• Published 11th Mar 2014
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Writer's Training Ground Entries! - pertelote345



pertelote345's EQD Writer's Training Ground Entries

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One Pie to Rule them All...

One Pie to Rule them all

I'm a simple stallion with simple tastes. It's not that I don't appreciate how a crafts-mare can make the ordinary into the extraordinary but... Well, when Granny Smith created a pie so perfect that it threatened all of existence, I sort-of wished she'd just used regular apples.

Maybe I should back up a bit here, my name's Big Macintosh. I live in a little town called Ponyville on a farm called Sweet Apple Acres. I live there with my two younger sisters and my grandmother. We don't have a lot, at least not most years, but we take really good care of our home and the town sees us as mighty respectable (heck, my sister AJ's a bit of a hero, but that's another story).

Anyway, my whole family's pretty amazing, but I think the thing that really keeps us going is Granny Smith's incredible skill as a house-mare...

I beg the pardon of all the mares reading this, that came out wrong (plus it ain't fair to Granny, the woman used to wrestle timber wolves). What I mean to say is that Granny is one of the most amazing bakers I've ever seen. And not just with the kind of treats you can find in sugar-cube corner, she knows magic.

Not Unicorn magic of course, we're earth ponies through and through, but Granny has spent her long, long life harvesting and experimenting with all of the magically infused produce the Everfree Forest has to offer. She's made zap apple jam, giant apples, and even a mess of things that didn't have anything to do with our namesakes like medicines and adhesives, and she's always tinkerin' with more.

When I saw her bring in those juicy golden apples and start slicing them up, I didn't think anything of it. Even if they smelled sweeter than anything I ever smelled before and I found my head drifting towards the counter with a look of...

I shook myself. I plum had no idea what came over me. I chalked it up to Granny's expertise with spices and went out to buck some trees and clear my head.

When I came back inside in a few hours I'd all but forgotten about any kitchen experiments. I just wanted to get inside, take a long hot bath and forget about my troubles. I was mulling over how many of my little plastic battleships I could squeeze in when I poked my head in the kitchen and saw Granny staring at the counter like she'd seen a ghost.

I followed her gaze to an ominously steaming pie on the counter.

I shivered. It wasn't instantly obvious why that pie felt ominous, but when you live in Ponyville, you learn the value of treading lightly real quick. I crept over to Granny Smith and asked "What's wrong?".

"Read the pie..." She said, her voice hushed.

I blinked and slunk over to the intimidating baked good. Sure enough, there were little cracks in its crust that formed tiny letters in some form of archaic script. I picked it up to read it. To my surprise, it felt quite cool.

One pie to rule them all,
One crust to knead them
One pie to bring them all
And with darkness feed them

I turned to Granny, confused.

She looked grim. "Back when I was a little filly my Granny told me a myth, that the bakers of old once created confections of great power. They were meant to bring harmony to the land... but one of the bakers, with a heart blacker than a burnt browny used his sugary ways to bake a pie of incredible power. He used this pie to rain terror on all of the ponies of the land and it took an army to finally bring him down. The commander of that army had the chance to destroy the recipe right then and there... but they were corrupted by its power. They hid the recipe away and after they died from Type II Diabetes it was lost for ages... Until it fell into the hooves of a most unlikely pony."

She shivered. "I saw the degenerated result, she was more sugar-coated monster than pony. It was a miracle we managed to re-rehabilitate her as much as we did, but she's scarred by it to this day, hunting down the recipe that we burned."

She looked like she was on the verge of tears. "I saw a glimpse, only a glimpse when I threw it into the fire... I didn't realize that what I'd collected today shared so much in common with that list... I... I... thought if I substituted whole-wheat flour..." Finally she started crying in earnest.

I walked over and cradled her while she let it all out. After a little while, she calmed down.

I offered her a tissue. She cleaned herself up and tromped over to the shelves.

"There's nothing else for it. Big Mac, you have to take this pie to Princess Celestia in secret. She was there at the battle, she'll know what to do."

I stared at the pie... It smelled so delicious, it almost felt like it was calling to me.

I shook myself. Granny was right. There was something very wrong with that baked good.

Then something occurred to me. "Granny, not to doubt your willpower or anything, but if this pie is so tempting and corrupting, now that you've nailed down the ingredients won't you just remember the recipe and make another one?"

Granny Smith slammed a bottle on the counter. "Not if Jack Daniels has anything to say about it!"

#

The next day we had a family meeting. We didn't tell AJ the exact details, but we made it clear how desperately I needed to do another pie run and Granny Smith needed to see her sponsor. We decided to leave Apple Bloom to hold down the fort. I was pretty sure she was mature enough to handle it, AJ had some doubts, but we convinced her.

Though her plan worked out for the most part, Granny still remembered the vague gist of what was going on, so in spite of her hangover she managed to come out and help me load the cart with supplies for my trip. She winced in the dim light of the barn as she helped me load.

"Now here, you have my sword."

"Eyup."

"And my bow."

"Eyup."

"And my lingerie."

My face was a study.

She rolled her eyes. "Now don't you give me that look. I've been on plenty of adventures in my time and you almost always need to seduce a stallion for some reason or other."

I opened my mouth to object... but then closed it and packed the bundle away. She did have a point.

I locked up the pie in the cart and Granny gave me a hug. "You come home safe now, you hear? Creatures are going to sense that pie. You get to Canterlot as fast as you can and go straight to the castle."

She gripped me tighter. "I'm so sorry for leaving you with such a terrible burden."

I hugged her back... and then it was time to go.

I walked with AJ for the first stretch. I'm not too proud to say that I felt safer having my tough little sister along, even if just for a little while.

She actually left even before we reached the fork in the road, she felt way too skittish about leaving Apple Bloom alone. Maybe if I wasn't so distracted I would have talked her out of going back to check on her, but, well... AJ's not the only one who gets over-protective sometimes. Some distance between me and her seemed like it might be for the best.

So off I trotted through the hillside towards Canterlot. It was a gorgeous day out. the wind blew over the grassy fields and cooled me down as I made my way along the winding road. Celestia's warm sun was incredibly uplifting. For a moment I started to think that this trip might not turn out so bad after all...

Little did I know that watching me from the hillside was a certain pony with a frizzy pink mane, desperate to get another taste of her pie-recious.