Epilogue
Epilogue: Hurt
“How dare they! To think that I, the Great and Powerful Trixie would lend her services for a meager sum! I am not some kind of charity show! My expertise in entertainment and magic are second to none! I cannot make a living on being charitable! Just who do they think they are, anyhow? How do they expect a mare such as myself to live on just five bits?!”
With her nose turned up, Trixie Lulamoon stomped angrily through the muddy trail that led away from Manehatten, her prized hat and cape sopping wet as the heavens unloaded their burden down upon the irritated mare.
“Damn Pegasi! Why does it have to rain now? In fact, why does it always have to rain whenever I am on the move?!” She huffed angrily, glaring up at the sky. “You just wait, don’t you? You wait for Trixie to pack up her caravan and move on just to rain on my day, don’t you?!”
The sky did not answer back. But a bolt of lightning did flash through the air, causing the mare to jump.
“J-just kidding… heh-heh…” Trixie lowered her gaze, muttering her obscenities under her breath lest the sky respond to her complaints once again.
It was during that single movement that Trixie paused, noting something bulky laying in her path quite some distance away.
“Urgh… what a pain…”
Squinting her eyes through the rain, Trixie removed herself from the reins of her caravan and trudged on up ahead, her hoofs squelching in the mud.
The closer she got, the more the obstacle became pony-shaped, and if it were not for the blotches of darkness appearing through the mud that heavily caked its form, she could had mistaken it for an oddly shaped rock.
Once close enough, Trixie stood aghast as her mind fully comprehended just what the mysterious looking rock actually was.
It looked like a pony, but it most certainly was not.
It had a jagged horn—or what was left of one. Not only was it terribly thin and monstrous to look upon, but it easily towered over her in height; in fact, it was almost as tall an alicorn, if not a couple of hairs bigger!
Taking a step back, Trixie trembled in fear as it reared its head from the ground, its emerald eyes gazing at her feebly, begging silently for help.
“I-it can’t be…” Trixie murmured in shock, looking around her as if suspecting somepony to jump out at her. “This… this is clearly some kind of joke?”
There, shackled, malnourished, and shivering before the show mare like a frightened kitten, sat the infamous Queen of the Changelings.
I eagerly await the fallout.
I hope you... enjoyed?
Be sure to follow so that you don't miss out any info or when the Prequel and Sequel are to be released.
I think that's the word to use in this situation.
Here's to hoping I can work up the courage to make a sequel and continue on with this. But for now? I think it is time I put it down and simply ignore it for the time being... or at least until people stop burning effigies of me and demanding my blood in exchange for the unfinished state to which I dickishly leave this in.
Like, hate, flame! Write angry things! Write happy things! Whatever it is you choose it all good and I am glad I got a reaction, regardless.
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Sighs..... I cannot say it doesn't have decent writing, but i jsut feels forced in far too many areas for me to understand hwy it has almost four hundred upvotes.
6504395 A mystery that I cannot answer. It boggles my mind, too.
6504397 I am rather serious here. First you have Celestia assassinated, in-spite of her living a thousand years in a world that you, clearly, have assassins existing in. Meaning it would either mean she was hard too kill or she is too clever or prepared for such an occasion.
The death of fluttershy simply reeks of the same forced drama in every single other story i read where one of the mane six dies.
And the idea that Luna would accept the news at face value is ruined by one factors. Unlike herself and Celestia, the elements, the Tree, chose twilight and her friends. The fact that they were chosen would mean that they would not be so easy to give over to darkness.
So because she was chosen by a god tree would mean there is great reason to doubt
I liked the story, but it felt rushed at some points, especially at the end. As well as not having much explanation. Normally that's something I can overlook, but there's just too many unconnected points of data, which I hope does get an explanation if there is a sequel in the works. If not, I'd settle for a one-shot doing so.
6504423 I apologize if my precognitive powers over a year and a half ago did not accurately predict Hasbro's introduction to a "god tree" into season 4. I will try harder next time to properly predict future fic-destroying plot holes Hasbro will next throw at me. In regards to killing Fluttershy off - it's a running joke amongst some friends of mine that I always pick on Fluttershy in all of my stories. Originally it was RD.
6504450 Understandable and in terms of how I ended this... yes, I can see what you mean. I don't expect a positive reaction from most people. I kind of expect an uproar of angry people. But I am glad you liked the story, despite its faults. One fault being that I am a novice writer so these problems of sounding "forced" is going to occur. I have no issues admitting that. The issue of not explaining things fully was intentionally and a dick move on my part. But it was as you said, left very wide open for me to maybe, or maybe not, pick this back up.
Depends heavily if I have the time or feel the passion to even continue on, given how my life is currently a clusterfuck. Here's to hoping?
6504465 Then i redact the tree comment.
However that does not change the problem in any way. They were still chosen by the elements of harmony. And the likelyhood of the mcguffins actively choosing their wielders reduces the chance.
Also it does not make fluttershy's death any less a bad piece of writing. unnecessary death is unnecessary.
At first I thought it was Griffins. Then I thought it was Chrysalis. Next I thought it was Cadence. Then I thought it was Spitfire. Then I thought it was Luna. Then I thought it was Celesta. Then I thought it was Cadence again. Then I thought it was Lightning Dust. Afterwards I thought Luna. Then Nightmare Moon. Then Blueblood. Then Chrysalis. Currently I think Cadence, who is Chrysalis, maybe. Or at least, she's a changeling, somehow. Maybe.
I need a rest.
6504502 Again, I will not argue the fact that it may indeed be a bad piece of writing. I am not a good writer by any stretch of the imagination so I expect comments like yours. In regards to her death being unnecessary... it had to happen. Why? To advance the plot. Was it a cheap way of doing so?
More than likely.Most definitely. I won't to salvage your opinion of the story, but, I feel the need to explain a few things.Warning. Spoilers ahead.
Twilight's descent into darkness wasn't as forced as I like to think it was, considering the sheer amount of mental anguish she went through. Which is pretty much the entire fic. Fluttershy's death was the final nail in that proverbial coffin and if you didn't like the way it happened then I apologize profusely, but I love picking on her. Perhaps you missed the fact that someone had been messing with Twilight's head from the very beginning? She had her memories rewritten AND she recovered unnaturally quick from injuries that ought to had left her very dead (that alone should had rang alarm bells in most people). She was set up to fall, although it did not pan out how the big baddie wanted it, thanks to Lightning Dust. If you haven't guessed it by now but Cadance killed Celestia and the griffon assassin was merely a scapegoat. If you find such a concept difficult to believe in terms of Celestia's death, Queen Chrysalis pwned Celestia in the show after landing one shot. It's no stretch by the imagination for me for Cadence to be fully capable of taking out Celestia with the help of the alicorn amulet, when Celestia least expected it.
6504524 One of those is definitely right.
6504536 ....... A, idea cadance would do it. The crystal heart woulda harmed her if she did.
B. It would have created a monstrous commotion to do it. Seriously, huge blasts of energy, an epic battle type deal.
C. Chrysalis her fucking self admitted her victory was mostly luck. Why is it that every, single, god damn story intentionally forgets what the character herself admits?
Celestia was fully confident that she was stronger than chrysalis, and had no idea of the power boost. If Cadance tried to attack her, she would recognize the pendant, and thus act with caution. Cause she fought the likes of discord before
And if you remember, it took a massive blast of energy to harm Celestia when chrysalis did it. So anyone would know it was not a gryphon. And pretty sure that Celestia could defend herself long enough for Luna to join the fray.
And NO, it did not HAVE to be done. If it is lazy, you don't go through with it.
6504560 Again, I apologize for the poor writing if it offends you so. There is no need to get upset about it. It's just a story. If our head canons clash then we cannot exactly agree to disagree. I would love to explain myself further but I feel you are going to disregard whatever it is I say to justify the plot. Besides, this is beginning to clutter up the comments.
This went into a rather unexpected direction for me in those last three chapters. I'm not sure if I liked it. There are only so many twists you can squeeze into something before it becomes excessive, you know? It seems to resolve the entire thing in a rather unsatisfying way. I suppose after so long, I can't blame you for wanting to be finally done with it, though.
Ok I've read the entire story, and I still have no idea what D=S-M means.
...well I don't know what the fuck everyone else is going on about. I followed it well enough, and enjoyed it. Keep up the good work man, I look forward to the sequal.
6504845 me to
6504854 me to
6504845 Desperation = Suffering - Meaning, as the author stated in the comments to several previous chapters.
In regards to the story: As far as I understand, Cadance kill Celestia, but how the hell does this fit with the changelings and the epilogue? The nurse made me think Cadance is a changeling, possibly Chrysalis herself (assuming an AU where she was never uncovered during the wedding, thus never attacked Celestia and went on to rule the Crystal Empire), but then we see the Queen nearly dead in the Epilogue. Is Cadance a natural changeling queen who usurped Chrysalis to take control of the hive and drones? Did Twilight exact revenge upon Chrysalis that was ruling as Cadance and leave her broken on the ground? Did Cadance simply hire some changelings to help her, or even usurped the hive despite not being a Changeling?
I understand if you want to leave some plot lines unresolved, but I would much appreciate if you could answer my questions and not leave core plot points vague to the point (no pun intended) of not being deductible. It detracts from the enjoyment of the story, turning a complicated and well-crafted plot of assassinations and mental breakdowns into an incoherent sequence of random killings with no sense or purpose. I'm exaggerating a bit, but you get my point.
Otherwise, I enjoyed the story, and am greatly looking forward to the eventual sequel.
6504971 Actually it is Despair = Suffering - Meaning. And that's fine, more than happy to explain myself. I purposefully have not spelled it out for everyone in black and white because... I am a douche like that. Besides, it prevents me from expanding upon the concept.
Right. Possible major spoilers ahead.
The Cadence saved in the wedding in the show is the one that is presented in this story. I have not yet expanded on that, and wanted to look further into it on a sequel at the very least, or a prequel one-shot that I have had in the works for some number of weeks as a rough draft to which I will not post until completely full-proof. In short, to answer your question, the whole charade at the wedding was a double bluff. Chrysalis had indoctrinated Cadance into the hive (mutated her) as one of her daughters and played out the entire scene to pretend that the changelings were in fact defeated to get one of her own on the Crystal Empire throne.
It went exactly as planned.
What didn't go to plan however was the fact that Cadence betrayed Chrysalis and effectively locked her up after removing her horn and taking complete and total control of the changeling army. In a lot of mythos of the world, a unicorn's power comes from their horn, thus, by acquiring Chrysalis's she effectively added to her own magical arsenal.
Fast forward to DSM. Believing herself Queen of Equestria and far superior given her mutated state, Cadence kills Celestia hoping to attain her horn as well before taking on Luna, but that backfired spectacularly with Twilight being present. Why? Cadence feels emotionally attached to the mare. She hadn't planned on killing her. She almost did. Cadence healed her by transferring ALL of Celestia's power into her and effectively warped her memories so that would never know the truth of the matter. Because Twilight saw Cadence do it.
The epilogue shows Chrysalis having escaped her captivity from the Crystal Empire dungeons at the same time the fiasco with Twilight occurs, to which I want to address in the one-shot prequel concept, which is about just that.
I am being a bit vague in some areas still, but that is the jist of it, in a nutshell.
6504854 Thank you muchly kind sir.
6504893 You too. Thank you muchly!
6504644 It is a rather big twist, but you'd be surprised how many people called me out on the plot very early on the fic's life.
6505065
I would've been rather surprised if nobody had. Whenever something sneaky happens in a story, someone will eventually suggest that the changelings are to blame for it, just because they exist and they're kind of the natural shoe-in for that sort of thing. The problem to me is that despite that, nothing much in the story really seems to specifically point towards them until the moment it's actually revealed. It honestly kind of came out of the left field to me. Not meaning to be rude with this, but while I honestly always enjoy that "Cadence was never actually replaced back" plot twist whenever someone uses it, I think you didn't really do the best job of actually setting it up.
6505065 Ooh, thanks a shitton. That really clears up basically everything which I was unsatisfied with.
You also just cleared up some things which I had taken to be simple plot inconsistencies, essentially plugging several perceived plot holes. Such as how Celestia was killed - there can be no doubt that a full alicorn possessing, in addiction, the entire power of a changeling queen, would have been capable of the act, especially when taking the Princess by surprise. Also Twilight's mysterious resuscitation and instant god-mode (just add plot convenience!) becomes, in fact, a very reasonable and not at all contrived development.
I can now confidently say that I really like this story.
Some criticism though, if I may: several of the points in your spoiler are basically essential to plugging plot holes, as I mentioned above, yet there's nowhere near enough clues and foreshadowing for anyone to be able to confidently deduce them. The prequel one-shot will definitely help, but even then things might be a bit too cryptic. Mind Screw is good as long as it doesn't detract too much from other important story aspects. A sequel would probably fix everything, but you don't sound very confident in your plans to make one.
So, for the benefit of all the people who want answers, but aren't keen on reading a wall of spoilered exposition text, would you consider maybe a one-shot mini-sequel/sidestory (possibly from Cadance's POV?), or will you at least explain the thing with Cadance giving up Celestia's power to save Twilight in the prequel?
6505106
This here, basically. I literally never ever would've guessed any of that and I really tend to be pretty good about that sort of thing.
6504854 That goes for me, too, and I look forward with relish to the prequel and the sequel, whenever they may be forthcoming.
6505090 Non-taken. Again, I don't proclaim to be a good writer and I know my flaws very well. I know a lot of people being upset could had been avoided with a far more thoughtful ending. But I wanted to see the shit storm by open-ending this arc with far more questions than actual answers. I sort of mentally decided the other day I would go the... Higurashi No Koro Ni method. Which follows this pattern: Question Arc. Answer Arc. Repeat. Which, when I played the games/watched the anime, intrigued me in how something could equally piss me off and amaze me in the same measure by bombarding me questions upon questions upon questions over hours of nothing with no actual, concrete answers, until the next arc started and flooded me with what I wanted to know and making me realize I was just being impatient... and before anyone misreads this, no, I am not calling anyone impatient. I kind of want to address those issues in the prequel/sequel, which is sort of the "answer" arcs to that little chain above. Will it matter? Who knows. But I guess my follower base because of my little stunt will more than half... and I am okay with that, because the people that will stay to read are the people I actually write for.
6505106 The funny thing is although I have already written up scenes and ideas for both sequel and prequel, I find the task taunting in that I feel suddenly obliged to give people what they want in terms of answers, so maybe that is why I sound like I feel somewhat not so confident in wanting to get on that band wagon and start writing immediately... but it will happen, I can assure you. DSM is my baby and I love it despite its flaws... I kind of have to, considering the sheer amount of DAYS I have put into this piece of shit. In regards to the prequel concept, it starts off from Chrysalis's perspective throughout most of it and starts (a yet to be decided amount of time) before Celestia's death, leading right up to where we see her laying on the roadside at the end of DSM. Cadence's choice to use Twilight rather kill her along with Celestia will also be explored to a degree.
I do appreciate the criticism, trust me. I do much prefer reading people speak their minds when they have something constructive to say.
Not that people who already answered weren't constructive.
You get the drift.
6505250 Thanks for your continued support! I apologize for the walls of text in the comment section, but I did predict it several times in my blogs, didn't I?
6505690 It wasn't poison, it was air. But, your complaint does stand strong. All very valid questions and again a very valid angry criticism that will be addressed.
Eventually.
Well I sure hope that this gets a sequel...
Because this is quite good, I just wish this did not end as is...
Oh well, let me know if you make a sequel plz
6505636 Alright, noice. If the prequel and sequel are firmly planned parts of this continuum, then one can simply consider the narrative incomplete as it stands right now and my criticism becomes basically invalid (or addressed by telling me to be patient, which I will happily do).
Essentially I guess what I'm trying to say here is that if you consider this story as a self-contained narrative, then it's full of plot holes and unanswered questions, but if you consider it part of a larger continuum, it's perfectly reasonable to leave DSM as it is and explain everything in related stories - regardless of whether you get around to writing those other stories or not. (In the latter case the unfinished continuum can be treated as an incomplete story - nobody would criticise a fic marked as Incomplete for unexplained plot holes.)
I eagerly await the arrival of the pre/se/sidequels.
6505994 To end in such a finality would be pointless. I personally would be miffed if I didn't finish this myself. Unlike ALL of my other stories, Corruption of the Sun and DSM are two I actually put time into. It's me baby. I hope I have time to continue on with the story. The prequel for me is more important than the sequel in terms of priority.
I suppose I've done a Lucas Arts. I've made Star Wars 3, 4 and 5 before I made 1, 2 and three.
I do plan to write a blog in regards to the prequel sooner rather than later. I have a feeling I need to move quick and intelligently.
Literally the worst ending I've ever seen. That Complete tag is a blatant lie. False Advertising. When readers see the Complete tag, they go into a story with confidence that it won't be another Incomplete that never gets finished. Which is what this is, minus the "never finished" part.
The entire plot makes about as much sense as someone making a story about Luna being a Dragon Timelord Ninja Assassin with ADHD, with no explanation given, then marked as Complete.
That being said...
You have finally earned my up vote. This was ballsy as hell, and I respect that. Plus, you clearly aren't writing to please everyone. You're writing because you WANT to.
Furthermore, I am the biggest Dark fanatic you will ever meet, and I give that Lightning Dust scene (all of them, actually) my Dark stamp of approval.
(Insert stamp of approval that I'm too lazy to make right now)
Good job. I'll be watching.
6506237 Thank you.
Sequel? :3
6505636
It really helps a lot if you actually know that's what you're getting, though. I've been reading this as if it was something self-contained, which made me think all those unanswered questions would just be staying unresolved after the ending, not as if it was supposed to be a teaser for the eventual answer. Maybe it would be helpful to make this a little more obvious.
Now that you've spelled it out, I can certainly see where you were going with this and I appreciate the twist for what it is. I really don't mind that format you're describing in the spoilered-out part as such, it's an interesting way to do things. I also feel like giving you a fist-bump for having successfully trolled the shit out of people. Kudos.
Personally, I'll be sticking around for the prequel-sequel, although I'm really hoping more for a sequel. A prequel would help plug in all the missing bits and answer the questions that have opened up with this ending, but it wouldn't do much for giving it a more satisfying resolution.
Must have more... you have my payment in the form of fave and watch. Now type away good sir.
6522231 There will be a prequel and sequel to further expand the concept.
6528594 Can we talk in a PM? It involves with your story.
6549290 I'm open.
So... this was a thing.
Just got around to reading this from start to finish, so these are my impressions at the end of a fresh read through.
I enjoyed the first few chapters, where my own inertia kept my spirits up. Then it ground to a halt and became a slog when I started to realize that Equestria was apparently issued one subtle, intelligent brain as a ruling super power and when Celestia was assassinated it was removed from play. Masterful stroke all things considered.
With the setup for the story I was expecting dark times and plenty of angst. Twilight's internal agonies were frightfully visceral and very sorrowful to share. Then we started on the political side of things, and it became apparent to me that the majority of the cast is contractually obligated to mandatory paint huffing sessions in service to the plot.
In my humble opinion you sell your big conspiracy by showing the fanatical effort and energy it takes to bring it through against all force thrown against it from the opposition. You had my hopes up with Flash Sentry mentioning the extremely suspicious circumstances of the assassination. I was really hoping that would lead to non Mane 6 cast members cottoning to dirty business and having to be neutralized in some fashion in order to prevent them from gumming up the works. The instant the first major event occurred, you have a war in the shadows between the conspiracy and all other players on the board. Move and countermove... this doesn't materialize. Literally nobody on the Equestrian docket ever posed a significant threat to the progression of these events. So this is a massive Thantos gambit that strains suspension of disbelief too far for me. By the final few chapters I was pretty much deadpan and sighing.
If your plot seems especially dependent on events happening only one way, and more importantly if any of those flashpoints are prevented the whole plot goes to crap, it's hard to stop the beginnings of the eyeroll. For this story to sell itself:
Luna must be significantly powerless at all points. Putting Twilight Sparkle, still recovering from significant injuries and disfigurement into a confrontation with her attacker, and permitting him to effectively mock her and pour salt into her wounds without stepping in, and also failing to counterspell or in any way defend him from an irate and legitimately overwrought alicorn when she has every motivation to pop his head off. She fails to react appropriately at nearly any point, and comes across as paradoxically both a pathetic appeaser and a blustering fool to the gryphon ambassador who is patently hypocritical and playing politics with the events. Luna feels way too inept and while it could be arguable that after a thousand year banishment perhaps she is, there are better ways to show it in my opinion. And then, the narrative shows that she is every bit as ineffective as she seems by immediately suspecting Twilight... TWILIGHT, the one eyed, physically and emotionally scarred, seriously injured mare who has acted understandably this entire time of being some sort of master strategist with years of planning into these events without anything but her own internal intuitions to go on. Nope, can't swallow it.
There has to be no increased security around Twilight Sparkle, a HEAD of STATE. Make the antagonists at least have to deal with the normal reasonable level of security for goodness sake! Also, trains do not just have a single engineer as staff, even a ticketpony would know enough to recognize a runaway fairly quickly and if not respond, at least give warning and spur the apparently nonexistant guards to action. The method of the train wreck is extremely anvilicious when even a moderate amount of prudence would have totally killed the plot and stopped the disaster. And since this is the plot device used to kill Fluttershy, this becomes doubly inexcusable because she now died through stupid means which you don't do to main characters.
Twilight's scene after the wreck is believable, and fit the proper tone of her experiences regardless of what her friends might think. This is the good character going bad in a believable and reasonable manner. Not enjoyable, but understandable.
My next few are to varying degrees admittedly petty and I apologize for it, but this story had harsh impact and someone has to take my emotional flailings for it.
Celestia made no provisions for this, even though she had the one Thanatos worthy brain in the set before it was removed from play?
Shining Armor isn't glued to Twily's hip during her recovery? Isn't glaring at every visitor until they are proven to be no threat? Some BBBFF!
Evil Twily proves her brain is not Thanatos worthy by taking what Lightning Dust says at face value seconds to minutes after cottoning to the fact that someone is playing people. And if anyone should have the intellect to multithread her data, it's a Twilight stripped of her softer edges. Nope, having too much fun using teleportation as a Cuisinart!
And seriously, What the Fuck Luna? I will concede that moving the moon and the sun might have her extremely tired and mentally sluggish. It's the only possible way she can be this impotent without it just being hamhanded writing.
So those are my initial gut reactions to this story. Now there is a compelling tale here, and if this were a draft level outline with two or three more polishing cycles and some deep level intrigue to be fleshed out in it, I could see it being awesome and all these criticisms could be totally dealt with. As it stands... I cannot thumbs up it, and I am not thumbs downing it mostly because it was a daring attempt and I respect that.
Otherwise Meg'sPen I love what you do and hope you don't think I'm being hateful in this critique.
6557548 Not at all. I enjoyed reading your thoughts.
In regards to rehashing/polishing up certain scenes to make them less... uh... pretty much less likely to piss everyone off and make them throw their hatred/anger at me, I don't think I will, or would ever want to change that. I know personally I'll answer all the questions left unanswered.... eventually... and I'm beginning to slowly realize that at the very least I somehow invoked emotion in people, and that, is pretty much all I could ask for, really.
I have no qualms mind you, in admitting that I do hamhandedly write almost to a fine (or horrendous) art if my other less... eloquent monstrosities on this site are anything to go by.
So, is Twilight actually evil right now (like, she would kill innocent bystanders even if they weren't directly between her and Luna), or is she just simply just very vengeance driven, and would cool down after getting rid of everyone she thinks did all this?
6606019 ii can confirm the line to which she now walks is questionable.
6557548 wrote : "can be this impotent"
I think you mean incompetent.
Impotent is when a guy can't get his dick up any.
And since we're talking about Princess Luna... yeah wrong word here.
Are you going to write a sequel to this... I hope you do that soon because it needs one to complete the story.
6791259
impotent
1
a : not potent : lacking in power, strength, or vigor : helpless
b : unable to engage in sexual intercourse because of inability to have and maintain an erection; broadly : sterile
I'm using the first definition.
6791980 *Thumbs up comment*
6791292 There is a sequel. Check my blog.
SO MUCH WTF
I really liked Ashinda's points about small issues in the narration. Very good analysis.
Depression=student-mentor
The last two chapters threw me into a spin of confusion... but that's what the two other stories are their to (probably) fix, right? Regardless of me becoming absolutely befuddled in the final two bits, I really enjoyed reading this!
Phew. I'm really glad you pinned Cadance as a villain. That's at least a bit more original than Chrysalis or Luna.
7986155 one of the many reasons why I stopped writing.