Daring Do

by GaPJaxie

Morphine, Part 2

Author’s Note: Morphine Part 2 is where it all falls apart, and where Siren learns the hard way that you can’t force someone to be happy. No matter how hard Siren tries, Green keeps being angry and discontented, and they aren’t True Friends like Celestia taught her they should be. Eventually, after many weeks, Siren starts to get frustrated and angry with Green. Her growing relationship with Golden Palm is some comfort, but not enough.

This was really a buildup chapter, with a few early, fluffy scenes with Golden Palm serving to set the pacing for the final explosion.

Daring Do, Chapter 11, Scene 5: “Siren Contemplates the Loss of Her Virginity”

“Do you wanna like... do something?” Golden Palm asks quietly, his voice distant and distracted. I can feel his wings gently pressing against me as they hang limp by his sides. He doesn’t open his eyes when he talks, and his words are largely muffled by the pillow under his head. I understand him anyway though.

A pause for awhile. There’s no rush to answer. “I dunno,” I say. “Is sitting here and making out doing something?”

He too takes his time before he answers. “Yeah.” Then he adds. “Okay.”

So I kiss the top of his head, and lie down next to him on the couch.

Of course, he doesn’t actually want to make out. He doesn’t really want to do anything but sleep. He had three shifts yesterday and then had to close and do cleanup, then another two shifts today, including opening. I doubt he’s slept six hours in the last two days, and if he’d had any sense, he would have said he couldn't make this week and gone home to crash. So naturally, he showed up up at my door, determined to give me a good time when he could barely keep his eyes open.

It’s okay. I’m not dating him for his brains. And it was kind of cute, in a dopey way. So I let him in and told him I was tired and gosh can’t we just stay in instead? And that worked fine. Plus, we did kiss a little before he passed out, and that was fun.

I’m not as tired as he is, but I don’t mind the rest, so I go ahead and snuggle up against him as we lie there, and lift an ear to listen to his breathing. It’s nice, lying next to somepony and feeling them breathe. Feeling their heart beat. It’s relaxing, and it makes me feel close to him, and it gives me some time to think.

I try to get into his head, but his thoughts aren’t well formed enough right now to bring on a full vision. All I get is this vague feeling of contentment and lethargy, an animal warmth that saps his conscious mind. It’s actually quite pleasant, so I go ahead and listen in as we snuggle. I’ll check in on how his therapy went in a bit, but for now, this is nice. I feel comfortable. And I feel safe.

I double-check that last bit real quick, shutting my eyes and extending my senses outwards. I still don’t know the why or the how of what Heart’s Desire does to me, but the what is pretty straightforward. I can look into somepony’s heart when they’re right in front of me—when I’m touching them or when I look into their eyes—and I can sense everything that’s going on in or around the apartment as long as I’m inside. It’s strange, but it explains a lot about how Rarity works. Now I understand why Trixie can run rings around her in the city, but she’s omniscient in her little kingdom. And this apartment? This is my kingdom.

It doesn’t take me long to sort through all the ponies in the building. I’m not interested in reading their petty, irritating thoughts, so I just do a cursory check for hostile intentions. Nopony is plotting me harm or worrying I’ll detect them, and that’s all the reassurance I need. It’s a relief to contract my awareness inwards, to tune out the irritating babble outside and focus on this little space. My space. Golden Palm hasn’t moved, and Green is pacing around upstairs, thinking about—

So I just sit there, and stare at the woodcuts, like I expect them to solve my problems for me. I don’t even know why I have them. Ain’t no sense in getting attached to this place. I’m probably not going to be here long, and besides, the more I get settled the more Trixie has to hang over my head next time she wants something. I should have just left these to the rot, or tossed them, but Siren was just so... I don’t know. It seemed like a good idea when she said it.

I pick up one of the cuts and consider it. It’s one of the ones I made, back when I was on Hard Wood. It’s a cut of the family farm, with Rambling Ridge off in the distance. I turn it over for a bit, looking over the cuts. They’re pretty amateurish.

I guess hanging up a few things won't do no harm.

—the woodcuts. Good. She’ll have a lot of fun hanging those up. That’ll keep her busy for awhile, so I draw in even further, until it’s just me and Golden Palm.

That feels nice.

I think he’s dreaming about me. Not a full on dream—his thoughts are still too primitive for that—but I sense some excitement under the lethargy. A tinge of warmth, and energy, and maybe a little arousal. It’s distant, but he fell asleep next to his very special somepony, so it would make sense. I lift my head and nuzzle up against him, kissing the side of his head and letting my breath run over his face. That tinge inside him sharpens, and he kicks a little in his sleep. That makes me giggle.

Definitely dreaming about me.

I haven't really decided what I’m going to do about that. When the time comes, that is. Making out with him is fun. He’s not really attractive, and he’s not a great kisser, but he’s easy and it isn’t complicated. He knows I’m the best he’s ever going to get. Which is probably why he has a bit more than kissing on his mind. He’s not forward or anything—he’s actually a perfect gentlestallion externally—but I know what he’s thinking, and, well... I know very well I can’t turn around for two seconds without him checking me out. I’ve even been in his head when he was fantasizing about me, and that was a little unsettling.

Not bad though. Once I got used to it.

And it’s not like I’ve decided the answer is no. Romance isn’t really my biggest worry right now, but I can’t stay a virgin forever. I’m a little nervous, yeah, but that’s normal isn’t it? And I kind of want to know what it’s like.

That doesn’t mean the answer is yes either though. I mean, sure, Golden Palm makes me feel good, but I could totally do better. And he’s very Vision. Do I really want my first time to be with a stallion who thinks hangings are public entertainment? Or that it’s okay for police to beat ponies for looking at them funny? And then there’s the... biting thing.

I know it’s not just him. I’ve seen mares with teeth marks on their ears. Echo bit Zephyr’s ear when they were together. Golden Palm isn’t the only stallion in Vision who’s into it. But he is into it. It features in quite a few of those fantasies of me. Scenes where he has my head yanked back and I’m so overwhelmed by it all. I guess it’s not... bad. He doesn’t mean it in a degrading way like Echo did with Zephyr. It’s not arousing because it causes me pain, so that’s good, but... it doesn't seem very fun.

For me, I mean. I’m pretty sure it’s fun for the stallion. Wish fulfillment and all that. And then there was that dream I had with Green and that felt pretty cool. But that was different.

I could say yes-but-none-of-that if I wanted, but I don’t think I will. Then I’d have to put up with feeling that restrained urge the whole time he was on top of me. It would be like a sour note in the performance. Half of what makes him so special is that he’s uncomplicated. I make him happy, and he adores me, and that’s it. He’s perfect at being what he is. And that’s all I really want.

Maybe I’ll say yes. All those other mares put up with it after all.

A quiet chiming echoes through the apartment, a set of bells ringing nine times. Nine o’clock already? And it’s Sunday, so that means time for Green’s medication—and mine as well. I carefully extract myself from the couch, moving slowly so as not to wake Golden Palm. Green is coming down the steps as well. It’s been awhile since she’s showered, so she’s leaving these greasy hoofprints everywhere. But, she’s not conscious of it, so I don’t do anything to point it out.

“Shh,” I raise a hoof to my lips and point at Golden Palm. Green nods, and pads over to the kitchen with me. We open the cabinets, and all the bottles are laid out there. She has quite the collection: Fashion Diva, Changeling, QuikFix, Stare and more, not to mention all her tonics. My collection is relatively small: Daring Do, vultiphine, and the five tonics Doctor Stable gave me. It’s the same ritual for both of us though, getting a glass and measuring out the precise amounts.

“So, he’s cute,” Green says, and before I can shush her, Golden Palm stirs.

“Yes, Sea Change,” he mumbles, twisting against the pillow and flexing his stunted wings. “You’re very cute. All over...”

I play-glower at Green as he nods off again, and I’m rewarded with a little smile. Very good! She’s actually playing along. That’s a lot of progress for her. Of course, it’s not as solid as it seems. There’s a tension there, and I can feel the retort building up inside her. Three, two...

“And he’s not a marker too,” she says, without breaking stride. “That’s nice. Y’know, in case you end up serious. Y’don’t want a husband who will go insane and vomit up his own guts.” She fixes me with a stare. “I mean, that could get real awkward.”

Author’s Note: You can see where this is going. I mean really, Siren, you’re so nice! I can’t imagine why Rarity thought you were her heir.

It’s when Siren catches Green contemplating her bottle of strychnine that it all finally goes off the rails.

Daring Do, Chapter 11, Scene 8: Siren Uses Her Voice

“Yes, Green!” I shout, striking the table with a hoof. She’s leaning in, trying to get in my personal space and knock me off guard, but I just lean in right back. We’re a little past the point she could physically intimidate me, and a good glare shows her exactly how stupid she’s being! “Yes,” I lower my voice, but keep a good angry hiss in it. “You’re dying. We’re all dying. We’re all dying the moment we’re born. But we don’t sit there and contemplate how we’re going to end it!”

“No, Sweetheart. You don’t.” She lets out a sharp snort. “Because you’re young, and because you’re stupid, and you think it’ll never happen. You think…” Her next breath comes hard, and I can hear a wheeze inside her throat. “Ya’ll think you can take whatever you want and it’ll never come back to you. But me. I’m at the point that this is a substantive concern!”

“Oh you’re in a little pain. Boo-hoo,” I sneer down at her. It’s what she respects. I know her, and I know her mind, and I can read her thoughts and I know she’s asking me to slap some sense into her. I just don’t know why it’s taking so long. “Life is pain. You taught me that. And you know what else you taught me? To shut up and stop whining so much! There are ponies who need you, Green! Need you. Ponies you’ll be leaving behind if you take the coward’s way out.”

“I ain’t afraid of being in pain, Sea Change. I’m afraid of turning into one of those things in the wharf.” Her tone and volume drop as she speaks, and when she tries to breathe in, another wheeze comes. She holds her hoof to her chest and turns away from me, taking a moment to catch her breath. A half-step puts some distance between us, pulling us out of our nose-to-nose stance. “And I ain’t sure there are ponies who need me.”

“I need you,” I step up beside her, and see that she’s rubbing her hoof off on the table leg. Trying to get the sweat off. She’s so sweaty she almost glistens in the light, and it’s perfectly obvious she thinks it's disgusting. She’s waiting for me to pull away, to be disgusted that she’s dirtying my pretty grey coat with her marker sweat. All this so she can feel all justified that she’s something dirty. I swear, what’s it take for that mare to be happy? But no. I’m not giving her the satisfaction. So I step forward, and I give her a hug. I give her a hug and breathe in that smell and let the oil soak into my coat.

She freezes. Surprise. Good. I squeeze her tighter, and take a deep breath near her ear so I know she’ll hear it. Then I let the breath out, and lower my voice. “I need you, Green. You’re my friend. You’re the first friend I ever had. You saved me from Rarity. And you protected me when nopony else could.” I nuzzle against her, and her slick sweat coats my cheek and muzzle. “And now I want to repay you, Green. I want you to be happy again.”

“I…” She pauses. Finally. “I know that, Sweetheart. Sea Change. And this time here with you… well.” Her tail lowers, and her voice lowers with it. It becomes something soft. Something warm. “I didn’t want it to work. But heck if you haven’t made it work. I haven’t felt so good in a long time. Not since the old days before it all went wrong. It’s like things are magical again.” Good. Good.

But then she pushes me away, and reaches up to rub her sweat off my face. “But you just gotta accept… there’s only so much you can do for me. No matter how nice things get. Even if things were as nice as the old days. At this point I’m just running out the clock. All you’re really doing is making me comfortable before I go.” She takes a breath, shuts her eyes and lets it out through her nose. “And I ain’t the type to be overly concerned with my own comfort. Not saying I’m going today but…”

She swallows, and nods to me. “If it’s all the same, I’d much rather see you go and live a long and happy life up top then stay down here to take care of me. It’s been good…” She lowers her voice. “It’s been good, Siren. But I think maybe you should go.”

I stare at her. I just stare. What can I say? What can I possibly say to that?

That unbelievably selfish witch.

“I’m sorry, what?” I tilt my head to one side, taking a half-step after her as I narrow my eyes. “I’m sorry. I think I might have misheard you. You wanna say that again?”

“You tried hard to make it work, but it—”

“Oh no,” I lift a hoof, pointing for her attention. “No no. I didn’t try hard.” I keep my voice low, but hard and sharp, my muzzle pulled back so far she can see my teeth. “I stood there and smiled as you used a punch to the jaw as a way to say hello. I hiked across half the city to find a kitten, so the adoption shelter wouldn’t realize you murdered the first one. I took a job carrying parcels for rich earth ponies who think it’s funny to make a unicorn carry their things. I gave up a life in a palace and indebted myself to a terrifying crime lord! And I did it all,” my voice wavers up and down, despite my best efforts, “just to make you happy. Just because I wanted to be your friend, Green.”

“I didn’t ask you to do that!” She glowers, stumbling slightly as she takes a half-step back onto her prosthetic leg. “In fact I told you not to.”

“Of course you told me not to. That’s the point!” I honestly don’t see how she can get this. I know she’s not that thick. If she were thick she’d be easy to control! “You were in pain!” I reach out to her, pressing a hoof to her chest. Right over her heart. “You told me to leave because you were were miserable and didn’t think your life had value. So I gave it value.”

Green grimaces. Like she ate something sour. Slowly, but firmly, she pushes my hoof away. “You can’t give ponies value, Sweetheart. And even if you could, I didn’t ask you to do what you did. I ain’t in your debt and I don’t owe you a thing.”

“All I want in return is for you to give it a chance, Green,” I lift my hoof to my own chest, gesturing for emphasis. “That’s not a lot to ask.”

“If it’s a gift,” Green answers, “there ain’t no ‘in return.’ That’s what makes it a gift. You’re doing it just to be nice. Ain’t that the point?”

“Why is this so hard for you, Green?” I take a breath to try to calm down, and look at the floor. I know I shoudln’t let her get under my skin. Morphine is wearing off and that always puts me in a mood. But wow, I am not in the mood for this right now. “Heh. You’d be beautiful if you weren't so unhappy. You remember that? Sine told you that. Rider’s Ghost himself! You remember that?”

“Yeah…” Green says slowly. “I remember that.”

“Is there some reason you don’t want to be beautiful, Green?” I take another breath. Calming down not going so well. “Because you know, Sine was right. I can see what he saw in you. I can see it in your heart! This faithful, strong, beautiful mare.”

My pace picks up, and I lift my head. I point at her as I talk, enunciating every word clearly. “The mare he saw on that apple farm. The mare who knew there was something terribly wrong with her body, but never let it destroy her. The mare who had the strength to come to this city. The mare who protected me!” My voice is shaking, and I point again as I narrow my eyes at her. “That’s what I see when I look at you, Green. And all I want is for everypony else to see you the way I do! I don’t think that’s so unreasonable!”

“Siren…” Green takes a larger step back. Her breathing is coming faster. “Sweetheart. How do you know about that?”

“It wasn’t exactly secret, was it?” I let out a snort. “Or, I’m sorry, were you offended that I actually tried? That I bothered to drag you every painful step of the way? Because with every step, you fight me. Every step! You bellow at me, beat me, insult me, but I never give up on you. I drag you. And I drag you!” My voice rises to a shout, but I go ahead and let it. She deserves to know. My hoof is shaking, and I have to put it on the table to make it sit still. “And just when you are about to cross the line and finally be right! Suddenly, that’s not what you want. Because you don’t owe me anything.”

Green has, for some stupid reason, backed herself into the corner of the kitchen. Because apparently a dignified discussion is too much to ask. Whatever. I snort, and give a small shake of my head. “I just wanted to make you beautiful, Green. You could have had it all. And you decide you rather be an ingrate.”

No, wait.

Green’s eyes shrink to pinpricks, and she shrieks in terror. “No, Green! Not that way!” I shout, but she’s already running. She leaps over the kitchen island towards the door. “Green, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it! Not that—”

She pulls out her knife, and swings. Something hits the side of my head. “Not again!” she screams. “Not again!” She bucks. Her hoof hits me.

I’m lying on the floor. I’m lying on the floor and the apartment door is open. There’s a pool in the corner of my vision. Blood, I think. And my face is sticky. It burns, but not bad. Not like a real burn. “Green?” I call out. Nopony answers. I try to extend my senses out to the building, but I can’t feel her. She’s not there.

“Green?” I call again. “Green I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way.” My eye hurts. “Green please come back.”

I’m still lying there when I see tan in my vision. Saddlebags. Two cross fronds. “Sea Change!” Golden Palm shouts. Real fear in his voice. “Sea Change! What happened? No, don’t worry. Lie still. I’m going to bring you to a doctor.”

“No,” I say. He’s really afraid I’m going to die. He is. Just like the first time. Just like the first time I did this to him. “No, don’t. Golden. Don’t!” He ignores me, hefting me up onto his back. “Golden, don’t. I don’t deserve it. I’m evil and I just sent Green to die.” She didn’t bring any of her mantles with her. She’ll be alone in the slum again.

“Shh, it’s okay,” he coos. “Now be careful. We’ll-”

“I’m not even who you think I am!” I manage to shout. “I’m not Sea Change! I’m Siren Song. That’s how I knew you so well. I just ran into you and I missed you. I’m a terrible pony, Golden! I’m a terrible pony!” My vision is going blurry. “Please don’t save me this time.”

He’s quiet for a long time. Then he starts moving again. I pass out a few times along the way. There’s an elevator, the street, a cart. The smell of antiseptic. I remember a nurse giving me a shot.

Eventually, my eyes flutter open. I’m so tired. But I can tell where I am. There’s a hospital bed, but it’s got a weird shape. There’s metal bars that run over it, and my legs are locked in. Like the ones Green had, only I don’t think these are for my health. They’re restraints. holding me in place. I look around, and right beside me, there’s a pony. A yellow pegasus. I think she’s a doctor.

“Hello?” I ask. My voice is rough.

“Hello, Siren,” the yellow mare says. Her voice is so gentle. “How are you feeling?”

I ignore her question. “Who are you? What am I doing here?”

“You’re here,” she says, “Because a patient of mine, Golden Palm, brought you in. He was concerned you were suicidal. I’ve temporarily restrained you, for your own safety. As for me, I’m Fluttershy. I’ll be your doctor from now on. You see, Siren,” she explains, “you’re sick. You have an illness of the mind that compels you to hurt others. But we can help you.”

I lean up to look at her, and she gives an encouraging smile. “Don’t worry. It won’t hurt a bit.”

Comments

[Shadowrain1000]

Oh.

Oh no.

[Reese]

Well. That could have gone better.

[Luminous Lead]

I just wanted to make you beautiful, Green.

Oh. Oh boy. That ain't good. That ain't good at-all.

[Mendenbarr]

Wow