• Published 10th Mar 2014
  • 8,496 Views, 871 Comments

Miss Sparkle, Psychopath - Adda le Blue



Twilight swears she had nothing to do with the love spell affecting Rainbow Dash, but ponies begin to question her honesty when more of her friends are found hoodwinked and brainwashed.

  • ...
34
 871
 8,496

Epilogue


The two staggered through the library's front door for the first time in forever. Rainbow Dash was supporting Twilight's weight, and though she wouldn't admit it Rainbow was grateful for the stability given to her by the body leaning into hers. The library felt empty in Spike's absence - he and a pair of fillies were keeping Rarity's little sister company at her parents' place - but Twilight welcomed the silence. The day had been long and the week longer; the only thing on either of their minds was a good night's sleep.

No, not the only thing. The two sat at the edge of Twilight's little bed and shared an awkward silence. Twi looked backward at the mattress, which was big enough for two if those two were quite comfortable with each other. “Should I pull out a guest mattress?” Twi asked finally.

“No, it's fine,” Rainbow said with a dismissive wave of her hoof. “U-unless you want to, I mean.”

The unicorn shook her head. “I don't mind sharing.”

“Cool.”

The two simply sat, looking at fixtures and their hooves as much as each other.

Rainbow scratched at her scalp. “So, yeah,” she said slowly. “What now?”

“I don't know,” Twilight replied just as uncertainly. “I was sure you'd have some kind of plan.”

“Oh,” she chuckled awkwardly. “Well, Twilight, to be honest...” Her hoof went back to her mane, but this time it was between the two ponies. “I talk a big game, but I've never had a serious fillyfriend before.”

“Don't worry, Rainbow, I've never had one at all,” Twilight laughed.

“Not that I'm nervous or anything,” Rainbow reminded her unicorn.

Twi turned her head to hide a smile. “Of course not. Everypony knows Rainbow 'Danger' Dash isn't afraid of anything.”

Rainbow's lips tightened at Twilight's sarcastic snipe. “Don't rub it in,” she muttered.

Twilight patted her shoulder. “It's okay to be nervous, you know.” Her pegasus nodded, but didn't meet her eyes. “To be honest, I'm so nervous I'm surprised I haven't thrown up yet.”

Rainbow let out a startled laugh. “Ew, Twilight,” she said with a poke to her shoulder. “Way to kill the mood.” But at least she was smiling again.

“I'm serious! I've had these butterflies in my stomach since we sat down. ” Rainbow just shook her head and chuckled. “But since we're on the subject, you know... Well, we're...” She shifted uncomfortably. “Are we serious?” she asked nervously. “I mean, I know we just started dating an hour ago but we've been friends forever, and after the week we've had... Well...” Her muzzle shifted from an anxious frown to an even more anxious smile and back in the space of a second. “Are we?”

“I hope so,” Rainbow said honestly.

“And it's not like we haven't slept together before, anyway,” she continued – Rainbow's cheeks and nose quickly turned beet red as her thoughts ran away with her – “so it shouldn't be weird. The only difference is that we get to sleep in a bed this time instead of on the ground.”

“Yeah.” Up went the hoof. Twilight, ever one to notice a stray detail, paused and looked at her critically. “What?” she asked uncomfortably. “Is there something in my mane? Are the colors all mixed up again?”

“Oh!” Twi said suddenly. “That's why you've been scratching it so much.”

She turned to inspect her flight feathers. “Yep, that's probably why...”

“Would you like me to brush the tangles out of your mane before bed?” Twilight asked eagerly. “You know, so it isn't a big mess when you wake up?”

Rainbow shrank into herself a bit. “I-if you want,” she said with a nervous chuckle.

The hazy pink light of Twilight's magic enveloped the handle of the brush and brought it to bear against the base of her marefriend's scalp. She began to run it along Rainbow's neck in slow, smooth strokes. “Sorry if that sounded... you know... mean. It's not a big mess.”

“You're fine.”

She chuckled again. “You know, I've brushed my friends' manes before, but it's different when it's with your marefriend, isn't it?” she said conversationally. “I wonder why. I mean, it's just brushing your mane. What's the big deal?”

Rainbow grunted. Her eyes were closed and she was wearing a grin of contentment. A loud popping noise put an end to that, though, as the brush snagged on a particularly bad snarl and yanked at her scalp. “Ow! Hey!” she yelped.

Twilight winced. “Sorry,” she muttered with a self-conscious grin.

“It's okay. Just be careful back there, okay?” Rainbow patted her mane. “I might not be as crazy about my mane as Rarity, but I still want it to all be there!”

After a moment Twilight grunted distractedly and the brush resumed its course.

Even Rainbow could tell that something had changed, but she couldn't tell just what that was. “So, uh... Speaking of Rarity, it looks like you patched things up with her,” she tried. “That's good, right?”

The brush dug deeper into her scalp. “Let's not talk about her,” Twilight muttered.

She frowned uncomfortably. “But you seemed okay–”

“Not now, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight barked. “Okay? It's...” She exhaled heavily through her nose. “It's complicated,” she mumbled uncertainly. She tried to focus on the manebrush, but it distracted her enough to allow the words to escape. “I mean, I forgive her, I really do, and I want to be her friend again, but it's going to take some time for everything to get back to...” She sighed. “Can we just talk about happier things for right now?” she pleaded.

“Yeah, of course,” Rainbow said hastily. “I'm just making conversation.”

Twilight patted her hip awkwardly. “I'm sorry I snapped at you.”

“It's cool,” she nodded. “I get it– Ow!” The brush caught in another snarl and jerked her head back. “Watch it, Twi!”

“Sorry! I didn't think it'd be this bad!”

The two lapsed into silence; the only sound to be heard was that of the brush separating strands of the pegasus's prismatic mane into some semblance of order.

Suddenly Rainbow Dash began to laugh.

Twilight frowned at the back of her head. “What's so funny?” she asked.

“You didn't think it'd be this bad,” she chuckled. “We just spent a few days fighting and sleeping in the dirt, that's all!”

Twi couldn't decide whether to be offended or not. If it was a joke, it was a bad one...

But then she got it, and gales of laughter shook her so hard she almost fell off of the bed. She curled up around her fillyfriend and clung to her for support.

Rainbow giggled beneath her weight. “Omigosh, Twilight... You won your first dogfight!”

“By Celestia's mane, how did we make it through the week?” she wondered, giggling madly. She wrapped her forehooves around her marefriend's sides, taking care not to trap her wings or irritate her sore muzzle. “I can't believe we actually did all of that. We could have gotten ourselves killed!”

“Wow, Twi. Just...” Rainbow collapsed sideways and Twilight rolled over her. Latched on as she was, the unicorn ended up laying with her belly against Rainbow's, who was laughing hard enough to shake Twilight. “Omigosh. That was so stupid of us.”

Eventually shock and adrenaline began to fade into relief. “We did it!” Twilight crowed. “I don't know how, but we did it. And you know what? I never could have gone through any of it without you at my side.” She nuzzled Rainbow's cheek with her own. “Thanks for sticking with me.”

Rainbow rubbed a hoof up and down the unicorn's back. “No problem,” she said smoothly, but Twilight could sense an underlying layer to her words, an intensity that Rainbow fought to hide. The hoof tightened around her. “Thanks for not giving up on me.”

“I could never give up on you, Rainbow Dash.”

The pegasus smiled and looked away. After a moment she glanced back at Twilight and saw her staring at her from the corner of her eye. “Here,” Rainbow said awkwardly. She pushed at her fillyfriend's shoulders. “Turn around.”

She raised an eyebrow at her, but Twi did as she was asked. “Why?” she asked slowly. Then she felt the bristles of the hairbrush against her scalp. She let out a little grunt of surprise.

“Sorry if I'm no good,” Rainbow said quickly. “I don't really do this kind of thing.”

“I'm sure it'll be fine,” Twilight assured her as the brush traveled down her neck. “It's not hard.”

“Yeah, maybe not for you,” she muttered. Twilight turned her head just far enough to look at her from the corner of her eye. She was squinting in concentration; she looked as though her tongue would poke through her teeth at any moment. Twi thought she was adorable, but she knew better than to tell Rainbow that.

Suddenly the brush met a clump hidden behind Twi's ear and halted, but Rainbow wasn't having any of it. “Ow,” Twilight said pointedly as her head was jerked backward.

Rainbow gave her a crooked smile and a few more tugs. “Hold on, I'm almost...”

“Ow, ow, ow! Wait!”

Rainbow's hoof darted away from the brush as if it had burned her. It stayed wedged in Twilight's mane.

“No, it's alright,” Twilight said hastily. She levitated the brush away from her scalp and back into Rainbow's hooves. “But when you find a big knot like this one, you have to be careful not to irritate the scalp,” she advised. “Try working it out from the bottom first.”

“Like...” The brush eventually returned to her mane. “Like this?” A series of short, choppy swipes tugged hairs free of the bottom of the knot.

“That's fine.” It only took Rainbow another minute or so to handle the clump, and by the time it was done Twilight was feeling a little sore but content; she was losing herself in the rhythm of the brush's strokes.

“Am I doing alright?” Rainbow asked eventually.

“You're great,” Twi said muzzily.

“'Cause I think I'm about done.” The brush pulled back and Rainbow moved her hooves into Twilight's mane, fluffing it out and checking for missed snarls. “What do you think?”

Twilight lifted a hoof to her mane and smoothed it down. She thought the pegasus had parted her mane around her horn differently than she usually did, but until she saw it in a mirror, who was she to say no? “You did a great job,” Twilight smiled. “Thank you, Dashie.”

Rainbow flinched.

Her eyebrows lifted in confusion. “What's wrong, Rainbow Da...” Twilight's eyes widened as she realized what she'd done. “Oh my goodness,” the unicorn breathed. “I'm so, so sorry! I didn't mean to...”

“It's okay,” her marefriend said casually. She bounced her hooves on her knees, maybe following a rhythm but likely not. “I know you didn't mean it like that.”

“It's just a habit,” she said, her mouth moving of its own volition. “I don't actually want you to be like that, I swear. You don't have to change for me. I like you just the way you are!”

“Yeah,” Rainbow said shortly. She leaned toward Twilight, though not without a moment's hesitation, and wrapped her forelegs around her unicorn's barrel.

Twilight looked down at her marefriend with anxious eyes. “Rainbow Dash, you're shaking.”

Just like that she was off on her own side of the bed. “Am not,” she said angrily. “You are.”

“Is this too weird?” Twilight blurted out.

Rainbow blinked, then blinked again. She fought to hold onto her poker face.

“If it's too weird for you, just say it. I know you went through a lot with me and you must be feeling some mixed emotions right now. That's okay,” Twilight assured her. “To be honest, I expected as much. So if you need some time to... I don't know, see if we can work through them on a more casual level, then I'll accept that.”

Rainbow opened her muzzle to speak, but it came out as a faint squeak. She tried to work some moisture into her mouth. “Twilight, I just wanted you to...” She shook her head.

“What is it, Rainbow Dash?” she asked, concerned. “You can tell me.”

The pegasus's frown took on a sickly twist. “I don't want time. I just want to know that you like me for who I am, n-not who I was then...”

Twilight's heart sank. “Oh, Rainbow. Of course I do! I didn't fall for the Rainbow Dash that Cappuccino gave to me. I fell for the one I knew was buried underneath.”

“I know there's something there,” Rainbow said with a shrug. “I guess I'm just worried you care more about that Rainbow Dash than the real one.”

Twi grabbed her cheeks and spun the pegasus towards her. “Rainbow Dash, I don't want that pegasus and I never will,” she said. “Ever.”

Rainbow's brows drew down. “Why not?”

“Because that Rainbow Dash was too easy,” Twi said bluntly. “She did everything I ever asked as soon as I asked. If I'd have said 'jump', she would have, even if I told her to jump in front of a train. It was hard to watch, Rainbow Dash, and even harder knowing that I had that kind of power over you. To be honest...” Her eyelid twitched and some moisture balanced itself upon her lower lid. “It was terrifying. I might be good at making checklists and coordinating events, but to have that kind of control over a pony?”

“But you're always trying to change me and the girls,” Rainbow argued. Twi's jaw dropped, and Rainbow raised her hooves placatingly. “I'm not saying it like it's a bad thing,” she said. “I'm just saying, wouldn't you take advantage of that just to, I don't know, make Pinkie stop being so random, or make Rarity stop being such a drama queen?”

“No!” The force of her feelings surprised even her. “Why would I take away a key part of what makes my friends who they are?” She took Rainbow Dash's forehoof in both of their own. “An important part of building and maintaining friendships is accepting and growing to love the ways in which other ponies are different. I wouldn't want Pinkie to stop being so random, because then she wouldn't be our Pinkie anymore. If she did change, I would accept it, but that is her choice to make and I know I'd miss that part of her for a long, long time. Nor would I force Rarity to calm down and stop worrying so much, as much as I'd like to sometimes.” Twilight smiled and shook her head. “The same goes for you. If you want to change something about yourself, that is your decision. I cannot and will not make it for you.”

Rainbow put her other hoof atop Twilight's. “But a pony like me... I know I'm crazy and careless and I do really stupid things a lot of the time, and most of them end up in messes that you have to help me clean up. You shouldn't have to deal with that.”

“Rainbow, are you saying you want to be more like that Rainbow Dash?”

The pegasus hesitated. “I... Yeah. If that's what you want.”

“But I want you to be yourself, Rainbow!” she exclaimed. “I'll admit that you can be a pain sometimes, just as I'm sure I can be a bore, or picky, or stubborn, or... or all kinds of things. Everypony has their flaws, Rainbow, but your flaws are outnumbered by the things I love about you.” She smiled as memories of happier times danced through her mind. “You know, your carefree spirit and your tendency to rush ahead without thinking used to irritate me – they still do, sometimes – but now that I know you as well as I do, I can understand those parts of you and I can respect them. When I hear you talking about some new stunt that's probably going to get you killed someday I still get nervous, but I feel something else too.”

A corner of Rainbow's mouth had begun to lift, and her eyes were shining. “What's that?” she asked.

“Pride,” Twilight answered. “You're the gutsiest pony I've ever met. You're also one of the most spontaneous, which has saved me from countless uneventful days at the library. I like the sense of adventure you carry with you. It makes me feel alive!” she said excitedly; her eyes were shining too. “ I know that we'll both have to change a little for this relationship, but neither of us should have to lose part of ourselves to it. If you lost that just so I wouldn't have to worry so much, or if you stopped butting heads with me and made yourself into a doormat, I don't know what I'd do. I'm sure of one thing, though...” She pulled Rainbow's foreleg until the mare slid closer to her, eventually onto her thigh. She was trembling again; Twilight could feel her feathers vibrating against her shoulder. Twilight released her hoof and wrapped her own around her withers. “Even if you end up as boring as me, I'd still love you, Rainbow Dash.”

Rainbow laughed, and with the laughter came tears of joy. “And even if you end up as crazy as me, I'd still love you too, Twilight.”

Neither moved in for a kiss. Neither felt she had to. They were comfortable and they were happy. The two mares held each other for as long as it took for their tears to dry and for longer, and soon they were asleep in each others' hooves.

Tomorrow would be a new day, and Ponyville's newest couple would rise to face it as equals, hoof in hoof.

Author's Note:


Well, everypony, that's that. 'Miss Sparkle, Psychopath' has reached its end... well, an ending anyway. At the time I post this epilogue 'Miss Sparkle' has garnered over two hundred fifty likes and three hundred fifty faves and you've all been talking and debating and having a good time... and hay, somepony even drew me some cover art! I never expected that. I suppose a lot of you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

There has been something of a stir, however, about the path I steered this story toward and I promised you an explanation. When the first act led many of you to believe that Twilight was truly the madpony behind the story's events, you expected a grimdark story with a Shyamalan-style plot twist at the end. When I began act two by convincing you that Twilight was innocent, so many of you immediately latched onto the idea that Rarity, her main antagonist, was the culprit, and expected a violent and possibly gruesome finish that might just destroy the Elements of Harmony forever. Then I introduced Cappuccino. The metaphorical shit hit the imaginary fan.

Well, that's not very fair of me. Most of you took it quite well, even those of you who voiced in no uncertain terms your disappointment. I know that it didn't follow your expectations. I never wanted to write you a grimdark tale of corruption or another Megalomaniacal Twilight story. I wanted to write something that caused you to break your faith and then showed you how wrong you were to lose it. I took you to the darkness and then I shattered it... Why? So that you could see the light again. I wanted to show you that even if your faith is broken, even if your world falls from beneath your hooves, there is still hope. Just as Twilight Sparkle found comfort in Rainbow Dash's loyal hooves, I know that in times of trouble a pony can find refuge in the tender grasp of a good friend.

Dear Princess Celestia...

It's a lesson I learned rather recently myself. All through my school days I had three friends or four at a time and I wasn't very close to any of them. I was afraid to ask for anything more, because friendship hurt. I had a friend growing up, a twin brother; to this day I still can't look at him without feeling the bile rise into my throat. I had a friend when I was nine; by ten, they'd ditched me for another group that thought I didn't fit in. I had a friend when I was twelve; I was thirteen when they died. After that I gave up. Two years later I was homeschooled and suicidal, and the year after that I had my first public nervous breakdown.

Then, after a few years passed, I left my parents' place for the first and only time. I took charge of my life; I rented a room and I got a job. I started to find something like friendship with one or two of my coworkers. I talked, I laughed, I climbed buildings and played video games. I don't know how it happened... It all felt so natural. All I know is that one month I was ready to sheathe the sword and the next I couldn't dream of abandoning my new friends like that, nor would I want to! Now I have a little circle of friends that I think of more as family, and I'm happy and in love and just generally having a good time with life.

What am I trying to say here? Same thing as in the story, really. Much like day and night, the darkness is a part of life, and if you live through the night you will, I promise you will, see the daylight again.

I know that many of you won't have gathered anything of the sort from this little story of mine. It's just a TwiDash shipfic, right? Just a botched mystery? Just a contest entry? Well, who says a story has to be just that? No matter what you take from this, though, I hope you enjoyed 'Miss Sparkle', I hope my explanation gave you some kind of appreciation for my choices, and I hope the darkness doesn't last for long. Thanks for reading, everypony.

~Adda le Blue

Comments ( 197 )

good fic all in all.

Yeah. Even though I feel Cappucino wasn't the best choice for a villain and Rarity was too harsh, this fic is still very well written, in my opinion. I look forward to a sequel, or another fic with interesting premise. The Twidash at the end was cute, and the conversation felt natural after what they've been through. You're definitely a writer whose stories I'll track gladly. :twilightsmile:

:rainbowkiss:

(applauding) Now I can push the like button.

Was it an epic story? No. Was a good story? I think it leans more towards great.

Thank you very much for the A/N, it really brought perspective upon this tale (of which I hope to see more of).

Best of luck, stay healthy, and update soon!

-Sky66

I think you handled twilight and rarity at the end here perfectly. As much as I want something terrible to happen to her, it wouldn't be in character for twilight to do something like that. This story has been a wild ride and now its done and I feel joy and despair in equal measure at its passing.

Thank you for the story! If I had more thumbs to give I'd give them! :twilightsmile:

You have one helluva competition waiting for you. Our Voices Carry Through The Hills by Surry is entered in it.

I will admit that I started reading this hoping for a story in which Twilight was truly discovered to be a psycho-/sociopath with a sinister side to it all, but I wasn't disappointed by the direction it went afterwards. Making some random background pony the villain, a genuinely creepy one, too, is in my opinion a pretty great move. It's better than just picking one of the established villains or making up some totally cool OC for this. At least I like it better. This was a very fun story to read, the only disappointing thing is that it's already over, no matter how cheesy that sounds!

meh now its been explained, i can see why you went with that ending, i feel like i should STOP reading all those grimdark stories as they have made a cynic outta me, this story was refreshing and fun to read, now go log off and relax, you've done well adda

:twilightsmile: Dear Adda...
For writing a great story, making an adventure for us.
For the time you had to put into writing it, and my time, which passed pleasently while reading it.
For actually talking with your readers in comments. :trollestia:
:heart: THANK YOU! :heart:

Wait... WAIT!!

I'm still disappointed about the villain, but your choice for him as a bad guy is actually smart!

Reading this story, I kept thinking back to the 'Drumhead Trial' from Star Trek:
in that episode, some douchebags were searching for the assistant of a spy that stole important data from the Federation ship, accusing members of the crew, and if someone tried to protest: BOOM! INSTANT CULPRIT!
Turns out, their was no assistant, and no concrete proof of their ever being one in the first place.

My point is, they let their paranoia get the best of them, and jumped to conclusions, eager to catch a culprit to make them feel at ease.

In this story, every character looked suspicious, but with a carefully planned investigation, this mystery could have been solved without Twilight having to flee from her 'used to be friends'.

Twilight was labeled as culprit as some coincidences pointed towards her. No real evidence were found though.

MY POINT IS: by carefully analyzing the scenes of the crimes, and the victims, Cappuccino would have been found rather easily. They were just eager to catch the culprit, forgetting about the trust and love they once shared.

TO SUM IT UP: Paranoia will kill us all!!!

(Still, Rarity's OOC even though you were careful to build up her belief that Twilight's the culprit very slooowly... also sad to say this story won't make it in my top 10 :C. Still, I'd put it in my top 30 if that makes you feel any better ;). )

Sorry about that, everypony. I'm back for a few minutes before I head to a good friend's place for the evening, but I'll come back and see you when I get the opportunity!



4208069
This was written for Incredible Blunderbolt's TwiDash Framed Challenge.


4208161
Thanks, lordofmyth. That means a lot, coming from one of the readers I butted heads with most of all! Don't worry, I enjoy a healthy debate. :twilightsmile:


4208205
Aww, thanks! I hope you like the next one just as much. That said, I think I'll need a bit of a break first... After churning out a chapter every two days since 9 March, I'm feeling pretty burned out! :twilightsheepish:


4208254
Great? I don't know about that... :twilightblush: I'm just glad you all seem to appreciate it!
I said it was all part of the plan, didn't I? Now it makes sense! :pinkiehappy:


4208256
And thank you for reading it! One thumb is more than enough for me. I know that a lot of the readers were angry enough at Rarity to want something bad to happen to her, but I hope most of you got your fix and can now let the healing begin. :twilightsmile:


4208276
I've avoided reading the other entries (as if I've had enough time anyway, haha) because I didn't want them to influence mine in anyway, but I've heard a lot of good things about Surry's story and Regicide Squares by Shakespearicles made it to the feature box! I'll be sure to read them all when I get some free time tomorrow.
Oh my stars... I'll have free time tomorrow! :pinkiehappy: That's the first time in over a month! Don't get me wrong, I loved writing this story, but oh... my... stars. :rainbowlaugh:


4208307
I'm so glad you approve of my choice, Superbowl! Don't worry, cheese goes well with everything. :raritywink:


4208335
That's exactly what made me start watching MLP in the first place. Too much darkness and cynicism! I favored shows like Breaking Bad, Dexter, Death Note and Sherlock, and book series like The Dresden Files and the Wheel of Time. It wears on you after a while, doesn't it?
Thank you so much for reading, Oxy!


4208375
Come on, Specimen, let's not pretend I'm a big shot or anything. What's an author without her readers? Speaking of which, don't think I've forgotten that you've been here with me since day one! I can't thank you enough for that. :heart: I suppose we're even! :twilightsmile:


I'm still disappointed about the villain, but your choice for him as a bad guy is actually smart!

Aww! I'm glad you think so.

By carefully analyzing the scenes of the crimes, and the victims, Cappuccino would have been found rather easily.

Maybe I was too subtle with the little details. The heavy scent of tea permeating Fluttershy's cottage, for instance...?

4208594 no problem, i enjoyed the story and the way you write, keep up the good work

4208621
I'll do my best, Oxy. Good luck to you as well!

Dat author's note tho :') This was scary and beautiful and deserves a thumb to the face xD

4208636 wait wait wait... You told people about this? Gimme link because I figured this shiz out on my own a couple hours after reading chapter before epilouge.

4208663
Aww, I'm so glad you appreciate it, mochi. :twilightsmile: My face gladly accepts your thumb!


4208688
What, you mean the challenge prompt? I snuck it into the description a while ago. I just put the spoiler tag over it today to keep it from ruining the story for new readers. Congrats on figuring it out on your own, though!

4208709 Also, I'm following you!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!! >:D

Them being a couple is kind of unfitting. It came right the fuck out of nowhere, you should've established it a bit more

This was a good fic, and it had a sweet ending. I'll admit that I'm disappointed with Cuppacino, and even though we'll miss out on the rebuilding of Twilight's friendship with Rares, or seeing Cuppacino doing something evil like breaking out of the instituion and trying to poison the Canterlot Water supply with Hypno-potion. This was all in all an enjoyable little fic. I'm glad that you made this, and thank you for submitting this fic :twilightsmile:.

4207773

It had the Rainbow, Twi and Romance tags from the get-go and I recently revealed the contest I wrote 'Miss Sparkle' for to be Blundy's TwiDash Framed Challenge. It was kind of a given!

Ah... that explains a lot... :twilightsmile:

Epilogue already? Aww... and I'll bet anything that it's going to be a cliffhanger... :trixieshiftright:

Also, it kinda sucks that Rarity's motives don't go much further beyond "she snapped under the stress." I kept expecting something to be revealed from her past, or something. An experience that made her way more sensitive than everypony else to the events we've seen unfold here, which would have explained why she was so quick to jump to conclusions, not to mention so fanatical in her efforts...

Still, it was nice to see her kick ass for a change... :duck:

Well... GG Small Son... GG...

Bleh... I replied before I realized the epilogue was already out. Silly me...

Anyway, why the hell is Rarity antagonized so much in this? :raritydespair:

Okay, I get that we need one or more of the Mane Six to be a "dick" from time to time, but they usually get a chance to redeem themselves toward the end as well. All she got was time in a hospital bed and a ton of animosity toward her from her friends... :unsuresweetie:

The above view is in no way related to Rarity being my favorite pony, not to mention best pony in general...

Other than that, this was an excellent journey, even if it kinda gave up on its darker elements in the latter third or so, which were the main selling point for me. Well done, and I look forward to whatever else you might have to say in the future! :raritywink:

Awesome story Adda. The point you got across makes this story even better.

Wow.

That... was a great ending. I no longer have complaints. The interaction in the epilogue just wrapped the whole thing up in a satisfying way, not to mention being pretty goshdarn beautiful. *sniff* :fluttercry:

Your note is touching. I can't say much about it, since I don't know you very well, but I hope you feel better after getting this masterpiece out to the world. :pinkiesmile:

*hug*

4208720

:rainbowhuh: Wow, genius. This had TwiDash written all over it, from the romance tag to the very first sentence in the description.

Personally I really didn't have any problems with the story except for Cappucino being the villain. The reasoning is because I enjoyed the suspense at who it was and loved thinking I had missed some sort of hint or clue, but once we found out Twilight wasn't the culprit it kinda took some of the magic away.

Over all I still enjoyed the story but I felt Cappuncino blindsided a lot of people and that was the biggest cause for the "hate".

The Feels are Strong in this One.





Old Star Wars refrences aside, this was a very well done bit of fanfiction. It is very rare for me to give such praise, and, coming from me, you can't get any higher priase. I've been mostly silent throughout this fic, preferring to keep my comments and thoughts until the very end. Now that the fiction is done and over with, I'm glad that I did. For starters, the first Act. Forgive me if I was an unwilling audiance, but my faith in Twilight never once waivered. When I say she is best pony, I believe in that quite a lot. It would take far more than any sane writer could write to make me doubt Twilight and her motives, no matter the fiction. In fictions like this one, I believe that she is innocent until the author actually shatters that illusion and proves that she has done all of the things others assume she did. And even then, I believe that she does have a reason for doing those things, even if her reasoning is a bit skewed. This was no different. I did not think that she was the culprit for even an instant. If you had traveled a different path and revealed that she was the psycopath, I would have firmly believed that she would have had a just reason for hurting her friends like that-- even if that reasoning would have seemed wrong to every other character in the story. So in Act I, I did not think Twilight was the one causing all of this trouble. I was more inclined to think that the whole thing was some magic experiment gone wrong by the Princesses than Twilight having went full-blown crazy.


Then, Act II. You did your best to set Rarity up as the villian here-- and did a good job of it, too. You had me thinking that it was very possible for the fashionesta to be the one behind all of this. At the same time, I wasn't giving up the impression that something or somepony else was hiding in the background. I couldn't be completely sure, of course, but I didn't rule it out. In addition, I never really thought Rares was out of character here. Knowing what I do know of her nature, I believe that it is very possible for her to "go off the deep end" so to speak, if it means protecting the rest of her friends and equestria from the percieved Monster-- even if that supposed Monster was one of her very own friends. I'd also have to say Applejack's part here was pretty well done. She preferred to listen to her own instincts through the entire story, even though her brain argued that Twilight was the villian later on. Mentioning that the antidote was made from her family cider also made sense, as that explained why she was able to shrug off the potion's effects, even if it clouded her memory a bit so that the fake "Twilight" really appeared to be the real one to her perceptions. It also showed that even the real villian ended up making costly (in his eyes) calculations.

Which brings me to the next part. Cappuccino. Honestly, even though I was still partially suspecting Rarity, I was still very open to the idea of the villian being an OC of some sort. And honestly, once Twilight realized that a potion was the reason for Dashie's behavior, an OC who makes coffee made sense; it gave him the perfect alibi to poison the Elements of Harmony. Offer them a coffee then watch as his potion does its work. You also did a good job at depicting how messed up in the mind he is. He was willing to completely destroy the Elements of Harmony just for a date. He was willing to let Equestria and his home be overrun with all manner of nasty things just so Rainbow Dash could be nothing but his. And instead of trying to "not be a creep" (in Dash's words) and asking her out, he decided he had to win her over by lying to her and destroying her friends.


All in all, a very good fiction, and I can really relate to your little story in the author's comments. I was lead down the path of depression and suicidal thoughts when my high school fiance up and left with nary a word or reason and started fucking some random dude less than two days later like I had never even existed. Long story short, it was My Little Pony and the fandom who helped save me, and now I'm working on trying to make amends and get my life back on track once more. So, have a Watch and I'll see if I can get around to some of your other fictions, and I hope you do a sequel to this one too! I think there's so much potential here that has been so far untapped.

Well. It was certainly possible to fap to this story. And not everyone can say that.

I wanted to see cappuccino burn

I absolutely loved this story. Albeit I had trouble following in some of the very heavy action chunks of it, mainly referencing Act II, you pulled it off rather spectacularly.

Deep down I am screaming out for a sequel. You've worked out a good base for a continuation if you do so consider it.

It was a sweet end to a competently written and engaging story. I also feel that I learned quite a lot about the author, which is quite interesting in itself.

'Miss Sparkle, Psychopath' has reached its end... well, an ending anyway.

To quote The Stanley Parable, "the end is never the end". There's so much to play with here. There's the long road to repairing friendship between Twilight and Rarity. There's Cappuccino's incarceration. If you decide to write a sequel, there's no lack of material to draw from. I'd actually be really interested in seeing something from his narrative.

Of course, whether or not you continue the story is up to you.

4210303
And then there's this guy. God fucking damnit.

4208719
Oh! I suppose I'll have to make sure the next story I write for you all is twice as good. :pinkiehappy:


4208720 4209188
Considering how I'd have given poor Dashie an aneurysm if I'd dragged it out any longer, I'm going to assume this was sarcasm. :raritywink:


4208765
I'm glad you like it so much! I'm really tempted to work on that sequel, but I have too many projects on the backburner. We'll just have to see.


4208790 4208876

It kinda sucks that Rarity's motives don't go much further beyond "she snapped under the stress."

And maybe she's a borderline unicorn supremacist in denial, but your mileage may very. :rainbowlaugh:

Why the hell is Rarity antagonized so much in this? :raritydespair: ... All she got was time in a hospital bed and a ton of animosity toward her from her friends... :unsuresweetie:

Wounds like this take time to heal, time that we didn't have. It'll be one of the core points of the sequel if I pull one together - or if somepony beats me to it - so don't you worry!
You know, I think my usual stories would be more your flavor. By usual, I mean the ones I often try to write but don't get around to thanks to other stories written on a whim ('Folksong', anypony? :facehoof:) getting in the way. I, um... I don't have any of them posted yet. :twilightsheepish: The one I'm probably going to work on next... That might do it. :raritywink:


4208849
Thanks, Bromiliad! I'm glad you enjoyed it.


4209043
I'm glad you think so, Discord! I was worried that I wouldn't do it right, but from the reactions I've been getting I'd like to think I didn't do too badly! :twilightblush:


4209188
Aww! I'm so happy to hear that! :pinkiehappy:

I can't say much about it, since I don't know you very well...

Well, now you know me a little better! :twilightsmile: I'm sorry if the author's note was a bit intense. Thanks for the hug!


4209608
Not this time, moonsaber, but maybe you should stay tuned for my other stories!


4210010
I'm not gonna argue that point. I kicked everypony's hooves right out from under you with that one!
cdn2.scratch.mit.edu/get_image/gallery/205431_170x100.png?v=1368401650.13


4210058
Aww! Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. I'll admit that I'm not a big fan of fics that make the characters blatantly OOC just to weave a good yarn, and I try my hardest to make everything I write as believeable as possible. Honestly, I think your faith in the Mane Six gave you quite an advantage! You seem to have kept a level head and weathered everything I threw at you quite well. This story was meant to break your faith, but yours... I hardly even fooled you for an instant. It's rather life-affirming to hear from somepony like you, who endured much of the same and came out of it with head held high.
I'm sorry you had to endure such heartache. It's amazing, though, how a few smiles, a new perspective, and the magic of friendship can change your life so much! There are better friends to be made and so many wonderful adventures to be had, and I'm so glad you are ready to face them with a smile! :pinkiehappy:
As for my other fics... Well, I have hopes for 'That Which I Hold Dear', but I know it takes a special kind of pony to love 'Folksong' and I've lost my drive to write the FiM-minus-Twilight story that is 'Somepony Like Star Swirl'. Besides, as I'm sure you can tell, I've improved greatly over the course of writing 'Miss Sparkle' and the others will probably seem lackluster in comparison. But who am I to tell you what you should or shouldn't read? I'll just be over here with a self-conscious grin and a light heart.


4210303
Wow, really? :rainbowderp: That's, um... unexpected. I'm not really comfortable with clop, so maybe I just ignored this story's potential. Did I write something I didn't pick up on or do you just have a hair trigger?
To each their own, I suppose, though I'm not quite sure how I feel about the idea of somepony, you know... enjoying my fimfiction that much. I suppose I'll take it as a compliment!
...Okay, I'll give you one thing... this story does have a fine plot.
fc03.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/014/e/9/pinkie_pie_rimshot_by_perinigricon-d4mbib9.gif


4210595
But how will he learn? :twilightsmile: We'll see what happens if the sequel comes around, and until then there's always headcanon!


4211190
Thanks, LegacyElite! I'm definitely thinking about it, but I can't make any promises quite yet!


4211647
Thank you, Vox! I do want to write a sequel, but there are so many more stories to tell... I guess if I put together a good enough narrative I'll see what I can do, but my attention will probably be on another story, the very first fanfic I ever began to write. I've been working on it since last March at the latest, so it's past time for something to come of it!

4212726

I know how it can be to have tons of projects on the backburner. Hopefully we'll get one someday, until then good luck with your future endeavors.

That is definitely the best way, much further than I can see, the story ending...
Well done.
I would like to see Cappuccino being given as a sacrifice to the changelings or something but I think the Princess' are too kind for that. Pity hehe.

I'm not very good with expressions, but just know I really love the story in whole. And I really hope you win the contest!!

Looking forward to the whatever is in future. A lot.

P.S: Sorry for the lack of praise and comments, I was internet-less for over 2 days!

4212774
Thanks. I'll do my best!


4212780
As if I write these stories to inflate my own ego, haha. I'm just glad you liked it as much as you did!
We'll have to wait and see what the future holds for Cappuccino. If anypony gets impatient, I have no problem with others putting their own twist on it! Until then, have fun with your headcanon. :pinkiehappy:

4212811 Wait, theres more?

4212813
Well, I'm not making any promises but I might write a sequel. There's so much more to tell of Twilight's story - her attempts to treat Cappuccino's condition, her nearly-shattered friendship with Rarity... Most of all, her relationship with Rainbow Dash started off on very strange footing and I'm sure there will be some drama. I think I'd have a lot of fun with it, but there are too many other stories I've been putting off. I guess I'll have to keep you posted, huh? :raritywink:

4212824 It will be for the best. Esp. on this end I assure you ^^
Again, I'll look forward to that! Any ETA? Or am I pressing too fast...

4212825
Maybe a little. :raritywink: After pounding out a chapter every two days for a solid month, I'm overdue for a break! I already have a different project in mind for when I get back to writing, but I'll play around with the possibility of a sequel and we'll see what the future brings. :twilightsmile:

4212848 Was it every 2 days? It seemed longer...:twilightsheepish:
Joking, jokin'. I can expect it was a mighty challenge.
I'll look forward to whatever you put up. I am genuinely surprised I never came across your prior ventures before this one, though.

4212859
They are... um... less good. I love 'Folksong' very much, but I'll be the first to say that it's a mess that only a very special kind of reader will appreciate. Unless you can appreciate not knowing what the hell is going on and have a keener eye for detail than the folks at Twilight's Library, I'd suggest waiting for the more accessible rewrite. I do have hopes for 'That Which I Hold Dear', but 'Somepony Like Star Swirl' probably won't go anywhere - I've lost my desire to write a FiM-minus-Twilight story when there are so many better tales to tell!

4212726

And maybe she's a borderline unicorn supremacist in denial, but your mileage may very. :rainbowlaugh:

Or, conversely, she knows how everypony else thinks about unicorns and their "magic-shmagic," and since it's such a volatile subject, she doesn't want anypony she knows (especially not one of her closest friends) to start giving them a bad name... :trixieshiftright:

4212824
4212848

If you do write a sequel, let me just say I would want it to have its own original conflict on top of the aftermathy bits. It would be so much more interesting to see that relationship drama and Rarity-friends-repairness in the middle of its own super duper mysteryish adventure. It would be even better if they all had to reconcile their feelings in time to be able to use the Elements on the villain; that would lead to some really fun times. Hoohoohoohoo... Not sure how Cappuccino could be worked in there, but honestly I don't care about him at all. Not enough time or reason to, he's just a big dumb butt who has no conscience.

And now I eat. In case you haven't noticed, this comment isn't exactly a hallmark of eloquence. :rainbowlaugh:

4212726 So... whens the sequel. :pinkiecrazy:

4213137
*cough*Tree Kicker*cough* :ajsmug:
That comment was mostly sarcastic. While she is certainly as guilty as anypony of favoring her race above the other two, I don't think she wants them to be above the other races... just not below them.


4213334

I would want it to have its own original conflict on top of the aftermathy bits ... its own super duper mysteryish adventure.

Oh, yes. It would have to have a believable, coherent and above all interesting conflict that could tie everything together, and while I'm not quite sure what that would be, I'm entertaining some ideas. That's the main thing keeping me from writing it right now, actually! Well, aside from not even wanting to look at a word processor. :twilightsheepish:


4213773
First comes a little vacation from writing so I can appease my poor friends, who didn't get to see me at all during the writing of this story. Hey, after posting a chapter every two days for a solid month, can you blame me for wanting a break? :raritywink: Then comes my attempts to begin a longish and dark adventure story that I've been wanting to write since February or March of 2013. After that I'll try to work on the sequel.
Of course, these plans will probably get thrown out the window! :rainbowlaugh: I can't say if or when the sequel will come out; all I can say is that I'll do my best.

4214561 Dark Adventure?
TAKE MY MONEY!!!!! I want it :pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy:

4214742
I like your optimism! :pinkiehappy: It's going to be OC-heavy, though; in fact, eleven of the thirteen most important characters will be OCs. I hope that won't be a problem.

4214789
Omigosh, I wish I had a balloon as fabulous as this one! :rainbowlaugh:
No worries. I've been known to get a bit testy myself when somepony starts badmouthing AJ or Rarity!

Well, I think that you, Adda, may believe I dislike this story due to the way it went. I'm likely wrong, but I'll just start at the front that I still love this story.

I knew I was onto something with the ideas of the potion and once you dropped the villain's name I saw how the confusion could be made. I just didn't connect that Cappuccino could somehow be a skilled with potions. His reason why is also a little baffling, but at least it's a logical attack, rather than Cappuccino trying to like somehow get all of the mane 6 killed or something weird like that.

Seeing Twilight forgive Rarity for her aggression towards Twilight was very heart warming and makes me believe that at some point in the unwritten future the six will all be best of friends again. But of course Twilight and Rainbow will be closer than ever.

I don't mind the ship either. It's beautiful to see those two together and makes me think of so many cute TwiDash pictures I have. Plus this wasn't just some cheap shipfic or anything. It was a fantastic story with lots of tense moments and a person following the story in a more intense manner would truly think Twilight was in danger of dying or worse.

I think this story is a wonderful piece of work Adda, I hope you win that contest that you submitted this story into.

4214780 I wish I had an OC now. :fluttercry:

4214850
Honestly, you're right. I wasn't sure if I would have lost you or not, but I thought you'd at least see it through before you made up your mind, and for that I thank you.
If I decide on a good enough storyline for a sequel, maybe we'll be able to explore those things: how well Twilight and Rainbow work together, whether Twi and Rarity can ever truly be friends again, what will become of Cappuccino, and whether the Elements of Harmony have been shattered forever. As I said before, I can't make any promises at the moment but I'll do my best.
Thanks for your support, Mariangela! I haven't been able to read the other stories entered into the contest yet, but I know at least two of them are purportedly very good. I plan go through them tomorrow to see what my competition is like.


4214939
There's nothing stopping you! :raritywink: Just focus on who you are and I'm sure it'll come together naturally.



Well, I'm gonna hit the hay. It breaks my heart to say it, but now that the story's over I know I won't see some of you for a while... :fluttercry: This doesn't have to be it, though, if you don't want it to be. If any of you would like to chat some more or stay in touch, I'd love to try. Just message me! But for now, everypony, I must bid you goodnight.

Login or register to comment