• Published 10th Mar 2014
  • 5,828 Views, 346 Comments

Hopes and Follies - Phaoray



Things haven’t exactly gone well for Trixie. Now Twilight is an Alicorn and Trixie feels left behind. But Trixie has a plan; one Discord is all too willing to aid her in. For a price.

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Author's Afterword

Figured I need one of these.

So, first fic done now. Curious to see how it goes, as I've read many stories, and seen some writer's have major issues ending a story well.

Now, before anything happens, I will say I do have plans to continue this, but this was the first arc. Trixie's an Alicorn, Fluttershy's a bat pony, alot of things are in turmoil. But its a decent place to have a breather I think. I like this story, but I have a few others ideas I wish to try, and I only focus on writing one at a time.

Thanks to Crowscrowcrow, Auramane, and Slrvertigo for their help on this story, outside help and opinions are almost always helpful in seeing a story from a different angle, and theirs helped me improve several chapters quite a bit.

The comment's I've received on this story have also been great to read through, and a few helped me shape the story differently then originally intended. Plus I've learned alot more about punctuation from several earlier comments.

I will say I am mixed on "The Finale of Chaos and Kindness", saw quite the visceral response to it, and it caused more than half the dislikes I now see on the story. I guess few reader's liked the story veering to a side plot, though I see that happen quite often with other, better liked, stories. "Green" being a good example of it. Ah well. The Fluttercord will continue, but close to the same level it has had in this arc I would guess.

Funny enough, this story turned out to be more 'adventure' than 'romance'. I was expecting the opposite really. Think I'll work to fix that gap next arc.

So, thanks for reading my first fic. And I hope what I do next will be equally well received. :pinkiehappy:

Comments ( 69 )

Congratulations on finishing the first arch! What a long strange trip it's been.:rainbowlaugh:

I can't wait to see the next one, but I'll settle for seeing some of your other projects in the meantime.:trixieshiftleft:

are you going to place a notice about the sequel on this one when it comes out? it's no real big deal if you don't, but the follow feature of this site is a bit wonky and I usually have to end up finding sequels to stories when they just happen to show up in the updated stories when I refresh it.

5126974 It'll be a bit till it happens, but sure, I'll make a little *Continuation* chapter or something here when the sequel releases. :pinkiehappy:

5126979 please and thank you

I need to ask: are the scars a symbol of Trixie´s character development (then again, the Odin reference)?

Im glad its not over, i was scared for a moment when i saw "completed" tag without resolving both issues with Trixie and Discord

5127003
If I referenced Odin, I was unaware of it. ^^;;
And for the scarring, it was not as much character development as it was 'not wanting to just magically have everything be okay now'.

I figured there should be a consequence, but needed to find one that worked. Having her eye turn a different color, or just becoming a glowing slit seemed too easy, and something she could make work with the right clothing or style. But ugly scars, burn marks, and fur loss? There's no way she can make it look good. Most she could wind up doing is hiding it, and she would, considering how vain she is on her looks.

5127035

Odin sacrified his right eye for the right to drink in Mimir´s well .
Also, Trixie may need the tips of a professional villainess with the same problem

img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100912212329/captainplanet/images/9/95/Blightscar2.jpg
img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100912031355/captainplanet/images/b/b7/Blight24.jpg

See? nothing that a good, stylished haircut cannot covert.

I liked this story but the ending was too abrupt. It feels like we have two climaxes, Discord's betrayal and then Trixie's Ascension followed by a full stop of the story. There's not enough of a denouement to all the action we've had before. I think I would have at least wanted a small scene with Trixie and her plans, Discord on the chase, and a more lengthy conversation between Twilight and either Luna or both sisters as at least a hint of what happens next. The problem for me is this story doesn't so much "end" as "stop" and that creates a bit of whiplash like a car suddenly slamming on its breaks.

blow up the world, kill of characters, completely overwrite the hierarchy of the celestial twins

BUT FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY

DONT DESTROY THIS SHIP! I BEG!

this story is brilliant, but at the end of the day, i still want their to be atleast a bitter sweet ending for trixie and twilight. :raritydespair:

This is among my top five twixie stories of all time. Keep up the great work. :pinkiehappy:

Oh, okay, this is more of an author's note. Okay! Take your time on the next one, part two, and you'll certainly get a read and review from me. :)

Had this is my to read later list for a while now, and it sure as hell didn't dissapoint. I quite like how you kept Trixie true to herself, even when she did some unsavory things to get what she wanted. I also quite liked the little romance spats between Twi and Trix, even with Trixie being a slight tease (and poor Twi not even getting it at the first half :rainbowlaugh: )

Discord was also really well written, to the point that everything he did, I could see him doing it just like he would in the show. All in all, 10 out of 10 and into my favorites it goes :heart:

Also nice to see that a sequel will be in the make!

5127111 Sorry to hear this, I did look over this comment for a bit. It is true the big reveals happened near the end, though, its where I wanted them to be as well. The Discord and FLuttershy chapter revealed Discord's plan and had Flutters get turned. The final chapter had Trixie ascend, so only one real revelation in the end chapter.

I thought of a tiny epilogue chapter for the story, but discarded it as I could turn it all into a Foreword for the next arc. It would be much easier to write where everyone currently is as they come up in story, instead of trying to do a brief snippet of them all and make all the timelines correlate. At least, that's my current thoughts on it.

5127963
Makes sense from a logical stand point but the ending still just feels off to me but meh, that's just me. Good luck and I can't wait for the continuation of this and I hope Trixie/Twilight get their gal :P

5127378 I am quite happy at your enthusiasm, nice to spread the Twixie around and convert a few more people. :pinkiehappy:

So there was enough ether and all that to make her an alicorn?

Yeah, actually, from the way Discord implied it, he didn't even need the ether to turn her into an Alicorn, the minute Trixie got out of bed after that week of the seed binding to her he could have done it. But, as shown, the ether helped ramp up Trixie a bit, hopefully letting her lead the Alicorn sisters on a merry chase while DIscord tries to help Fluttershy.

There is one OC you have that I have worried for.

Clary Sage, She'll come up again in the second arc. :pinkiecrazy:

*Claps my claws.* Bravo, bravo. This is one of the best adventure stories I have read so far in fimfiction. Indeed there was a bit of romance but not enough to make it romance story. Instead the feelings you put into the story actually served to make all the characters more developed. The reasons why Trixie would go such great length, Discord betrayal, Twilight inner struggles when she begins to understand Trixie. :twilightsmile:

Especially the emotions of Discord. They really hit me while I hated the idea he was going to backstab Trixie but at the same time I could feel for him that he couldn't stand the idea of seeing Fluttershy perish. :fluttercry:

I like the idea of the side plot of flutterbat mainly because it there was literally no hint at all that it was forth coming. Discord true motives where if you read carefully already forewarned. I saw the hidden hints that he wanted to make Fluttershy immortal and was using Trixie to do that rough parts. Discord could never hurt Fluttershy so he used Trixie to get the painfull parts of the seed. What was however unexpected that just before the betrayal a small form of Friendship began to emerge between Trixie and Discord as she stated that she "trusted" him. Just before Discord began the ritual. And while this small text surprised me it yet fell so natural as well as the Flutterbat appearance. Personally I find that the best thing you added in this story arc.


You get 10/10 from me with this story. Truly this is a gem which does earn a great amount of praise and renown.

I know you want to make to other stories 1st but I'm really excited to read the sequel of this. Here we have an unbound Alicorn Trixie, the other Alicorn Trixie stories I have read so far has Trixie chanced as character making her less smuch and boastful. I have some ideas and suggestions for the next Arc of this story should you be interested. :pinkiehappy:

This... is not an Epilogue. It is at best an Afterword.

Your ending for the story was no different than the ending to any of the chapters. In short it is not an ending... it has no resolution... nothing has changed from any of the other chapters.

5128231
Yep, looked into it, you are right on the Afterword part. This I will admit to inexperience, not closed out a story before so used the wrong word.

As for it not being an ending, I suppose that is a matter of opinion. This last chapter wrapped up the main focus of this arc, Trixie going through trials to become an Alicorn. Said Alicorn-hood occurred. Therefore, main plot was resolved.

Your comment on 'nothing has changed from the other chapters' is confusing, things have changed every chapter. This chapter had one major change involving Trixie and wings. :pinkiehappy:

5128321

Your comment on 'nothing has changed from the other chapters' is confusing, things have changed every chapter. This chapter had one major change involving Trixie and wings.

Yeah but it still ends the same way. Every chapter ends with "Alicorn Princess who knows nothing pursues Trixie" and the story ends with "Alicorn Princess who knows nothing pursues Trixie with wings".

I thought of a tiny epilogue chapter for the story, but discarded it as I could turn it all into a Foreword for the next arc.

This, is terrible. A foreword is a note/speech from the author that is placed before a story starts. The purpose of an epilogue to fix fix the exact thing I and some others have said about it feeling unfinished. It also lets you introduce the sequel and get us hooked so we will be building anticipation. Deciding to hold back an epilogue and use it as a prologue(which I believe is what you meant) is a terrible idea because they have very different purposes. A good epilogue and a good prologue are fundamental different. A metaphor; A Prologue is like an Appetizer, while the Epilogue is like the Dessert. Imagine eating a nice lunch, ordering a tasty slice of apple pie, then being told your pie will be provided right before dinner... several hours later.

that was one of the best Twixie story I read your good yet unknow
Please by all mean DO continue
You have me on the hook

I love the story its a good adventure fic tho it sucks that this arc ended before any real twixe romance happened.
I will be looking forward to the second arc and im hoping it will contain more twixie sense its one of my favorite ships.

Nice ending to the story. *Applause* I look forward to the continuation.

Oh man, I'm not sure where I stand here. Great story, and interesting developments, but it doesn't feel like the story's really ended, you now? I'm glad to see that Trixie DID get her ascension, and in the end Discord at least kind-of kept his word, but I still feel like we need to know what happens with Flutterbat, and I'm not sure if Trixie's ascension was even a real success, or if her wings are going to fall off in a weak because Discord only used a tiny portion of the ingredients. Either way, I can't wait for the sequel!

A fantastic end on an arch. This is a great story and I look forward to the other archs. You write these characters fantatically. This cliff hanger is going to kill me but I will wait. I am patient.

Fantastic story. You delivered just the right amount of romance without going overboard, and it was filled with imagery and adventure. Um... I didn't mind that Discord betrayed Trixie at the end for Fluttershy, but I had thought that the ingredients were consumed. I mean, the ether was just one of them like, what about that root and those mushrooms? Or, Fluttershy didn't drink the whole potion? Or was it Discord being obstructionist and making up a bunch of rare ingredients when all he had to do was recite the nursery rhyme? If so then he's got a grieving widow in a certain swamp to apologize to, big time. I mean, Trixie stole the root from her, but if Discord put on the pressure when the root actually wasn't needed at all...

Anyway most of this is probably just me being unobservant.

Oh haha I just realized why the compass exploded, because Trixie was literally in more than one place at once.

I had expected that Discord would get in trouble once Trixie confessed his involvement in the affair, after which she escapes and attempts to re-acquire all the ingredients by herself. In a long and protracted sequence where things don't work out as well for her the second time around (such as having to fight the monster to get that root), but where she gets a chance to clean up her own trail of disasters in the process (such as apologizing to that nice widow, in the form of the monster's severed head delivered to her doorstep). An epic 15 part journey about learning the cost of true redemption, covering all the same stuff you covered before, which no doubt you the author would find exciting and pleasant to write. There's just nothing more fun than rehashing things you've already written about a second time, and confronting all your little mistakes and errors along the way.

But making Fluttershy an alicorn potion lightweight so there was still enough in the end to make Trixie explode works too.

5134015 hmmm, I suppose I did not explain it in the story well enough during Discord's thoughts. Discord didn't need anything beyond his own ability to awaken the seed in Trixie. The ether just formed a permanent magic boost when fused in conjunction with the seeds awakening. Discord could have just manipulated Trixie's own magic reserves to awaken it. So yeah, all he really needed for the awakening was Trixie's connection to the seed and to not screw up connecting her magic to it and making Trixie bits fly everywhere.

Fluttershy, however, isn't Trixie.

Pegasi have magic, but I am working it that their connections are different, and asides from the rare thing like Fluttershy's stare or the sonic Rainboom, they don't consciously use it. So unlike a unicorn, the magic relays *or whatever jargon you wanna use* in them are smaller, and can't handle surges of magic well like a Unicorn. Hence the explanation earlier that the wind root is most often used to open up the magic channels in Pegasi and Earth ponies so Unicorn doctors can work on them safely in major surgeries. So the wind root was necessary for Fluttershy to ascend, but not for Trixie.

The ether wasn't completely necessary, but if Fluttershy was going to shift to Alicornhood, he wanted to give her a good jumpstart.

The wine was mostly a delivery system, a touch of flair on Discord's part more then anything else.

I don't recall any mushrooms though. No mushrooms were harmed in the making of this story. :twilightblush:

An epic 15 part journey about learning the cost of true redemption, covering all the same stuff you covered before, which no doubt you the author would find exciting and pleasant to write. There's just nothing more fun than rehashing things you've already written about a second time, and confronting all your little mistakes and errors along the way.

Preeetttty sure your joking here. :twilightoops:
At least, that sounds painful to me. Re-doing all the scenes I just did and trying to make them just as interesting would be a nice challenge, but I'd rather the story continue. Plus I don't see Trixie getting that kind of freedom if Twilight had caught up to her and Trixie wasn't a Alicorn. Especially with Luna their to help *being Trixie's illusions wouldn't have delayed her at all, making her get to the two of them much faster*.

Yeah, something else could have happened, but not inclined to push my luck on Trixie miraculously escaping a situation like that.

Happy you liked the story, thought sad to realize you are the only ferret I interact with now. Both of mine passed during the making of this story *though I am pretty sure there is no correlation between the two.*

5134765

Yes I'm joking, and don't worry I will never die. Sorry to hear about your ferrets. I was thinking she'd escape after they captured her and took her back to the castle, and took her to the dungeons in preparation to operate on her, and took their eyes off her for just one second. Anyway it'd be a royal pain to write, and you'd have to hold back on writing all the cool Trixie is an alicorn stuff you intend to, so don't do it.

This was amazing! :pinkiesmile:

Can't wait to find out what happens next :twilightsmile:

Very interesting ending... except it's not a true ending, is it? I'm looking forward to the continuation, to see how this situation will progress. There's still so much to address.

Nice to see Twilight letting Trixie hold on to her hope. I do wonder, is she starting to have some faint feelings, or does she just not want to see Trixie accept that some things cannot be done after overcoming all impossible odds so far? We'll see, I guess.

Intentional Odin motif or not, the idea that wisdom or power comes with some kind of sacrifice is a classic one, and eye motifs are rather notable. Scars in general work, as do the consequences of the wisdom learned. At the end of things, you can't go home again. (And they say that the eye Odin sacrificed to Mimir's well gained much greater wisdom than Odin's stomach ever did, ironically.)

This has been an excellent adventure romance so far, and I'm glad there will be more, because I don't want to get off Phaoray's wild ride just yet. But for now, this is a good break point.

Trixie the alicorn of illusions?... neat!!

I gotta say, despite its brevity I quite like this story. Trixie makes fir a wonderful foil to Twilight, and her realization that she wasn't going to get what she wanted was just as sad as it needed to be... and her determination to enjoy the most of second best is just plain sweet. I can't help but like her.

While I'm happy with the story as is, I can't wait to read more. Have a follow.

Overall this is a pretty good story and I really liked it.

I still think Celestia's reasons for denying immortality to the rest of the Mane 6 were just stupid though. Completely and utterly retarded, when there is a much much easier explanation to use.

One that would even foreshadow the whole Flutterbat thing!

WELL!! Sorry I haven't checked in in a long while, but I'm here now and that's what's important. Anyways, to my review.

This story was quite good, I have to say. You quite captured a fairly well rounded Trixie, one who thinks that if she cannot have Twilight's heart she can at least have the next best thing. I already said most of my thoughts about this story a while back, so I will give my thoughts on what has happened since when I was here last.

The fluttercord was not out of nowhere, I saw it the moment it peaked over the horizon. The thing I think what gripes the readers most is the Shyamalan esque twist in "Finale of Chaos and Kindness". Instead of shoving Discord's entire "Oh I'm immortal and when you die I'll be alone forever" speech you could at least have hints here and there, like have him mention in passing that he misses Fluttershy or how he hates being so lonely. Slightly show his relationship with Fluttershy in small hints here and there to at least have some semblance of a thing going on between them. The only thing I can think of that does this fairly well, but not perfectly is "Avatar: The Legend of Korra" season 3-4 (spoilers) where at the end Korra and Asami were seen together holding hands entering the portal at the end You can see little hints throughout both seasons if you look closely enough. Also the chapter was really sidetracked because it literally felt like I was reading a different story in that scene. Put it near the end of a story where Discord and Fluttershy slowly move from friends to lovers and it wouldn't look out of place at all.

Anyway, I liked Trixie's speech with Twilight after she ascended, it was really deep and it shows just how much her affections run, that thing with her helping Twilight so it would just be the two of them being rivals was adorable. I won't go into too much detail, but all in all it was very well done. I also liked the way Twilight reacted to it, saying that Trixie should have just asked and give it a shot, plus she wasn't entirely against the idea anyway. Something to lift up Trixie's spirits a bit. Twilight, why must you ever be so adorkable!:heart:

Anyway, hope a sequel comes up soon, even just a oneshot where Trixie and Twilight meet once more. It would be interesting after a couple of decades.

5470975 Sorry it took awhile to get to this, but I have been very bad at responding to anything lately.

you could at least have hints here and there, like have him mention in passing that he misses Fluttershy or how he hates being so lonely.

Well, I did think I made hints that he liked Flutters, even in the first chapter there is:

“Really now, I’m sure a book like that will get any mare in the mood, but as flattered as I am I’ve already got my eye on somepony else at the moment.”
Fluttershy looked at the large yellow eye staring at her from the other side of the kitchen table and gave an exasperated little sigh.

I also put in a scene showing Fluttershy acting concerned that Discord was starting to like Trixie as opposed to her, and there was a scene where Twilight talked about Fluttershy and Discord put emphasis on her name that creeped Twilight out. Also the scene of the two of them on the couch and their reactions there I thought hinted at it. There were other scenes, but those ones are the ones that come to mind for me at the moment.

Was there not enough of them, then? Or was it a problem because they did not hint at what Discord was planning? I kind of wanted that to be a surprise with little real clue how it would turn out.

Closest hint I gave was the Wind Root. Trixie's knowledge of it mentioned how it was primarily used for Pegasi and Earth ponies in surgeries to let magic flow through them easier. But I admit it was vague at best. I just didn't see a reason why his plan to not use the elixir on Trixie would really come up blatantly. He's Discord after all. :pinkiehappy:

I am happy for the review, despite the time it took for me to respond to it. Lemme know what you think on those questions if you can. I have some change ups I may need to do as is for the sequel, so if there is a way to improve this I'd be happy to try it.

5358136

I gotta say, despite its brevity I quite like this story.

Thank you, though I have to say, if you think this arc of the story was short at near 70k, I can't imagine what your normal reading materials are. :rainbowderp:

5547045

Oh, I didn't mean to say the story was short! Just that, at the end there I was expecting things to really get going, what with the material I'd read so far building up to a much longer story. But I'm cool with things as they are now, too. It's a nice place to end the story, leaves things open enough for me to imagine where things are going.

5546954

I already said that I saw the Fluttercord from way off, what I meant by dropping more hints was to drop them to bring more focus on Fluttershy and Discord, since this story was mainly about Trixie and Twilight. I knew you dropped hints about Fluttercord as well as the hints about the potion and Discord's plan(I suspected something the moment he had Trixie get the food and wine as well as bring Fluttershy to the forest). What I meant by Shyamalan esque is that with the entire story as well as its premise revolving around Twixie, the big confession and sudden focus around Discord and Fluttershy in the end seemingly comes out of nowhere, even IF the Fluttercord had been mentioned it just wasn't enough to really justify the ending scene.

Can't wait to see the next art, thanks for a good read.

Yeah, I have to say, this doesn't really feel [Complete]. It might help if you mentioned in the description that this is only Book 1. (It would also help if you had a Book 2 to give us. C'mon, get writing, buster! :pinkiehappy: )

cant wait for the sequal was a great story

My issu with your story is that it didn't contain enough twixie

Less tear puddle
More fluffy cuddle

The high point of this was easily the arc below Canterlot ending with the fantastic "catch me if you can" escape (the feather was an excellent touch). In general, your intelligent and resourceful Trixie stands head and shoulders over the foolish blowhard treatment she usually gets. I love the idea of her being a headstrong, street-smart savant with more than enough to back up her self-confidence. That she chafed under the dogmatic and unimaginative institution and chose to forge her own path sets her up as the perfect foil for "by the books" Twilight.

The low point was the root. I feel like there were plenty of better ways for Trixie to go about things, and a little honesty would have gone a long way. Or even a bit of deception. Even just explaining that it's not for money but to save a life (permanently, so it's technically true, right?) would have been much preferable to her blackguard behaviour. Even if she ended up taking it by force anyway.

Well played with Discord, and I'm pleased at how it all came together in the end that his plan was for Fluttershy to ascend, and how ask that chaos had a purpose of sorts. The butterflies were another great touch. It's not clear what Luna did to her seed, though; that's bugging me.

Trixie and Twilight have good interaction. More of that, please.

any idea when a sequel might come out?

6769398 My guess if I am looking at realism is February. While I was hoping to get to this sooner, the holidays, and expansion on to some my other story has taking a bit of a time toll. Hopes are to be wrapping up my other story soon and then work on the sequel to this one. :pinkiehappy:

6786307 Happy to see you approve so far. I hope the rest of the story does not disappoint. I am planning on cleaning this up in the next month or two. Still, as is I am quite proud of how it turned out, even after all this time of learning new ways to write. :pinkiehappy:

6796935 Hmmm, this story was made quite awhile ago, but the sources I searched out at the time had her down as having those three elements. Laughter seemed more her thing especially after the Nightmare Night episode to me, and her antics seem to reinforce it. I never saw Celestia as much of a prankster, despite what some in the fandom think. :pinkiehappy:

I had much fun with Fluttershy throughout this story. I really need to make her a main character in something some day just for the amusement. She's fun to work with, more so after her and Discord become friends.

As for the seed, yeah, I figured it was the easiest source to go with for Luna to study. It has shown to have alot of power, it gave them the elements, so why not have it be the source of the artifact in this story?

Glad you're liking it and you got through what I consider to be the darkest part of the story with no real issue.

6806280 Yeah..the show is surprisingly casual about things like town enslavement, trying to turn Equestria upside down, or brainwashing half the town to fight over a doll. I wanna believe it's all under 'extenuating circumstances', since the Elements of Harmony and the princesses are often involved. But, man, ponies get away with a lot of stuff in that show. :twilightoops:

6814977 There are quite a few ponies and others that have been completely abandoned after a single episode. I feel there is a bit of a revival of this attitude in season 5, despite how awesome it was. Only this time it is abandoning friends. "Oh, look, our butt is shining, we don't need to be here anymore...good luck, Gilda!"

Really, really silly, and kind of cold feeling to me. Trixie's always hit me as damn cruel. Home smashed, runs off into the night, Twi actually stops Dash from bringing her back, and for some reason, the whole town blames her for the Ursa.

Next time we see her, we find out how crap her life has been, and nopony really gives a shit. At the end, Twi lets her run off again, only with a worse rep then before. Bah, I say. At least we got to see that Gilda managed to make some kind of living, though I never took her as a baker-type. Tough times.

6821451
And that's not even accounting for whether or not she and however many griffons aren't complete, selfish bastards will be able to pull Griffonstone up from being a slum with what little they've got going for them. :twilightoops:

(Sorry for the long break in comments, my Busy season has started up again.)

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