There is a war coming, and we need to be prepared
Cheshire is an orphan, or at least he was until Princess Celestia showed up at his orphanage home, requesting that all colts older than eight be sent to Canterlot to fight for the Canterlot army. Now, at just barely eight years old, the young colt must face a struggle that is known by many mares and stallions as terrifying and lonely: being different from everypony else. He is the only earth pony in the Canterlot army of powerful pegasi and wise unicorns. Will he break under pressure? Or will his one and only friend be able to help pull him through? And with an anonymous threat sent to Canterlot castle foretelling an age of darkness, will he be enough to save Equestria?
Chapters (2)
Is this where you end up making a whole pony rebellion of soldiers who, after basically becoming slaves, end up rebelling against Celestia?
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Well, shit. There goes my plot line.... well some of it, anyways.
This basically takes place right before Luna turns to Nightmare Moon.
God d*** it
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now, I must change! *scoots away to make a different plot line*
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh WAR STORY! YES! HAHA!
But that poor poor little colt...
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GAHHH!! You ruined it for me!! Well not really... cause I knew it was coming :3
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nono, shhhhhushshdusdfuhforlaknfosahdfk sanoshdf
it's not all about that
there is more to it.
God, it takes forever to come up with stuff
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My approach make it up as you go along but know how you want it to end
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a war story, yes. That is what the story is. My point was that Sprocket Jockey didn't spoil it all.
but we all know how hard it is to end a story
Well PoniesLoveMe, very nicely done, very very nicely done
Lets see, what can I add.
Thematically, this story is set up to be potentially one of my favorites because of the outright potential for everything that I adore: the emotional empathy, question of loyalties, pangs of grief, maturity, and question of needs in the face of a threat are all ones that are universally explorable. From what I've seen in these two chapters, I'm anxious to see where you're going to go with it. I'm no 'warmonger' but the themes surrounding such a premise are music to my ears.
Chapter 1's internal questions for Cheshire work out of the intrinsic fear that such a vulnerability and loss already places on them. What did I do, what could I have done, and how can this happen' seem like true guiding ideas for people and ponies that age too. What I liked was the particular expression of the emotions verbally and non-verbally which defined the characters well. From the maternal pangs of the Orphanage guardian, to shock on Cheshire's part, to the Princess's reserved sternness which acted as her required facade: it all treads a very careful balance that I think you nailed. Every single piece serves to build up a feeling of foreboding in the grandeur and scale of what is still left unseen.
In a sense of literature alone, the primary attribute that differentiates the Cheshire as the protagonist from his compatriots seems to be strictly happenstance. I don't think you could have picked a better way to actually go about in selecting a main character than that as it allows such a wide variety of emotions and issues to form rather than having his superiority in one or multiple fields be the guiding theme. It's not some magic, no predetermined 'fate' right off the bat, the fact that it could have been anypony adds a sense of normalcy that, once again, reinforces the nature of normalcy and by direct contrast heightens the abnormality of the situation.
Now, Chapter 2 I liked the shifting questions and coalescing cast as well. I'm not surprised at Cheshire's antipathy towards Celestia, and post scriptum heading about nightmare moon, it's nebulous enough regarding the threat that it could be any number of things: Discord, Sombra, course Nightmare Moon, even IDW's cockatrice plague or the many other threats could all work. Just the way it's written lends itself to being from any era so even without knowing or revealing that I'd still be guessing.
I only have one suggestion:
You could directly twitch 'mother-like' to 'maternal' without sacrificing any punch of the line at all. That it, that's all I've got, which is really great. It's a good attention to detail (I always like getting a sense of lesser portrayed senses of smell and touch. Best can add there is I'd always like to see a little more of that 'clammy' feeling when it comes to rain, just helps me really remember that it's raining story wise). I don't think there's anything else I can suggest.
Lets see, paltry few spelling mistakes but I should be a stickler. Normally I don't say much about spelling but as I can't give a lick of stylistic advice I might as well feel like I've done some work instead of just prattling
road
frantically, piece
excitement, subconscious.
repeating
drowsy
its
Pretty much in the space of one paragraph is all. But how much did that detract from my enjoyment of the story? Zero, absolutely nothing
Without getting into prickly politics, I adore the theme so many-many thanks for writing it and I shall be watching!
“The days have gone down in the west, behind the hills and into shadow.”
s29.postimg.org/d11c8w9yf/Where_is_the_horse_and_rider.jpg
*I do wonder why the fillies weren't called out too, but like age, it's merely a curiousness on my part.
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Thank you for the feedback!
pointing out good things, like you did, is what really helps me continue writing. Positive reinforcement and stuff......
Thank you for the input I certain areas! The thoughts on how to improve + that little "mother-like" word switch helped a lot and I will change them!
Those spelling errors are due to the fact that my computer is slow and doesn't always catch the errors because of my fast typing, they will be fixed
Thanks, again, for everything! And thanks for the favourite!
4069058 Most welcome!
I saw that you wrote up an in depth review for PinkieLunaShy and I thought 'somepony who takes the time to really review' so it's something of a pay-it-forward thing to show some appreciation for that. So looked you up, decided to read a story, and sincerely glad I did
. You put up the 'I just want a comment thread' when I was sorta half-done writing that so yeah 
Haha, no worries, I know the curse of the fast typing slow computer too. Anyway, great work, best of luck too eh?
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haha, thanks!
(is chastic a word? Like, chastise? Or would it be chastising?)
4069149 should be chastising but castigate can work as a verb, or reproachful as an adjective.
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Thanks