• Published 16th Mar 2014
  • 3,007 Views, 113 Comments

The Incredibly Boring and Uninteresting Adventures of Maud Pie and Boulder - Jet Kusanagi



Follow Maud Pie and Boulder as they uncover the mystery of Appleloosa's Gold Rush.

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The Truth

I dusted myself off and walked back up through the tunnel into the Sheriff's office. A crowd had gathered outside of the door. They all looked surprised and a little scared. “What?” I asked.

One of the ponies pointed behind me. I looked to see Grimes with his head sticking out of the floor, unconscious. Maybe I had hit him a little too hard.

One pony shoved his way through the crowd. He was wearing a black hat and his coat was light tan. He had a mustache and a blue, denim vest with a gold star on it. Even with my meager understanding of emotions, I could tell that he was not happy. “What in the Sam Hill is goin' on here!?” he yelled, more to me than anyone else. He poked me in the chest with an angry hoof. “Who are ya' and what 'ave you done ta' my deputy!?”

“I am-”

Just then, Braeburn literally hopped over the crowd. “That's Maud Pie, Mayor Silverstar!” he announced for me. His eyes went to his unconscious cousin. His countenance quickly fell. “Cuz!” He quickly went to his aid. He smacked him in the face to try to wake him up. “Are you alright!?”

Grimes's eyes fluttered open for a few seconds. He muttered something about rocks and passed out again. Braeburn looked at me. “What 'appened, Maud?” He looked hurt.

I looked at Braeburn and Silverstar and then to the rest of the crowd. It was time for all of them to learn the truth. I opened the secret passageway and beckoned everyone to follow. It took them awhile, but eventually everyone came down to follow me.

Once we got to the main room, I could hear everyone's mouth drop open in surprise and shock. One pony shouted out, “The gold!!” Everyone except for Braeburn and Silverstar went straight for it.

Silverstar was more then a little starstruck. “In the name 'a the sun...” he said breathlessly. “I had no idea alla' this was down in 'dem mines!”

I shook my head. "It did not come from the mine," I said. "At least, not from the one that still exists."

Braeburn picked up one of the rocks and examined it. “How did alla' this get here, then?”

I picked up one of the rocks as well. “This was all part of a plan that was hatched by corrupt leaders of this town years ago,” I answered. I looked at Braeburn. “A plan that ended with your cousin.”

Braeburn looked confused. “Whaddaya mean?”

“This was not the first gold rush that Appleloosa has experienced,” I explained. “Since Ponyville itself was founded, it has gone through three including this one. Every time the gold mysteriously vanished, along with whoever was running the town at the time.”

Silverstar scratched his head and nodded. “This is true,” he agreed. “This town 'as had some purty bad luck when it comes to keepin' mayors and sheriffs...”

I gestured to the piles scattered all of the room, which were still being ravaged by the crowd. “This is where it all ended up. Every scrap that had ever been found is down here, including everything that was just found.”

“Apples alive!” Braeburn exclaimed. “And you're sayin' mah c-er, Grimes was in on this too?”

I nodded.

Silverstar shook his head. “This don't make any sense, though. Why would all the sheriffs and mayors leave and not take the gold they embezzled with 'em?”

I took a bite out of the rock just to confirm what I already knew. I spat it out immediately and tossed the rock aside. “Because it is not gold.”

Everyone in the room seemed to hear that sentence and stopped what they were doing. One pony called out, “What didya say!?”

“It is not gold,” I repeated. “That is the reason for the smell of iron and sulfur. Those the two main elements of the common rock known as pyrite.”

“Pyrite!?” Silverstar repeated. I picked up one of the rocks and took a closer look at it. Realization hit him a like a rockslide. “Fool's gold!”

I nodded. “The others discovered that their scheme had been all for naught when they found out that the rocks that they thought were gold were nothing more than pyrite. In their shame, they abandoned Appleloosa for Celestia knows where.”

“So none of this gold is real!?” Braeburn exclaimed.

I shook my head. “There was never any real gold in Appleloosa. It has all been pyrite. Nothing more than iron, sulfur and lies.”

“And Grimes was plannin' on makin' off with all the money along with what he thought was gold,” Silverstar deduced. He stamped his hoof down in anger. “That conivin' sunofa-” He stopped when he saw the look on Braeburn's face. He looked ashamed and crestfallen. Silverstar sighed and touched the yellow stallion on the shoulder. “Don't beat yerself up, son. There's no way you coulda suspected anythin'.”

“My own cousin...” Braeburn said as if not hearing anything Silverstar had said. “And an Apple, no less!” He stamped his hoof hard on the floor. “Our family is made of more honorable stuff than that!”

“There is always at least one bad apple in every basket,” I said. “But that does not mean the entire bunch is spoiled.”

Braeburn looked at me and smiled. He punched me in the shoulder again. I made sure to fall on the ground myself so that his arm would not be shattered. “Thanks, Maudy! Ya' sure do have way with words!”

*

It was morning by the time the next train arrived. It was time for Boulder and I to depart for our next destination. I had hoped to leave without anyone noticing us; I was not too fond of long goodbyes or maudlin displays of emotion. Unfortunately, when I got to the train station, there were a couple of ponies there, waiting. It was Silverstar, Braeburn, and the bartender.

“Stone Cold Maudy!” Braeburn exclaimed. “We've been waitin' for ya'!”

“What are you all doing here?” I asked.

Mayor Silverstar took a glistening necklace with a stone made of red jasper out of his pocket. “Princess Celestia gave this to me as a gift when I went to meet with her,” he explained. “I mean to give this to you.” He placed it around my neck.

“Thank you,” I said, not really knowing what it was for. “Why?”

Braeburn punched me in the shoulder again. I moved a little too late and Braeburn shook his hoof in pain. “For savin' the town! That low down cousin a' mine is in jail and we're returnin' everyone's money. We neva' would have found him out if it weren't for you!”

“And 'ere's a lil' somethin' from me, lil' sheila!” the bartender said, pulling out a small box and handing it to me. I sniffed it and almost smiled. “It's feldspar! Turns out, my storeroom is full a' the stuff! As soon as I found it, I thought about ya'! Thought you might like a lil' snack for your trip.”

“Thank you,” I said.

“By the way,” Silverstar said. “Where are you headed?”

“All aboard!” the train conductor announced. “The train will be leaving in one minute!”

I shrugged and took Boulder out of my pocket. “There are a lot of stops we have to make on our rock expedition. We are not sure what the next one will be.”

“Well, good luck to ya, lil sheila!” the bartender waved goodbye and bowed. “Thanks for helpin' out our lil' town!”

“Come back an' see us again, ya hear?” Braeburn tipped his hat to Boulder and I.

I nodded. “I will,” I answered. I walked up to the door of the train and stopped. I turned back around. “A word of advice for you guys...”

Silverstar raised an eyebrow. “What is it?”

“Your town should stick to apples,” I said. “The price of gold goes up and down every year, but ponies will always need apples. Besides-” I smiled. “-Goldaloosa would be a silly name for a town.”

Comments ( 53 )

Cute story. I liked it!

Maud versus aliens.

4209120 Hmm, perhaps...but I have no idea where she could go where she would end up facing aliens :twilightsheepish:

The caves under Canterlot could be a nice destination for Maud

4210148 Oooh, I forgot about those...:raritystarry:

MrE

Awesome story dude, reading this gave me a Tintin vibe to it (which made it even more awesome :pinkiehappy: )
Now for the next story how about:
Maud Pie in Destination Moon followed by Explorers of the Moon.:yay:
Either way cant wait for more.

4210563 It also gives you a lot of really great options for side characters.

The other really neat choice is the Crystal Empire, because crystals are just rocks with better PR!

4211736 Thanks! I know precious little about TinTin. I read one of the comics when I was a kid :rainbowwild:

Aaaand I have no idea what Destination Moon is... :raritydespair:

4212430 I know! I'm already considering the possibilities and drafting stuff out :twilightsmile:

"...Boring and Uninteresting..."

Dear author, get your facts straight. When I clicked the link I expected something slow with no action, like Maud looking at rocks. I hoped I have at last found a story on this site that was well-written but so boring I would go to sleep twice during one chapter.

But nooo, you just had to ruin it by making it funny and genuinely interesting with a nice amount of cuteness. It was waaaaaay too energetic. Shame on you.

I am so angry at you that I've already started translating this into Polish for non-English-speaking Bronies in my country to read and laugh at your inability to write dull stories.

I also hope that someday you'll decide to write a sequel to correct your mistakes.

I LOVED IT! :pinkiehappy:


Edit: I'd love to see how Maud would handle the Diamond Dog Gemstone Mines.

4212681 I'm sorry that I disappointed you. I shall flay myself for not delivering on my promises :raritydespair:

I can't tell if you were serious or not about translating this, but if you are that's AWESOME :raritystarry: If you aren't...eh still thanks for making me smile :pinkiesmile:

As for the Diamond Dogs...I had completely forgotten about them. That would be quite interesting... :twilightsmile:

4212917

I was serious, I'll actually start after the weekend, though. Work = earning money for poniez, so it's a bit of a priority :P.

4212922 F*CKING AWESOME! :pinkiegasp: Please give me a link to it once you've got it started. I don't understand German, but still :twilightsmile:

4212944 Polish, German...either way if you said one was the other I would never be able to tell :twilightsheepish:

4212944 Also I thought the language of Poland was German. Sorry, I received my education in America :derpytongue2:

4212968

That is really weird. I was absolutely certain everyone thought that citizens of Poland, Slovakia, Czech, Lithuania, Ukraine, Belarus, Latvia and Estonia all used the same language - Russian. I've been complemented on my Russian accent when I used English twice even though it sounds nothing like it :D.

Nevermind that though, going back to work.

MrE

4212541 Its one of the TinTin stories where he along with his friends prepare themselves to go to the Moon.:twilightsmile:

Here's the ep. you can look at it when you have time:

4426400 Assuming that those ponies are even from Equestria :twilightsmile:

Maud + Diamond Dogs would definitely be interesting. If an afternoon with Rarity had them catering to her whims, I can only imagine they would crown her Supreme Queen of the Underrealm or something. :raritywink:

Congratulations! Your story got featured on EqD! :rainbowdetermined2:

4428938 That's what I've been thinking :twilightsmile:

4430047 I know. I had to rewrite three times to get it there :twilightsmile:

I will read this story.

Because it is a story.

It has words. Arranged in sentences. That are ordered into paragraphs. Assembled into chapters.

With a beginning and ending.

Because it is a story.

And that is why I will read it.

4435206 When I first created this, my only goal was to make words. I'm glad that I achieved that.:twilightsmile:

4436219 Making words is exciting. Making lots of words is very exciting.

I am also excited by reading these many words that you have become excited by writing.

Or perhaps I'm mildly surprised. It's hard to tell when I'm overwrought with the generation of emotional sensations like this.

img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20140317183312/mlp/images/6/6c/Maud_Pie_mildly_surprised_S4E18.png

:trollestia:

Reading this story was an acceptable use of my time.

4439032 I understand. I sometimes succumb to emotions such as that.

4440105 Writing it was an almost acceptable use of mine :twilightsmile:

It was a good read, don't know what else to say.

4443402 I smell a sequel:

The Incredibly Boring and Uninteresting Adventures of Maud Pie and Boulder 2: Boulder Goes to Therapy.:twilightsmile:

4443424

4443472

I feel like you're making a reference to something that I don't understand...:raritydespair:

4444493 Yeah, I tried to be as nationalist as possible with the bartender short of him sitting in a Kangaroo's pocket :twilightsmile:

4465948 Thank you, yes and of course she is :twilightsmile:

4471913 How could anystone fall in love with those ugly bags of mostly water? Feh, I shall return to my wet sand. (now who can figure out that reference, I wonder...) :raritywink:

4473219

Feh, I shall return to my wet sand.

Cannot say I am familiar with that reference. :applejackunsure:

4471913 Well, I WAS trying to make a simple joke with the carat thing, but since you want to go all scientific on me I guess I'll have to go back and change it :twilightangry2:

That's about the only thing I can respond to here...

This was a great fic. Well written. You got Maud down great, almost like a lite Patrick Bateman as done in American Psycho kind of way. Great comedy. The old stallion who know Maud's mother thing didn't really go anywhere, was there something planned for that? Maybe in the sequel? Great work!

Also, hold ye humans? :trixieshiftright:

Greenthumbed!

And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!

My second Maud fic, and certainly the superior. This was a fun read.

Though, Maud being knocked out by crowbar one moment and invulnerable the next is a bit weird. And even more importantly...

Appleoosa was built in a year, remember? Lol.

Still, I'm not sure how this story would work if it held to that detail. Is bueno.

Reading this fanfiction was boring.
My gosh, it was so hard to read all this in the voice of Maud!
My brain screamed to me that I should stop, but I couldn't. :fluttercry:
I had to see how's it goin' on. I'm so glad this is over.
Sweet Luna, thank you! :raritydespair:

In other words, I guess you're succeeded with your goal.

4093363
I don't know to which map you are referring, but this map you talk about about can't be the official map of Equestria.
The real official map shows that Appleloosa is located south of Ponyville:

http://austiniousi.deviantart.com/art/HD-Map-of-Equestria-Official-319045269

Great story, I really enjoyed myself :twilightsmile:

4655897 Yeah, I realized this a few months after I finished it.

Too late to go back now.:fluttercry:

5138782
Only needs a quick fix and everything is fine. :twilightsmile:
It was only one sentence, right?

4473219 My wet sand? You caught me crying for my beautiful bag of water Maud didn't you?

7013895 Maud is not quite mostly water... she's actually a hybrid of a pony and a rock... :derpytongue2:

7016081 My theory is that's what earthponys are, what type of minerals their mother ingests through pregnancy denotes their mineral makeup in life and strength. Pinkie's was obviously some very odd minerals indeed. Possibly Amethyst ( a pinkish/purplish type of Quartz) maybe. Maud could be a rare grey to black variety of Diamond called Carbonado That would certainly account for her strengthminerals.net/MineralImages/diamond-var-carbonado-africa.jpg .

7016129 Perhaps Pinkie was a mutant earth pony born with no mineral affinity!

Instead, she absorbed properties of the entire world around her... which just happened to be a cartoon.

:pinkiegasp:

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