• Member Since 21st Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen May 30th, 2014

Sergeant Sprinkles


Impersonation account

E

All she wanted to do was take a nap, but Pinkie Pie had other plans. Now Dash is hurt, and she and Pinkie Pie will stop at nothing to get her wing fixed up and ready for flight once more.

Well guys and girls, it's my first attempt at some comedy. Please tell me what you liked and didn't like in the comments section, and before anyone asks...

THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH CUPCAKES.

So please read on and enjoy.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 30 )

I'll be your first critique
apologised, is not a word x3

:rainbowhuh: Are... you... holy fuck! Are you really the guy that wrote Cupcakes?! :pinkiegasp:

I like it.
Honestly I do, It made me smile and I couldn't help but laugh (once again) at Pinkie's crazy behaviour.

Good job! :pinkiehappy:

4073491
Actually it is a real work.

apoligised- v. to speak in the defense of.

BUT!!! (and that's a huge but)

I did misuse the word, and I did mean "apologized", so thank you.

4073597 Wow. You learn something new every day.:yay:
This just happens to have nothing to do with friendship :unsuresweetie:

You could put thoughts and notes/letter in Italics to distinguish them from the rest of the writing.

4073501 Yes, he IS! :yay: I'm even working with him on an idea for something...:pinkiecrazy: Special.

Guess what, Serg? *click* this'll be in my faves. Keep it up. Pretty friggin good.

What an incredible departure from the one thing people know you for. Great job, man.

4073501 Yes he is I know because I'm using the cupcakes version of Pinkie in a death battle I'm writing.

4073501
I assure you good sir that I am the genuine article.

I'm not a poser.

I'm not fake.

I am the one and only Sergeant Sprinkles.

And frankly, I'm tired of having to answer this question .

Not really funny. I wish i could say why. I guess it's not surprising considering that other story you wrote.

4073978 I understand your pain. It gets annoying, having to answer the same question time after time.

This story is nothing short of awesome! Keep up the great job

This story is interesting, both pinkie and dash's characterisations are spot on. If this is just the start, then I cant wait for more chapters to read. keep up the good work.

:pinkiesmile:

-frost

So, you've come here, Sgt. Sprinkles.

This gets my favorite. Some things could have been done better, and it could use some ironing for errors, but it's got some decent material.

You really need to stop placing commas after every single flippin' end quote. Not only are the unnecessary if they dialogue ends with an exclamation point or question mark, but they belong inside the quotes, not outside.

and asked with a cringed smile

Typically referred to as a grimace. Plus you use the word "cringe" in he very next sentence, so that's two reasons to fix'er up.

I'm only skimming, so that's all I got.

Inside a room of the Royal Palace

Back in Ponyville

You should put some bold or italics on these - or consider a line break - so they stand out from the regular text.

4173657
Periods and commas go inside the quotation marks in American writing (the Brits have slightly different rules); other punctuation -- semicolons, question marks, dashes, and exclamation points -- goes outside unless it directly pertains to the material within the quotes, as in this example from Raymond Carver's "Where I'm Calling From":

"I don't want any stupid cake," says the guy who goes to Europe and the Middle East. "Where's the champagne?" he says, and laughs.

In the next example, the question mark goes outside the quotation marks because it is not part of the material being quoted:

Did he say, "We should all go to the movies"?

Also note that the sentence ends with only one mark of punctuation: the question mark. In general, don't use double punctuation marks, but go with the stronger punctuation. (Question marks and exclamation points are stronger than commas and periods. Think of it as a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors, if it helps.)

Interesting chapter. I guess it's not the end yet.

Also:

"What happened?", Pinkie asked.

Applejack drew in a ragged breath.

Earlier that day in Sweet Apple Acres...

"Cutie Mark Crusaders Cattle Drivers YAAAAAYYY!", three very excited little fillies yelled as they high hoofed each other.

Back in the present...

"Need Ah say more?", Applejack asked.

I just loved that part.

i love this fic it's so sweet and when i read about what Celestia was doing i cracked up, i thought something awful had happened :rainbowlaugh: but anywhooo great fanfic:raritystarry:

I'm wondering....this sounds like an actual episode in the series, but why is it not an episode?! Hasbro should take it and turn it into an episode of MLP! javascript:smilie(':pinkiehappy:');

Too bad this story will never see its completion:fluttercry:. I'm sure it would have been awesome.:rainbowdetermined2:

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