Daring do and Rainbow dash are setting out on an epic journey across Equestria to save pony kind! From candy? Along the way, they will encounter an evil dentist, a taffy torture machine, and many more creepy things! But, when something unexpected happens to Dash, will they ever find the pony behind all of this?
you should never have your villain introduce himself in the first paragraph, have him lurk in the background, manipulating events in his favour, making the job(s) of the heroin(s) a lot harder. He should never appear in the first chapter unless it absolutely calls for it. You need to build up his character beforehand. Make him hated
Right now he's just some guy holding Pinkie.
4081898, I appreciate the advice, but this is not the first chapter, it's a prologue. I apologize for any confusion that you might have had, and like I said, thanks for the advice!
Misty Berry
4096287 you're welcome?
...i've never had anyone thank me for advice, usually they either ignore me or tell me "STOP TELLING ME HOW TO WRITE MY FIC WAH! WAH!".....
Mostly the former though
Misty Berry please do another chapter
Silver Leaf
4182005, I did! Chapter two! Are you working on another chapter of the Sunset before the Sunrise?
Misty Berry
OMG c:
MOAR
Me like this! Why on pause? seems really interesting and exciting!
4725308
4743045
It's on pause cuz I want to work on some other stories for a while. Glad to see that I'm getting good feedback though!
4746048
That makes sense! i know how it feels to do that.
4746065 I'm glad. Just know that there may be new stories, and chapters of old ones coming soon!
You should have twilight wake up, hook her up to a machine, and do egghead stuff, so to speech. Do you likie? Also, can you space out dialog? You don't have to, thou.