• Member Since 22nd Feb, 2012
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A Hoof-ful of Dust


You can't see the forest...


T

Lyra shares far, far too much information with Big Macintosh about her love life.

Written for EQD's Writer's Training Grounds #011.

(Audio version by Pony Tales.)

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 35 )

At the beginning, you mention the manticore in the fire swamp. I'm pretty sure that was a chimera, not a manticore.

Damn it, Lyra. So much for subtly.

And author. There is nothing wrong with puerile nonsense. The best stories are puerile nonsense.

That's the Lyra I've come to love and expect from the fandom. :pinkiehappy::rainbowlaugh::facehoof:

Excellent line to end it on

Eh... I liked it. Didn't really laugh, but I don't regret reading it, and I was curious as to how it would play out. :ajsmug:

Whiskey India Lima Lima, Romeo echo alpha delta, Lima alpha tango echo Romeo.

4069233
I can never remember the difference between those two multi-part Greek beasties. Fixed.


4069254
Well, there's nothing wrong with things being puerile or nonsense, but it is what it is.


4069257
My version of Lyra changes a little from story to story, but she's always a little left of centre.


4069297
Of all the tags, I dislike Comedy the most; I never second-guess the others half as much. "Why am I putting Comedy? This isn't funny, this is stupid. Well, it's kinda funny. Maybe not laugh-out-loud funny. I guess it's kinda funny. I'll tag it as Comedy."

4069652
Reading back, I may have come off as a little fedora/hipster. I did enjoy it, you just have to understand that it's very rare for me to laugh out loud reading a fic. Only a handful have ever made me do so, so saying, "I didn't laugh" isn't exactly a criticism. :twilightsheepish:

4069741
Nah, it's cool; saying I didn't waste your time is a more valueable compliment than a LOL any day.

Lyra is so funny. :pinkiehappy: Saying "wang" in front of royalty. :pinkiehappy:

Although a fire swamp was dangerous and unpredictable...

The fire swamp, for all its perils, was predictable.

Um...

That aside, this was hilarious. And it addresses one of my biggest questions about the episode: just what perils did Mac face? Answer: overenthusiastic unicorns. Truly a terrible foe.

4070394
Sigh. You know how someone can tell you to not think about elephants, and then all you can think about is elephants? I'll go change that to literally any other adjective.

The stallions turning down sex is wrong. It is explainable however:

In my town, we have crazy ponies everypony avoids. Lyra Heartstrings could have a reputation as a crazy mare to avoid at all cost, if one plans on living to old-age.

4074938

The stallions turning down sex is wrong.

...Come again?

4075743

As a stallion, I never turn down chances to have sex with mares.

4075743
4075760
As a general rule, it's best not to screw with crazy people, in all senses of the phrase. I'm with Big Mac in avoiding Lyra's crazy-by-proxy.

4075930

I agree. I encountered crazy ponies, some of whom are mares, I avoid like the plague. That is how I would explain stallions turning down sex.

"Ya know what I mean? Eh? She'd, uh, like her field plowed, if you get my drift. She's interested in riding the six-legged horse. She'd be into doing some magic with somepony's other horn. She's down for some of the old in-out, in-out, is what I'm saying. She wants you-know-what to be put you-know-where. We on the same wavelength? You feel me, brother?"

A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat, eh, Lyra? :rainbowlaugh: :rainbowlaugh: :rainbowlaugh: :rainbowlaugh: :rainbowlaugh:

4078887
Say no more, say no more!

This was really funny and really enjoyable. My only real critique (for the sake of being a helpful member of the writer's training ground) is that I feel like the second half was a little more... awkward than the first half. That's a bit unhelpful, what I mean is though the dialogue is good I feel like it could have been smoothed out a bit and helped with a bit more physical movement and scenery description (though I'm really one to talk). Really though I'm just nitpicking.

4087765
It is a bit uneven, isn't it? Doesn't help that Lyra just runs her mouth in the first half and is a bit more restrained in the second. It probablh just needs some hung heads and glaring eyes to slow the dialogue down a little. Thanks for feedbacking!

"Alright, so -- and this would be a totally casual, one-shot, no strings attached kind of deal -- so I'm trying to arrange for some unattached and available stallion to just sorta swing by and bang her like a barn door in a summer hurricane." Lyra raised her eyebrows. "So, whaddya say? Are you in?"

Wait, what? :rainbowderp:

swing by and bang her like a barn door in a summer hurricane

Using it~! :pinkiehappy:

4078887
Damn, you beat me to it! Eh? Wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more... :rainbowlaugh:

4100502

swing by and bang her like a barn door in a summer hurricane

Using it~! :pinkiehappy:

Same here! :ajsmug:

¿Do you remember when I stated that, as a stallion, I would have sex with any willing mare, but the one could have the story if me make it known that Lyra Heartstrings is dangerously insane? Since I first read this story, a crazy homeless pony attacked one of my friends, at a busstop. ¡Thanks, oh Ronald Reagan!:

When Ronald Reagan was Governor, he reduced taxes for the 1% by closing the state mental hospitals . Until then, the insane were on happy-pills and everypony else was safe from then. After that, the lunatics suffer on the streets and sane ponies have to worry about the mentally ill attacking them. Of course, none of this is important:

What is important, is that the 1% who live protected from insane homeless in their gated communities, can now afford to by a 2nd private jet and a 6th yacht. ¡One must look at the big picture!

I have some good news, someone made a dramatic reading of your story.

Looks like your hard work paid off there, good job.:twilightsmile:

5081949
Oh, that would explain the increased traffic then. Cool.

Wow, this has like, mad production and stuff.

5082774
Yeah. She's one of a few that make fan fiction readings more creative.
Congratulations, by the way. You've earned it.:yay:

It might be puerile , but it was fun puerile :pinkiehappy:

The only thing for me is that Lyra kept slipping into Joe Pesci's Leo Getz from the Lethal Weapon series. Just had the same sort of over-excitability to her dialogue as his does. And that voice from Lyra is just so wrong :rainbowlaugh:

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

This

This is a work of art.

This is perfection incarnate.

I could kiss you.

:rainbowlaugh: i listened to scribbler's reading of this and loved it. lyra is so redicoulous! and the way bonbon stopped when lyra mentioned the wang making spell:trixieshiftright::rainbowlaugh:

Lyra is really bad at that.

That was wonderful, though. :eeyup:

Here via 5114893, and oh my god was that hilarious.

Hey, I wrote a review for this story. In case you are interested, it can be found here.

I came to it through the reading, and while it certainly adds a certain something, this is funny enough to stand up on its own. Lyra is just awesome throughout the whole thing.

I think Bon-Bon should consider what else Lyra might say before telling her not to say wang in front of the princess. Think about the other word(s), phrases, terms that Lyra could come up with, after all she is clearly creative and good with words. Nice story well written.

"Ya know what I mean? Eh? She'd, uh, like her field plowed, if you get my drift. She's interested in riding the six-legged horse. She'd be into doing some magic with somepony's other horn. She's down for some of the old in-out, in-out, is what I'm saying. She wants you-know-what to be put you-know-where. We on the same wavelength? You feel me, brother?"

All I could think of was:

Really enjoyed this one.

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