Chapter One - Yes, I Went There
It was a dark and stormy night.
In a strangely well-kept and furnished apartment in the slums of Manehattan, shadows gathered and stirred; twitching, swirling and moving slightly as if water that some long forgotten sea-beast had passed through, just beneath the surface.
To most onlookers, however, the entire place would have simply been a pitch-black void no light seemed to be able to pierce… but the place’s sole occupant was not like most.
In fact, it was several years since she had left even mortality behind.
A dull, blood-red light that only seemed to deepen the shadows lit in the small kitchen, enveloping a long, slender fluted horn… and rather anticlimactically, a cup of tea that began to stir itself. The small light did however reveal the caster.
The mare seemed little more than a hole in space; a patch of black so deep that it seemed like a shablon had been cut from the background itself. Her mane and tail were of a similar shade of nothing, except constantly twisting and changing, looking like nothing more than shadows caught in a dancing light that touched only them. For all as nonexistent as all but the color of her eyes were, the mare’s body itself was inequinely beautiful… but then it would be a poor mage —let alone the alicorn of shadows, darkness and deception— that had not learned a thing or five about cheating in such matters. Once upon a time her body, and she herself, had been much humbler. Now she not only towered over lesser ponies, but she rather ironically outshone near all of them.
Slitted eyes the same color as her aura watched intently as an egg-timer slowly ticked down; the irises catching the light of her spell like those of a cat’s. A voice softer than any silk drifted through the air, making the shadows of the room dance a merry jig in tempo with the wordless song.
Satisfied that the sugar and honey had utterly overtaken the tea, the alicorn gently lifted the cup in her gaseous mane and trotted to the carefully closed windows; only stopping her humming to sip her vaguely tea flavored cup of sweeteners. Extending her a wing she carefully parted the blinds and looked out upon the world.
The flash of thunder momentarily illuminated her scowling face. “Yeah, fuck that,” she muttered to herself as she turned from the window with a contemptuous flick of her tail added for emphasis, “that damn artifact can wait a few more nights. I’m not going out in this.”
The mare smiled wide as a small bell started ringing; showing her pearly white, if rather sharp looking, teeth. She darted over on silent hooves to her oven. She opened it slowly; making a scent that she found near heavenly but most other ponies would have gagged at spill out into the kitchen. The dark alicorn sucked in a greedy sniff while smiling; before letting out a content sigh while rubbing her hooves together and drooling. “Ah… bacon, truly your powers of dark temptation are second only to my own!” Then she threw her head back and laughed wickedly.
She was in a rather good, if silly, mood it seemed.
An angry stomping of hooves cut our protagonist of mid “Muhahaha.”
“Keep it down, Ruddy Dawn, you crazy twit! Some of us have work tomorrow!”
‘Ruddy Dawn’ rolled her eyes before raising her head and shouting up to her neighbor. “The storm is much louder than I would ever care to be, and it’s not even eight o’clock yet! You signed the same damn contract I did, so stop trying to enforce your own crazy sound curfew, you old nag!”
The ‘old nag’ muttered something, but fell silent.
‘Ruddy Dawn’, the moderately successful horror and thriller writer, wrestled her dinner out of the oven using her mouth without bothering with an oven-mitt at all. Her prize in dentation, she trotted happily over to her dinner table.
She took a long sniff of the bacon, anchovies, bacon, black-olive, bacon, sauerkraut, bacon, mushroom, bacon, garlic and bacon pizza with three types of cheese and extra bacon before simply plucking a knife and a fork shaped shadows out of the air. With a huge grin, she dug into the almost spherical pizza.
“And I won't even gain a single gram unless I want to! I just love this body!” The mare thought, just barely resisting the urge let out another evil laugh. “I can’t believe that stupid sun-nag, moon-butt and plum-plot still think I’m trying to ‘cure’ myself!”
Meanwhile, Manehattan Royal Museum of Magical-history…
The latest artifact of doom to grace the halls of the museum sat on a lonely column below a skylight, as such things are rather apt to do. Almost needlessly to say it was the only exhibit in a brightly lit room that must have cost millions of bits. (The laser tripwire grid probably added a good deal to that cost too, but that’s neither here nor there.)
The artifact itself was as menacing as it was cliche looking; a black crystal ball with an aura of black-blackness swirling around it. A lone fly buzzed through the swirling inky power... Only to, rather surprisingly, come wobbling out seemingly unharmed a moment later.
Its shadow followed behind several seconds later, flying away in a completely different direction.
Needless to say, it all but screamed ‘superhappyfuntime-ball with no foul usage whatsoever.’ Truly, it was without a doubt a tool fit for sunshine, rainbows and the petting of puppies.
The artifact —rather originally named The Orb of Darkness— was not quite alone in the room, however. Along the far-wall rested a line of pots. Cheap looking pots. Simple, cheap looking, pony sized pots. Nine of them. Just sitting a row, with two of them about twice as large as the others.
Yeah, everybody and their dog knows where this is going.
Slowly, the centermost pot’s lid rose, like a rather odd hat on the bouncy pink mane on our first ‘infiltrator.’ “You guys sure she’ll come?” Pinkie whispered towards the larger pots. “Because it’s midnight and a storm outside! It doesn’t get much more better for a ominous opening than this!”
A regal sigh drifted over the air just before the rightmost urn similarly opened, revealing Celestia. “Sadly, you might be correct… and that is just why she isn’t showing.”
“Indeed,” another regal voice —if one sounding rather more annoyed— came from the far left and the other oversized pot just before Luna’s irritated looking head popped up. “Death Darkness is as infuriating clever as she is corrupt, as always.”
“But it just doesn’t make sense! Why in Tartarus isn’t that two-bit hack here already?!” Twilight shouted as her head shot up from her own pot so fast the lid bounded away and smashed against the floor. The frazzled looking purple mare, her mane was standing on end, angrily pointed toward the orb. “ That darn thing could turn her into a powerhouse not even all of us combined might be able to stop!” The young alicorn slammed a hoof against the wall behind her, sending a spiderweb of thin cracks out from the impact. “Something like that is supposed to be bucking irresistible!”
“Um, Twi?” Applejack raised her head; her stetson safely tucked away inside the pot. “Can’t say I trust the slimy two-faced varmint… but what has she actually done? Illegal stuff, I mean. Care to remind me, because I can only think a few spots ‘f rather petty theft given what she is, and…” The normally stoic farmer turned slightly green and stuck her tongue out in a grimace. “...what she did to Sombra, but that creep had it coming.”
Everypony, even those still in ‘hiding’ made a face at the memory.
Cadance cleared her throat as she raised her own neck and head. “I do not like to admit it… but it’s more a matter of what she might do.” The Empress fidgeted uncomfortably, almost losing her ‘hat.’ “...And regrettably, what she is.”
The rest of the mane six not already risen from the glaze joined in and stared at the pink alicorn of love.
“Sadly, Cadance is right,” Celestia said in a kind if rather low voice, “but not in that way.”
As one being, the five mortals (and Twilight) swiveled their head around to glare at Celestia instead.
“Don’t give me that look.” Celestia gently used her telekinesis to lower her own lid to the floor. “She’s an alicorn. One not only unaligned with Equestria… but her domain is something that might cause not only a public uproar but also sow grave mistrust against Us, politically speaking.”
Luna gritted her teeth. “Indeed, we have only been lucky the cur prefers subtlety and moving in the same shadows she so favors.” The Princess of the Night shuddered as memories of the year after she’d been freed from the clutches of the Nightmare only to be just as, if not more so, shunned as before her banishment flickered through her mind. “My madness did enough damage. The very concept that a princess needs not be so off a fair domain may outright case uprisings.” Luna once more gritted her teeth. “As much as it pains me, we need to convince her to stop this madness of hers and....” Luna throw her head back and let out a pained groan. “...join us.”
“And if she continues to refuse?” Rarity asked in a careful voice. “I shall admit, her behavior has not been worthy of even a lady, let alone a princess…” The fashionista fidgeted, setting down her own ‘hat.’ “...but I can’t honestly say she’s done anything to deserve how we usually deal with beings of her power.”
“Yeah…” Rainbow muttered as she ‘accidentally’ threw her own lid away like a frisbee. “I mean, come on! What are we supposed to do? Throw her in jail?”
“I don’t like to admit it,” Cadance said, “but Dash has a point. Even if we manage to stick half of what we suspect her of on her, and she actually cooperates instead of just slipping out of her cell… What difference will a few years of free housing and food make for an immortal?”
“Come on!” Twilight exclaimed. “She’s an utter mockery of everything a princess should be! I bet she’s performing something utterly vile and unnatural right now!”
Death Darkness… even if that was just another alias for the mare, was at that moment laying in her sofa and scratching her plot…
When suddenly a bright window of light sprung forth, showing ninjas! Dozens upon dozens of ‘em!
Death Darkness sprang to her hooves snarling in defiance with her horn lit, wings flared and shadows writhed over her like snakes in a pit…
“Now, on the Pony Rangers: Alicorn Power weekend marathon! Episode sixty three! Do Ranger unto Evil! Can the rangers fight… the entire legion, of the DARNED?!“
Death Darkness blinked and looked down, only to blush rather deeply at seeing something in between the couch cushions. “Oh… so that’s where I lost the remote.”
The announcer cheerfully continued, the TV unconcerned with how close to accidental annihilation it had come since… well, its a TV. The screen showed six ponies in ridiculous outfits strike just as ludicrous battle poses as the legion of black ninjas rushed them in slow-mo. The red ranger’s head started jiggling around as a bobble-head. “Alright, it’s morphing time!”
Death Darkness scraped her jaw of the floor just as the overblown transformation sequences started. “Holy fuck! Pony version of Power Rangers!” The mare reared with a huge grin on her face and flipped the horns with both wings. “Score!”
“Keep it down!” it came from upstairs.
“Never!” Death Darkness shouted defiantly, as she used her dread powers to make popcorn. As the eldritch empowered shadows throw the bag into the microwave Death Darkness herself flopped down into the sofa with the grace of a tarred and feathered brick in flight.
“Oh, this gonna be good!” she exclaimed as she excitedly rubbed her hooves together, “Now I've got something to do for the whole weekend!”
Death Darkness snickered and shot a glance out the rain splattered window as her bowl of popcorn floated up to her on a wave of shadows. “Guess I’ll just have to post-pone my plan until Monday…”
Death Darkness scratched at her shin as her ears perked at the rain. “...Still, that be a bit cruel in this weather.” She raised a hoof and gathered a glob of darkness that quickly began to boil and reshape itself. “I guess a small bit of quick and dirty entertainment will do…”
“I tell you!” Twilight shouted, pointing at the skylights with her mane aflame in magic and fury. “That good for nothing pretender of a mage is going to come gliding in any moment now!” Her head snapped around, glaring at her companions. “So we have to be very quiet and still!”
Twilight’s head snapped around again to once more stare at the window, thus missing how Rainbow twirled a hoof by her head. Instead, the mare rubbed her hooves together and cackled as her pot melted around her white blazing fur. “Soon… revengeance! Shall! Be! MINE!” Then Twilight let out another cackle while her eye twitched.
Just about as Celestia was about to go over to calm her former student everyponys’ ears perked up as a huge racket could be heard approaching. The group barely had time to notice, however, before a screaming tidal-wave of shadow creatures crushed through the skylight.
Everypony in the room with a horn lit their horn in preparation, while the rest took defensive positions… only to have the lights wink out and their jaws drop in complete and utter bafflement as the swarms’ battle-cry reached their ears.
“Books!”
Over and over again, the swarm of tiny Twilight heads chanted their litany in squeaky voices that only sounded somewhat like the real pony. They were all little more than shadow silhouettes with vaguely thinner outlines for any features, but they all had bat-wings on their cheeks and a dunce cap each.
And each and every time one of the Twilight-bats shouted “Books!” they got a look of extreme contentment, and small bits of shadow that somehow went splat when they landed shot out of their neck stumps.
For a moment, all but the swarm was still and quiet, as the ponies’ present, sans one, tried desperately not to laugh.
Twilight instead opened her mouth. For several long moments, it seemed her jaw had simply dropped… but slowly, ever so slowly, a hiss grew from the low of a whisper until it reached a scream of incoherent rage. The mare just utterly lost it in her blood-lust. She didn't even try casting any spells. Instead, she just jumped straight into the swarm and started tearing them apart with her hooves and teeth.
As the giblets of shadow constructs started raining down among the shadow guano near covering the floor, a lone but slightly sturdier looking Twilight-bat came sweeping out of the swarm straight for Celestia. The group —except for Twilight who was still flying around and screaming “Die! Die! DIE!” as she swatted at the rest of the swarm— braced for tricks, but let the construct approach since it was carrying a scroll in its mouth.
Celestia put out her hoof, but the construct just spit the scroll out on the floor. Still hovering in the air, it began singing a wordless but strangely transfixing and catchy song…
So transfixing in fact, that nopony noticed how a bit of the shadow-guano that had landed on the column with the orb quivered. Since the shadowy substance was quickly covering near every surface and light, the black hoof that reached out and swiped the orb was completely missed.
It’s serenade complete, the messenger Twilight-bat puffed up and exploded, sending a shower of black confetti in all directions. The rest of the swarm soon followed.
The rest of the group exchanged glances as Twilight continued to scream and punch the tar like shadow now near covering the floor.
“...That was rather out of the left-field,” Pinkie who was near covered in black said in a level voice.
Celestia who had gotten a face-full of exploding Twilight-bat wiped it off with her fetlock, before levitating the note up to her eyes and unfurling it. It read:
Dear Princess Celestia, my darling rival Twilight Sparkle, that cutie Applejack and less important hanger-ons.
It has occurred to me that the cat-burglar routine is getting a bit stale, and thus dangerously predictable.
Variety is the spice of life, yes? It is hardly fun to be stealthy all the time.
The simple pleasure of performing a smash and grab with a huge distraction should not be underestimated, after all.
As always, with wishes of better luck next time.
//Death Darkness.
PS. I hope Twilight liked the show since I wasn't exactly dense enough to stay around to watch! Trololo!
Slowly, dreading what she would see… Celestia lowered the scroll; only to see the spot where the orb should have been utterly empty. “Sweet Harmony,…” she whispered under her breath, “...she played us like a bunch of drunken sailors.”
In the stunned silence that followed one last Twilight-bat exploded near the ceiling, sending a letter in a orange envelope zig-zagging down straight at Applejack who had unlike her friends barely as much as been splattered. With a sigh and a blush the farmer plucked the small thing from her hat. “Great… more fan-mail from the half-crazy magpie wannabe.”
Rarity who had been left mostly pristine… if only thanks to quick thinking and a simple shield rather than aim, let out a soft, polite cough. “Darling… there is no shame in ignoring a paramor you find…” Rarity paused for a moment, as she searched for a politer way to say ‘an utterly mad-mare with more power than brain cells.’ “...disagreeable.”
The blush on Applejack’s cheeks deepened a bit, and she pulled her hat down a bit not to have to see her friends amused reactions. “...I don’t exactly have this line to pick ‘em from, Rares.” Her eyes drifted to the seal, a crude waxen representation of Death Darkeness’ cutie mark. For not the first time she passed her hoof over the simple circle in the wax and wondered… Was the strange mare’s mark so simple? Or didn’t she have one? Applejack wasn’t certain which thought felt strangest in her mind, but with a shrug and a swipe of her hoof to tear the seal, she was soon reading the note…. and trying not to notice the faint hint of perfume on the paper.
It read:
Oh glorious apple-flower of the fields!
Alas, as always, the finest of treasures present eludes my grasp and power, it seems. Such cruel irony that no kiss, heart, love or slap on your glorious apple bespeckled posterius would be even half as sweet stolen as given!
Do you have any idea what a glorious torment it is to know you just might be able to perform the poetic cliche of plucking down the moon for one’s desired… only to just as well know she’d buck you clean in the jaw and bring the moon back to its rightful mistress?
“You got that bit right, you overgrown magpie…” The slightly blushing Applejack muttered.
‘Tis rather vexing. It might even drive a pony to… lunar larceny lunacy.
Applejack let out a groan and face-hoofed before continuing reading.
But to be truthful and with no jokes, it really is quite vexing. The paradox of it, you see? You are without a doubt the pony that has seen the most of me without any masks on… but I can’t actually show any of the fairer sides of myself without compromising those masks.
To be blunt… I have tired and this dance is sadly no longer fun. Tonight was my last performance.
You and your companions will find the orb sitting on the roof. Stealing it was fun, but I’m not mad enough to keep something like that. It just screams corrupting thing of horrible horribleness.
Feeling rather conflicted Applejack lowered the small letter and looked towards Rainbow. “Uhh… says here she left the orb on the roof?”
The entire group balked at hearing that, but Rainbow flew off to check. And indeed, only moments later Rainbow came flying back with something black in her hooves. She dropped the orb back into its place.
Then Rainbow noticed how she was not casting a shadow. Her head darted around, only to just catch a shadowy tail slink away down the entrance. “Hey, come back!” she screamed before giving chase.
Applejack ignored the puzzled looks and continued reading.
It was just so exciting for a while. The perilous plans! The rooftop chases! The breakneck flights! The glorious treasures… and the finest jewel of them all amidst the rest that not even my powers seemed to reach.
That’s the thing though, isn't it? It was so exciting.
This saddens me, but let it never be said that Death Darkness can not take a hint. I’ve seen the sneers and wrinkled lips at my notes and gifts. I had hoped that with enough charms I may have won you over, but…
I guess... I just wish we had met under different circumstances, as simple and yet heartbreaking as that is.
I have given you jewels and treasures, only to see them returned within moments. Gold and silver in mounds, only for the police to cart them off. Even the star was placed once more in its proper place in the heavens the very next night…
I have little hope this will work where so many other gifts failed and since I doubt I will see you even from afar again it may be a cruelty should it work… but inside the envelope you will find two last mementos. Plucked and prepared both by my hoof without any but fair play involved.
Do with them, as always, as you wish. I hope, however, that you have enjoyed our dances enough for the memories to be dear, at least.
The would be princess of your heart.
Your admi
Sigh. Listen to me. The master-thief who’s had her heart stolen by the most honest mare around. How cliche can you get?
I guess I realized all along I wasn't good enough… but I was hoping to find out I was wrong.
May you live long and happily.
//Death Darkness.
Applejack really didn't know what to think after having finished reading the letter. She passed the note to Rarity who, despite herself, was all but giddily rubbing her hooves together, before checking the envelope. Out came a tiny bouquet of withered forgetmenot blossoms, so small that it had barely dented the envelope and a single primary to large to be from any normal pegasus even if it hadn't been a black so dark it seemed to drink the light around it.
Applejack stared at the two objects hard enough that Cadance came over to cheek. She winced at what she saw. “That isn't a very cheery bit of symbolism.”
Rainbow came back dragging her struggling shadow in a lock around its neck. Applejack used the distraction to stuff the small things back into the envelope and then into her hat.
Rarity let out a sad little gasp. “Oh, the poor dear…”
Twilight snatched the letter and started quickly skimming it with a frown. “WHAT?!” she shouted as she finished. Celestia quickly snagged the letter before her student bursting into fury fueled magical flames could destroy the paper. “She can’t bucking quit! What kind of foul and wicked waste of magic just quits?!”
Celestia, done with her own skim of the letter, gently lifted the struggling Twilight in her magic and started trotting off. “Twilight Sparkle, enough. This is utterly beneath you.”
“DID YOU SEE WHAT SHE DID?!” Twilight bellowed, only to struggle harder.
Celestia let out a deep sigh. “And it will hardly be the first time, or the last, somepony will attempt to drive you to anger with taunts.” The old alicorn’s eyes drifted to the black mass near covering the room that was only now starting to evaporate in the light. “Even if I must admit that was quite a bit crasser than what even I am used to.”
Twilight opened her mouth to protest again, but was cut off as Celestia just teleported the both of them.
Luna looked up from the letter and addressed Applejack. “Just what did she give you?”
The farm pony fidgeted and put off answering by climbing out of her pot. “Just… a primary and a small bunch o’ flowers.”
Luna’s ears perked at the mentions of flowers. “The girl is mad, but she likes her dramatics… what type?”
Wordlessly, Applejack reached down into her hat and showed the small bunch of desiccated blue flowers. Luna let out a small wince at the sight. “I see…” Luna said before letting out a sigh. “I guess there is little more we can do but wait and see if this is genuine.”
Applejack couldn't help but stare a little at the tiny bouquet before gently placing it back into her hat. “...Don’t like to admit it, but… she’s bluffed before alright, but never in one of the letters to me.” The farm pony coughed into a hoof at her friends snickers. “At least not what I've noticed.”
Fluttershy, fittingly enough, fluttered out of her pot and hesitatingly trotted over to her orange friend. “...Um… are you alright, AJ?”
The mare in question gave a small shrug, trying to put into words what she was feeling at the moment. “I know she’s falser than a smile on a gator, and about as safe too… But...” Applejack took her hat off and plucked out the primary, frowning as she looked as it twisted on the end of her hoof. After several long moments of silence she let out a sigh and re-pocketed the feather. “I just… ain't certain how to feel about an alicorn claiming they're not good enough for me.”
Fluttershy pulled her into a hug. Applejack didn't resist, but she didn't join in it either.
The Princess of the Night shifted her gaze towards the broken window her stars were just starting to become visible through as the storm abated. Just above the rooftops, the light of dusk was starting to be chased away by the dark. She hid it well, years of practice aiding in that endeavor, but part of her cringed and raged as she could hear even a city such as this start to slow and quiet down as the night arrived. “The stars themselves damn it….” she thought, “...why must the only pony I’ve met with even near the same powers be a mad-mare that ravels in her misuse of the same?”
Outwardly however, the dark alicorn just let out a soft sigh. “I guess we can do little but wait and see…”
With a grunt Death Darkness lowered her hoof and fell down onto the sofa with a grunt; she was near bathed in sweat. “Dammit…” she panted out, “I guess doing all that across town was pushing it a bit.”
No longer in the mood, she used the remote to switch the TV off before rolling onto her back; casting the apartment into unnaturally deep darkness once more. Death Darkness lifted her hooves and just watched as shadows writhed over them. With a sigh, she let them rest on her stomach. “Yeah, I really look like the character that gets the girl in the end…” Just barely resisting the urge to punch the wall, she instead punched her hooves together with a near deafening crack. “What’s the point of having powers like this if I can’t even have any fun with ‘em without having everypony and their dogs hunting me down?” she snarled.
“Keep it down!” it came from above. “Seriously, some of us have tomb rai— I mean, too much writing to do tomorrow!”
Death Darkness rolled her eyes. “Do I need to rub that darn contract in your face, Yearling?”
“Aha!” Came the triumphant reply from upstairs. “It is now one minute past ten!”
Death Darkness swooned backwards over her couch while nearly rolling her eyes clean out of their sockets. “Oh no! The horrorz! Truly, my reign of terror is undone!”
A sigh drifted down through the floor slash ceiling. “Seriously, Ruddy, must we do this every-time? I really do have something important coming up tomorrow.”
Death Darkness grumbled, but relented. “Fine, fine…” She gave a half-hearted wave towards the ceiling. “G’night you crazy coot.”
Yearling mumbled a similar sentiment, before shifting in her bed and making the roof creak slightly.
Death Darkness stifled a yawn with her hoof. “Darn,” she thought, “I guess I’m a bit more tired than I thought. Yearling’s a stick in the mud, but perhaps she’s right this time.” The black alicorn scratched at her plot again. “I do have whatever that thing Daring called me for tomorrow, after all.” In her minds eye, her dreams of ‘Death Darkness, the master thief’ fluttered away like carrion birds scared away from their bit of roadkill. “Can’t say it’s the same, but a bit of spelunking slash tomb-raiding might be a good palate cleanser.”
Not even bothering to fake the normalcy of actually getting up and walking to bed, Death Darkness just merged with the shadows and re-materialized in her bed. She grumbled herself under her covers and pulled her ratty teddy, Mr. Doombringer, to herself.
The black alicorn yawned and felt how she’d started drifting off, but before she could her eyes settled on the small photo in a frame on her bed-rest. It was probably quite stupid of her to keep it so openly and she knew it… but she simply couldn't bring herself to lock it away somewhere.
The simple Polaroid would have puzzled most ponies. It showed a whole mass of creatures that only near a hoof-full of ponies in the kingdom would have been able to identify; superficially like minotaurs, but thinner built and without much smoother features. A whole throng of the strangely dressed creatures could be seen, but the focus was on three in the foreground.
To the left, a rather chubby looking sheet ghost giving a thumbs-up to the camera. It was a bit vague thanks to the ‘costume,’ but the pale hand looked sturdy enough that the creature almost certainly was male.
On the right, a dark brown skinned male with short hair was dressed in a crappy looking toilet-paper mummy costume and smiling towards the camera; showing his canines.
And in the middle, with both the others making bunny ears behind him, a short male caked in black makeup stood smiling wide with his red eyes —in truth, party lenses over his green eyes— sparkling from barely held back humor. He had wings on his shoulders and a horn taped to his forehead; both clearly made from chicken wire, badly made newspaper paper-mache and a sloppy coat of black paint. He was dressed in black slacks and a hoodie, while holding a sign saying: “Most original and bestest OC ever!”
Death Darkness couldn't help but smile, even as her heart ached. “Wow,” she mumbled, “Wonder what you two would think if you could see me now?”
Letting out a final yawn for the night, Death Darkness drifted off into the land of dreams, dreaming on how she’d gotten where she was today....
I would like to remind everybody that I got this idea while I had a fever.
For those of you not versed in the language of flowers:
Forgetmenots are tiny blue flowers, symbolizing true love and a plea to never be forgotten.
A withered bouquet is love rejected.
So, yeah... 
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Bloody died laughing... But uhh... Alicorn, not pegacorn. At least not if its a pony saying it. If Double D there uses pegacorn it has comedic value as it implies that she knows its the wrong term and is just using it to rile ponies up.
I like it. Give me another!
4082163
Oh, I rather like that idea! Think I'll actually use it, I'll just give it a few hours to see if I get any more feedback.
But glad you liked it!
4082178
Glad to hear! Might be a while though, I have a really hard time writing in third person, but it was really the only perspective that made sense for this fic.
4082246
And I'm glad to have been of service. If you'd like I can put you in touch with an editor friend of mine. If he's not too busy he'll probably help ya out. Just PM me if you want, not gonna hand out contact info in a comment for everyone to read.
4082516
Fair enough, and probably rather wise at that.
PM sent.
I'm confused is DD a female alicorn that used to be a dude? BTW, this seems like a great story.
4082641
Bingo.
And glad you like it so far.
It looks great so far. I can't wait to see how will you continue.
4082516 I know that it sounds rude and such, but... Do you know any good editors that might be willing to help me as well?
4082929
I can ask around. The guy I was going to put LoD here in contact with is too busy atm to help out with any more projects. Sorry. For this kind of thing its better to just PM me. Like I said, I'd rather not give out contact details for anyone in a public comment.
Oh god. This is beautiful
I'm the 10th like!
Yay!
Challenge accepted
This was both hilarious and bittersweet at the same time. Maybe one day she might get lucky and Applejack will return her feelings, even dark heroes deserve some loving. ( cause she reminds me of Shadow the hedgehog with her dark powers but genuine heart )
As a Grammar Nazi, I like this story. Admittedly, the ellipsis usage is a little excessive, but I'm guilty of it myself.
Erm, right.
I like this story! More, please?
...Wow. Just... wow.
I would say something bad, if I could.
But... no.
Let's cut this short: This is the kind of story that is a mockery and yet, the pinnacle of the category.
Bravo!
I hope you'll continue it soon!
-Zeph
This was great
more pls 
4087746 you have the prettiest oc ever
Alicorn. It would be okay if DD said "pegacorn" just to annoy other characters, but canonically the correct term is "alicorn".
Probably meant gaseous.
they're
Overall a good start. I can't wait to see where this story goes from here.
reads the first line
I LOVE IT. A WELL-DESERVED LIKE. YOU MISERABLE BASTARD.
4088144 Wank wu!
Um, that was... sort of... touching, or something? I'd give up bacon consuming shadow powers if it meant Applejack's love.
Very interesting story. I love the twist with you're character being in love with Applejack.
In which I read something that breaks my mind and only one thing is obvious:
...
...
Needs more peaches.
Icing on the cake if she's also a balloon
I tried. But it just isn't my taste of comedy. Sorry.
The most hilarious part is the note the author got...
>>>>For example, you still don't fixed seven improper uses of....>>>
Grammer nazi's, HAVE AT IT!!!
And just then, Alondro's OC appeared... Lord Alondro, the Deus Ex Insert (LAtDEI, for short)!
His shining, variegated visage shown with every color in the spectrum IN THE EXTREME, causing instant blindness to all who dared look upon his majesty!
LAtDEI smote the boring black alicorn OC (too boring to ever have red stripes) and was once more victorious, as he always was because he is JUST SO FRIGGIN OP THAT NOT EVEN GOKU IS OP ENOUGH TO BEAT HIM!!
Got a quick fix for you.
Pretty sure that you want lock there.
The 'ironically bad OC' part only seems to be her powers and not her personality, which make the 'bad OC' ironically good. keep this going I'm loving this.
4088433
But then Goku turns God-SSJ3 and hops through the ironically bad story ponifying machine and whups the LAtDEI into nothingness, gives him a senzu bean, and lets him go free, never to be heard of or seen again.
4082246
I enjoyed it, but honestly I'm more interested in what he/she is doing after this chapter than before it. We get the gist of the past anyway in this chapter, and it seems to me this story would work better focusing on the future. Not to say a couple of minor flashbacks would be out of place, but flashbacks, especially long flashbacks are rather overused on this site. Honestly if it does focus entirely on the past from now on I'll probably unfavorite it, but I guess we'll see.
TLDR: Nice intro, please don't in medias res.
Congratulations. This got featured. Now if you'll excuse me, I'mmona go commit the suicides.
Fourth time's the charm, right guys?!
I have no idea where I'm going with life......
Dude...as a plot line, this is kind of cliche, but as a character study it's gold! The complexities of the characters you have put in here are astounding, canon and fanon alike! You have earned a like, a favorite, and a very eager fan!
I'm not sure why, but I spent a good three minutes laughing at that line.
Have an upvote.
This is great and I encourage you to keep writing and updating this.
Not a big fan of Alicorn OC's but this seams interesting enough so I'll give it a fav and see were it takes me from here.
FEATURED!
i.imgur.com/Zt6MXLf.png
"snort snort" Magic.
It was enjoyable enough, but it could have been better.
It was very exposition-heavy, and sometimes the dialogue was a bit labored. I spotted a few spelling and grammar errors, but those can easily be buffed out. The prose was actually very well done, kudos.
There's only one problem that really sticks me in the side like a thorn:
Applejack calls someone a "git".
Applejack calls someone a "git" twice.
Finished reading it...
That was honestly good, I mean it was honestly a genuine and good story, good on ya'll and keep going! FOR PONIES! FOR GLORY!
Well, regardless on the subject's 'parody' nature I'm still down-voting this like every other human fic I find.
Gotta stick to my principals.
Ah... that was really nice. Sort of melancholy.
I don't mind a story that features a powerful character like this. You can generate conflict for a story in ways that can't be solved with application of godly might easily enough, so it's just a different sort of story. And this one seems particularly well written, even for such a weird premise.
I seriously hope to see more of this in the future.
4089823
Acting on knee-jerk vitriol based on premise alone.
Gotta pity people like that.
I really want to give you a lecture on what Irony is and isn't (for instance, I'm pretty sure that your use of the word in the title isn't correct at all - and I'm also pretty sure that that doesn't make it an "ironic" use of the word "ironic," either), but -
1: It's 1:30 AM where I am, and -
2: The more I think about it, the less I understand what Irony actually is (expect that it isn't what your title implies it is)
Note that I haven't actually read this yet, and from the comments and feature-box I'm guessing it's actually kind of funny, but honestly I'm too hung up on the "irony" thing to let it go without a condescending remark like the one I'm typing right now.
EDIT: Narrowed it down (yes i copy-pasted it from tvtropes shut up)
-It is not a lie.
-It is not a joke.
-It is not a coincidence.
-It is not merely anything unexpected.
-It is not the same as sarcasm. <<< (same principal as "parody" or "intentionally bad" so there's the problem with your title)
-It is not something Alanis Morissette understands. Or maybe she does?
NOW TO ACTUALLY READ THIS STORY
Okay yeah, that was pretty awesome.
And I'm 87% sure it contained several correct uses of irony, so my contempt for all humanity is quelled, for now.
4089823
Your principals? Are you perchance a big shot school magnate?
Holy fucking balls.
I actually avoided the shit out of this when I saw this in the just added section. I regret it so hard now, though.
So. Freaking. Hard.
OH, HELL, I forgot to point out the typos.
“I just… ain't certain how to feel about a alicorn claiming their not good enough for me.”
An alicorn and they're - or better yet, she's.
Twilight says 'revengeance', which wouldn't be a problem for Pinkie, but this is Twilight Fucking Sparkle, who likely reads the dictionary cover to cover bimonthly.
"Rarity who had been left mostly pristine… if thanks to quick thinking and a simple shield rather than aim, let out a soft, polite cough."
'If ONLY because of' OR just 'thanks to'
There are likely others but I'm on an ipad and don't want to type too much on this thing.
4088148
She's talking in an accent, like this:
Mah names Applejack, an' ahm ah farmer, s'till.
4090340
Actually, I'm not doing that for this fic.
It is a typo and I'm just about to fix it..