Looking on The Inside

by HenryAnthonyCourtler

Haunting Memories

Chapter 1: Haunting Memories

Snow gently fell over the land of Equestria blanketing almost every nook and cranny in a soft velvety coat of white. Surprisingly, the rural town of Ponyville was abuzz with life like any other day despite the rather uneven ground and somewhat poorly cleaned roads. Many of the towns folk walked around merrily, some dressed for the weather, some doing fine with just a scarf and cap, and others fine without any such clothing. The foals and fillies happily played about in the snow; having snowball wars, sledding, skiing, and decorative building of snow structures were some of many activities they all enjoyed to partake in.

Elsewhere in the rural town of Ponyville near Sweet Apple Acres Farm, which was currently shut down for the winter season. A pair of boots crunched evenly into the hard snow, leaving odd cracks and craters in the otherwise perfectly smooth landscape. Black boots with sharp teeth clawed away at the snow unforgivingly, a pair of snow pants comfortably snuggled inside the heel of the boots. A thick black jacket with blue stripes on the shoulders was wrapped tightly around a tall man, who wore a scarf that hid everything below his honey-brown eyes to protect his face from the cold merciless frostbite that tried to nip at any exposed tan skin. He shivered slightly as he carefully adjusted his cap to further protect his ears and the back of his neck from the low temperature to make sure that his spiky hair wasn’t slipping outside of the warm tight embrace of the dark blue cap.

A somewhat large home loomed onwards in the distance, its red tiled roof and yellow brick design where the only noticeable details as the rest of the property was deeply buried in snow. For some reason, he felt as though he was being watched, but thought nothing of it as he focused on getting too said home and out of the cold atmosphere.

A cyan colored pegasus who was generally known as Rainbow Dash, the fastest flier in all of Equestria, was currently bored out of her mind. She wanted nothing more than to head outside and take a roll in the wide open, but chilly skies. Between the low temperatures, high winds, and currently falling snow; the idea seemed ridiculous in and of itself. Rainbow Dash sighed in boredom and walked into the bedroom she shared with her human lover, her eyes not quite wanting to make visual contact with anything in the room except for the window she took a liking to staring out of. Looking out over the nice view of the town, usually helped relax her when she felt tired, sad, or stressed.

As she looked over the peaceful landscape however, a figure caught the attention of her sharp eyes. It seemed to walk on two legs, and was dressed completely in winter clothing, only leaving three distinct features that made her heart sink when she realized who it was.The honey-brown eyes, the short spiky locks of brown hair that slipped out from his cap and the exposed bits of tan skin made her eyes widen in shock; her heart fluttering out of control. Just the sight of him filled her with a feeling of dread and panic, her mind racing to find some sort of logical reasoning as to why he went so far out of the way to visit them in the middle of moderately bad snow storm.

She awkwardly hurried out of the shared bedroom and paced around the second floor of the house; walking back and forth between the many hallways that connected to the different rooms. The poor pegasus was so distracted and flustered by her dilemma that when the doorbell rang she nearly jumped high enough to smack her head into the ceiling from the unexpected fright. Surprisingly, she managed to keep quiet and not scream. Quietly, Rainbow Dash walked over to the top of the stairwell trying her best to stay concealed from the angle of the stairs to observe their interaction.

The door opened and inside, a man stood almost equal in height to the person dressed in winter clothing. His ivory skin was so pale, that the comparison between the two was like comparing night to day. Piercing blue eyes looked on in curiosity at the person who stood silently outside, wiping some of his somewhat long locks of blonde hair out of the way and tucking them behind an ear.

“Surprise.” Was the only thing the tan figure said.

"A surprise indeed Aramis. What's brings you around this part of town?" he asked with a curt tilt of his head in questioning.

"I was just in the mood to catch up on things, Ryan," the young man answered back with a small grin on his face.

"Not a problem in the slightest,” Ryan replied stepping aside to let his friend in.

Aramis quickly walked in; glad to get away from the frosty air. He took off his coat and cap, hanging them on the hooks placed inside the hallway. Gently, he pulled off his gloves and shoved them inside one of his coat pockets and followed Ryan into the private study located just ahead of the opening hallway. The two walked slowly, an amicable silence shared between the two in blatant disregard of their observer. Aramis politely pulled the doors together, leaving them slightly ajar.
Rainbow Dash carefully floated down the staircase and peered in at the two humans who walked towards the further end of the study. Ryan took a seat at the desk and Aramis sat across from him. It seemed as though they were preparing for a lengthy conversation so she focused her ears intensely in their direction and heard the first pieces of their conversation.

"So how's life been for ya these past couple of weeks Ryan?" Aramis started off politely, hoping to work some form of conversation.

"Between doing accounting work for the mayor and trying to manage the budget for the plowing crews, it’s been just dandy," he replied sarcastically earning a chuckle from his closest friend.

"Wouldn't have it any other way?" the young man questioned with a grin.

"Wouldn't have it any other way," Ryan replied with an equal grin. He looked over some paperwork for a couple of moments before looking back at his close friend.

"How have things been going for you? Did you manage graduate from Fluttershy's animal care course?" curiosity clear in his voice.

“Aced her class with flying colors and since then, I've been trying to train myself in understanding the animals with their needs, questions, and standard analyzing when taking care of wounds." A soft smile tugging at his lips in remembrance of the fun, if slightly trying experience he gained when he took the course from the humble yellow pegasus.

"That is a mighty fine accomplishment if I do say so myself,” his friend complimented.

"It's kinda funny just how far we've made it in Equestria after being so hopelessly lost when we first got here,” he commented offhandedly, the memory of their arrival bringing a smirk to his lips.

"Gotta agree full-heartedly with you there bud. After the whole car crash, I would have never expected that we would be given a second chance..." Ryan spun his chair around and stared out the study window.

(V) (;,,;) (V)
~Line Break~

It had been roughly around the middle of December of 2009 when a sleek black SUV drove up the side of a long winding road. Pine trees, cliff faces, and snow whizzed past it, as it steadily climbed its way up the side of the mountain, long black windshield wipers diligently wiping off any excess snow. Its bright white headlights barely managed to illuminate anything within a couple of feet in front of it. It was currently Ryan's turn to drive and they had more than fifty miles to go before they would reach the next rest stop on their journey through the scenic route of New England. Aramis quietly slept in the passenger seat, hoodie pulled low to keep any bright-lights from bothering him.

A yawn sneaked its way passed his lips, his eyes lazily fluttering as he fought to stay awake, but found it increasingly difficult to resist the temptation. Ryan rubbed at his eyes with one hand while steering with the other. The road ahead was slowly becoming hazy and blurred as sleep started to overtake him, its grasp ever so gentle and soft, soothing out the aches and mental exhaustion he felt from the nonstop driving. His head nodded off, his hands barely maintaining a tight grip on the steering wheel. He was almost fully asleep, when a long sound cut across the storm. It blared through the mountain side like the call of a wild animal, but he paid it no mind.

Suddenly, a large eighteen wheeler appeared through the snow storm, it's loud horn startling Ryan. The truck was nearly driving on the oncoming lane and if he didn't do something about it things would get messy. With a hard tug on the steering wheel, Ryan jerked the car roughly to the right so fast that he nearly crashed into the guardrail, narrowly avoiding it by mere inches. Unfortunately, he was too concerned with straightening out the car that he didn't see a large patch of black ice up ahead.

The SUV immediately spun out towards the other side of the road, and no counter steering or braking could prevent it from sliding across the road. It smashed into the tail of the large truck, the force of the turning truck sending the car sliding back towards the other side of the road, clearing the guard rails and throwing the car into free fall.

The moment the car went through the barrier, Aramis was awoken from his nap; eyes bleary, his mind trying to make sense of the situation at hand. When he looked out the windshield, however, he began to struggle to get a hold of his bearings. They were falling off the side of the mountain, and the feeling of weightlessness started to kick in.

With a loud crash, the car made contact with the rough incline of the mountain side, Ryan trying his hardest to get the car to stop driving down the slope; but to no avail. He tried turning the car parallel to the direction he was driving in, but with the snow and uneven ground in the way, it seemed nearly impossible to do. A cliff edge loomed dangerously in the distance; the empty abyss below it seemed almost welcoming with its indiscernible features. A large rock stood proudly just before the edge. The sight of it made Ryan struggle even harder to gain control, until an idea popped in his head.

If he pulled the emergency brake and rotated the car so it would be parallel to the cliff edge, he could use the rock as a cushion to stop their steep descent on the mountain side. Ryan counted the seconds in his head, trying to come up with a good timing for when to pull off his bold maneuver. He managed to count to ten before he slammed the brakes, pulled the emergency break, and with a hard tug on the steering wheel, managed to quickly twist the car parallel to the cliff. Ryan sighed in relief and closed his eyes, as his heart was slowing down from all the adrenaline. However, the moment was short lived, as the momentum was too much for the rock to bear and sent the car flipping over the now inconveniently-positioned rock. The car was promptly sent into another free fall, rolling over itself into a quick descent towards its end at the bottom of the cliff. The two held on as tight as they could, eyes closed in preparation of their imminent deaths.

It rocketed faster and faster until it landed upside down. Immediately upon impact, the windshield of the car blew out, sending glass in various directions. Its hood crumpled instantly from the force, sending parts of the engine and chassis out the bottom of it; cables, wires, and parts coming loose. Various flammable fluids began pooling inside the car’s hood; hydraulic fluids, gasoline, and oil lubricant mixing together in a dangerous cocktail of easily combustible liquids.

Ryan and Aramis, dazed from the harsh and unforgiving impact, were, at the moment, completely unaware of the deathtrap they were locked in. Aramis was the first to rouse from the state of near-unconsciousness he was caught in, and quickly started shaking Ryan in a hurried attempt at waking him up. It was in vain, however, as he just hung limply upside down, blood trickling down his cut face.

Aramis’ slight rocking of the vehicle sent disconnected wires into contact with the pool of fluids, igniting them in a fire which quickly progressed into a full scale explosion, consuming the two young adults in a massive and deadly fireball. Neither of them had time to shout as the explosion killed them instantly, burning them with the intensity of a sun, using their bodies as fuel for the intense inferno of fire and metal that crackled brightly in the dark like a bonfire.

(V) (;,,;) (V)
~Line Break~

The two sat there in a contemplative silence, thinking over the catastrophic accident that brought them to the magical land of Equestria.

Even Rainbow Dash seemed thoughtful about the accident that brought them to her world. Hearing it again after such a long time, still gave the same intent feeling of fear, danger, and a hint of awe. She shook her head, as if to clear the thoughts and once again paid close attention to the two friends who sat there in silence.

“...You know, even after all these months, I still can’t get over her...” Aramis commented quietly from his seat, his eyes set forward with a faraway look.

“I’ve told you once and I’ll tell ya gain bud—you need to forget about you two being an item and move on. There are plenty of fish—er ponies in the wild. I already have Rainbow Dash and we don’t need anypony to come around and try to screw things up for us, “his friend answered back, his chin raised above his hands as he inclined on them.

“You do not need to get so boastful about it you know,” Aramis answered back roughly.

“Well then, you shouldn't have involved her in this conversation then,” the ivory skinned man replied back smugly, tucking a stray lock of blonde hair behind his ear.

“Really? That I shouldn’t have involved her? Are you serious Ryan!? I can guarantee that you’re the reason I barely got to spend time with her. Even YOU know that there’s no way she could be constantly so busy that she couldn’t magically make time for me,” Aramis’ temper was rising like molten lava, and his ire was beginning to tire out rather quickly from Ryan’s smug attitude.

“I did no such thing at all Aramis. I just happened to know when to make free time with her, without it coinciding with her day to day stuff,” Ryan said in a dismissive tone, brushing off the accusation as though it were nothing more than a small ball of lint on his shoulder.

“Shut the fuck up Ryan! I'm so sick and tired of your fucking bullshit. You know as well as I do, that your relationship with Rainbow Dash isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Quit the fucking act... you’re probably treating Dash exactly like how you treated Alexa,” he said angrily, his frustration and anger overflowing dangerously.

Suddenly, a sharp gasp cut through the tense argument, and neither made any sign of acknowledging it. However, Aramis took that as a chance to leave; not wanting to say another word to Ryan, lest he wanted to fully lose his temper.

Aramis stood up and glared down, his honey brown eyes narrowed and staring intently into equally angry piercing blue eyes, “Words cannot sum up the disgust I feel towards you right now. You’ve disappointed me in more ways than I thought possible,” his anger and frustration seemed to radiate off him in hot and fast waves.

“Do I look like I fucking give a shit? Go drown yourself in alcohol... that’s probably the closest thing to a lover you’ll ever have,” Ryan shot back, a smirk pulling tightly at his lips.

"It’s better than being a-- you know what, I'm not even going to bother to finish that sentence; because if I did, I think I'd personally kill you right here and now..." the threat hung sharply in the air, but Ryan's composure refused to falter.

Aramis stared at him for several moments before turning away from Ryan and walked away from him as calmly as he could muster. He opened the door and smiled, though the feeling didn’t quite match his eyes.

“Hello there, Rainbow Dash. Do pardon me for holding him up. I didn’t know you needed to see him,” he said politely, courtly nodding to her in greeting.

She stood there, rooted to the spot, unable to conjure up a coherent response in the midst of the shock that recoiled strongly through her.

Rainbow Dash looked between the two, focusing steadily on the subject at hand. How could Aramis have known that she was being abused? Maybe that's just what Ryan is like to all females. That somehow made her feel better, as she now thought that it wasn't too much of a personal thing against her, or so she hoped, but even then the seed of doubt rested deep inside her.

She couldn’t gather the courage to look into his lifeless honey-brown eyes that seemed full of nothing but sadness. Gone was the bright, honey-brown color that looked so deep, so full of mystery and life that anyone could’ve stared into his eyes for hours without feeling even the slightest bit of boredom, and replaced were the eyes that looked nothing like how she had remembered them. They barely held any color; the liquid honey-brown reduced to a flat and even tone that looked unnatural. The life held by those lovely eyes had died a painfully slow death. His posture, which had always been regarded as being full of class, was completely different now. It no longer looked regal, charming, relaxed, and peaceful. If anything it seemed tired and broken; defeated yet hardened, sort of like a veteran who had seen and understood things that no one deserved to experience.

An awful feeling of guilt slowly built up deep inside her, only furthering her inability to look at her friend as a realization dawned upon her. It hit her like a ton of bricks. She was part of the reason he had become so broken. Not because she didn’t make enough time for him and her to talk and hang out. Not even because of the failed blind dates she had insisted on setting up for him, while she went out and had a ball with Ryan, but because she misunderstood his feelings for her. She had broken him into pieces because she rejected him for her love of Ryan without ever being considerate of his feelings. The thought of it made her inside turn into tight knots full of sadness, regret, and guilt.

Rainbow Dash tried to close her eyes tightly and shake her head to clear the thoughts that ate at her conscious, but it proved to be futile as a tear slipped down her muzzle and fell onto the hardwood floor with a loud drip.

Aramis sighed dejectedly and bent down onto one knee as he pulled her close to him, “Aww, please, Dashie... don’t cry. It isn’t your fault in the slightest... I shouldn’t have tried to go for somepony who already had their eyes set on somepony else. I’m so sorry for putting you on the spot all those months ago Dashie. That was unfair of both Ryan and I—it was far too unreasonable and demanding now that I look back on it,” he said to her sincerely, trying his hardest to hold back the tears threatening to overspill.

He held her tightly in his arms and leaned down, parting her bangs before placing a soft kiss on her forehead, “I don’t like to see you cry Rainbow Dash. It hurts to see a beautiful, intelligent, and loyal pegasus such as yourself cry. I always love to see you smile, to see you laugh. Heck, even seeing you boast about your achievements makes me smile. There’s nothing that could make me hate you. Don’t ever forget that Rainbow Dash,” with that, Aramis stood up, grabbed his stuff, adjusted it, and quietly walked out the door.

Once the door had closed, she sobbed quietly to herself. She had murdered her best friend from the inside out.

Ryan watched her sob on in the same position Aramis had left her in for several moments. Calmly, he walked over to her and looked at her for a moment, trying to find the right words to say to her, “Rainbow, why don’t you head upstairs and take a nap? It’ll make you feel better since sir asshole doesn’t know how to be respectful of other’s feelings,” the ivory skin man suggested in a smooth and even tone.

She only nodded her head before slowly walking up the steps, not caring enough to take a second glance at him. The room still looked as lifeless and still as it always had... it just didn’t feel lively to her at all. Ignoring his advice, Rainbow Dash pulled up to the window just in time to see Aramis stomp away quickly through the snow, gloved hands inside his pockets. A long while had passed as she intently stared at his retreating figure, and she stood there unmoving until he disappeared from sight, the town of Ponyville just off in the distance. She looked away from the window before she laid on the floor, legs tucked into her body; her face covered by her hooves as she violently shook, sobbing the entire time.

Her tears dripped to the ground like minuscule, crystalline drops, dispersing upon impact with the polished wood beneath her. Each tear of guilt, of grief, of regret fell onto the cold unforgiving polished wood, breaking apart like glass. It was as if the cold numb realization froze her tears as they slipped down her muzzle. Each tear broke like glass, sending shards of glass onto the floor. The sobs began to softly quiet, the pegasus perked up, watching as her sorrowful tears were reduced to bits of glass that cut into her front hooves.

Around her, the room appeared to spin and expand. Either that or she, herself, was shrinking within its dark, unforgiving walls. They loomed above her, growing dark and threatening. The windows and doors slapped on faces of their own, grinning madly and cackling at her. Shakily standing, the pony slowly began to back away, horror filling her teary violet eyes.

Whipping around, she promptly bolted, trying to get away from the teasing smiles and the terrifying walls. However, even as she ran as fast as she possibly could, she didn’t seem to be going anywhere. Those madmen glued to the walls still grinned. Still cackled. It was like they were holding her back. Forcing the ground before her to stretch and expand. Their black, teasing tendrils broke up from beneath the floor, causing her to let to a surprised scream. She desperately tried to dodge them, even as they reached for her.

“You’re treating her just like Alexa!” his smooth voice echoed endlessly throughout her mind. How did he know about that? How did he know about how Ryan had treated her? Abused her? Made her feel like there was something wrong with whom she was? If her closest friends didn’t know, just how, how could he of all people know her deepest, darkest secret she kept to herself? Just who was Alexa and what did he mean?

At the peak of her horror, everything seemed to fall to ruins. The appendages began ripping at the wood floor, tossing pieces into the air and revealing a hopeless expanse of nothingness beneath it. Tripping on a piece of broken wood, Rainbow Dash fell head first into the dark pit. It seemed to welcome her in its own sickening, caressing and tender way; swallowing her up, even. She tried desperately to whip out her wings. To fly to safety. Anything to get away from the darkness that tried to wrap around her, but to no, horrifying avail...

The darkness had surrounded her...

Had taken her in...

She screamed as loud as she could...

Comments

[Dragon Emperor Geon]

the story so far is interesting, although I already read this.

Tabbing the beginning of a sentence makes it more organised, also, walls o' text. Not one giant wall, but walls nonetheless.

[Perception Filter]

Line break, Why not Zoidberg? Btw good story, I like the way you are doing the details

[HenryAnthonyCourtler]

685014 Thank you very much for the comment. And your right about Zoidberg, he's a crafty fellow

[Keeria]

Upon your request, I've read and critiqued this chapter of your story. It's extremely long and filled with examples to back my claims, so I'll just post a few summarized snippets here as a public comment, and then below that, some subjective thoughts that aren't part of my critique.

A bit of copypasted stuff from the critique I PM'd you:
From a technical standpoint, you're at a middle ground. You use plenty of descriptive words and you manage to paint a few scenes that the reader can picture quite clearly, but you also misuse some terms and you tend to ramble and form redundancies and come across as someone trying to write above his actual level.

Your dialogue could also use some work; the characters both sound the same, like two clones having a conversation, and then later, an argument. The argument wasn't very gripping, either. They both got much more upset than necessary much more quickly than was called for, and then began passing out profanities and even threats like cheap cigars. That isn't how mature people argue, and it made both characters (who still seemed the same to me) much less relatable.

My purely subjective opinions about the plot so far:
It started off okay. I was willing to accept that a couple guys were stranded in Equestria, and I guess I can buy that this is where they ended up when they died for some reason, but my immersion was lost as soon as they started arguing over who gets to date Rainbow Dash, and it was further shattered when the one turned out to be abusive to her. I don't see Rainbow Dash putting up with that; she's a very no-nonsense mare. One of the least-liked fanfiction ideas is to insert your characters into the canon setting and have them form sexual relationships with the main cast, and it's even worse if the main cast has to break character in order for your story to work. Self-insertion and wish fulfillment are frowned upon by anyone looking at a story from a critical standpoint, despite how fun they might be to write. OCs are generally harder to succeed with than canon characters because there are just so many pitfalls with OCs, and this is especially true if your OC is human. This is a huge setting full of all sorts of cool characters! I would suggest writing about them, rather than OCs, at least until you're sure you can handle it.

Apologies if I came off as harsh, though I did give you fair warning when you PM'd me. I wasn't trying to be mean, and I honestly wish you the best. You're not a bad writer, not for a novice, but I think you chose a bad thing to write about. Keep at it; I would love to see you improve even more!

[BrokenPinkiePromise]

Some critique: Ryan and Aramis sound way too much like eachother and I get the feeling that the argument came from nowhere.
I liked your descriptions of the environment though. So far this story is a 3/5.