• Member Since 19th Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen 11 hours ago

Fluttercheer


Pony Author, Writer of Foal Stories, Storyteller, Equestrian Analyzer and occasional Pony Artist. You can support the stories I tell on Patreon to get nice rewards or tip me on Ko-fi (LINKS BELOW).

E
Source

Scootaloo loves cool things. Wearing a bow is something that would never come to her mind.
It's kitschy. It's cheesy. It's uncool.
Yet she did it last night to help Apple Bloom out of a complicated situation. But that was an exception. Help for a good friend, not more. She would never wear a bow again.
At least that's what Scootaloo thought. For some reason, she couldn't let go of Apple Bloom's bow.
Why does it make her feel so much more comfortable to wear it?



A little one-shot inspired by "Somepony to Watch Over Me".
I usually don't write shipfics, but Scootaloo wearing Apple Bloom's bow in that episode was too good of an opportunity to take a pass on writing one. And too much cuteness to resist.
Please let me know what you think about it in the comments.

Image used belongs to Socksthewarrior.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 22 )

Very cute indeed. :scootangel:

Maybe I should read your other stories, if only to fully understand the relationship you've got going between Scootaloo and Cheerilee.

Everytime

Surprisingly, there should be a space between those two words.

Cheerilee

I do believe the class refer to her as 'Miss. Cheerilee.' However, it is but a small preferability.

She stroke the fabric with her hoof.

Small error. I believe it should be 'stroked' or 'stokes' depending on the sentences continuation.

pegasi

I believe (Considering they're a species, akin to Humans.) that it should be spelt 'Pegasi'

She was trying a new stunt, a Double Backflip. She practiced this stunt hard,

Instead of a comma, I believe it should be a semi-colon: ;

“But this bow?”,

Remove the comma.

Suddenly, the feeling felt familiar.

This is what's called a fragment, very annoying, I know. However I believe it can be fixed by removing the comma and full stop in order to keep the sentence going, preventing it from being so.

Luckily they found a ice cave

Sorry, it should be 'an' not 'a'

Yes, it felt the same way. But why?

Unfortunately, another fragment. Easily solved by removing the full stop between the two and perhaps using an ellipses instead.

“Wait, why did I thought this?”,

Sorry, but the comma is not necessary.

“Yeah, I love Apple Bloom!”,

Unneeded comma.

She was feeling free now, it was like a big stone felt off of her heart.

Semi colon would be of better use here.

Her big feelings for Apple Bloom and all the thoughts she did in the last minutes had disspelled all the tiredness how she realized now. But now that she had become aware of her feelings it returned.

Small spelling error (The only one intact.) is should be a single 'S' not two.

I must say, I rather liked this fiction. Inner conflict is often cliche however I do believe it was used effectively here. The self doubt in one's emotions and the finding of love from a mere piece of apparel is very interesting indeed. And I do think this website is seriously lacking in good Scootaloom content that is actually to be considered 'good' and it is nice of me to announce this officially fell into that tier.

Good day.

4078668
Thanks for your comment! It makes me happy that you like it! :scootangel:

And if you are interested in the relationship between Scootaloo and Cheerilee, you should read Journeys and Destinations: A Friendship for Eternity.
It doesn't belong to the same timeline like "Bows and Feelings", but I use this relationship for my whole fanfiction universe and I plan to explain their relationship in chapter 2.

4078683

First, thanks for your comment! I really appreciate your feedback! :scootangel:

Surprisingly, there should be a space between those two words.

I looked that up and found it indeed listed as a mistake. However, I also read that it's used more and more often in that way, which may cause that it become accepted soon, since language is living and is subjected to change if enough people change how they talk/write.
But anyway, according to my researches, it's still more common to write it separated so I will fix that.

I do believe the class refer to her as 'Miss. Cheerilee.' However, it is but a small preferability.

Aside from the fact that I do remember Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle calling her "Cheerilee" one time, I intended it that way.
That Cheerilee bought Scootaloo her scooter is a hint on their relationship.

Small error. I believe it should be 'stroked' or 'stokes' depending on the sentences continuation.

Right and thanks for the sharp eye! Will fix that!

I believe (Considering they're a species, akin to Humans.) that it should be spelt 'Pegasi'

I found conflicting sources for that. I think it can be written in both ways.

Instead of a comma, I believe it should be a semi-colon: ;

Semi colon would be of better use here.

Semicolon use is something new to me, so far I thought there's no rule that makes it necessary to use that. But I looked it up too and found you were right, so, this will be fixed.

Remove the comma.

Will be fixed!

This is what's called a fragment, very annoying, I know. However I believe it can be fixed by removing the comma and full stop in order to keep the sentence going, preventing it from being so.

Unfortunately, another fragment. Easily solved by removing the full stop between the two and perhaps using an ellipses instead.

It's the first time I heard of fragments and looked that up too.
The fragments I used here are called "intentional fragments". It's not a mistake.
But you're right with the comma in the first one, I just forgot to remove that. :scootangel:

Sorry, it should be 'an' not 'a'

And another rule learned! Thanks!

Sorry, but the comma is not necessary.

Unneeded comma.

I tried to find a rule for this case, but couldn't find a source unfortunately.
But when you speak these sentences out, you make a short pause after "Wait" and "Yeah", which is a good way to find out if a comma is needed or not, so, I guess there should be one.

Small spelling error (The only one intact.) is should be a single 'S' not two.

Thanks for the sharp eye again, will be fixed!

Thanks for all the tips! Although I couldn't agree on everything, you still helped me to find some mistakes and fixing them! And I learned some grammar rules in the process that will help me avoid these mistakes in the future!

I must say, I rather liked this fiction. Inner conflict is often cliche however I do believe it was used effectively here. The self doubt in one's emotions and the finding of love from a mere piece of apparel is very interesting indeed. And I do think this website is seriously lacking in good Scootaloom content that is actually to be considered 'good' and it is nice of me to announce this officially fell into that tier.

Oh wow, that's more praise than I hoped to get for this fanfiction! :raritystarry:
I consider myself as really sucking when it's about writing romantic stories, it either turns out as emotionless or it get's cheesy.
It can't be that good, can it?
Thanks for enjoying it and the kinds words! :scootangel:

And you're right with the Scootabloom fic's. There are almost none. There is almost no Scootabloom fanwork in general even, you can only find a hooffull on Scootabloom fanarts over on Deviantart, I'm not kidding.
All while the ScootaBelle shipping flourishes, which is kinda unfair.
If I would be better in writing romantic stories I would write my own Scootabloom fic, no, I would flood FIMFiction.net with those fics! :scootangel:

4079346 Your nice words are heralded and your thanks is very much appreciated, you thank you. If you ever need assistance on a story or anything of the sort, don't fret to ask. I will reply almost immediately. Now, I believe I shall depart to my room to acquire much needed sleep.

Good Day (Or night in my current case, however the implication is still present.)

4079377 Thanks for your offer! I gladly accept it!
And good night to you too! :scootangel:

Well, that was cute. I don't exactly ship it, but it was still cute.:yay:

I'll just say this though: the way it was written made it hard to read. Sometimes the bad grammar jolted me out of the story and it didn't feel right. Not just the grammar, though. The flow of the story was very stop-and-go. You never really described any of the surroundings. Describe the atmosphere of the room, describe how her hoofsteps were heavy as she dragged herself to her room. Add in something to immerse me into the story, because with the vague descriptions here, it was very hard for me to picture anything. Did her wings ever flutter in excitement? Did her eyes ever widen, did her voice crack? I'm picking up what you're putting down, but I need more. :raritydespair:
Also, something else isn't right here. You wrote that she put the bow in her mane before she lied down, but then she has it in her hooves. I suppose that, yeah, she took it out of her mane, but there was nothing indicating it. It was just "In her mane-in her hooves". This happened again toward the end.:trixieshiftleft:

That's not to say that this story is bad, though. I'm mainly looking at formatting here. I really like the concept and I like the emotions. I like how you hinted that Cheerilee is related to Scootaloo and I like how you compared her affection toward Applebloom to that of her scooter. It was very cute and actually very deep, and I loved that. :pinkiesmile:

Anyway, I'm reviewing for Weekly Watch, and even though I'm not an official reviewer yet, I thought I'd contribute anyway. :twilightsmile:

4079954

Thank you for this comment! It shows me again how important it is to get feedback, because, I thought I already described enough.
To take the stairs scene for example, I thought it would be better not to describe much, because Scootaloo is tired and wants only to go to bed as fast as she can, and that every description of her surroundings would just give the feeling that she isn't in such a hurry anymore suddenly.
But now that I thought over it, this is nonsense, only because I describe the surroundings it doesn't mean that Scootaloo recognizes that all and pays attention, cause a description must not be written by her point of view. Thanks for pointing this out!
I already seriously thought to submit this to EQD, especially because I could clean quite a bunch of grammar mistakes thanks to my last commenter here, but now I will wait with that.
I guess it's time for me to get some serious support when it's about english grammar, I thought I only make a few mistakes, but it seems that there are more than I thought.
So, I will search through the various groups here that can help me with that before I write something new.
And I will eventually give that one here a makeover.

Also, something else isn't right here. You wrote that she put the bow in her mane before she lied down, but then she has it in her hooves. I suppose that, yeah, she took it out of her mane, but there was nothing indicating it. It was just "In her mane-in her hooves". This happened again toward the end.:trixieshiftleft:

No, I was explaining that:

She rolled on her back again and took the bow out of her mane. She held it in front of her face with both hooves and inspected it.

It seems that you weren't captured by my story enough because of missing descriptions of the surroundings, so, is this maybe the reason why you overread it?
I always thought on describing everything as detailed as possible already when I wrote "The Best Present She Could Wish For", but somehow I just realized now how important it is to describe not only the thoughts and actions of characters, but also their surrounding area, sounds, the look of things, architecture, lighting conditions, ect.
I think I was not aware of it how important that is until now. Thanks for making me realizing that!

And thanks for the compliments too! The idea with the feelings for her scooter in comparison to her feelings for Applebloom/her bow came completely spontaneously while writing (like most things I write, I rarely plan a story) and I thought it would be a good way to show that off.
I'm glad that it turned out like I have planned it. :pinkiehappy: Really, thank you for your comment! :scootangel:
It let me make a giant leap forward!

4080354 You're very welcome! And here is a writing guide that helped me while I was writing my stories! It's very well-written and it makes a lot of good points, and I'm a better writer because of it. I hope it helps you out as well. :twilightsmile:

4080366 Awesome! :scootangel: Thanks, I will read that!

4080434 Not a problem! :pinkiehappy:

4080797

No problem, I'll just wait!
Oh, and don't rush your story. Take your time for writing it.
It's not necessarily healthy to have a schedule for ending a fanfiction, since this could limitate you too much.
Just take time for it, there's no need to rush your story.

Comment posted by WishSeeker deleted May 13th, 2015

I like this story and i really hope to see more of it in the future :scootangel:

5970945

YAY, I love it when older stories get new readers! I'm glad you liked it and thanks for the fave! :scootangel:
And maybe I will write more Scootabloom in the future, because Scootabloom is OTP and there's a severe lack of Scootabloom shipping in the fandom and if I do, then you're in for a treat because I'm a lot better now than I was when writing this story!

Edit: And thanks for submitting the story to the ScootaBloom group! :scootangel: :applecry:

5970945

I just saw that my fanfic is the first one you favourited after registering here, which is a huge honor, thanks for that and for the follow! :scootangel:

5972856
No problem, I always like reading older stories but only recently registered, I love how you also reply to comments, so thx. :twilightblush:

5973214

And not only that, I'm also the first one you follow here! I'm running out of "thanks" supplies, but I have to give you one more:

Thank you so much! :scootangel:

5973439

Oh and I would love to see more Scootabloom. I think people forget about these two but a come back is in order.

I may even start to write a few stories of my own but first I want to read more of other people's work.

So again thx for taking the time to reply. :scootangel:

5973704

It's always a pleasure to talk with readers who like my stories. :scootangel:
Also, a comeback of Scootabloom? Is something planned in that regards? Please tell me about it!

This story is adorable.

11649516

And of a rare kind. There should be more Scootabloom in the fandom. Much more. But for some reason, Scootaloo always gets shipped with Sweetie Belle, even though Applebloom and her fit together much better. And then Tender Taps came and he stole Applebloom for the shipfics.
Scootabloom was never allowed to truly live. :pinkiesad2:

Login or register to comment