Bonus Chapter Two - Chapter Two Failed Try Two
So, yesterdays little experiment seems to have gone over quite well. Good, glad you guys enjoyed it.
Without (much) further ado, here comes take two.
Same deal as yesterday! No editing, and this got cut for a reason!
In the present, Death Darkness slept, but it was a restless sleep.
“...God-dammit all…” she murmured as she turned on her side with her wings splayed in a utterly unladylike fashion, “...can’t believe… darn wards…”
Inside her dreamscape the dark mare let out a sigh before quickly removing any traces of the rather pleasant dream she’d just started having. The piles of glimmering gold, voluptuous mares and well-oiled stallions faded away as morning mist under a desert sun. The marble and gold trimmed palace-temple to ‘her glorious awesomeness’ twisted and faded as well, soon replaced with nothing but a clear-blue sky and a field of golden wheat stretching towards the horizon that billowed in a pleasant breeze.
Death Darkness sighed and looked upward; towards the utterly out of place fullmoon she hadn’t put there that was swiftly fading into view. “And that utter waste of power can’t figure out how I can tell she’s coming…” she muttered darkly to herself.
“Greetings, Nightmare Moon,” Death Darkness said in a neutral tone without even turning towards Luna who had faded into the dream just behind her, “such a pleasant day, is it not?” The pleasant tone sizzled away as a icecube thrown into a kiln. “Now please fuck off like a good little pawn. I’m sure your superior has dirty work that needs doing. Kittens to strangle, foals to traumatise while they sleep, my dark to stain with that overglorified shiny rock you call a domain...”
Luna gritted her teeth and forced her ears to remain upward. It was clear as —Oh, the irony!— day to her that Death Darkness was just trying to gouge her enough that she lost concentration enough to be pulled back to her own body. It took near all of her self-control to do so instead of blasting the other mare in the back and be done with it, but Luna just walked towards her quarry; the wheat crunching and folding under her hooves.
“Must we do this every damn time I forget to cast a ward, Nightmare Moon?” Death Darkness said with a sigh while studying her shadowy hoof for stains, “I have no interest in being your sister’s latest scapegoat slash public servant of her pastelness slash the fourth royal twit.” The black mare dismissively waved the hoof slowly towards Luna without even looking towards her. “Go and fade like a good little shade. Nopony mourned you for a thousand years, so I’m rather puzzled why you fool yourself to think things have changed.”
Luna stumbled, as something savage and dark tried to tear itself out of her and lounge at the mare.
Death Darkness just turned her head and smiled wide enough to show her unequinly pointy teeth. “Ah, so some of your true nature does remain. Good to know.”
“NO!” Luna shouted, just a few decibels short of the royal voice. With renewed fury she stomped up to the two-bit thief that dared speak like so to her and glared her straight in the eyes. “But what would you know of sacrifice and sisterhood, you corrupted mockery?!”
Death Darkness made a move of theatrically clearing out her ear with a hoof. “I’m sorry, did the mare that throw a temper-tantrum that killed millions because she didn’t get enough pats on the back say something? I go deaf in the presence of massive hypocrisy, you see...” The black mare turned her head and shot Luna such a venomous glare some of the dreamt-up wheat actually wilted and blackened on the spot. “Or perhaps I was supposed to forget that so as to not hurt the itty-bitty mass-murderer’s cutesy-wootsy little feelings? We don’t want to see what the lunar tyrant is like actually angry, after all!”
It felt as if a spike had been driven into Luna’s heart. She had noticed that Death Darkness had done her utmost to not cross paths with her, but she had thought it due to the closeness of their domains and a fear of Luna catching her ‘scent’ or similar. The flash of raw hate before the black mare had gotten her temper and face under control had all but shattered near all of Luna’s hope of kinship with an immortal with a similarly unpopular domain.
Almost. The mare was clearly not in her right mind, after all.
Luna steeled herself, squared her shoulders and held her head high; her face a mask of compassion mixed with shame. “Yes, the nightmare force did bring out the worst in me. Please, we c-”
Death Darkness scraped her jaw of the floor and cut Luna off with an angry shout. “WHAT?! That’s seriously your excuse?! ‘I was possessed, and the demon made me do it?!’” She plopped her plot down and used both front-hooves to face-hoof. “I can’t bucking belive it! All that time of potential contemplation, all that death, all that wasted potential… and you still won’t actually admit you did it?!”
A crack appeared for a moment in her mask as Luna couldn’t quite stop herself from snarling, but she quickly mostly fought it down. “I’m sorry, but I really don't believe that lecture from somepony with the name Death Darkness.”
The mare in question just put a hoof to her chest and smirked. “It’s an alias, dear child, and one that’s supposed to sound stupid at that. You know? For my foes to underestimate me? Perhaps if you're a really good little filly, your mistress can read from the dictionary before she tucks you into bed next? Perhaps find a few monosyllabic words to explain it so that you will understand?” Death Darkness stuck her hooves under her chin and let out a faked happy gasp as Luna gritted her teeth. “Perhaps you’ll even get a pat on the head, big sis will say you did good and you might even get a whole lolly for yourself!”
A red mist descended over Luna’s eyes, and only the thought that this was a very sick and corrupt mare stopped her from the simply ripping Death Darkness’s throat out and filling her dream with bloodthirsty spiders flowing from her own eye sockets.
“My, my, my…” Death Darkness chuckled happily as she walked in a slow circle around Luna, who was just sitting there and taking slow even breaths to calm herself. “You actually think this is me at my worst, don’t you?” The black mare snapped her hoof, and willed a shining gloria into existence over her head. “That I’m some near saint-like mare of wonder, who if I wasn’t suffering from this ‘corruption’ would be filling the world with smiles, rainbows and sunshine!” Death Darkness giggled as Luna bristled at the last word.
“And I am so wrong in that?” Luna said her earlier fire tampered with a sadness from having seen far too many waste their gifts over the years.
This seemingly got under Death Darkness’s skin, as she stopped and stared straight at Luna. “Oh, you stupid waste of power. You just don’t get it, do you?” The dark mare raised a single hoof and the shadows on it boiled and writhed as she willed it. “I am Darkness, and I did not work my fucking plot off for decades making it so, just so you and your spoiled brat of a sister could have another freaking foalsitter of those spoiled scaredy-cat twits you call a populace.” With a contemptuous flick of her tail Death Darkness turned and walked off, as the fields faded away and got replaced with a white-sanded beach with crystal blue waters and palms waying in the wind. “I dealt with Discord, Chrysalis and her changelings, and Sombra because a mix of it amusing me and giving them a shot at actual redemption... and frankly the only reason I didn’t break you over my proverbial knee is because I missed the date that once.” Death Darkness flopped down onto a deck-chair she’d willed into existence and grabbed a pair of sunglasses and a big frosty drink out of thin air before just leaning back and sunbathing. “Rather a pity, that. I had such a nasty little plan for you that I’m fairly certain would have utterly broken you, thought you your damn lesson and given you a chance at redeeming yourself.”
Despite herself, Luna felt a chill down her spine. She and her sister still wasn’t quite certain what had happened with Discord, and the admission that Death Darkness somehow had been involved in the Changeling takeover of the Crystal Empire was utter news to her…
But the shattered remains of what once had been the greatest dark mage and foulest tyrant in Equestria’s history still screamed whenever the lights in his cell went out.
Luna let out a sigh and tried to do her best to skip over the sizzling hot sand in a dignified manner, before sliding down onto her own imagined deck-chair. “Fine,” she said in a neutral tone, “I’ll bite. How exactly would you have ‘shown me my lesson?’”
Death Darkness took a perverse delight in taking a long sip through the straw of her drink before speaking. “Oh, simple really, even if its so dark, horrible and wretched I doubt you’d ever been the same mare again. Even me showing you this might rock your world down to its very core.”
Only the past trials of countless witless noblesse and mind numbing courts stopped Luna from rolling her eyes. Instead, she hid her irritation at the mare beside her by showing her irritation at this darn dream and willed a large parasol into existence. “What kind of alicorn of Darkness dreams of sunny tropical beaches?” she muttered under her breath.
“One that has made her domain her nag,” Death Darkness simply stated, “and has made thrice-damned certain it knows fully well who the master and the servant is in that relationship.”
Luna blinked for a few moments before the words sank in. The chair crunched into splinters as she shoot up and stared in horror at Death Darkness.
The mare in question just took a sip out of her drink, before giving a raised eyebrow over her sunglasses. “My domain is darkness, both literally and metaphorically. Do you really want somepony with my skills in skulking around and that actually lets her domain have even a single say in how she acts?” Death Darkness held out a hoof, and what almost looked like a flame turned to a shade danced over her hoof. “I have a single and extremely simple rule about all my domain. It stays a natural force and does its damn job with a minimum of corruption and decay horse-apples…” The flame flared once, before Death Darkness's hoof closed over it. With a crunch that to Luna echoed in an eldritch way in far more ways than mere sound and sent shivers down her spine the shadow was no more. When the hoof once more opened only a strange shivering outline of nothing at all that made Luna’s eyes ache remained, only to fade as she watched with horrified fascination. “...or I deal with it personally.”
Once more, Death Darkness lowered her glasses and gave Luna a rather hard look. “Some of us actually perform maintenance on our domains. Honestly, have you even tried a permanent orbit rather than the ‘rising it manually nightly’ idiocy?” She shook her head with barely hidden disgust. “Seriously, you may as well get a flying mule, a chariot of silver and be utterly traditionalist about it.”
Luna fought down her disgust about a alicorn just— She couldn’t quite stop a shiver. — shattering any part of her domain that displeased her like that.
Death Darkness just rolled her eyes at the mare. “If a feather is broken, bent or rotten, you tear it out. You know? Maintenance.” The mare smiled wide, once more showing Luna her mouth full of fangs. “It’s almost like I know my own domain and your’s better than you do.”
Luna bristled at the comment, but she mostly hid it by reconstituting her deck-chair. “Big words for a petty thief.”
A silvery sound flittered through the air as Death Darkness just leaned her head back and laughed. “How about I show that plan of mine?”
There was a disturbing gleam in the black mare’s ruby eyes and something about her fierce smile was just utterly predatory even despite the teeth, but Luna tried to ignore it.
Death Darkness swept her hoof in front of her, and a large square of the horizon turned to a movie screen just hanging in the air. A short countdown followed, in turn then showing a few lines of white text on black:
EVERFREE FOREST
THE EVE OF THE RETURN OF THE DREAD DRAMA-QUEEN FROM HER LUNAR TIME-OUT
WILL THE FIENDISH FIEND OF AN OVERGROWN FILLY FINALLY ACT LIKE A DARN ADULT, OR SHALL HER POUTING AND MOANING ABOUT UNFAIRNESS DOOM US ALL?
“Slightly dramatised for effect, of course.” Death Darkness just offered a sweet smile as Luna glared at her, before holding out a hoof. A red-white bucket of steaming popcorn appeared on it without any fanfare. “Want some?”
Luna grumbled but grabbed the paper bucket anyway. Anything to offer a bit of respite and distraction from this farce. They smelled enticing enough, but Luna nearly spluttered all over the beach once she actually put a hoof-full into her mouth. “What kind of overindulgent hedonist has salt on popcorn?!” She shouted before imagining a drink and washing the taste down.
Death Darkness blanked and paused in munching on her own bag, before having a small lightbulb moment. “Oh… you’re one of those that prefer sugar? Can’t stand that combo myself. Just feels and tastes wrong to me.” The black mare tilted hear and totally ignored as Luna glared at her. “Although I guess that explains why nopony bats an eye at Pinkie’s popcorn habits. Must admit, I was wondering quite a bit about that.”
“...You thought Pinkie was gobbling salt in broad daylight?” Luna deadpanned, not quite believe the words that had just left her own lips.
“In my defence, I thought Pinkie Pie was gobbling salt in public.” To Luna’s barely hidden disgust, Death Darkness tipped her bag back and basically took a shot of popcorn. “And in my defence I’ve never claimed to be a role-model.” Pale, blue flames enveloped Death Darkness’s free hoof. “I’ve claimed the titles of master-thief, archmage and the master of darkness. It’s you and your boneheaded sister that seems to believe that that skill and power means I need to be either some impotent goddess wannabe safely hidden away on the gilded cage called a throne, or some eldritch boogeymare stalking the countryside for victims.” The dark mare flicked a single pop-corn kernel into her mouth while giving Luna a unfriendly look. “Buck you, you hypocritical, moralizing prick and that harmony nonsense you and your monstrous tyrant of a sister are so found off.”
Luna tried not to bristle and grind her teeth, she truly did… but near every word and act from the overgrown filly in front of her made her blood boil. “And Applejack, then?” Luna near hissed. “And the other wielders of the Elements you seem to have taken an interest in?”
“They have potential, and teasing that out amuses me...” Death Darkness just rolled her eyes. “...and is it so utterly beyond the pale that I saw a cute girl with killer dimples, nice taste in headgear and hips you can break a freaking sledgehammer on, and —Horror beyond dreadful horror!— actually found that combo attractive enough to ignore one of my turn-offs? Not every damn thing that happens is due to age old whatevers rising or dread freaking prophecy.” Luna actually felt a pang of sympathy as the mare that had caused such headaches for her just slumped back into her seat; and even despite this being a dream-realm, she just looked tired and worn. “Alas, Honesty apparently care little to walk the Shadows…”
Death Darkness let out a deep sigh and throw away her pop-corn bucket so hard that it whistled; the thing sailed towards the screen but faded before it could even begin faltering. “Damn it all,” the mare muttered as she fell back into her seat with a frown, “I honestly —no pun intended— though the star would do it.” She tilted her head and put her hoof to her cheek, a thoughtful look to her face. “Not to be that type of gal’, but do you think she’s straight and just didn’t have the heart to tell me? I mean, come on, pegacorn.”
“Alicorn,” Luna corrected automatically.
“That’s the material in a unicorn’s horn,” Death Darkness countered, “and I frankly find the ‘it’s symbolic’ horse-apples utterly insulting.” She let out a snort as she reached for her drink. “I’ll admit they’re useful, but ‘tis hardly as if you need a horn for magic. Just more freaking bull sprouted by that decadent descendant petting-zoo you and Celestia keep around for who knows why.”
The sky darkened slightly as clouds billowed into existence. “Do not cross that line,” Luna declared in a calm voice, but how her hair flared as from a bonfire rather betrayed her emotional state.
Death Darkness just rolled her eyes. “Keeping track of the lot? Fine. That I get.” She jabbed a hoof in the air towards Luna, totally unfazed by the prospect of angering her. “Giving them political clout and various privileges? Look me in the eye and tell me to my face even a tenth of ‘em actually deserve such.” The mare rested her head on her hoof and smiled a tiny, smug smile Luna had started dreading. “At least, one of them show promise...” She chuckled, as she mimed giving something a tiny push with her other hoof.
The sky darkened and a cruel wind began blowing as Luna rose with power blazing in her eyes.
Death Darkness just rolled her eyes. “Yeah, darken the sky in the dream landscape of me. That sure sounds like a clever tactic!”
“Explain yourself, now.”
Another drink appeared in her hoof while Death Darkness chuckled darkly. “Please, why would I admit having done anything hilarius with Blue Blood?” She put a hoof to her lips in mock shock. “Oops.”
Luna tried to grab Death Darkness by the scruff of her neck, but the hoof just passed through as if she’d been a ghost. “Honestly,” the dark mare said in a bored tone, “am I really the only one in this damn realm that knows how to perform lucid dreaming without enough magic up my nose that my snot starts glowing? I mean, I gave up on the average idiot a long time ago, but the freakin’ self proclaimed Mistress of Dreams being such a weak willed idiot as well?” Her shadowy mane bobbed around her head like seaweed as she shook her head sadly. “Honestly… Sometimes it seems the average pony would fall down dead from shock if they had to do anything without magic, or for that matter, those irritating butt-tattoos.”
Luna’s eyes nearly popped out of her skull at what she was hearing. “WHAT?!”
“You know? The destiny crap?” Death Darkness explained in the tone of voice you use with not very bright children. “Seriously, you’d think if anypony would be aghast at the concept of predestination, it would be the one that spent a rather silly amount of time in her celestial time-out corner for what amounted to a temper tantrum.” Death Darkness smiled towards Luna. “Or is how I claimed my domain still a sore subject, little Woona? Do you see a list taller than us both of ex-mortals far more worthy than I when you look my way, perhaps?”
For a few moments, Luna’s heart ached and her mind was so filled with images of ponies long gone. Champions. Confidants. Lovers. Friends…
Foals.
All long since dust, and passed to the fields of Elysium.
All through her brief if ever looming torment, Death Darkness only watched, her ruby eyes clearly disapproving.
The dark mare took a long sip of her drink before speaking. “You know something, Luna? I figured out age spells before I even had a freakin’ horn… then I made sure to teach the trick to any of my kin that cared to listen. You know? Since it makes you all but undying? What’s your and yours’ excuse?”
The dry and unamused tone in the accusation nearly made Luna jump her; then, there and trice darned all the consequences... but that tiny slip was one of the biggest revelations about Death Darkness the mare she’d so far let slip. It utterly irked Luna —as indeed many things about the mare did— but even in her dreams, Death Darkness kept all things personal closely guarded.
Death Darkness noticed the gleam in Luna’s eyes, and just let out a snort. “And then I thought the few and proud that are that good basic combat magic, teleportation and how to call on me from any damn point in this freaking reality.” She lowered her glasses and glared, her red eyes reflecting the light oddly; as fires burned deep within them. “Just a hint, Luna, because you have not seen me get serious.”
“And your slaughter in the Crystal Empire?”
Death Darkness smiled wide. “Ehem.”
Luna gritted her teeth. “Fine, the former Crystal Empire.”
“I do think I want to hear the lunar tyrant say that word… Luna.”
Once more, Luna rose so quickly that only splinters remained of her chair. “You dare?!”
Death Darkness calmly sipped her drink before answering, while Luna tried her best not to will a shower of snakes into existence. “You and your fat sister did claim Equestria from it’s rightful king, remember? Now, I’m not going to pretend Discord wasn’t an utter prick back then, but the point still stands that a ruler who unrightly claimed the throne by force and violence is a…?”
Luna couldn’t take it anymore, but she just barely managed to control herself enough as to not stomp over and give the grinning idiot the punch she so clearly deserved.
So she stomped over and punched the ocean instead.
And there was where I cut it, mid joke even sadly. I lost interest in this particular idea, but Luna would have caused a giant spray of water, Death Darkness snapping her hoof before the water came crashing down, and said: "You do know this is a dream, right?"
And frankly, that is the problem with dream sequences (in my opinion), that even with magic in the picture, there is simply no stakes; because everybody that actually realizes its a dream basically become mini-gods until the dream ends.
With two actual gods doing is? Both uninterested in a physical confrontation, at that? It just became a giant bickering-fest.
I did like the idea that Luna doesn't realize her moon appearing is a giant tell, though. In fact, I liked it so much I even reused it in my other LoHAV fic, Horse Feathers. So yeah, for those of you that read both? The above was actually written before that chapter, but I simply couldn't make a dream fight work with Luna and Death Darkness. Björn/Harry on the other hand has that temper and being horrible at backing down from a challenge, so with him and Luna I got the concept to work.
I am rather sad to see that popcorn joke go, though. I'm personally ambivalent about sugared popcorn, but I know the practice exist. (Prefer chocolate dipped, or cheddar ones, if I have to pick a non-standard flavor.)
Still, it would explain why nopony bats an eye at Pinkie gobbling popcorn in broad daylight, doesn't it? Sugar, salt... either-way, it kinda explains so much.
Oh, and the 'dastardly' plan? I'm about 90-95 percent certain that Death Darkness simply missed the date still is the canon explanation, but the plan?
Help Nightmare Moon win.
And once the world goes to heck in a hand-basket from said victory, give her a week to either put her darn money were her mouth is and do things better than her sister, go beg said sister for help...
Or Death Darkness uses the power boost from eternal Night to tear Nightmare's stupid freaking head off.
And either way, Nightmare Moon is either utterly broken, or utterly broken and 'redeemed.'
So, yeah, DD does in fact have a serous side to her, and it is freaking terrifying. Probably not going to show many times during the story for that reason, but that has been an intentional aspect to her from the beginning.
She does not like when people use 'her' darkness as a thing of horror and evil, and especially not when it is do to being a moon goddess with an F in astronomy.
And now, a few things about the proper chapter two, since you guys seemed to like that.
I'd been bonking my head against the wall for a few months by the time of try three.
Nothing, and nothing just seemed to want to work.
And then, I had the idea.
Make the transformation Lovecraftian, and just play it off as a joke.
Believe it or not, but the rest just flowed out of me after that. PM, the new version of the meeting with Yearling, the signing, Luna scouting things out, Wapanzi showing and unintentionally complicating things...
Once that darn dam broke, all the things that had been floating around in my head about chapter two just clicked together like a puzzle.
Heck, the actual writing, of what turned out to be about twice as much text as both drafts put together?
Probably took two weeks, including the darn editing.
So... yeah. Writing sure can be a weird hobby, huh?
Hopefully I won't have to take as much time or leave quite as much on the cutting floor for the next time, but I genuinely hope you enjoyed these glimpses behind the scenes!
Until next time!
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Lord Of Dorkness · 101k words · 532 40 · 11k views
- Lord Of Dorkness · 119k words · 407 38 · 21k views
- Technopathic · 49k words · 800 50 · 9.5k views
- The Shade · 31k words · 437 54 · 12k views
- Blue Spark · 4.3k words · 459 37 · 4.9k views
- Ssendam the Masked · 43k words · 802 58 · 14k views
- Ssendam the Masked · 7.2k words · 543 36 · 8.9k views
- RealityWarper · 4.9k words · 414 33 · 4.9k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.583 seconds
Total duration
954 users online
1,560,009 hits today, 2,814,898 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Nice, thanks for sharing these with us I really enjoyed them!
The talk between Death and Luna was great. It was interesting to see their conflicting views about destiny, the way to treat criminals, their handling if their positions, their moral values, and their beliefs about the mortality if their loved ones. I hope more conversations between Death and Luna happen in the next chapter.
That dynamic between Luna and DD, all I can say is dayum!
So DD was a Human? Then ended up in Zebra country as a Pony/Zebra mage? Is old enough to remember the fall, and return of Luna, and at some point became Alicorn of Darkness?
The Dresden/Bjorn/Snarkiness is strong with this one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate DD the more she opens her noise hole.
5083552 5083848
Glad you enjoyed them.
5084135
Oh yeah, now that you mention it, that was another reason this try got cut.
DD might have a chip on her shoulder regarding Luna, but this try still got a bit too heated and personal. (Especially given that DD is mostly trying to hold a low profile at the moment.)
5083571
Thank you.
Nothing between DD and Luna next chapter I'm afraid, but Ruddy is going to have quite a few things to say to the mare that called her son the 'a' word.
5083634
Something like that, but that's all I'm saying right now.
My life as my ironically mutable text.
Good work. Wait for the resolution of the shouting match. Damn, that "beauty sleep" line still cracks me up.
Well, that was quite, eh, dark. Pun intended.
You can start throwing rocks at me now. I'm sure Maud will start jumping up and down and plucking them from air before they are even halfway to collide with my face
Still, nice little insight into your writing once more, and the banter was fun.
5085073
You know, I always find this type of comment fascinating.
Because near without fail, it will be the line in the whole chapter I personally hated, and only left in because I couldn't think up anything better.
5086289
Actually, I remembered that bit and mentioned it in the comments before, but how dark some of this got was also a reason this try got cut.
Still, glad you enjoyed the glimpse at what might have been!
I think that line would be worth exploring, in the actual story. I don't like the 'demon made me do it' explanation either.
Wow, took long enough, and good thing too. I was not disappointed at all, truly a work of Ironic, almost self-aware, art. I'm glade I didn't unfav this story.
5090805
I am lazily compiling a list of typos and small grammar errors for chapter two. Lazily mainly because I am not sure if you like your readers doing that.
5091932
By all means, do continue!
I'd like to think I'm quite good, but I am still not a native speaker of English, so anything I or my editor's missed being pointed out is most welcome.
5090516
Glad you felt it was worth the wait.
...People actually do this?
I can get if it has been years and you've given up all hope, but is really half a year when the author is still active on the site (and even have made a few status updates) really that long?
Hardly an optimal update-rate, I agree, but I'm genuinely curious. It just seems like a good way of completely missing if the story starts updating again.
5092001
...Yeah... Once a month is pretty much my limit. I simply read too much too fast to get invested in a story that will probably never finish. Beethoven's children tormented him by playing half a song and then stopping. Forcing him to finish it himself. (I ain't claiming to be a genius or anything. You can actually do that trick on most people. (It gets stuck in their head since they can't finish it.) I was just making an analogy.)
That's how I feel about stories that either don't have a schedule, or take forever to update. I eventually devise an ending myself and unfave them in order to clear up space and not be frustrated.
Sorry.
5103610
Oh...
My mind doesn't work like that, but I can see where you're coming from.
In a perfect world, I'd love to update by the hour, or something... but my inspiration just doesn't work like that, and even if it did, there's only so fast I can type. (Not helped by my how this past summer melted my brain.)
Still, given all that, I'm glad this story left a large enough impression to linger in your thoughts as long as it did.
And thanks for the clear and straight answer. It really helped put into perspective how those status updates I'm rubbish at can be very important.
5104548
Honestly, I read way way too much for my own good. I definitely understand about life and inspiration, so I try to not complain about slow updates. Especially since I'm not paying for them.
The story definitely left an impression. Not many could pull off this story, and I look forward to seeing where you take it.
...about those status updates. *follows* Oh look. That's actually a thing. I should read those things.
Read this a while ago, didn't have an account att, remembered this, and decided to pester ya. I loved the set-up, and the fact that I can see this guy/gal sitting on the couch with a bowl of popcorn watching power rangers while the "good guys" are convinced s/he would show up was hilarious. I think it would have been funnier if the robbery was perpetrated in the morning, but it all worked out. And I also loved how you made sure to slap the do-gooders for thinking s/he's stupid enough to risk corruption for a power-up.
The rest of them, they just don't flow for me. I had a general idea of what was happening, and got a few chuckles out of the eldritch abomination in the morning thing, but it was just so hard to follow. I don't know what to say to help, though.
5184214
Keep in mind, the two latest ones are failed extras, in case you've missed it.
But yeah, I usually don't write pure comedy, and have this problem that when I do, I tend to slip towards drama/action instead with dashes of comedy.
It's the reason the updates for this takes so long. A lot of stuff ends up on the cutting-room floor simply because it simply isn't funny enough.
my god. i like this, but i can't, because it would destroy the even number of likes.
5184473 I understand, and I did realize that. I think you hurt yourself by posting them though. Maybe do what others do and make a one-shot alternate collection? until you finish this, or get farther in the story, I'd avoid posting this kind of stuff. Though I've not posted anything myself, so what do I know?
Is this a Displaced story? If so whens the first crossover?
5424795
No.
I've thought about it, but the tone of this is so hard for me to nail even normally, that I sadly can't see it surviving a crossover.
Not to mention, given the update schedule I've sadly have thanks to how hard this story is to write for me, I can't imagine anybody signing up for the other half of such a crossover.
th02.deviantart.net/fs70/200H/f/2015/047/8/3/derk_by_gabrieldemarco-d8iavs2.jpg?1
okay This is actually a pretty damn good fic....... I mean your idea with the previous chapter and the Zebrave was amazing the generally idea and how you wrote this one is AWESOME soo call me a troll if you like but I'm watching this fic and you as well
I'm baffled at this story's current number of dislikes, considering how amazing this is.
I'll be patiently waiting for more, once you eventually come back to this
5936610
This thing was actually my first story to ever reach the feature box... and I think it rather broke quite a few peoples will to live seeing Death Darkness there grinning at them from there. Actually got 40 of those down-votes from that initial exposure alone.
And not even talking about any of the 'pity' positions, either!
That was a fun couple of days.
But thanks, glad you liked it.
5938692
He's not the only one. I thought it was great!
Holy shit, someone finally called out Moontush.
Waitaminute...you actually understood that? Props unto thee, ser knight.
6250867
Eh, I used to be fluent in 1337-speak of all darn things.
A few words accidentally miss-spelled and fumbled around is really nothing compared to that mess.
6250918 I can decently fluentialize 1337-5p34k, but I'm still bound by my personal code to at least make it moderately grammatically correct. A few jumbled and misspelled words amidst some that are still decent understandable can throw me off, though, and I'm too lazy to try and decipher it.
This was a lot more entertaining than I expected, going from the description. Apparently lot more than you expected either, also going by the description. I hope you'll get back to this at some point, because stopping it dead with that epic shouting match still waiting to happen is just cruel.
6275880
Heh...
Yeah, I'm planning so. I'm just pre-occupied with Dark Horse right now.
6278567
I'm more than aware.
Also, you wouldn't believe how hard it was not to give a running... wlammentary in the comments while reading this. This is one of those stories that are just crying for a rifftrax-style accompaniment, it just has that many great and cheesy lines.
6278698
Hey, I've got pretty thick skin and a sense of humor. Feel free.
Bonus points if you manage to make it actually funny!
6281422
I'd have to re-read it for that, and it's only really funny when you do it live and spontaneously. I think you've got enough corny one-liners in here to last you a lifetime even without me, anyway.
6281471
Small confession:
The cheese and ham is the biggest reason I keep writing this. It just deeply satisfying to drop every pretense of 'good' and reach for 'purple' instead if you know what I mean.
6281832
Believe me, I completely get that. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it either, because B-movie schlock has its own appeal, even if when doesn't have "artistic" merit - and fuck me if it wasn't an absolute riot to read. This kind of self-aware, can-laugh-at-itself story is honestly my favourite kind out of all of them here.
Is this still a thing?
Hasn't been updated in more than a year, and hasn't had it's status changed to 'on hiatus.'
That's usually when I consider a fic abandoned.
6592458
I'm indeed still working on this.
Ironic's just been pushed to the back-burner while I get my current big project, Dark Horse, out of my system.
Sadly don't really have an ETA for when Ironic will be returning since this is the hardest story of mine to write on as well as my current 'distraction,' but I currently have no plans on abandoning it.
Thanks for voicing those concerns so politely, though.
Its a great story, and its my second time reading it. But as I look at it, the same pages I read once again. I see a story that is clearly abandoned. Which is a shame.
6910295
I assure you I consider honesty a very important virtue and, if I had intended that, i would have put Ironic as 'canceled.'
Ironic is simply a very hard story for me to write, and right now I have other projects that come to me easier.
Still, I'm glad you enjoy what I've written so far in it.
6910305 Trust me, I have once waited years to read a whole story on the Fanfiction site to be complete, because the story was overwhelming good. And I place this story under that category. I love this story, which is a big surprise for me, considering that I am a fan of Luna, love her more than her own sister. So I hope you will eventually continue it.
I read the description alone, and I laughed my *** off.
Love it.
Once I finish reading a story on this site, I usually don't remember it after a few weeks as new fics pop up and grab my attention. But this is one of the very few that randomly return to my mind once in a blue moon. I just went through the whole thing again for the third time, and it's still great. I'll probably day dream about this at work for a few days, make the time pass a tad faster. I eagerly await more, and hope it won't be another two years for the next bit.
GLHF
7642277
I know, I'm really happy with how horrendously bad it came out.
It been a long while. It took me forever to find it again. I recalled what the story was about, but not the title. Just dumb luck, I decided to check this story out, only to find it again. I get you have your own life, your own things to do, and this is a hobby. Still a update would be nice, it would be a great X-mas gift to your readers.
After reading description I thought it'd be your average Mary Sue parody, but was pleasantly surprised.
This is an actual character of it's own. DD might have as well not been a black and red OC, and the story would have been pretty much the same.
Also gotta love any story that calls ponies out on their nonsense.
I love your other stores I finally got around to reading this one love it enjoy the characters will very happily come back and read it again and again even with a short length and when you finally have time or desire or inspiration write more I will love to see that too