transit. The other was a plainclothes guard. He had on a suit that looked similar to my new suit, but you could see the breastplate peeking out at the collar. Heck, his sword was sitting half out of the briefcase because it didn't fit.

I ignored them both as a courtesy, they were just doing their jobs after all. The train rocked back and forth and I looked out the window to watch the countryside pass in the morning sunrise. I shifted and tried to sit comfortably in the suit Elusive had sewn almost overnight.

He had done a fantastic job! The fit and cut of the suit looked amazing when I stood or sat. The medium blue shirt and dark red tie went well with the dark blue slacks and jacket, and the shiny brown boots he'd had crafted completed the ensemble nicely. It irked me only slightly that the thing was still mostly a jumpsuit. The tie covered a zipper that ran from my neck down to my waist. He'd also removed pockets from the suit itself since anything in them would "ruin the line" of the suit. I'd managed to talk him into placing a few pockets inside the jacket, the only separate piece aside from the shoes.

And oh god the shoes. Pretty as they might be, the things hurt just to wear. They had no cushion, no support, and squeezed down on my toes in a way that built pain slowly over time. More than once I had started to ask Imp if he could fix the issue.

Which he couldn't because Imp wasn't here. Imp wasn't coming with me to Canterlot. The creature had reached the final stages of unlocking my other companion and needed to shepherd it through activation. It was probably for the best that the foul mouthed pest was as far from Canterlot nobility as possible, but this still felt like a bad idea.

---

The restaurant was easy to find, nearly everyone I'd asked had heard of it. The general response of "You? You are looking for Le Noro?" was not uplifting to my confidence, but I did eventually reach my destination. The princess was equally easy to locate, and I spotted her at the back before the Maitre D had finished looking incredulous. Long flowing blond mane around an elegant horn, soft white coat, and a thin golden necklace that reminded me somewhat of Prince Solaris's regalia. She was not an alicorn as I'd thought, just a unicorn. Still it was clear from her private table in the middle of a fancy place like this that she had some clout behind her.

She smiled pleasantly at me as I sat and the head waiter moved away. "It is good to see you are a punctual being, that and your dress imply an understanding of respect that will take you far in your dealing with nobility."

"Thank you your, um, Majesty?" I was uncertain of the honorific I should use in this situation.

"Please, just refer to me as Princess." She glanced around my head and shoulders for a moment. "Did you come alone?"

I attempted to suppress my shock and nodded. Knowledge of me was limited, and knowledge of Imp even more so. It was clear the princess wasn't looking for pony guides or aides with her glance. She simply nodded in response, and pushed my menu towards me. "Order, and we shall discuss options to aid both of us."

The menu was not large, but the options were quite varied. I mentally crossed off the selections composed primarily of flowers or grasses and settled on a seared fish and pasta entree. The waiter arrived, poured us water and took our orders. While we waited I decided to broach the purpose of the meeting.

"Princess, while I'm quite happy to come to Canterlot and eat with someone as esteemed as you," I noted the increase in her smile at the praise, "I have to ask what the purpose of this meeting is. Your letter was somewhat vague."

"It was vague on purpose, since I'm unclear what you can do for me and what you might need from me." The princess sat back in her chair. "You represent a complete unknown in terms of political power, economic influence, and many other things. So the purpose of this meeting is to get the answers to two questions. What can you offer, and what do you need?"

I sighed slightly. "What I need, at the moment anyway, is help navigating the Equestrian political system. I've started filling out all of the forms for ARCO to be recognized as a foreign power and for me to be an official ambassador, but the process is .... involved." Fucking insane is more like it. I'd had half a dozen forms rejected on minor technicalities, and some of those had just been forms to request MORE forms.

The princess nodded in understanding. "That is something I might be able to help with," There was a stress on might that implied such help would be minimal or expensive. "But it depends on what you can offer me. What can you give me in terms of trade? Raw materials? Manufactured goods? food?"

"Princess I'm afraid material goods are not something I can realistically offer to you, at least not in the way you might get something from the Griffon Empire or the Dragon Lands. Shipping bulk material here is nearly impossible to do and would be worthless upon arrival."

"How could something like gold or silk be worthless?"

I unfurled my napkin and placed it over my hand. "Princess, I'm not sure how much you know about me but I am not from this world at all. I'm not even really here in some senses. I'm a me shaped imprint on the world, held in place by the will of the princes." I waved my hand under the napkin. "Once I go, anything I've brought with me would just fade away." I put my hand on the table and pulled it away, leaving the napkin to collapse flat without anything to support it.

The princess did not seem to like this answer and frowned. She was about to ask another question when our food arrived. A plate of pasta in a creme sauce was placed before the princess, and I had a bowl of thick noodles in red sauce with several small, almost blackened pieces of fish on top.

The first problem I had was when I reached for my fork. There wasn't one. There hadn't been anything in my napkin when I'd unfurled it. I looked up to see the princess lift a small ball of noodles in her telekinesis and pop it into her mouth. A quick glance around showed that all the other patrons were unicorns.

"ARCO is primarily interested in an intellectual and cultural exchange. We may not be able to sell you a train car or a candle directly but we could sell you designs to make better ones. That information would be provided in exchange for a percentage of profits on the new designs."

"You just told me that you couldn't bring anything here and leave it, but you want me to believe you can take our money and vanish with it?" The princess snorted. "Such scams have been tried before."

"I couldn't take the money with me any more than I could leave raw gold behind." I carefully picked up a piece of the fish and popped it into my mouth. The blackening was not just char but a collection of spices that hit me hard. I had to very carefully drink some of my water, careful not to spill a single drop. It didn't burn the inside of my mouth as much as my skin, but there was still an unpleasant sting.

"Then what use have you for money?"

"Me? Not terribly much. Those who come after me though would do well to have a bank account accessible. They could invest that income in local businesses or hire ponies to build the things we design."

"Ah yes, I understand the concept of capital. Still, this knowledge seems an expensive piece to bargain with. A single piece might be the key to vast fortunes or it might be worthless, it must be hard to set a price."

"I have another potential thing I can sell." I said, finishing another sip of water after another piece of fish. I was careful not to gesture with the hand I'd used to pick up my food. It was clear such actions were considered rude and I could hear a few whispered snide remarks. Still, what could I do? They hadn't given me anything to eat with.

"Oh?" The princess leaned forward interested.

"Myself."

The princess leaned back in disgust.

"Not in any unwholesome way." I quickly countered. "I have certain abilities here that could prove useful. An employer might find someone from ARCO to be exceptionally strong or fast, they could use them as a courier, worker, or even adventurer. Even hiring me on as an adviser to get access to some of that expensive knowledge might strike someone's fancy."

The princess nodded at this. "That's not a bad idea, you definitely look intimidating enough to be a bodyguard, and you are clearly smart enough for more educated work. What kind of tasks are you best suited for?"

I thought for a moment, concerned about my answer. As a technician I was generally good at fixing things and solving logical problems. I was skilled enough to kludge together complex devices out of simpler ones to solve specific problems, but the kludges were not long term solutions in most cases. "My skill set is primarily focused on problem solving and troubleshooting, especially in technical terms." I finally answered. "I wouldn't be much use as an accountant or manager, but I can generally fix simple problems."

"Well I'll have to look around and see if I have any problems you could work on for me." Her smile seemed genuine for the first time. "Then we can discuss payment for favors and such. I have to say this has been a most informative lunch, and I thank you for coming all this way to meet with me."

"Of course princess, how could I refuse royalty?" I gave a slight bow in my seat.

"If you will excuse me." The princess pardoned herself and rose, walking towards the back of the restaurant.

I finished off the fish portion of my meal and started on the noodles. Having only fingers this was a far messier task, but one I hurried with in hope of finishing before the princess returned. While I might be eating like a savage in front of the other ponies, I was at least not doing it in front of the princess.

I was three quarters done when the waiter appeared next to me and coughed. I wiped my mouth and hand on the napkin before turning to look up at him.

"We can offer you a to-go container."

"No need, I'll be done by the time the princess gets back."

"Gets back?" The waiter asked with an air of confusion.

"From the restroom?" How dense was this pony?

"Sir, the princess left fifteen minutes ago."

It was then that I realized the waiter held a small black rectangle in one hoof, presenting it gently to me. I picked up the black wallet and flipped it open to look at the bill. The menu hadn't listed any prices, going by the policy that if you had to ask then you couldn't afford it. I couldn't afford it anyway, I had five bits to my name.

"Is there a problem, sir?" He was louder than he needed to be, drawing attention of several nearby tables. There was also a slight intonation in his voice that said I know there is a problem, and I can't wait to put you in your place.

"Yes, there is." I said in a reasonable tone. "Bring me your manager."

The pony wavered only a moment at this before leaving. I pondered the bill and considered options. My very expensive round trip ticket could be refunded to pay for maybe half of the bill, provided I could get a full refund on this half of the trip and there weren't more fees to pay. I'd also be walking home. I could offer to wash dishes, but then said ticket would expire, I'd still be walking home, and I had no idea how long it would take. I considered faking a medical illness, but I wasn't sure I could do it well enough to get me out of trouble.

I was eyeing the glass of water in front of me and considering using it's corrosive nature on me in some way when the manager arrived. I rose to speak with him and he immediately disliked me. The dark brown unicorn stallion had walked up with his nose already in the air, ready to look down on me. Since I stood about as tall as Prince Solaris, the stallion had to decide weather to look me in the eye or risk breaking his neck to keep looking "down" his nose.

"What seems to be the problem, SIR?" the sir was stressed and degrading already.

"I will be straightforward, I don't posses the funds to pay this bill right now."

The waiter, who was hanging around behind the manager, sneered at me in delight. The manager raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"I was wondering if there might be some other way of covering it."

"Such as?"

"I could work for you-"

"You? Work here?" The implied absurdity and raised volume produced a few chuckles from the impromptu audience.

"What are my options?"

"You could leave collateral and come back to pay." The manager looked me over. "Those rings on your claws-"

"No."

The manager and waiter both fell back a step. They had clearly expected push-back, but my strong refusal was far more than they anticipated. The manager was quick to rally though, and in a loud voice proclaimed "Then I shall have to call the guard." He waved a hoof, and I turned to see a pair of royal guards in shiny armor step into the restaurant. The timing on that was just a little too on point, they must have been called when I'd asked for the manager. Jail time was going to ruin my train ticket just as much as anything else.

"Now hold on," a new voice cut in, "This fellow is obviously new in town and this is no way to treat guests." A wealthy looking stallion in a suit stood from a table nearby and trotted over, placing himself between me and the manager. "I'm sure we can all work something out without bringing the guard into this.

The manager didn't look pleased but relented when the stallion produced a fat wallet. With a disgusted sigh the manager waved away the guards and he and the waiter left.

"Thank you." I said to the stallion.

He shrugged. "Its alright, you can pay me back later, alright?" I nodded and he grinned, pulling out a small pad of paper. "Let me get your name and address, just in case." I told him, and he raised an eyebrow at Ponyville but nodded and kept writing. Once he had everything down, he handed me a card.

"Send what you can here." He said, scratching out the hundred and seventy five bit amount of the loan on the back.

"Thank you mister," I glanced at the card. "Selachimorpha?"

"Call me Lend," he chuckled, "Family name is always hard to pronounce."

With a grin and a wave I set out for the train.

---

I groaned as I walked through Ponyville in the early evening, rolling my shoulders and stretching. The trip to Canterlot had been uncomfortable on the hard benches, but at least I was able to stretch out a little. The ride back had been a small nightmare. First I was sandwiched between two loud stallions who were discussing some sports team called Dab Airs, then I nearly tripped over a filly running down the aisle when I went to the bathroom. The mom, who hadn't been paying attention until her child started hollering, was raising such a fuss a conductor had to come sort it all out. I ended up trying to walk the train to keep from getting cramps but that pony kept hollering every time I passed that I ended up asking to be moved to a rear car. I spent the last half of the trip sitting on an uncomfortable crate in a cargo car.

Still, be it ever so humble and all that jazz. I was actually looking forward to a light dinner and a quiet evening.

So I was surprised when I opened the door to find a sixteen inch tall silver woman in a dark blue evening gown with neon blue and green wings fluttering in my face. She looked me over, folded her arms and spoke in a clear and beautiful voice.

"You. Are. An. Idiot."

Comments

[D48]

There are parts of this I like, but others are aggravatingly stupid. Two examples are Justin's complete failure to point the finger at the princess since she invited him and then left the restaurant without paying and when he was splashed with water by the diplomats which is both an annoying repeat of something we've seen a bunch of times already and hard to imagine him doing since he has no way of knowing what could cause offense.

[redtau]

9957261
Honestly both his story and the prior one have points that fall very hard into the "Aggressively stupid" range, I keep meaning to rework them but I've just never gotten around to it. With a 1 year old now I don't know if I ever will or will ever finish

[D48]

9957374
That's fair, life is definitely a thing and pony stuff going downhill adds a push factor to boot.

As for the other story, its problems seemed to have more to do with a lack of planning and poor transitions resulting in jarring shifts in the story, although there were definitely a few points where the idiot ball was in play.