Lean Mean Spleen Unclean
Joined 25th Jan, 2014 ·
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*slow clap*
Well done, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. (3
wait......this all happened in three minutes?
4074121 i think her spell slowed down time but im not sure
Now I have a mental image of a horse clenching it's toes
lol
4075237
Good catch. I originally wrote this as humanized, but changed it after the fact. Apparently I didn't catch everything.
4075357
I'm very glad you decided to change it. I have an aversion to Humanized fics unless it adds to the story in some large way. I feel as though Humanizing the ponies is a cop out as an author.
4074470
Yes, the idea was that the spell slowed down time. I didn't want to beat readers over the head with it, though. Rather, I wanted to kind of lampshade the first chapter's notion of "time passing too slowly" with an unexpected inversion at the end.
Really well done here. So much teasing heightened the anticipation for the final scene quite well.
I'm glad you decided to switch away from humanized. I agree with 4075518 that unless it adds to the story in some large way, it tends to tarnish the story rather than helping it.
I really like the first person perspective on this. The little worries and such. Not sure why Cadance is just taking it instead of trying to dish out something in return. I like the inclusion of clueless Twilight and a knowing Celestia. She is a fun, little, mischievous devil.
"Boardroom" is one word; there should be a comma in front of the "and". I really don't think they combine dive bars and schoolyards.
comma
I see you are trying to use em dashes. Unfortunately they are not showing; for Windows the code is Alt+0151 and for Mac it is Shift+Option+-. There are also no spaces before or after em dashes.
"the bench—and by extension, his rod—take on a pistoning motion"
There are is a space after an ellipsis.
I didn't pick out everything; I was too engrossed in reading.
Awwwww yeah!
Just what is Cadance? She has hooves and toes?
I am confused once more.
Pretty sure horse "breasts" are called teats and are not high enough to be on the chest. It seems like they kept flicking between ponies and anthro ponies. At some point using magic to eat and drink and at others clenching newly formed toes during an orgasm.
4081669
See previous comment about how I originally wrote it as humanized characters, then I went back the following day and rewrote it to be normal pony versions of the characters (and missed one or two details in the overhaul).
Shining you are evil... i love it
4080944
Opinions vary.
4142762
I generally like to go by this rule. Despite the ambiguity that can be introduced, I feel the serial comma removes more than it adds.
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lroovsKtS71qgiws1o1_1280.jpg
derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/1/25/534141__twilight+sparkle_suggestive_princess+twilight_image+macro_princess+cadance_wet+mane_wet_spoiler-colon-s04e11_three%27s+a+crowd_moist.png
Simple fix...grab his balls with your magic and twist them till he gets the message and cries uncle. If that doesn't work...bust them.
I don't understand how people can go into scalding hot water and find it a pleasant pain.
what was the Papa Roach reference I have read through it four times now
(admittedly I'm not as bigger fan as I once was)
Just wait for the aftermath... This is going to be a treat
Damn nice laugh i had about that old Lady... Reminds me of a odd situation in a past job i had
Well written story chapter 
The end was so sweet
All that happen in 2 minutes? That a bit short lived 