formerly obsdianblack555. i draw and cry.
After yet another failure to get their cutie marks, the Cutie Mark Crusaders return to their clubhouse in low spirits and no ideas to test out
But after an incident involving a song with a mysterious magic to it, Sweetie Belle finds fate thrust upon her that no one expected.
Note: This has no correlation with the novel by Rosalyn McMillan which I have not, and probably will not read.
And yes, the cover is drawn by me.
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Well, I will say this fic has potential; the only glaring problem I could see was the overuse of horizontal rules. While they're good to use occasionally, using one every few lines is a little off-putting and stilted. I would get rid of a few of them and instead go into a little more detail explaining the process with which the CMC came up with the song.
As for the idea itself, I'm not too sure how the idea will be received. While I'm not against the idea of more characters ascending, other people might be and will downvote this fic like mad for it. That said, I'm interested in seeing exactly how Sweetie Belle earned destiny's favor, so I shall keep a close eye on this story.
One last thing; that cover art is so adorable. It's so much better than anything I could ever draw.
Hmmm... A bit quick, but you did a decent job in a thousandish words. I'll follow this and see where you go.
4075109 I shall take note of that line break thingy.
And don't worry, the song will be revealed in full later on.
And let them downvote! I forget who said it, but having enemies means I've stood up for what I believe in!
Wait that has nothing to do with this situation...
I'll think of something better, don't worry, jut lemme think...
While I'm processing, just know that Sweetie is adorable no matter what picture she's in.
4075121 Oh, you'll see Twilight's reaction soon, don't worry.
4075806 The original take was actually shorter, at only about 800 words or so. And yeah, pacing is my one big fatal flaw and I'm trying to work on it.
We shall watch...
We shall see...
And we shall hope you don't disappoint...
While not a new concept, Alicorn!SweetieBelle is started very nicely here. Right into the action.
Sweetie Belle is my favourite CMC
This first part is so beautiful.
I can't wait for more!
Awesome.
From one side of eternity to the other. I like it.
Sweetie Belle Fic... im so on
I really love her 
Wow, thanks for all the positive feedback. I never expected this to get so much support.
4077119 I hope so, too.
4077921 Old concepts can still be relevant if used right!
And apparently I used it right...
4078698 Sweetie Belle is best pony~!
4079055 'Beautiful' might be a bit much. Let's go with 'aesthetically pleasing.
4079204 Thanks!
The fact you added Derpy just made the compliment even better!
4081008 How'd you know...
4083154 Indeed.
Sweetie Belle, in fact, is best pony.
woah...Sweetie Belle is royal now... looks like Rarity's gonna get her wish to be accepted by the highest ranks of society!
Or be jealous...
Anyways...good story! Continue please
4083818
I Uhhhmmm....:
I didn't?
Very nice
In my opinion, 10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000% better than my fic (first timer as well)
Keep up the amazing work and just so I can stay updated, insta fav!!
Good Fanfic!
Haiku fu review:
Sweet start to the heart
Lyrical telling telling
New spring is turning
♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫
Don't become a stranger, be an update ranger‼‼
Ooohh, I like this concept!
So, Sweetie met the requirements for alicornization by inventing a new music-based magic? Explains the trance-like state Scoots and Applebloom were in.
A little too good in my opinion.
Please do worsen the story to appease my envy.
Ooh, this is very interesting indeed. That ending made me shudder. Pretty freaky transition! I'm in suspense and can't wait to see what happens next!
Will we eventually get to read the lyrics to the full song?
i look forward to reading this, but right now ive chapter 12 of my fic to write and several foulfics by nightmist to read
4084076 I'll touch on that. Possibly. I have pretty much nothing planned out, basically.
4084586 Sure...
4084650 Oh, this is nowhere near my first story.
First on FIMFiction, but not my first ever. Far from it, in fact.
4084706 Glad to hear it!
4085890 You'll be glad to know Chapter 1 is about halfway done.
4087482 Yeah, the song's magic. Comes in to play very much for the little I have planned.
Although whether or not that's why she ascended is another story...
4087778 I am sorry, I do not know how to process this request.
ObsidianBlack555.exe is not responding. His ego is far too inflated.
4088507 Transitions are what I am mediocre at!
And yeah, probably. Don't expect it to be any good though.
I can play music well enough, sure, but write it? Nope.
Another fic with great potential. Please continue.
Who's that? Who are you? I don't understand life anymore.
do do do doooo! you got a
!
4088617 *Phew* Good to know you're half way done with chapter one.
I've been wondering why the title of the song just fits.
I get the feeling that Sweetie Belle just accidentally found her personal answer to Starswirl's unfinished spell after Twilight finished it. Way to go, Sweetie, you hacked the universe into giving you wings! Bad news is that with great power comes great responsibility.
In any case, I look forward to seeing where you go with this.
That's really good.
I really look forward to sweetie learning what this means... Actually, now I realise she's gonna need twilight for emotional support. She's immortal now. Scoots and bloom are gonna grow old and die while she stops ageing at a point close to twilight's age.
Man, that's probably the worst way to earn your cutie mark, gain a greAt power that makes one of the mares you look up to part of your family but lose everypony else you know and love through the passage of time.
Great story though and I look forward to the next chapter
Excellent chapter! The disconnection of Sweetie to Apple Bloom I didn't see coming, it was executed very nicely. I think you should add the Sad tag if you intend for her strenuous relationship to Apple Bloom and Scootaloo to be a major focus. That was quite a tense moment between the two of them; I can't wait to see what unfolds.
Your explanations on the magical realm were also very intriguing. I like how you chose Inspiration for Sweetie, as that was originally going to be Rarity's Element before Generosity was decided. Nice touch!
Oh, and I think you should most definitely keep drawing! I love your artwork.
4088592 Sure thing!
4089231 I shall!
4089605 I am...
...A person.
And we all know that life is 42.
4089946 I know what I'll be wearing now! Thanks!
4089998 Because magic.
4092027 Well, we all know how the CMC are with messing up.
4095281 I'm probably going to touch on immortality in Chapter 2.
And yeah, poor Sweetie
Wait, I just got an excuse to use the Sweetie emoticon! My life is complete!
4096436 4096438 The story's tone will probably be all over the place since I really don't plan out anything whatsoever.
And what does Sweetie even have to do with Inspiration? I'm not even sure why I picked her to be that.
Wait, I think I just remembered.
And thanks, by the way.
And don't worry about the drawing; it adds a little extra flavor to the chapter. As for the 'spirit' thing, I'll take it, so long as you know where you're going with this. I await more my good sir/madam.
I dunno but how does the Chapter title "The Other Side of Reality" Sound? Also if this keeps up i might be inspired on how to write the next 2 chapters in my story. Then i can have funn with it again.
4096470 Well, I've always found music to be a great source of inspiration. Just my two cents.
this one enjoys your words
4096477 I don't know anywhere I'm going!
But don't worry. Probably.
4096554 I might use it later, but I like Stars for this one.
And I'm glad to hear it, I like inspiring people!
...
...WHY AM I IN THE OTHER SIDE OF REALITY NOW.
AND WHY DID MY LAPTOP COME WITH ME.
4096612 I imagine you would listen to rock, right?
4096696 I am very glad to see those words upon my screen that you have put there.
They make my heart feel something good that I do not know the name of.
4096470 Sure...
Drawing titles are nice so keep on doing them if you want.
You should probably reserve using the sad tag if the plot's going all over the place unless if it's going to be a major emotion for the story.
I wonder if she'll inspire someone enough to go to the other side...
Wait. What. You're description of Alicornhood was the EXACT SAME as mine. Oh well, you used it first so I guess you can be credited with it. Other than that, nice work! Can't wait for more!
Everything seemed as it should to me. Twilight's calmness was a little off, I know she'd never be able to have hidden it in that situation. Not a chance.
But everything else, sweetie's anxiousness, her and apple bloom's awkwardness, the realisation that rarity will probably faint(will admit, I snickered I that myself) they all seemed pretty on the dot.
I noticed though that sweetie hasn't realised the big thing about her being an alicorn though. She's immortal.
I've thought for a long time that it would be super interesting to see how the dynamic in the CMC changes if one of them gets their cutiemark before the others. Your characterizations are spot on, though I guess Sweetie Belle isn't as much of a space cadet as I usually imagine her.
I'm really enjoying it!
This, is a good story
I don't know why, but I just can't wait to see the look on Diamond's face when she sees Sweetie Belle
A bit fast but amazing
Really like the picture/chapter title
I would add sad because I don't think. Her friends will take it well
I like how it is easy to make a mental image with this story
Yeah, pacing is still a little fast, but it's not horrible. Few words that are spelled right but don't agree with the sentence in a couple places, but nothing egregious. If I were to 'wish' for something to be tweaked in this chapter, it would be the bit with Twilight. I can see Twilight being taught to sense ascendant energy, I'd expect her to be a bit more surprised to see that it's Sweetie, maybe actually show her being more nervous than she is. That part is... I dunno, kinda weak. It's a little bit too much, "Oh, you're a Spirit, here are your wings." when I'd expect a little more confusion on the part of both parties, maybe Twilight letting Sweetie know that the other Princesses might get involved since this is technically a Big Thing.
I'm still curious to see what you're planning on doing with this fic, though. Still reserving my up/down vote until I see more. This is still a good start, but I want to see where it goes. :)
And see poor Scootaloo's reaction when she find out yet another UNICORN is going to fly before she does.
There is a lot of potential for humor here, if you play it right. You might want to add a comedy tag just to be safe
*squeals* MORE!!!
The fast pacing actually works well. Right now, Sweetie's mind is probably spinning around like a firework duct taped to a hamster wheel: going a mile a minute and nowhere fast at the same time. The cursory writing nicely captures that sense of numb shock through sheer improbability.
Still, it's not a style you should use for the whole story.
In any case, definitely looking forward to more. Especially Discord's reaction.
TEA......
Alicorn-nip.
Really enjoying this story so far; "Crusader becomes an alicorn" stories are far too rare, and having one crusader ascend first has interesting possibilities for character exploration.
I'd love to see Sweetie Belle confront Twilight over the whole mysterious reveal thing. A minute worth of explanation and a disappearing act? Nice try, Twilight, but Sweetie knows where you live.
I liked Apple Bloom's concern at the end, but it seemed rather sudden, and a bit out of nowhere.
4096470
Please be original about it, though. Sweetie Belle is way too young for immortality angst; "awesome" seems like the more appropriate reaction. And given the CMC's persistent crusades, it wouldn't surprise me if Sweetie's reaction to thinking her friends would grow old and she wouldn't would be "we can fix that"; after all, if Sweetie got her cutie mark and alicornhood at the same time, who's to say the other two wouldn't have the same thing happen? "Inspiration", meet "Creativity" and "Boldness".
Seems like her biggest concern would be more like "Wait, am I going to stay a filly forever? No? Oh, OK then."
The pacing is a little fast, but still, Alicorn Sweetie is cool. Except I slightly think AB was acting a little weird, but that might just be she's shocked that Sweetie is an Alicorn now. Doesn't really mater, the story's awesome.