• Member Since 17th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen Jun 27th, 2015

Herr Director


I am ze Grammar Nazi. Zhat is all you need to know.

T

In the city of East Manetin, a new checkpoint opens up to allow immigration to Arstrotzka, a pony region who won its independence from Gryphonia in the Six Year War, with help from Equestria. To man this post, Princess Twilight Sparkle, Temporary Governor of Arstrotzka, has assigned a small time East Manetin labor worker as the customs inspector of the checkpoint. It seems like a boring job, a simple paper pusher in a city torn by nationalism. However, as the inspector will soon find out, his job will be anything but uninteresting, as he gets involved in something many times bigger than verifying documents. And it all begins with a simple sentence.

Papers, please.

UPDATE: I will be accepting OCs to guest star in future chapters. Click THIS LINK to learn more.

Arstrotzkan Glory Counter: 14

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 85 )

This, though. :rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss:
Well written and a crossover to a great game. What's not to like?

I'm just going to count how many comments I receive that say "Glory to Arstotzka/Arstrotzka" I will update the counter every time I release a chapter. How about that, eh? NO REPEATS. Now cause no trouble!

Excellent work, I rather enjoyed it. Please write more.

By ze vay... Glory to ArsTROTzka

NIce, especially enjoyed the way you did the family part!

Damn Gryphons. Search all of them.

GLORY TO ARSTOZKA! GLORY! :twilightangry2:

You have done good work. Continue doing so. Glory to Arstrotzka.

Gilda is no Jorgi. Oh dear. What shall she return with?

Oh dear, Gilda needs to be a lot smarter than Jorji, if she wants in to... GLORIOUS ARSTROTZKA!!!! GLORY TO ARSTROTZKA!

"Updated the Arstrotzkan Glory Counter"

Im sorry, what now?

4094490 It's in the description. It counts every comment that says "Glory to Arstrotzka/Arstotzka" and is updated with every chapter release

4094551 Would you like to add to the Glory Counter?

He counts every Glory to Arstrotzka written in the comments. By the way, Glory to Arstrotzka! for another great chapter.

Bro

Wait.... Was I the only one who noticed Jorji at Gilda's rant part? Oh and Glory to Arstotzka!

I wonder if this will play out in the same way that Scott Manly's play through went.
Glory to Arstrotzka!

Another great and glorious chapter in the story of the Guard of Astrotzka. May he forever bring Glory to Astrotzka!

Awesome. Just awesome. Love it so far.

You should make pinkie pie as jorski (the funny guy who tries givinG you the fake passports)

Aww man,Gilda is jorski?! Ripoff; her personality doesn't even fit.

Still good story though.

Definitely keeping an eye on this story.

Glory to Arstrotzka! Oh, and cause no trouble...

I am really hoping to see how large this responsibility becomes and how well the Inspector can keep his head once the desk starts cluttering up.

But in due time... for now, next, please.

4100978 It's spelt Jorji Costava, in case you wanted to know

4094558 Glory to Arstrotzka! Screw Gryphonia!!

4100978 I chose Gilda because it would be funny watching her get angrier and angrier with the Inspector. Besides, I'm not that good at writing Pinkie Pie in character. Gilda, I can do.

4104232 you beat me to it but hey that's the inetnet for ya:pinkiehappy:

For those of you who don't get my OC name reference:
- The name Dari Ludum is a reference to Ludum Dare, a contest where people make games in 48 hours. The world of Papers, Please first appeared in a "Ludum Dare" warmup game titled "The Republia Times".
-Bangor is a homophone (A word that has the same sound as another word but is spelled differently) to "bang her" which i'll let you put two and two together...

4117846 Or you could just "Bang her there" :trollestia::rainbowwild:

...Heh, see what I did there? No? Very well. NEXT!

i see this is heavily ingluenced on the game have you played it before

4122688 which version full or demo i have played both

4122998 Same here. I have thoroughly enjoyed both games.

4123239 the ending i picked is where you help the people that is fighting for freedom

Aw... Gilda would have fit really well as that first guard guy instead. (Sergei was it?) "They call that a bomb? Dweebs."

Ah well, let's keep reading.

foraged documents

Don't you mean forged?

Okay, I got a few things to say.

First, typos : "That mane, Bangor Dare": should be "name", not "mane", I believe.

Now, let me try to give some useful criticism. Before I start, though... I don't think I've ever seen that crossover done before, so thank you for doing it, because that game is awesome. :twilightsmile:

Now, as far as the writing is concerned, I'd say it's okay technically, maybe a little plain at times, but not too much anyway. That might me just me.
One thing that I find a little annoying, though is that you tend to spell everything out and even end up repeating stuff sometimes. At some times, things go like The inspector saw that the dates did not match. "The dates do not match," he said... I got it the first time...
The readers can figure things out on their own. Actually, I think most people prefer it that way (as long as it doesn't become obscure and confusing, but I'd say we're far from that here), so don't hammer every little detail. Keep that for the really important stuff.

Now, the big appeal of the game is all the dilemmas it dumps on the unsuspecting player. I think that with a written story, you can make these even more interesting, but so far, you tend to treat them pretty fast... I'd like to see the inspector hesitate, weigh the various factors: he has to keep his job, so he can't let every pony with a sob story in, but that means breaking lives in some cases... There are some horrible choices to make, don't get rid of them with a short paragraph and be done with it.
Since you can actually write what happens outside of the checkpoint, there are some big opportunities for a writer there. For example: how does the inspector feel when his son tells him how great his Papa is, when he's taking bribes from smugglers because the pay is not enough to feed the family?

There's a lot of potential for drama in this story, whether you stick to the game's storyline or not. I hope you'll use that potential. I hope my advices are of some use. In any case, I'll track this and give it a thumbs up. :eeyup:

And one last thing: GLORY TO ARSTROTZKA!

4129594 This is good.:pinkiehappy: I need more of this.:pinkiehappy: Thank you ever so much.:pinkiehappy: I will take these suggestions of yours into account when I write future chapters.

EDIT: "That might me just me" *be. Kill yourself. Just kidding, don't do that please.

For everyone: The next chapter is going a bit slow right now, but I promise the wait will not be insanely long. Keep your documents ready at all times :raritywink:

Glory to Arstrotzka

Oddly enough, Derpy got through the checkpoint on the first try. Go figure.

Good. Very, very, good.


GLORY TO ARSTROTZKA!

Time to write Twilight. Also, demand a raise if no one else will do the job.

4155399 Raise? RAISE? One does not ask for a raise in GLORIOUS ARSTROTZKA!!

You made my OC (and, in some regards, myself) sound like a pompous asshole.

Nicely done! I tip my metaphorical hat to you good sir.

But seriously thanks for including my OC in the story!

If anyone is interested in learning more about Infinite, I'll put up a description of him on my user page.

Glory to Arstrotzka!

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