- Member Since 11th Mar, 2014
- offline last seen Jul 19th, 2014
Anthony Rineer
I LOVE reading and why not write?
Anthony Rineer
Joined 11th Mar, 2014 ·
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Please comment your opinion! This is my first attempt at writing.
Please Comment Your Opinion. This is my first story
Hello there.
So I'm the first to comment your story? Okay then...
First: there're no grammar-/spelling errors that burn out my eyes instantly, but I'm no native speaker, so...yeah, for that you should maybe wait for one to come by.
While I was reading your first chapters I didn't really get your OC's name, the color of his/her mane etc (but maybe that's just me) and I think the story progresses a little bit fast, exspecially at the start. You should elaborate your OC's background a bit.
I don't really know what your OC's stable's like, except that there's this bully and the mean overmare. My first chapter(s) were quite similar, except that I used more words with the same outcome.
Okay, all that sounded more destructive than intended...
On the plus side: (apart from the story itself, I don't jugde that.)
- the segmentation of your paragraphs cheer my eyes. I wish I would be able to do it like that.
- if the stable's not important for the whole story, than I'll be fine with the rushed introduction.
Don't be discouraged by comments of any kind, even if what I just told you sounds as if I didn't like your story. Keep writing.
4074207 There`s nothing wrong with constructive critism. Thank you for reading. I will explain the OC`s origin or background if you will. Her name is Wary. Thank you and if you want you can be a proofreader
Note: Two chapters will be posted a day, the new ones will get longer and less fast paced. Wary and her sister Flash`s origin/background will come to the light, eventually. I hope all that read this will comment their opinions and constructive critism is always welcomed. Thank you for reading.
4074966
Tiny bit of advice:
try not to squeeze out new chapters that fast, take time and do your thing.
There's no pressure to update your story on a daily basis.
Hey I`m starting a little short story. Also internet getting shut off soon, won`t able to write until next weekend, sorry.
Well, next chapter then...
A few grammar/spelling errors, but nothing that bar me from understanding what's happening.
A bit short and some things are still a little bit rushed,
oh! and let me give you the same advice one wise pony gave me back in the old days...
start a new paragraph whenever the speaker of a dialogue changes and/or the next sentence starts describing something completely and I repeat myself: completely different (but that should be done only in times of desperate need)
Also: I guess that one peragraph with the...three "wave"-symbols (there's no such thing on my keyboard) marks the beginning of a dream sequence?
If that's the case I think you should mark its end in the same way (with "waves"), not with a horizontal line
That whole wolf-thing took my by surprise...freaking wereponies are in the house. Who you gonna call?
You tried a Fallout Equestria?! OMG, that`s so funny! Dude, Fallout Equestria is overdone, with Project Horizons being a exception.
I like this so far